ozziegal8 Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 (edited) Back again arghhh After having a break from dating for a year to get myself back on track I finally started dating again. Swept me off my feet saying all the right things i.e. ready for someone like me. On our 2nd date he told me he had diabetes 2. He also told me that 3 years before he has a horse trainer (he loves horses) and whilst working a horse fell on him, broke his foot. This got infected and he had to have half his foot amputated. Things were good for the first month but we had a couple of outings where alcohol was involved, a wine tour and free booze footy day. I waited to have sex for 6 weeks, first time it didn't work due to not getting hard, he admitted that he had diabetes for 20 years and he has had problems later on in life with getting an erection. Not so much when younger though. He then started sweating profusely (a cause from the diabetes & shaking). He was upset it didn't work so we tried again later, from then on it was never really hard and fell out so to speak. Sometimes I would be over at his place and he wouldn't even try. I must say for the first month he was always paying me compliments. On our winery trip he got thrown out of a pub for abusing a horse owner as it didn't have enough water, I had to rescue him and he wanted to hit the security officers. The following week we had a football day free alcohol. It was the grand final so very big day. He drank a lot and smoked. After a few hours, I was cheering for the team, he told me off for screaming in his ear and to yell the other way. When I go out I take funny photo's of people doing weird things, I tried to take a photo of a girl who had her back to us. He said if you take that photo I am leaving? Then the organiser of the lunch a male asked for my feedback on the day, I told him it was great apart from the rude MC who was telling crude jokes. At this point my partner stormed past and muttered under his breath. It was like he was embarrassed to be with me. I asked what his problem was and why was he being arrogant esp when drinking. He denied this and said he was going home and said are you coming or staying here? I got in the cab with him and got him to drop me off home. Next night he rings still sounding grumpy and said we were both annoying each other?? From here on the romantic texts cut down he still asked me out but I tried to talk about the event but he said he had moved on from it. I could send him backing off though. Still called me nearly every day but not as romantic. Last Thursday we went out he was holding my hand and touching me but I had kind of zoned out. Didn't hear all weekend from him then Sunday he calls and say's we are better as friends as the 'Lust' has worn off? Omg how can we have lust when he cant get an erection properly? I am now taking this all on board and thinking that I did something to turn him off or be less attracted? He also told me earlier on he saw a girl earlier on in the year but broke it up due to not being attracted to her? Edited October 21, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Lois_Griffin Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 So...he's basically a nasty alcoholic who blames all his troubles on Diabetes 2. Don't waste your time with this fool. 6
PegNosePete Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 The way he is behaving, he will not survive more than a few years. Excess alcohol and smoking do not mix well with diabetes. With all these negatives and problems that you mention, I have to wonder why you are continuing a relationship with him. I would bail, bail, bail. 5
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 If a diabetic is not taking their medications properly, or is taking them sporadically and erratically, AND is drinking heavily, I can absolutely vouch for the fact that the combination of these two factors is a massive influence on mood, attitude and behaviour - and never in a good way. A Diabetic (type II) has at least three tablets they need to take, on a regular basis. I would add that this also has the potential to affect their digestion - the medical side-effects of taking these drugs can cause intestinal cramps, pockets of wind, and general intestinal discomfort - but it's a small price to pay for stabilising the mood swings and making the person tolerable. In addition to which, there are some medications available, and readily offered to diabetics - to assist with ED. (of course sadly, as with any chemical/pharmaceutical product) these have side effects too....) In brief, he looks like a hopeless case, because any diabetic who stubbornly refuses to follow what is needed in taking medications properly, will be convinced everything is fine, they can cope very well as they're doing thanks, and they resist with every fibre of their being, anyone even attempting to offer some guidance or support. The only person who could happily slap them upside the head would be their own doctor, spelling it out in black and white, but guess what? Either the Doctor may not be doing their job properly (prescriptions are usually on a standard repeat basis, with regular 6-monthly check-ups and review) or he won't be attending when he should. It may even be a combination of the two. Walk away. You're not his nurse, and there is nothing written anywhere that states you need to be putting up with this kind of behaviour. Ever. 1
Author ozziegal8 Posted October 21, 2015 Author Posted October 21, 2015 I wasn't aware of the effects of diabetes, he told me straight up he had it and about his foot. It was only a few weeks later we were out drinking and he started shaking I thought he was cold. That was the night we first had sex, it didnt work and he told me had issues for a long time with it. He started sweating profusely after this as he needed sugar. At this stage he was very calm and nice. I had 2 events to go too which involved drinking, a wine tour and footy day i did the right thing and asked him to come, at not time did he hesitate. Maybe I should have been more thoughtful and not asked him. Sometimes he wouldnt even try to have sex and when we did it didnt work or he just wouldnt ask me to come back home with him. My question is though, why did he use the 'lost the lust' excuse? He was so full on at the start. Could it be that he did or is it just an excuse to hide his issues. He seemed to go weird after the football outing when I got told off for taking photo's and i told him he was arrogant.
xxoo Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 just an excuse to hide his issues. That one. I mean, probably with the embarrassment he truly is no longer interested. The shame has extinguished the desire. 2
Author ozziegal8 Posted October 21, 2015 Author Posted October 21, 2015 true so you mean his shame has depleted all of his desire?
Yookie Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 My question is though, why did he use the 'lost the lust' excuse? He was so full on at the start. He doesn't want to take responsibility for his own problems so he's blaming you. Honestly he could have had 40 virgins lined up to service him and when he still failed to get it up, he would have blamed them all. 5
xxoo Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 true so you mean his shame has depleted all of his desire? Like an icy cold shower. Think of it this way: we are attracted to people we feel great around. Our egos soar. In the beginning, he had that rush with you. Feels great! He's attracted. Due to his own issues, now he feels shame around you. Reminds him of his inadequacy. Doesn't feel good. Feels bad. Ego crushed. No longer attracted. He'll move on to a new rush, as he likely can not maintain a long term attraction if he doesn't confront his own issues. 2
road Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 He doesn't want to take responsibility for his own problems so he's blaming you. Honestly he could have had 40 virgins lined up to service him and when he still failed to get it up, he would have blamed them all. Because none of the 40 knew what they were doing.
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 Because none of the 40 knew what they were doing. Utter rubbish. One, two... even 5, maybe? Possible. All 40? Gimme a break, ok? The guy is a type II diabetic who drinks, and won't address the physical problems associated with diabetes, but chooses to deflect them on whoever's handy (like the OP). He is totally responsible for his own issues, it has nothing to do with the OP - or 40 other women who may or may not be hypothetical.... 1
Goodbye Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 He shouldn't be drinking alcohol with diabetes. If he isn't going to take care of himself on a very basic level, he certainly isn't going to take care of you. As far as the ED goes...it sounds like that is secondary to two life threatening conditions: Diabetes and Substance Dependence. You are early on, I say cut and run. Sorry you are going through this. 2
DivorcedDad123 Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 There's lots of options for his ED. Not many for being an ******* though. 1
Author ozziegal8 Posted October 22, 2015 Author Posted October 22, 2015 Like an icy cold shower. Think of it this way: we are attracted to people we feel great around. Our egos soar. In the beginning, he had that rush with you. Feels great! He's attracted. Due to his own issues, now he feels shame around you. Reminds him of his inadequacy. Doesn't feel good. Feels bad. Ego crushed. No longer attracted. He'll move on to a new rush, as he likely can not maintain a long term attraction if he doesn't confront his own issues. Funny that, cos he told me he broke with his last gf cos he had lost the attraction for her hmmmm 1
Author ozziegal8 Posted October 22, 2015 Author Posted October 22, 2015 and when we first tried to do it, he couldn't and said he was upset cos he had wanted me for so long
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 Funny that, cos he told me he broke with his last gf cos he had lost the attraction for her hmmmm Deflection, projection... always the other person, not him. He 'lost attraction for her'.... Not... "I got so bad with my problem I decided that, rather to dmit I won't deal with my issues, and gave up even trying, it's her, because she became 'no-longer-attractive' to me..." The thing to tell him now, would be to say that ..."he has lost his attraction for you due to his insulting and erratic behaviour, excess drinking and lack of responsibility for what is clearly his problem. He could tackle it by using his medication as prescribed, laying off alcohol, and liaising with his doctor about his ED, but he plainly prefers to hide his head in the sand, and ignore his own failings. Now that's very unattractive." 2
katiegrl Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 Like an icy cold shower. Think of it this way: we are attracted to people we feel great around. Our egos soar. In the beginning, he had that rush with you. Feels great! He's attracted. Due to his own issues, now he feels shame around you. Reminds him of his inadequacy. Doesn't feel good. Feels bad. Ego crushed. No longer attracted. He'll move on to a new rush, as he likely can not maintain a long term attraction if he doesn't confront his own issues. This^^. Bottom line, he has lost his attraction, you and the RL annoy him. His nerves are shot (hence him snapping at you about the pics you were taking, him storming off after your comment re the MC, etc). Don't bother analyzing this too much. He's got issues, one of which is he doesn't like/love HIMSELF very much, and you can't love someone else if you don't love YOURSELF first. Wish him well, and move on... 1
Author ozziegal8 Posted October 23, 2015 Author Posted October 23, 2015 This^^. Bottom line, he has lost his attraction, you and the RL annoy him. His nerves are shot (hence him snapping at you about the pics you were taking, him storming off after your comment re the MC, etc). Don't bother analyzing this too much. He's got issues, one of which is he doesn't like/love HIMSELF very much, and you can't love someone else if you don't love YOURSELF first. Wish him well, and move on... Whats the RL? Nerves are shot cos of the diabetes?
MidwestUSA Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 and when we first tried to do it, he couldn't and said he was upset cos he had wanted me for so long Normal healthy guys often have trouble the first time with a new partner, especially if they're older. If this guy wasn't so flipping clueless, he'd have played it cool. A hot headed alcoholic diabetic who can't get it up. Is his name Jeff, by chance? Run. He's not worth the price of a Viagra tablet. What if he has a heart attack while on top of you? RL = relationship. 1
Author ozziegal8 Posted October 23, 2015 Author Posted October 23, 2015 Normal healthy guys often have trouble the first time with a new partner, especially if they're older. If this guy wasn't so flipping clueless, he'd have played it cool. Yes, but it was never hard any time we did it? A hot headed alcoholic diabetic who can't get it up. Is his name Jeff, by chance? Run. He's not worth the price of a Viagra tablet. What if he has a heart attack while on top of you? RL = relationship. Why would me & the relationship annoy him? I wasn't annoying, I was just myself and its never bothered anyone else?
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 Why would me & the relationship annoy him? I wasn't annoying, I was just myself and its never bothered anyone else? Forget it. It's not even worth pondering over. The guy acted in a completely idiotic way, and my post basically covered the bases. Move on, anything is better than this. Well.... you know what I mean.... 1
MidwestUSA Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 Why would me & the relationship annoy him? I wasn't annoying, I was just myself and its never bothered anyone else? You were fine. HE is annoying. HE is annoyed. It doesn't matter. He's not a happy person, he's a jerk. Look, if the ED isn't even to drive you off, I can tell you what happens once someone has lost half a foot. They eventually lose the rest. Then the leg below the knee. Then some toes from the other foot. And yes, I've participated in a partial penectomy. All due to uncontrolled diabetes. The dressings on a gangrenous wound stink to high heaven. Just forget this one and move on. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 This guy has problems that run far deeper than Diabetes and ED. Why are you still interested in figuring him out? 1
Author ozziegal8 Posted October 25, 2015 Author Posted October 25, 2015 You were fine. HE is annoying. HE is annoyed. It doesn't matter. He's not a happy person, he's a jerk. Look, if the ED isn't even to drive you off, I can tell you what happens once someone has lost half a foot. They eventually lose the rest. Then the leg below the knee. Then some toes from the other foot. And yes, I've participated in a partial penectomy. All due to uncontrolled diabetes. The dressings on a gangrenous wound stink to high heaven. Just forget this one and move on. You have? people get part of the penis's removed due to diabtes?
Author ozziegal8 Posted October 25, 2015 Author Posted October 25, 2015 OMG, my friend is on Tindr, and guess who came up, limp d..... man! I can't believe it, why would he go and risk getting caught out again with his issue with another woman? Makes me feel like I was the reason he couldnt get it up and he is trying again.
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