help, i am living with my GF of 4 years who just broke up with me for space (again?!)

[WhomiHide]

how do you cope with a breakup?

 

my Gf of four years broke up with me. Through-out our relay, she broke up with me telling me she wants someone who is asian cause she is, then someone who is more business oriented cause im an artst. but it has always been "cause i ned time for myself, time to be alone"....and would only do this when she goes to FLorida for a month or so to visit fmaily. naturally i cry, then she come back and wants to get back with me..this has been a process for a while. i dont ask her to come back to me when she gets back from florida, she just comes to me and kissess me and thinks i am ok with it. and at times i let her kiss me but i was not happy with it. she also told me that the reason she kept coming back to me was because i made her feel guitly. there's alot more to this but fo rnow i would really appreciate any help on how to deal with it since we are still livign with each other, and get along pretty well .After our last break up two months ago, she would still kiss me and tell me that she misses me. When i went to my moms house for almost the whole day, she kept calling me every 5 minutes to half an hour to find out when i am coming home, then i said i will be there soon, and she would say hurry up and come home cause i miss you. Sometimes she kisses me on ym neck and i move away trying to pretend it didn't happend. and she would say"see when i am tryin to get close you do that" i know its all head games but its hard since i am the one thats inlove.

 

why...does she keep asking for space then keep coming back. the last time when she came back i told her i was scared to go out with her, she begged me to understand that she really realized it and that she truly is in love with me...that was i year and a hal ago.....not very long but long enough for her to know that she still needs space. Now we live together, and i am in love with her, she is not with me, at least thats what i think and feel, i am at a low, i dont know what to do...she old me she wouldnt break up with me again, so i tried to open up agianl and BOOM she needs space again...now she said shw is never going to come back...but she said that two years ago twice, she she wouln't and she did....

 

See it is confusing, my heart hurts with her, i hate her for doing it to me, but i feel as if one day she will love me...but i can't wait.

 

help anyone, what do you think honestly, and what should i do cause we live together. there is a lot more and i will keep posting my past here to that you all have a better understanging of me and my life.

 

 

keep it touch everyone and let me know how you feel. should i ignore her....leave the house all day...what to do

 

thanks all

[Merin]

Get out of the house.

 

Damn! What a crappy place to be..

 

IMO it's time to move out.

 

WTF She's thinking is beyond me.. she knew you weren't Asian when she met you, she knew you weren't Business oriented when she met you.. and IMO even if you could change those things about you (not that you could or should) then it would be something else... seems your Girl thrives on creating problems and drama.

 

You need to step back and decide what it is about HER that you like? She isn't obviously going to change, so I guess it's time to re-evaluate what you really want and can live with..

[Candy Cane]

MOVE OUT. You should try to salvage any remaining dignity you have left and high tail it out of there. If that's her idea of love then you don't need it.

 

Personally...I'm against living with someone. One person typically ends up committed and the other person not. It encourages the one who doesn't want to commit to stay in that mindframe. I feel the same about pre-marital sex too. Why share an intimate experience with someone who doesn't love you enough to commit to you? Well...that's just what I think.

[WhomiHide]

that is my problem. i have developed a low self esteem. Man, this girl totally, looking back now, took a lot out of me and somtimes i feel as if i deserved it cause i let her walk all over me. i would surrender what i wanted so that she maybe happy. She would never stick up for me, just let her friends think i am stupid because i dont like conversating with them about their important topics.

 

i did my best, i am still in love with here. she did make me happy, but i can't help but to think that me self esteem destroyed us. who wants to be with someone with no backbone, but i must be honest and not hard on myself she did/said things to make me feel like ****.

 

the problem is, i can't move out, i have no where to go. i am eager to know what others have done to either win back their ex with more confident and higher self esteem, or to just let her have her space.

 

she always wants space, and then come back even when she says she will never, now we live together.

before we broke up she started to talk to someone over the phone at work. it was an old fling. the day they spoke we fought, i couldn' tolerate her talking to someone at work.why?

1.because its only at work they talk, makes the brain and heart think why only at work? hmm...

2.she broke up with me and dated this person, they dated and i came back to her when she was all finish.

 

we fought about that person, and then i said to her that i think it is over cause you won't stop it! she then said fine, i was unhappy anway...??!!!

 

what does that mean......wth it turned around but i did it cause i finally wanted to stand up for myself

then, now its been two months, and she acts as if she doesn't care we just ended a 4 year relationship.

i play those stupid songs about im mocing on and she shows no emotions. she is not even sad. wth. she locks herself in her room cause i took the living room. even after we broke up, we slept in the same bed, now i am on a futon!! gesh! and on top of that she still kissess, infact i went out today without saying anything, she called me and i didn't pick up, i didn't want to. when i got back home, whe was all about where i was and gavea me a hug. why?????

 

she said she was unhappy and needed space cause it keeps coming back, which is true cause she always says she needs space. but why....? and then come back to me crying and wanting me back! wth is this all about?

 

i am in love and confused.

she wrote me letter saying she will marry me and love me always. and that how she beleive i am the ONE for her and i will ALways be, now i read them i and hate her more cause she makes me feel those words are real. but if seh feels that way and that was just half a year ago, then how could she be so happy about is breaking up.

does she not know that now we are not together and not going to be. does she not think i am of value or worth?

 

im in dire need of some self respect check! i always have to fight to get to know her or tlak to her,

we have different communication styles but i know she doesn't respect me. and the only reason i think why is because i always let her have her way....

 

what do you think? how should i conduct myself so she knows i am moving on so she can wake up or let this whole 4 years die.

 

what should I do for now...until we move out and do our own thing. she told me that she was unhappy. but i thought she was while we were together, i ask her and she would say yes....

 

whats going on with her!!!

she is so confusing...i need help to understand this, and what should i do so she knows i don't need her and yes i am strong not weak because i had low esteem!!!!

[Candy Cane]

Yeah, I don't know. It sounds like this girl has you pretty messed up. I think you need to get away for awhile, break all contact with her, and get to know yourself. There is something seriously wrong if you are allowing her to treat you like that. You should go stay with a family member or a friend and not tell her where you are going. You seriously need to get out of that situation. It doesn't sound healthy at all.

[scarlyjones]

MANIPULATION. Thats todays word. This girl, I think,...truely does love you,..........but she probably has family issues. Her parents probably pressure her to stay within the asian culture and so on. She doesnt know if she should see anyone NON asian. That doesnt make for a happy stability, my friend. This girl is COOOOOOOONfused to say the least. You need to get outta there to get YOUR head straight. ForGET her for a while. Work on YOU. You deserve it.

[WhomiHide]

Thank you all so much for you great advice.

 

Today is Thursday and i feel great. I WANT to do my own thing...to learn about myself but part me of is hating her so bad for all the tribulations. She told me she wanted someone who is strong, and not physically she meant with attitude. i do have that attitude. i use to should say,but now i am in the low. i know i am depressed and frustrated often, and i so i get lopw and not wan to fight because i have a lot on my plate, so natrally i would always agree to what she wants.

 

Who wants someone like that? no one, but this relay is 4 years old and i feel that she is leaving me because she wants better than me. because she wants someone who is older than she is,23, who is asian and maybe taller with attitude. we come from very differet backgrounds..i am guyanese and she is chinese canadian.

 

part of me says do your own thing she will come along, i dont want to love someone who doesn't love me

 

and the othe part says move on, and screw it all. we will be moving out on our own in november because our lease is up.

 

i am trying to reclaim my identity...

she puts herself in her room, alone, always wanting to be alone or wanting space from me or away from me, until she has, for hours, browesed the net, maybe personals profiles, looking for asian groups and people to talk to and do whatever she has to do. then comes out and i am there on my computer doing my own thing, and she comes and talks to me and think i have to stop what i am doing to talk to her....

 

 

this asian thing really bothers me because, i am not, and i hate the fact that our relationship was 4 years long, and she knew from the get i wasnt .....

it hurts cause she told me those word when we broke up 2 years ago...now i can see she is activly looking for asian people to talk to. i am so bothered by this because, this is not some type of habit of mines i can just kick, its my culture, my ethinicity....

 

and help on this...?

 

what should i do...

 

her dad told her she SHOULD go out with somone from their culture, uhm her family believes in that except for the younglings....geesh its depressing!

 

what should i do...feel? any advuce will be useful!

thank all again!!!!!!