Tuna1987 Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 Hello everyone, I'm a 28 year old male and new to the Love Shack.com community. In need of some urgent opinions or advice to take to heart. You see, I've never had a girlfriend and I'm concerned if I wait until I'm in my forties to pursue a relationship it will be too late by society's standards. Let's say I go out with a girl and she asks me about my previous relationships, and I tell her that I never been in one. Is it any girl's deal breaker, and if so, is there hope for me to pursue a relationship in the future? Female perspectives are welcome. Thank You.
SwordofFlame Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 I didn't have my first girlfriend until I was 24. When women ask me about that, I tell them I used to be extremely introverted in high school and college. It's not detrimental unless they're looking for an extroverted guy...
candie13 Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 it's only an issue if the girl doesn't like you. if the girl likes you, you can pretty much get away with murder Now go and date as much as you can. You're 28, not 100, go get that RS to tell girls about !
StBreton Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 I'm curious why you haven't been in a relationship? And you are thinking about it not happening till your 40s? Have you been dating at least? What do you see enjoying in a relationship? Someone who's interested in you will want to know this. Are you asexual and do not have a sexual drive? I'm a woman ...albeit ~20 yrs your senior ...and although I would find it unusual that you haven't been in a relationship by 28 ...I wouldn't discount you if I were your age. I would wonder about the sex thing though as we may not have the same drive ...but that's important to me.
Author Tuna1987 Posted October 20, 2015 Author Posted October 20, 2015 I haven't been in a relationship because...I don't want to sound negative but I've been rejected by girls so I stopped meeting girls or mingling with girls because if I get rejected so much what's the point which is why I've never been on a date. I don't know what you mean by asexual. However, I had sex before, and I'm confused. Why ask me about my sex drive if I'm rejected by girls? Another thing why I haven't been in a relationship is because i don't have the qualifications to be boyfriend or husband material such as being not good looking yet (I'm fat which means it will take me months to be in phenomenal shape) and I'm still in school pursuing my bachelor's(meaning I don't have the financial means to pursue a relationship).
Ami1uwant Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 Your weight could have something to do with it. Your personality could as well. From my own experience I have had far better luck if I got to know someone before I asked them out. This could be getting to know a classmate or coworker a bit before asking them. I did very poorly with random meets or try to ask them the first time I met them.
Author Tuna1987 Posted October 20, 2015 Author Posted October 20, 2015 What's wrong with my personality?
StBreton Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 I haven't been in a relationship because...I don't want to sound negative but I've been rejected by girls so I stopped meeting girls or mingling with girls because if I get rejected so much what's the point which is why I've never been on a date. I don't know what you mean by asexual. However, I had sex before, and I'm confused. Why ask me about my sex drive if I'm rejected by girls? Another thing why I haven't been in a relationship is because i don't have the qualifications to be boyfriend or husband material such as being not good looking yet (I'm fat which means it will take me months to be in phenomenal shape) and I'm still in school pursuing my bachelor's(meaning I don't have the financial means to pursue a relationship). Well I had no idea about why you hadn't been in a relationship as you didn't reveal that in your original post ...didn't realize it was due to girls not wanting to be in one with you who you asked. The sex thing ...well "some" people have very little drive so they don't strongly pursue relationships ...yes it's true. As you do not wish to do the work to keep fit and be attractive to girls ...maybe you aren't strongly driven to do that. People have different reasons for wanting to pursue and be in relationships ...many people are strongly driven by their hormones ...to procreate. Some just want companionship. Sounds like you're aware of some changes you want to make (losing weight getting fit) to improve your chances of being in a relationship ...and pursuing your degree is awesome! Wish you well
empresario Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 My best friend's dad didn't date until he was 30 (my friend's eventual mother). He always says it was because he spent his 20s traveling, learning new things, and doing whatever the fudge he wanted. Was that true? I don't know. But it sounded pretty badass on paper. I guess the moral of the story is: everything has a positive spin as long a you're confident and you own it. 2
d0nnivain Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 Lots of people date while they are in school & not financially set. It's call the "salad years" There are plenty of cheap, low & no cost things to do on a date but some do require creativity. Your size may have something to do with it. For health reasons alone add some more exercise into your day. Even if you simply walk for 1/2 hour every day it will help your heart. I believe there is a lid for every pot so somebody somewhere will like you for who you are. You simply have to find her. Even without the dating, do you have a social life? If not start building one. While I don't think you are a lost cause at 28, if you have done nothing to improve your situation by 40 my view might change.
Author Tuna1987 Posted October 20, 2015 Author Posted October 20, 2015 Don't get me wrong. I'm working on losing weight to be a good looking guy. I'm just explaining as to why i'm this situation, I do have friends but I don't go to clubs because I don't drink based on choice, and I personally don't think I'll meet a potential soulmate in a bar or nightclub.
StBreton Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 Don't get me wrong. I'm working on losing weight to be a good looking guy. I'm just explaining as to why i'm this situation, I do have friends but I don't go to clubs because I don't drink based on choice, and I personally don't think I'll meet a potential soulmate in a bar or nightclub. Don't discount happy hours at nice restaurants when you're ready. Lots of young professionals go there ...ones who wouldn't step foot into a club. Sports bars are great too.
Guyouthere Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 Don't discount happy hours at nice restaurants when you're ready. Lots of young professionals go there ...ones who wouldn't step foot into a club. Sports bars are great too. Sports bars have great chicken wings. I used to go there with the wife and have them. Hot wings are really good
basil67 Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 I've been rejected by girls so I stopped meeting girls or mingling with girls because if I get rejected so much what's the point Here is one of your problems. You make it sound like women are only good for dating or relationships. While I understand that you're not actively pursuing women, not even mingling with women is very strange. When you go out with friends, are there no women involved? If you think girls aren't worth hanging out with in even a casual sense, you'll get nowhere. Believe it or not, women can be fun and interesting to talk with. Some are even funny.
empresario Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 Don't get me wrong. I'm working on losing weight to be a good looking guy. I'm just explaining as to why i'm this situation, I do have friends but I don't go to clubs because I don't drink based on choice, and I personally don't think I'll meet a potential soulmate in a bar or nightclub. You know the old saying "you meet your future wife in the produce aisle, not the bar". Well, I'm starting to find that's very true in my late 20s. And women overtly flirt at grocery stores (with me at least). I thought it was a cliché. But hey, everyone's opportunity to meet someone outside their social circle dwindles with time. And everybody has to eat. Sorry, that was random, but your post reminded me of it.
Author Tuna1987 Posted October 20, 2015 Author Posted October 20, 2015 When I go out with friends, sure there are women involved. Isay hello to them but not much else, due to my fear of rejection. I admit, I have female acquaintances, but I don't close friendships with them if that's what you're implying. I gues I don't understand them.
empresario Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 When I go out with friends, sure there are women involved. Isay hello to them but not much else, due to my fear of rejection. I admit, I have female acquaintances, but I don't close friendships with them if that's what you're implying. I gues I don't understand them. They are a different gender...not a different species. Stop thinking of women as anything other than another human and you may find you have a lot in common with them! I know, easier said than done. But the only way to do it is to try. And confidence matters. This coming from one socially awkward man to another. If I can figure out how to fake it until I make it...I assure you that you can as well.
d0nnivain Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 , I do have friends but I don't go to clubs because I don't drink based on choice, and I personally don't think I'll meet a potential soulmate in a bar or nightclub. There are plenty of places to meet people besides bars or clubs. Have you looked around your classes or are the other students all too young? Perhaps take a night class to meet older students. Where you work, is there anybody in the elevator or where you get your coffee in the morning who you fancy? I'm not talking about somebody you work with but somebody you see because of work. Do you have hobbies? Join a club to pursue them. If you are religious, get involved in your community there. Even if some of the other congregants are not your type, they have sisters, daughters & friends. Tell people you know that you are open to being fixed up You do have to be willing to interact with women to form a connection
Author Tuna1987 Posted October 20, 2015 Author Posted October 20, 2015 I'm willing to do those things. I am in the midst of my last semester in college, and most of my classmates are young, and male because i'm majoring in computers. When I graduate, I will have freedom to do such things as you said, but like I said it's gonna take a while for me to start dating because I'm not ready for a relationship because I don't have a steady job yet, I still live with my parents, I'm not in phenomenal shape yet to be good looking, I'll probably be ready by my mid to late thirties. By the way talking to girls and being friends with them, like in the friend zone, isn't it a bad thing?
empresario Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 It won't take you that long to date. You don't have to be a millionaire do date, just on your own. It doesn't take that long to get in shape either. In fact, you can rock any body with the right amount of confidence. Also, you don't have to date every woman you know. I not only recommend making some female friends, I think it will be pivotal to your comfort level with women in general...especially for when you'd like to date one of them. You are trying to approach this like a scientist. I know because I am one. Don't. Some things are not logical. There is no math formula to dating. 1
Author Tuna1987 Posted October 21, 2015 Author Posted October 21, 2015 So you're saying that I'm too analytical and I should take "risks"?
empresario Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 So you're saying that I'm too analytical and I should take "risks"? Absolutely. A motto of mine is " if it scares me, I should probably do it". I adopted it after being much like you in my early 20s. It was a way for me to fake it until I made it. And it worked. I hated being in public? Take public speaking gigs. Working out in front of people made me nervous? Joined a gym and stuck to a routine. I was super scared of failure? I quit my corporate job and started my own company. Use your analytical skills to push you forward, not hold you back.
basil67 Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 When I go out with friends, sure there are women involved. Isay hello to them but not much else, due to my fear of rejection. I admit, I have female acquaintances, but I don't close friendships with them if that's what you're implying. I gues I don't understand them. So how will you get comfortable speaking with women if you don't practice it in social situations? You don't need to *understand* women to talk to us. But you do need adequate social skills to find common ground. Music, books, movies, technology, politics, arts, current events, hobbies, etc etc. Hell, even a "so, how do you know the host?" can start a long conversation. When she tells you, then ask further about the thing she was doing when she met him. A few posts ago, someone suggested that your personality may be an issue. You questioned the comment. I'm telling you that if you can't do small talk with a woman, then your personality is part of the problem. No girl is going to be attracted to a man who can't have a casual conversation with women.
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