Candy Cane Posted May 22, 2005 Posted May 22, 2005 My ex and I have been broken up for a couple weeks now. He's called me a number of times and has done some favors for me as I have him. We also spent some time together and that went well. He doesn't mention our relationship or our status nor do I. I just act like nothing bothers me and somewhat detached from him. Today he calls and informs me that he got a cut and a highlight. That can only mean that his ex cut his hair. His ex was one of the bigger reasons why we broke up. I couldn't understand or accept the fact that he loved her more than me. He still has his pictures of her...put away...like a shrine or something. So when he tells me this...I ask if she cut his hair and he said yes. Then there is a pause...and then I cheerfully say that I needed to go. He keeps me on the phone a bit longer with some information about a favor he did for me...I accept that information and then again cheerfully tell him to have a nice day and then hang up. I don't know if I'm handling things well or not. I'm not even sure what impression I'm trying to give him anymore. Feedback??? Anyone???
ConfusedInOC Posted May 22, 2005 Posted May 22, 2005 What's your goal? It sounds like he's going to be forever hung up on his ex. If you can deal with that, then work on your relationship. If not, then you need to cut ties and move on. That means no contact. Just cut everything, heal yourself up and I am sure someone else will come along for you. Why waste your time on someone who is still clinging to his ex? And notice, the ex hasn't cut him off either...
Author Candy Cane Posted May 22, 2005 Author Posted May 22, 2005 I want to call him up and ask him what he is thinking...but I guess that won't solve anything, huh?
ConfusedInOC Posted May 22, 2005 Posted May 22, 2005 Originally posted by Candy Cane I want to call him up and ask him what he is thinking...but I guess that won't solve anything, huh? He may not even be able to articulate what he is thinking. The question is, do you want him and all his baggage or do you deserve better?
XNemesisX Posted May 22, 2005 Posted May 22, 2005 Ugh...ex problems were one of the big factors in the deterioration of my relationship too! Don't even bother with him....let him go on his merry way with the ex. If it is one thing I learned when dealing with an ex still acting goo-goo eyed over an ex-girlfriend from Spring Break '89 (yes I'm being a bit sarcastic ..but still) then there is NOTHING, I repeat NOTHING you can do about it. I feel your pain! Let him go.... it will save you a LOT of grief in the long run. Nothing is more frustrating than being in a relationship that involves 3 people instead of 2.
Author Candy Cane Posted May 22, 2005 Author Posted May 22, 2005 So I'm sitting here wondering how I should handle things when he calls...and I realize that it doesn't matter how I handle things. It doesn't matter what I say or what I don't say because I have to get it into my mind and accept the fact that things are really, really over. I guess I should just tell him that being "friends" isn't working out and from now on I'll handle all my own business. I don't know what to say really. Any suggestions?
ConfusedInOC Posted May 22, 2005 Posted May 22, 2005 Originally posted by Candy Cane So I'm sitting here wondering how I should handle things when he calls...and I realize that it doesn't matter how I handle things. It doesn't matter what I say or what I don't say because I have to get it into my mind and accept the fact that things are really, really over. I guess I should just tell him that being "friends" isn't working out and from now on I'll handle all my own business. I don't know what to say really. Any suggestions? Personally I wouldn't take his calls. He's hanging on to BOTH of you. If you want him, let him go. Tell him that you don't want to maintain a friendship with him. That he's hanging on to his ex. That you're going to move on. And if you mean it, stick to NO CONTACT. If you think you might take him back, be unavailable for his calls or if you do answer them, just get to the point. No chit chat. Make yourself busy. If he is to be yours completely, you must use "tough love" to show him what he is losing. If he doesn't come back, then at least you know it was never meant to be and can move on.
XNemesisX Posted May 22, 2005 Posted May 22, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedinOC Why waste your time on someone who is still clinging to his ex? And notice, the ex hasn't cut him off either... I just wanted to highlight that....I mean, that says a LOT
Author Candy Cane Posted May 22, 2005 Author Posted May 22, 2005 Okay. I get it. I know what to do. Thank you both for your wonderful help!!!
Author Candy Cane Posted May 23, 2005 Author Posted May 23, 2005 He sounded very dissapointed on the phone when I wouldn't make time to talk to him. I think he knew he was being blown off. I feel a little bad because he has done so much to help me. He is a very generous person by nature. And...fact is...I needed his help and it's possible I might need it again. I'm very far away from some business I need to attend to but he is close by and available and the only one in that area in which to help me. So I'm torn between needing to get things accomplished and needing to get over him.
westernxer Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 Originally posted by Candy Cane Today he calls and informs me that he got a cut and a highlight. Is he auditioning for a show on Bravo?
Author Candy Cane Posted May 23, 2005 Author Posted May 23, 2005 I think it was just an excuse to see the "ex." Well, I hope he's very happy with his new do. I don't think she wants him back so maybe his hair will keep him company.
Merin Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 Originally posted by Candy Cane I think it was just an excuse to see the "ex." Well, I hope he's very happy with his new do. I don't think she wants him back so maybe his hair will keep him company.
ConfusedInOC Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 Originally posted by Candy Cane He sounded very dissapointed on the phone when I wouldn't make time to talk to him. I think he knew he was being blown off. I feel a little bad because he has done so much to help me. He is a very generous person by nature. And...fact is...I needed his help and it's possible I might need it again. I'm very far away from some business I need to attend to but he is close by and available and the only one in that area in which to help me. So I'm torn between needing to get things accomplished and needing to get over him. Wean yourself from depending on him.
Author Candy Cane Posted May 23, 2005 Author Posted May 23, 2005 Well...sorry I am so dumb...but when you are in a situation, it is almost impossible to see clearly. I don't get why...but just the way things are. Anyhoo...when he called tonight...I just blew him off. I didn't tell him why...the thing about his ex or whatnot. Of course, he already knows that it bothers me. 1. So...should I...call him up and tell him? I'm guessing no. 2. Should I...just wait to see if he calls back and then tell him? 3. Or finally, ignore all of his calls unless I really HAVE to talk to him or unless he specifically asks what is going on? I'm guessing 3. Is that right?
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