What do you guys think the biggest challenges in a relationship are?

[1happyhuman]

I was having a discussion with a friend and we were debating back in forth about what the biggest challenges are in a relationship?

 

You guys seem to have a lot of great experience with relationships.

 

I felt like "not feeling loved" and communication were the biggest for me. She said "not feeling appreciated" and "not feeling understood" is what she felt were the biggest challenges in her relationships.

 

In your previous or current relationships what would you guys say are the biggest challenges??

[Mrs. John Adams]

communication

acceptance

patience

selfishness

[BetrayedH]

I think unresolved resentment is the #1 killer.

 

People are somewhat naturally conflict-avoidant. Some learned it thru childhood. Some are well-intentioned and just don't want to be the bitch or the nag. But unfortunately, our partners are not mind-readers. If we're not getting what we need, they often don't know. Or perhaps they don't know the severity of the situation. Before you know it, your well-intentioned conflict avoidance has developed into resentment. Intimacy then wanes and it can snowball out of control.

 

I've learned to stop avoiding conflict. And I've learned that resentment must be resolved. As soon as I feel like something is going to be difficult to discuss with my GF, that means I have to discuss it. Sometimes it's not "today" when emotions may still be high but the subject is coming up soon so we can successfully put it behind us. That builds intimacy.

[LostOnes05]

Communication and unresolved feelings from the past are killers for me

[Michelle ma Belle]

I'll agree with everything that's already been posted but I would also add maturity, and I'm not talking about age.

[USMCHokie]

Time.

 

 

.....

[lana-banana]

Someone once said all relationship problems are a kind of S.C.U.M.: sex, communication, unmet expectations, and/or money. I agree, but that only really applies to solid relationships with two people who genuinely love each other. Otherwise bigger challenges may be falling in love equally, learning to be compatible, etc.

[StBreton]

Which breakfast cereal for the week

[StBreton]

Followed closely by managing expectations and conflict resolution

[Michelle ma Belle]

Followed closely by managing expectations and conflict resolution

 

Yes! Having and managing expectations is a HUGE one.

 

Good one StBreton.

[salparadise]

Unmet expectation turns into resentment. Communication is the way to keep expectations real and for the couple to stay on the same page.

 

My personal need is appreciation. I can't be with someone who is so focused on receiving (with high expectation) that they don't express appreciation. Seems like this should be obvious, but experience has taught me that reciprocity is something to assess from the very start. This is just another way of saying that an attitude of entitlement is a deal breaker for me.

[sandylee1]

I was having a discussion with a friend and we were debating back in forth about what the biggest challenges are in a relationship?

 

You guys seem to have a lot of great experience with relationships.

 

I felt like "not feeling loved" and communication were the biggest for me. She said "not feeling appreciated" and "not feeling understood" is what she felt were the biggest challenges in her relationships.

 

In your previous or current relationships what would you guys say are the biggest challenges??

 

Compromise

Expressing appreciation

Communication