JamesPIII Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 Well hello guys I have quite a few issues and I hope I can get some advice. I've been with this woman for almost a year and up until two months ago I moved about 250+ miles away. Let me start how the relationship went when we lived closer together. It seemed like everything went well (Honeymoon stage) but now it seems like we're in the power struggle stage, I might add that we are exes and her reasoning is because that's what exes do when they still care. Ever since I moved up here it seems like she's pulling manipulative behavoir? Such as saying she'll call me back and then intentionally? not call me back...drives me nuts. I recently went down to Milwaukee this past weekend to visit her, we went out and had a good time playing some pool, the weird thing is she was copying all of my behavoirs, I put my hands in my pockets...she did the same thing, also she would make remarks such as saying that I was "trouble." We sat down, I sat accross from the table and she asked me why I wasn't sitting next to her. She is constantly saying I frustrate her (She does the same to me ) and she's a "good girlfriend"....I don't know if this is her way of looking for validation, that's the first thing that popped in my head. Anything would be awesome!? I'm trying to wrap my head around this but I'm honestly confused as all hell.
ExpatInItaly Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 OP, I'm a little confused. You say you've been together 1.5 years, but you're exes. What do you mean? Have you broken up and reconciled? Are you broken up now? It seems she's agitated with you for some reason but I'm not clear why. I don't really understand why she's behaving this way. What issues have you had previously in the relationship?
Author JamesPIII Posted October 20, 2015 Author Posted October 20, 2015 OP, I'm a little confused. You say you've been together 1.5 years, but you're exes. What do you mean? Have you broken up and reconciled? Are you broken up now? It seems she's agitated with you for some reason but I'm not clear why. I don't really understand why she's behaving this way. What issues have you had previously in the relationship? We've been together for 9 months but three weeks she ended it with me but still wants to keep in "contact because she cares?" I wasn't the greatest BF but also wasn't the worst, it was a bit 50/50, trust issues mainly which is due to my doing (I never cheated on her, mainly just did harmless flirting and definetly not infront of her.) I'm just confused why she wants to ACTUALLY stay in touch, is it because of guilt?
d0nnivain Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 If you are together, make a better effort. If you are broken up but staying in touch, who cares? You are broken up
Author JamesPIII Posted October 20, 2015 Author Posted October 20, 2015 If you are together, make a better effort. If you are broken up but staying in touch, who cares? You are broken up That's the confusing part, she says she just wants to have "fun" but it seems like she wants to get back together. She tells me that she is "conflicted" with her feelings toward me but she still wants to have intimacy which happened this past weekend.
d0nnivain Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 You need to get it clarified. Are you together or apart? If you are apart having fun but still being intimate are you allowed to date others? Whatever games she's playing sounds maddening especially when compounded by the distance. I'd push the issue because together or apart at least you can go forward. As is, you're stuck in sort of limbo.
ExpatInItaly Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 We've been together for 9 months but three weeks she ended it with me but still wants to keep in "contact because she cares?" I wasn't the greatest BF but also wasn't the worst, it was a bit 50/50, trust issues mainly which is due to my doing (I never cheated on her, mainly just did harmless flirting and definetly not infront of her.) I'm just confused why she wants to ACTUALLY stay in touch, is it because of guilt? Hm. Can you define harmless flirting? Where did these trust issues stem from? I ask because she could be trying to punish you, in a way.
Author JamesPIII Posted October 20, 2015 Author Posted October 20, 2015 You need to get it clarified. Are you together or apart? If you are apart having fun but still being intimate are you allowed to date others? Whatever games she's playing sounds maddening especially when compounded by the distance. I'd push the issue because together or apart at least you can go forward. As is, you're stuck in sort of limbo. Tell me about it I think she knows that too (the distance thing) because when we were together she was all about me, touchy feely, checking me out, very sexual...I honestly think it's her way of getting me to move back to Milwaukee, which correct me if I'm wrong...manipulative behavoir?
Author JamesPIII Posted October 20, 2015 Author Posted October 20, 2015 Hm. Can you define harmless flirting? Where did these trust issues stem from? I ask because she could be trying to punish you, in a way. The trust issues stemmed from me telling her I was being hit on and/or I did the hitting on, looking back on it I probably should've kept it to myself...but I always thought it was a way to keep the "fire" going.
GorillaTheater Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 The trust issues stemmed from me telling her I was being hit on and/or I did the hitting on, looking back on it I probably should've kept it to myself...but I always thought it was a way to keep the "fire" going. Yeah, that was probably a mistake. I always steered clear of girls/women who pulled that, and wouldn't blame women for doing the same. Seems more like manipulation than fire-starting. At least not the good kind of fire.
Author JamesPIII Posted October 20, 2015 Author Posted October 20, 2015 (edited) Yeah, that was probably a mistake. I always steered clear of girls/women who pulled that, and wouldn't blame women for doing the same. Seems more like manipulation than fire-starting. At least not the good kind of fire. I could see how that would be considered manipulating on my part, this is where the confusion is...isn't your woman supposed to see you as desireable by the opposite sex? Edited October 20, 2015 by JamesPIII
ExpatInItaly Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 I could see how that would be considered manipulating on my part, this is where the confusion is...isn't your woman supposed to see you as desireable by the opposite sex? You're doing it wrong. Getting hit on or complimented and sharing that with your girl occasionally is one thing. Telling her all about it to make yourself seem desirable is transparent and rather manipulative. You hitting on other women and telling your girl about is just plain stupid. I have no idea why you thought that was a good idea - it makes you look incredibly untrustworthy and disrespectful to your girlfriend. As a woman, I can assure you that feeling secure and respected and able to trust is extremely important in a relationship. Hitting on other women demonstrates the exact opposite. I wouldn't be able to trust a boyfriend who pulled crap like that either. He sure as hell wouldn't be my boyfriend anymore.
GorillaTheater Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 I could see how that would be considered manipulating on my part, this is where the confusion is...isn't your woman supposed to see you as desireable by the opposite sex? To the extent that's true, it doesn't require any action on your part. I can almost guarantee that your SO notices women checking you out/flirting with you more than you snap to it. And expat is right: you hitting on other women, and on top of that telling your SO about it, just about screams Dick Move.
basil67 Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 I could see how that would be considered manipulating on my part, this is where the confusion is...isn't your woman supposed to see you as desireable by the opposite sex? Desirable to her. Not to all and sundry
Author JamesPIII Posted October 21, 2015 Author Posted October 21, 2015 Wow I can see where I messed up, this is my second LTR in my life and I'm 28, I know it's somewhat sad...I'm not very good at this relationship thing and I've told her that. Her longest relationship was 4 years which can be tad bit intimidating. She told me that she doesn't want someone she has to "coach" in this area which is understandable but then stays (this happened when I went to visit her this past weekend).
GorillaTheater Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 Wow I can see where I messed up, this is my second LTR in my life and I'm 28, I know it's somewhat sad...I'm not very good at this relationship thing and I've told her that. Her longest relationship was 4 years which can be tad bit intimidating. She told me that she doesn't want someone she has to "coach" in this area which is understandable but then stays (this happened when I went to visit her this past weekend). Live and learn, man. F*ck ups are inevitable, but they don't need to be repeated.
Author JamesPIII Posted October 21, 2015 Author Posted October 21, 2015 Live and learn, man. F*ck ups are inevitable, but they don't need to be repeated. I hear that, any advice as to how I can restore trust?
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