katiegrl Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Well, on a first date is icky Well, there are some women who eat that shyt up... to each his (or her) own I suppose. But yeah agree, icky! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 StBreton you and I must be kindred spirits cuz I am the exact same as you with respect to compliments on my beauty. In fact, too many turn me off! Words don't mean much to me tbh.... My love language is quality time, so when my fiance gives me his undivided attention, listens to me and talks to me, spends time with me, I am one very happy young lady! I don't know what a hard on would fall under ...maybe none of them unless we act on it, in which case it would be an *act of service*! Lol Which would actually be my second love language.... I place a lot of value on actions and *doing.* But compliments? Don't need them. I am very secure in my beauty, and I know my fiance finds me beautiful, that's enough for me... jams I wonder if your love language is words of affirmation .... since you place a lot of value on verbal affirmations and compliments. You need a man who shares that love language and/or understands it.... Katiegrl ...I think we are kindred spirits ...I've "liked" more of your posts than any other poster:) I'm with you on compliments ...once in a great while is enough ...a special one is adorable like when a guy asked me to put my glasses on because I looked so sexy in them when I read my scientific stuff ...or if I dress to the nines once in a while it's nice to hear acknowledgment of my efforts ...more than one or 2 times a month or quarter is blach for me ... I'm totally a quality time girl and feel the same about attentiveness as you and acts of service like a guy I dated used to pull my car in the garage and leave his in driveway so "it would be warm in the morning" how cute is that?! Lol on the hard on act of service So OP and JOJ ...know your top 2 love languages and communicate that stuff if your guy isn't hitting your heart with what they're showing you ...if he doesn't apply what you've conveyed to him ...might be time to reevaluate your relationship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jam.over.jelly Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Well, on a first date is icky I agree. I probably would be so creeped out if the guy compliments me too much on the first date. However if it was my ex bf of 3 years, it definitely would be so endearing. Haha. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kilgore Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 It has to be sincere and should not feel solicited Link to post Share on other sites
poofitsgone Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Its very possible he thinks it and isn't saying it. Some people just don't think to say compliments, some people over think things and are afraid to compliment because they don't want to seem gushy or needy or whatever. I wouldn't worry about it if he shows it in other ways. When your comfortable enough, let him know you appreciate his actions show he thinks your beautiful, but you need to hear the words sometimes too. Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 If I like a guy and we make it to the 2nd date ...I'll ask him about his love language ...it's like asking someone's "sign" from the 70s/80s 2 Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 I think I want a bit of both. I don't need constant reminder from my lover that he thinks I'm beautiful, but once in a while out of nowhere especially when I least expect it is always nice. More often than not, my ex didn't compliment me when I was all done up, his actions rather spoke louder. But when I had no make up on and just cuddled up in his arms, wearing my pjs, he would look me in the eye and tell me I was beautiful. That always warmed my heart. JOJ, the guy came up to you in the coffee shop when you have no makeup on and are not dressed up, I'm assuming you don't wear much makeup to the gym and that guy asked you out, your bf seems to like you that way too.....perhaps you overdo the makeup on dates? Just a thought.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Odinani Posted October 21, 2015 Author Share Posted October 21, 2015 To answer the OP, if you read through threads here you will find a lot of advice saying if a guy is complimenting you on physical appearance, he is probably just looking for sex. Perhaps he is following this advice, or knows from experience that complimenting a woman on physical appearance often has a negative effect. How long have you been going out? Have you had sex yet? We've been going out maybe 6 weeks. Not had sex yet, I'm quite old fashioned. We kiss and he's very into that, as am I. Sometimes I will catch him by chance staring at me as if he'd like to rip my clothes off. Link to post Share on other sites
startinganew777 Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 I agree the "hard on" thing is true. The guy I am dating for several months, I have NO doubt in my mind that he is attracted to me. He tells me all the time now but in the beginning he was very shy. On our third date, at the movies, we held hands for the first time. He looked kinda uncomfortable, moving around, pulling on his pants, I looked down and he had a huge hard on! LOL He was trying so hard to hide it. It was cute actually. He is exceptionally big so it is very hard to hide. Our first real kiss, I felt it as he pressed up against me. We didn't have sex until our 6th date but OMG, I can just take his hand or slightly give him a kiss and it is on. I don't know that I have ever been with someone that has been that into me. It is a really, really good feeling. You shouldn't have to question the attraction if he is really into you. That is how I see it. I am 35 and even been married and never had I had a guy this into me. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
thecrucible Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 My love languages are words of affirmation and touch. It's hard to find guys with that. I think I am quite demanding as I like a lot of physical affection and compliments (as long as they are sincere and not overblown). If I was with a man and he never complimented me ever, I'd feel really lonely and upset. I just couldn't do it. And the same with touch - 100% need hugs every day. With boyfriends in the past, I assumed they didn't find me attractive at all because they didn't compliment me much. Well that makes me sound full of myself but I'm not...I have just always needed compliments and praise my entire life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 My love languages are words of affirmation and touch. It's hard to find guys with that. I think I am quite demanding as I like a lot of physical affection and compliments (as long as they are sincere and not overblown). If I was with a man and he never complimented me ever, I'd feel really lonely and upset. I just couldn't do it. And the same with touch - 100% need hugs every day. With boyfriends in the past, I assumed they didn't find me attractive at all because they didn't compliment me much. Well that makes me sound full of myself but I'm not...I have just always needed compliments and praise my entire life. Cru ...that's great you know what you need!! Really! Because for some of us we'd hardly notice compliments but would be put off if we didn't have that quality face /connection time. Make sure you communicate this those you date. I wish the Love language book was out in my 20s ...there's a real science to it 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 (edited) My love languages are words of affirmation and touch. It's hard to find guys with that. I think I am quite demanding as I like a lot of physical affection and compliments (as long as they are sincere and not overblown). If I was with a man and he never complimented me ever, I'd feel really lonely and upset. I just couldn't do it. And the same with touch - 100% need hugs every day. With boyfriends in the past, I assumed they didn't find me attractive at all because they didn't compliment me much. Well that makes me sound full of myself but I'm not...I have just always needed compliments and praise my entire life. I think if a guy was not familiar with the love languages (and your particular love language), he may mistakenly believe you are somewhat "needy" when the reality is....it's just your love language! There is another LS member whose love language is gifts, and she is constantly accused of being materialistic, etc, when again it's just her particular love language. Gifts make her feel appreciated and loved! I think I stated this earlier but my love language is quality time, and acts of service. I am big on actions and doing. Don't care much for words of affirmation, gift giving or even touch (i.e. PDA). Well I shouldn't say I don't care for them, cause I do. They are just not super important to me, as much as spending quality time together, actions and doing things for me. I was with a guy whose love language was touch and he wouldn't ever keep his hands off me!! Constantly stroking me, touching me, even out in public. I realize now HE needed that from me too, but I am more reserved, saving the touching, fondling, caressing, cuddling, SEX.... for when we're in private. There is no right or wrong, but I do think it's important that when in a RL, each person should know what the other's love language is. Edited October 21, 2015 by katiegrl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LoveRefreshed Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 The man I am dating I only date women I find attractive. Seems like he finds you attractive. Have you asked "How do I look?"? Also, probably should add that a lot of guys can be afraid to make this comment because of the awesome feminist movement that has declared such comments are sexists, degrading and minimizing. Since this is true in some cases, might as well axe compliments that make someone smile. I never compliment a girl on her looks until I've had a part of my body inside of hers. A tongue, a finger, a penis... A mouth, a vagina, or a butthole. Brown noses don't count. Maybe on the few cases where it's been super flirty and physical and I haven't had a moment to kiss her, I may say it to her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 We've been going out maybe 6 weeks. Not had sex yet, I'm quite old fashioned. We kiss and he's very into that, as am I. Sometimes I will catch him by chance staring at me as if he'd like to rip my clothes off. I think then you know he is attracted to you. Personally I would never go on a second date unless I was very attracted to the person. He's probably just one of those guys that doesn't compliment a girls physical appearance so much. I don't, unless I'm already in a sexual relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 You guys might not take this ^^ seriously, but I AM dead serious. Whenever a guy was super attracted to me, it was hard to hide what was going on inside the jeans.... We would even often laugh about it, like if he had to use the rest room or something, he'd tell me he'd have to wait a minute, and even then when he got up, it was hard to hide. With my current this happened all the time when we first started dating. He had a difficult time keeping "it" down! Guys can you attest to this? When you find a chick super sexy and hot and you're super attracted? Come on, be honest. It's a normal male response! It's only boner time when nudity is involved or she is grabbing me. Otherwise i'm at half mast at most in close situations. If i'm with a really attractive girl & she goes PDA on me IT does move a little. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Odinani Posted October 22, 2015 Author Share Posted October 22, 2015 I only date women I find attractive. Seems like he finds you attractive. Have you asked "How do I look?"? Also, probably should add that a lot of guys can be afraid to make this comment because of the awesome feminist movement that has declared such comments are sexists, degrading and minimizing. Since this is true in some cases, might as well axe compliments that make someone smile. I never compliment a girl on her looks until I've had a part of my body inside of hers. A tongue, a finger, a penis... A mouth, a vagina, or a butthole. Brown noses don't count. Maybe on the few cases where it's been super flirty and physical and I haven't had a moment to kiss her, I may say it to her. Why do you only compliment a woman after you have penetrated her body? Link to post Share on other sites
LoveRefreshed Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 Why do you only compliment a woman after you have penetrated her body? I only date women I find attractive. Seems like he finds you attractive. Have you asked "How do I look?"? Also, probably should add that a lot of guys can be afraid to make this comment because of the awesome feminist movement that has declared such comments are sexists, degrading and minimizing. Since this is true in some cases, might as well axe compliments that make someone smile. I never compliment a girl on her looks until I've had a part of my body inside of hers. A tongue, a finger, a penis... A mouth, a vagina, or a butthole. Brown noses don't count. Maybe on the few cases where it's been super flirty and physical and I haven't had a moment to kiss her, I may say it to her. feminism sis. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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