caretoimagine Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 We had a date organised for tonight but ive been called into work. I asked her to reschedule for Thursday but have received no answer. Is she not interested or just pissed off that i rescheduled? Do i message her again. I dont want to be too intense. We have only had two dates but everything was going great. Do i just wait now and if no response leave it.
Qboro90 Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 Relax. Your over analyzing this way to much. You've had 2 dates with the girl, she's not your girlfriend. If she answers tomorrow that's totally acceptable. If you don't hear back from her by Thursday then give her a call and say what's up, see what she's been doing and apologize for canceling but explain your valid reason why you had to. She shouldn't be upset whatsoever. If she is, that's a red flag.
Toodaloo Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 We women are taught that if a guy cancels like this it is because he is actually dating someone else... I am telling you this because "being called into work" is probably the most common excuse used. Yes it may be real in your case but she doesn't know that. She doesn't know you well enough to know that. You are in very early days. You need to put effort in with this girl if you want to keep it going. Do not play hard ball. I repeat. Do not screw about on this one. You need to PHONE her. Tell her that you want to make it up to her and plan something a bit more than your previous dates to show her that you are serious about her. Anything less and she will walk away if she is worth anything at all. The guys will tell you otherwise but we women have had this SO many times its unreal... You have to prove that you are not like the rest of them. 2
Zippy2000 Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 We women are taught that if a guy cancels like this it is because he is actually dating someone else... I am telling you this because "being called into work" is probably the most common excuse used. Yes it may be real in your case but she doesn't know that. She doesn't know you well enough to know that. Who taught you this? Whoever did has taught you wrong. Us men are policemen, firmen or gas men. I got called into work with a girl on our second date. Guess what she called it off saying we werent right for each other. Fast forward about 4-5 years later after constant contact. She then asks me out after 3 failed relationships. You have to play it by ear with some people. Some of us are genuine. It just takes time to realise this and not taught to beleive something withour any evidence or proof to say otherwise.
joseb Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 Agree with toddles. You should call her. Agree with zippy. if it's a one time thing, dont always jump to the worst conclusion possible. 2
Toodaloo Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 Who taught you this? Whoever did has taught you wrong. Us men are policemen, firmen or gas men. I got called into work with a girl on our second date. Guess what she called it off saying we werent right for each other. Fast forward about 4-5 years later after constant contact. She then asks me out after 3 failed relationships. You have to play it by ear with some people. Some of us are genuine. It just takes time to realise this and not taught to beleive something withour any evidence or proof to say otherwise. Zippy that is why I am telling him that he needs to prove it to her. It is FAR to easy at this stage for signals to get mixed up. Heck I am in the middle of something similar right now. If it were not for a mistake on my part (sending text to wrong person) we would never have spoken again. As for who taught us. Men. Thats who. It only takes a few skuz bags to make you wary. Any women worth her weight will have respect for herself and will do exactly as this girl has done. Its is FAR too early in the relationship for her to shrug and accept it. That happens after years together when trust has been built up. If you want her at this stage you can not let her go. You have to go for it. The attraction and desire have been established now its building roots and a basis to the relationship. I.E. trust and respect.
Maggie4 Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 For me, if a guy calls me to cancel, then I can tell something from his voice, or casually ask questions about his work / being called in, etc. and get a better idea if he's genuine. If I get the cancellation by text, it's more likely he's blowing me off, can't face me, or thinks I'm not worth a phone call. Canceling a date by text early on, is like breaking up by text later on.
Methodical Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 Many ppl in general have played so many cat and mouse games, used lame excuses for fading away rather than being upfront and it seems the norm has become to assume the classic fade is taking place, even when that is not the case. I'd reach out once more and leave it at that. I'm wouldn't 'prove' anything though. You're two dates into this and if you have to jump thru hoops, it's probably not a relationship you want to be to begin with.
d0nnivain Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 It's a shame that we no longer believe people. If you got called into work, you got called into work. There's not much you can do about that. Call her tomorrow if you don't hear from her so you can firm up plans for Thursday. 3
Mrin Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 (edited) So this happened to me a couple of years ago. Knowing what Toodooloo said - that it is the most common and lame excuse ever - I actually called it out. I took a selfie of me at work with two coworkers with a screen that had the current CNN homepage up. I sent it to her with a simple text of "hey, just wanted to let you know that I am really at work and wasn't just blowing you off. I really want to see you again. How does Thursday evening work?" She immediately replied and accepted. On Thursday she thanked me for just confronting the issue head on and that it put her mind at ease. EDIT: she called me a grown ass man. Which I wasn't sure was a compliment until I looked it up. Lol. Sometimes it is best just to directly confront the elephant in the room. Edited October 21, 2015 by Mrin 3
Zippy2000 Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 Agree with toddles. You should call her. Agree with zippy. if it's a one time thing, dont always jump to the worst conclusion possible. Thanks Joseb. I work shifts and it was just a one off. I even said I ll make it up to you but she wasnt interested until many years after realising I was genuine all along.
Zippy2000 Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 Zippy that is why I am telling him that he needs to prove it to her. It is FAR to easy at this stage for signals to get mixed up. Heck I am in the middle of something similar right now. If it were not for a mistake on my part (sending text to wrong person) we would never have spoken again. As for who taught us. Men. Thats who. It only takes a few skuz bags to make you wary. Any women worth her weight will have respect for herself and will do exactly as this girl has done. Its is FAR too early in the relationship for her to shrug and accept it. That happens after years together when trust has been built up. If you want her at this stage you can not let her go. You have to go for it. The attraction and desire have been established now its building roots and a basis to the relationship. I.E. trust and respect. Well, Im teaching you now that not all men are like this. The one time i cancelled was due to a shift change. I had to be in but I counter offered and said I d make it up to her. Of course it takes time to find trust to build up so thats why I say stick around until you find out otherwise.
d0nnivain Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 Mrin It's nice that you did that but it's sad that you had to. If a new man tells me he has to work, I want to believe him. If I suspect he's already lying to me, we certainly don't have future.
Redhead14 Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 We had a date organised for tonight but ive been called into work. I asked her to reschedule for Thursday but have received no answer. Is she not interested or just pissed off that i rescheduled? Do i message her again. I dont want to be too intense. We have only had two dates but everything was going great. Do i just wait now and if no response leave it. You texted her to cancel and reschedule? Pick up the phone and talk to her about it. Texting a cancellation is really low brow. 2
Toodaloo Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 Well, Im teaching you now that not all men are like this. The one time i cancelled was due to a shift change. I had to be in but I counter offered and said I d make it up to her. Of course it takes time to find trust to build up so thats why I say stick around until you find out otherwise. I KNOW not all men are like this. What I am pointing out is that its is far to early for this girl to KNOW if this guy is one of those or not. Been made a berk of so many times by trusting guys... Quite frankly I would rather have been at home picking my nose. Like D0n says. Each time I have WANTED to believe him. Each time, for me, it has however just been an excuse to blow me off... That is why I am saying put the effort in so you can have the extra time it takes to build that trust. Its so so common in the early stages of dating its unreal.
Author caretoimagine Posted October 21, 2015 Author Posted October 21, 2015 Ill reach out one more time later on. If she doesnt seem interested or dorsnt respond then I will leave it. 1
Mrin Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 Mrin It's nice that you did that but it's sad that you had to. If a new man tells me he has to work, I want to believe him. If I suspect he's already lying to me, we certainly don't have future. True but I look at it a different way. When you're first starting to date someone or build a relationship, there are oh so many opportunities to send mixed messages. And with friends and faceless people on a dating message board somewhere, it is so easy for those mixed messages to be blown completely out of proportion - especially given the heightened emotional state that is dating. I think it is just prudent and responsible to go the extra mile to make sure a mixed message isn't sent. Especially as a guy because I know with a 100% certainty that i'll only be able to spot 1 in 5 mixed message I send. LOL!
Author caretoimagine Posted October 22, 2015 Author Posted October 22, 2015 Rang her last night. Organised a second date. Everything went smoothly. I rang her once today and then sent her a text to tell me what time to set off as she is at work but as yet have received no response. Im not going to set off to another city and hang around waiting forlornly for hours. Shes blowing me off isnt she? Id rather she would just tell me tbh as im not going to cry about it. Ive only known her for 3 weeks. I do like her but just want clarification on where i stand. If she doesnt get back to me ill be leaving it. 1
Author caretoimagine Posted October 23, 2015 Author Posted October 23, 2015 Its now ten to eight and she hasnt got back to me. Well thats us done then. Im seething at the lack of respect tbh. Just tell me outright.
phineas Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 For me, if a guy calls me to cancel, then I can tell something from his voice, or casually ask questions about his work / being called in, etc. and get a better idea if he's genuine. If I get the cancellation by text, it's more likely he's blowing me off, can't face me, or thinks I'm not worth a phone call. Canceling a date by text early on, is like breaking up by text later on. I agree. I CALL a woman if I have to cancel. I do not text. And I try to reschedule when I call. if a woman cancels by text I assume she has lost interest & i'm almost always right.
Gaeta Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 Its now ten to eight and she hasnt got back to me. Well thats us done then. Im seething at the lack of respect tbh. Just tell me outright. When did you reschedule the second date? Maybe you're quick to jump the gun depending when for you rescheduled.
katiegrl Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 Its now ten to eight and she hasnt got back to me. Well thats us done then. Im seething at the lack of respect tbh. Just tell me outright. Sorry to hear that. So much for *calling* like most posters suggested. It didn't hurt to call, but please know when a chick is really into you, she's not gonna care whether you call or text. This calling on the phone crap is highly over-ratrd IMO. It's 2015, texting is fine! Again, when a girl is interested, trust me, she will love receiving a TEXT from you asking her out. This girl just wasn't into it. Now you know. Next. But next time, okay to text IMO. I love texting!!! Always loved receiving those little texts from my now-fiance when we first started dating. Made me smile every time! Asking me out, or just saying hi. More than calling even! 1
Toodaloo Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 Its now ten to eight and she hasnt got back to me. Well thats us done then. Im seething at the lack of respect tbh. Just tell me outright. Sorry its gone this way. Don't bother getting angry about it just shrug your shoulders and move on. Don't bother contacting her again just get on with life and go meet someone else. The call got you the second date agreement. I am sorry she blew you off.
Author caretoimagine Posted October 26, 2015 Author Posted October 26, 2015 Sorry its gone this way. Don't bother getting angry about it just shrug your shoulders and move on. Don't bother contacting her again just get on with life and go meet someone else. The call got you the second date agreement. I am sorry she blew you off. Well she got back to me four days later. Said she was busy. And wants to see me Tuesday. Shes taking the piss isnt she???? The thing is she has my jacket. I wouldnt mind having it back. I dont really want to date a woman who takes four days to respond though. I mean what has she been doing? Been to Australia and back in that time? I think ill get my jacket and then make my excuses and leave.
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