RunAway_WithMe Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 Hi, I'm looking for some advice... I'm in love with a guy I dated for less than 3 weeks. I'm not the type to fall so quickly and it's never happened and I didn't realize I was in love with him until it was over. He was the one to end it because he wasn't over his ex. I blocked and deleted his number but I have a mind for numbers and I only have to call or text a number once and I've committed it to memory which doesn't help when I want to text him. I want to stop thinking about him but he's on my mind first thing in the morning. Like, when I wake up he's the firs thing that comes into my mind and I want it to stop. Any suggestions on how I get over this guy? Its been a while since I seen him and I feel like I should be over him. He's a Police Officer and I live in a small town.. Everytime I pass a police car I look to see if he's in it. I need to stop.
kendahke Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 there's an app out there that stops you from drunk dialing--it can be useful for situations such as yours. It will not connect the number once you program it in. You'll need to search the iTunes store or GooglePlay for it.
Author RunAway_WithMe Posted October 20, 2015 Author Posted October 20, 2015 there's an app out there that stops you from drunk dialing--it can be useful for situations such as yours. You'll need to search the iTunes store or GooglePlay for it. Luckily I no longer drink so that isn't a problem for me. I've written so many texts that I've deleted though. It's unreal.
kendahke Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 It probably uses an access code to access the number, so get your best friend to set the code and not tell you.
kendahke Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 Luckily I no longer drink so that isn't a problem for me. I've written so many texts that I've deleted though. It's unreal. one doesn't have to be drunk to use the feature of it not connecting to the number. It sounds like it uses an access code in order for the call to be put through. Get your best friend or someone else who cares for your emotional happiness and welfare to set the code and not tell you what it is.
jen1447 Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 You need distractions. Get a hobby and exercise a lot - walks, runs, etc. Get out in nature.
Author RunAway_WithMe Posted October 20, 2015 Author Posted October 20, 2015 You need distractions. Get a hobby and exercise a lot - walks, runs, etc. Get out in nature. I've got a horse, I'm on that baby when I'm not working or at the gym. I have hobbies coming out of my ears and what's annoying me most is that he just pops into my head when I'm least expecting it... Such as mid gallop through a beach. one doesn't have to be drunk to use the feature of it not connecting to the number. It sounds like it uses an access code in order for the call to be put through. Get your best friend or someone else who cares for your emotional happiness and welfare to set the code and not tell you what it is. The thing is everyone else thinks i'm over him. I don't fall easy and I don't share a lot about my private life, even with my best friend. I've never been one of those that like to divulge but I'll look into that app. I currently just have one that blocks incoming, not out going. I want to wake up and not have him be the first thing on my mind as soon as my eyes open. That's all I want. Also I want to punch him in the face for this but I can't do that so I'll have to settle for something else.
jen1447 Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 I've got a horse, I'm on that baby when I'm not working or at the gym. I have hobbies coming out of my ears and what's annoying me most is that he just pops into my head when I'm least expecting it... Such as mid gallop through a beach. And you can't very well text galloping on horseback can you? Srsly just stay busy and time will take care of it. In a couple months it won't be much challenge at all.
Author RunAway_WithMe Posted October 20, 2015 Author Posted October 20, 2015 And you can't very well text galloping on horseback can you? Srsly just stay busy and time will take care of it. In a couple months it won't be much challenge at all. Only if I don't have my phone with me! I've been known to text at speed on a horse, it's not illegal yet! ...Things ended with him at the end of July. It's been almost 3 months. I hate that I'm not over it. I hate that for someone who doesn't fall for anyone easily that I fell for this guy. There wasn't anything all that special about him. I'm blaming his profession... I'm looking for anything to blame... but I don't even like me in uniform. If I knew what the hell about him made me fall in love I think I'd get over it. I mean I went on his Facebook profile a few days ago and all I wanted to do was punch him in the face and I wasn't even on it for 20 seconds! Maybe I need another hobby on top of horse riding. I've been thinking about running but the weather is getting colder... I'll need to keep at it!
jen1447 Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 Only if I don't have my phone with me! I've been known to text at speed on a horse, it's not illegal yet! ...Things ended with him at the end of July. It's been almost 3 months. I hate that I'm not over it. I hate that for someone who doesn't fall for anyone easily that I fell for this guy. There wasn't anything all that special about him. I'm blaming his profession... I'm looking for anything to blame... but I don't even like me in uniform. If I knew what the hell about him made me fall in love I think I'd get over it. I mean I went on his Facebook profile a few days ago and all I wanted to do was punch him in the face and I wasn't even on it for 20 seconds! Maybe I need another hobby on top of horse riding. I've been thinking about running but the weather is getting colder... I'll need to keep at it! Is horseback riding exerting? (Honest question - I don't do it.) Your exercise does need to be physically strenuous in order to get the most benefit - endorphins and all that.
Author RunAway_WithMe Posted October 20, 2015 Author Posted October 20, 2015 Is horseback riding exerting? (Honest question - I don't do it.) Your exercise does need to be physically strenuous in order to get the most benefit - endorphins and all that. Oh yeah. I can hurt like a bitch when I get off of a horse depending how long I've been on it but it works your whole body, mostly your core and your thighs. Helps you mentally aswell, there's a lot to think about when the only thing between you and the concrete is a 1000lb animal! Try it. You'll love it! My horse is like my own counselor, she's helped with everything... She's not fixing this one though. She's trying. She keeps giving me this look like she knows there's something wrong.
jen1447 Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 Oh yeah. I can hurt like a bitch when I get off of a horse depending how long I've been on it but it works your whole body, mostly your core and your thighs. Helps you mentally aswell, there's a lot to think about when the only thing between you and the concrete is a 1000lb animal! Try it. You'll love it! My horse is like my own counselor, she's helped with everything... She's not fixing this one though. She's trying. She keeps giving me this look like she knows there's something wrong. Cool. Well you're probably doing the best you can then. The only other component is time. Maybe binge-watch a TV series or two.
kendahke Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 (edited) Is horseback riding exerting? (Honest question - I don't do it.) Your exercise does need to be physically strenuous in order to get the most benefit - endorphins and all that. yes, you use your whole body to guide the horse--your knees, inner thighs, core. It's deceptively intense. OP, sometimes relationships and people get a bit too far up into our psyches and take longer than we think they should to work themselves out. The best thing I can tell you is to be patient but firm with yourself. When you start obsessively thinking about him, use a rubber band on your wrist and snap yourself when you start spiraling down. Eventually, these thoughts will subside. It's all a part of the "going through, not around it" process. Edited October 20, 2015 by kendahke
Author RunAway_WithMe Posted October 20, 2015 Author Posted October 20, 2015 Cool. Well you're probably doing the best you can then. The only other component is time. Maybe binge-watch a TV series or two. yes, you use your whole body to guide the horse--your knees, inner thighs, core. It's deceptively intense. OP, sometimes relationships and people get a bit too far up into our psyches and take longer than we think they should to work themselves out. The best thing I can tell you is to be patient but firm with yourself. When you start obsessively thinking about him, use a rubber band on your wrist and snap yourself when you start spiraling down. Eventually, these thoughts will subside. It's all a part of the "going through, not around it" process. Thanks! I didn't even sleep with him, I kept holding back because I knew the ex was in the back of his mind and then I go and fall for him like an idiot. Sleeping with him would have made this worth it.... Damn me.
kendahke Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 Thanks! I didn't even sleep with him, I kept holding back because I knew the ex was in the back of his mind and then I go and fall for him like an idiot. Sleeping with him would have made this worth it.... Damn me. I totally disagree. I think you're less entangled because you didn't go there with him. It doesn't seem like it, but think of how you would have felt if you went there with him, with all that your feelings are displaying now and he did what he's doing? It would have been far worse for you. You did the right thing in this respect. It may not seem like it right now but be patient with yourself and give yourself time--you will see the wisdom of your policy soon. 1
StBreton Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 Thanks! I didn't even sleep with him, I kept holding back because I knew the ex was in the back of his mind and then I go and fall for him like an idiot. Sleeping with him would have made this worth it.... Damn me. Upon first read I thought you said "worse" and I was going to like your post. I agree with Kend ...stick with your policy of waiting for sleeping with someone ...your recovery would be worse if you had
StBreton Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 I've got a horse, I'm on that baby when I'm not working or at the gym. I have hobbies coming out of my ears and what's annoying me most is that he just pops into my head when I'm least expecting it... Such as mid gallop through a beach. ****The thing is everyone else thinks i'm over him. I don't fall easy and I don't share a lot about my private life, even with my best friend. I've never been one of those that like to divulge *****but I'll look into that app. I currently just have one that blocks incoming, not out going. I want to wake up and not have him be the first thing on my mind as soon as my eyes open. That's all I want. Also I want to punch him in the face for this but I can't do that so I'll have to settle for something else. Look at the **** part of your post ...I think this may be your issue. Talking helps process and let go of the energy which we hold onto with these things. It's good you're on here talking ...if the anonymity makes you feel better than sharing with friends ...so be it. You'll get great advice here as well ...some smart cookies on this forum. Love your horse riding thing! 1
Author RunAway_WithMe Posted October 20, 2015 Author Posted October 20, 2015 (edited) Look at the **** part of your post ...I think this may be your issue. Talking helps process and let go of the energy which we hold onto with these things. It's good you're on here talking ...if the anonymity makes you feel better than sharing with friends ...so be it. You'll get great advice here as well ...some smart cookies on this forum. Love your horse riding thing! That's why I decided to come on here. I felt like I needed to talk and didn't want to do it with my family or friends. They think I'm over him because they know me and they know I don't fall for someone easily. There's no way after 3 weeks of dating any of them think I'm in love with him but I am and I'm here trying to get over it. He didn't like horses either... well rid! I wouldn't go back even if I could... If he asked me out on a date I'd turn him down. Edited October 20, 2015 by RunAway_WithMe 1
empresario Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 I always tell people after a breakup...it sucks, but adversity is the perfect motivator to improve your life in some other area. Make a list of things you've always wanted to do, learn, or achieve and do it. After a breakup I am always in the best shape of my life because I have no reason to go anyplace after work...so to the gym. It's a vicious cycle. 1
Maggie4 Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 Why try to forget him? Why turn him down if he comes back? Because you feel hurt? I think things happened as they should. He's not over his ex, so he needs to deal with that, otherwise he'd be a bad bf. You live in a small town, why not be on good terms? If you are right for each other, it will happen later, when he's better. Somes the harder you try to forget something, the more you think about it. Just "wait for him to sort it out" without putting your life on hold, and pretty soon you find you've moved on.
kendahke Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 Why try to forget him? Why turn him down if he comes back? Because you feel hurt? No. Because she needs to sort her head and heart out, first. It's time now for her to put herself and her interests and healing first, not him or his. If he came back now, it means that he's not done sorting his feelings out for his ex--it's way too soon: and perhaps him getting involved with OP in the first place was a result of him trying to distract himself instead of sitting with his unpleasant feelings and going through the process of resolving the demise of that relationship.
Author RunAway_WithMe Posted October 21, 2015 Author Posted October 21, 2015 No. Because she needs to sort her head and heart out, first. It's time now for her to put herself and her interests and healing first, not him or his. If he came back now, it means that he's not done sorting his feelings out for his ex--it's way too soon: and perhaps him getting involved with OP in the first place was a result of him trying to distract himself instead of sitting with his unpleasant feelings and going through the process of resolving the demise of that relationship. That's exactly what happened. I know he'd tried to date others before me but it hadn't worked out then I think he saw that we had potential to do so and he freaked out and ended it because he wasn't ready. I didn't think about him this morning when I woke up... I think admitting my feelings on here helped me to start to move on because I hadn't admitted my feelings to anyone other than myself
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