TheLoveBelow92 Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 Hi Everyone, Been on and of this website for 4 months now and have had some great help dealing with my own problems and just wanted to pass on my story of what happened over the course of the last 4 months of my break up and maybe it might benefit someone else like other forums have helped me. Ill post links to other forums i have shared as well to give you more insight from start to finish because I know I would read a small novel of information if i thought it would help so I hope this does. So me and this girl got together last summer after moving back from working in London the year previous, met her from meeting a few friends and we clicked and started texting and fell head over heels for each other, so we where together a few months and she needed to move out and me also so we got a place of our own in February, things where going great then work became a hassle.. fights became more often and by the start of July she had enough she wasn't having fun anymore and started dreading coming home because she knew there would be a fight... (she got out of an abusive relationship 6 months before I met her and didn't want to get hurt again and seen the red flags as she said and ended it), we where over, I was completely Blindsided and was hit for what only could be described as a truck and the pain I felt for the following months, I never in my life experienced anything like it, I explained to friends the feeling of hours felt like days and days passing by like months, I could honestly feel my chest tightening couldn't eat for weeks, lost 25 pounds within the first month, Lost interest in everything and lost some friends along the way, all in all not a good time, ended up on anti-depressants on and off for 3 months and still occasionally have to take anxiety tablets for those bad mornings, I lost the home we shared, my car i bought BMW my dream car blew up (Head Gasket Blew) 3 weeks before the break up and in the following 6-8 weeks lost my job... Things got pretty bad... The material things at the time did not matter to me at the time, they where worth less, I was heartbroken for the first time in my life. I explained to her its not just me your breaking up with its each others family's too both our family's loved her and me and that made it harder. It was the darkest time of my life, I went from having everything and felt like I could take on any challenge in life to feeling like a shadow of my former self... I described how i felt to doctors and counselors as If I was in a huge unfamiliar room full of furniture standing in the middle with the lights out, The feeling of fear, loneliness and the silence just to take a step into the unknown for fear of what i might find. I was dealing with things that did not exist on the outside but only inside me, I got scared and very scared at that. I partied to hard for the following months filling a void that could not be filled with alcohol and drugs but it only prolonged my grieving and I continuously text her for any reason I could for almost 3 months, I lacked Self Respect and Self Control the comfort I had was gone and felt the loneliest I have ever felt, I went to a festival September 3rd with my ex and with friends (not together, but i met up with them and hing out for the 3 days) and In a field full of 40'000 people I never felt so alone. I put on a brave face as best I could while my ex was acting as if I never existed and it crushed me to feel like I was never meant anything to her. The last time I talked with her was almost 3 weeks ago, me, my ex and friends went for a meal and a drink... IT was a bad mistake, I was still hung up on this girl but she wasn't the same person anymore and had no interest in me or what was going on in my life while all I was doing was asking how her family was, how work was going etc, not once has she ever asked how I am or how my family is doing, It hurt, but all i was looking for was a some form of emotion towards me, there wasn't, she text me a few days before hand "to let it go and Move on" it hurt like **** all over again, I couldn't and didn't want to give up I didn't sleep in 3 months, didn't have any ambitions, I became wasteful with my time, I was reflecting on all the good times in my head for so long that how did these memories mean nothing to her, how do you go from being crazy about each other to perfect strangers, I was thinking back at times where time would almost stand still for us and all the trips we went on and all the good times, I couldn't understand how she could throw them away like they where nothing and I was nothing. As time has gone by weather I wanted it to or not, It has, I realized that the good times meant as much to her as they did to me and maybe more, but she didn't see a future with me due to the fights and me being immature in some respects, I had to understand that. It was her decision, I had and have to let go of something that meant more to me than I cared about myself or others, Im still not 100% as I feel like apart of me is still missing but im in better shape than I have been with or without her and these things take time, if your friends wont listen to you we will and it helps, just don't panic about things and don't act on impulse or emotion trust me on this... Some other forums I started over the last few months in order: Sorry for how long they are: Why me..... the break up of break Ups - Imgur Relationship Advise-doom or gloom - Imgur Here are some of the things I have learned over the last 3.5 months are: After a break up don't beat yourself up and over analyse every mistake you made in a relationship, A relationship takes two people to work things out. If things are meant to be they will be, just make sure you learn something from this. Do not spend two months curled up in bed crying for a considerable amount of time, reading blogs and websites of "How to get your ex back" this will only prolong pain and set you up for heartbreak all over again. Very few people get back together again. Dont bad mouth your ex to your mutual friends, Just saying "things didn't work out" is for the best.(this will show nothing but respect) if you need to talk to friends, pick one or two you can trust and be there for you. (One night Stands): everyone has a different opinion but I had a few since and believe me I felt so much worse the following days and couldn't finish the deed, if your not ready and or feel like your cheating on a ex, don't do it trust me. Try not let emotions rule your path, the mind can play tricks on you, dont reply or do something on emotion or impulse, you will say or do something you regret, give it time to cool down then think. There is no Cure for heartbreak as much as you have been flicking from forum to forum looking for answers for days, weeks, months there is none, Accept how you feel and that it will pass in TIME. TIME is the only and best cure, ride it out, "The person that broke you, cannot be the person to fix you, remember that" A great Quote from Haruki Murakami: “And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” 2
Author TheLoveBelow92 Posted October 20, 2015 Author Posted October 20, 2015 I would love to hear other peoples advise that they learned after a break up that helped them
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