BonerFide Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 I was with my boyfriend for almost a year when he broke up with me a month ago, and recently I just completed 30 days NC. I did no begging and jumped straight into NC after the break up, despite being badly hurt and wanting him back. He hasn't reached out to me at all in this time nor I to him, so it feels as though both sides are moving on... only I'm not sure that I am. I still really miss having him to talk to, I miss his friends, I miss the whole lifestyle I had when we were good together. The thing is, our relationship was kind of driven into the dirt and the last two weeks of the relationship saw him being really distant until eventually he just told me he didn't want to be in a relationship anymore. I was devastated at first, don't get me wrong, as I was still very much in love with him after the break up, and I convinced myself he no longer cared about me at all. Since I've been trying to keep myself busy, but it's hard as I have to see him most days (same campus) and watch him move on. I think we're both happier than we were at the end of the relationship, but I can't help but think back to our glory days when I was really happy and feel pretty defeated now. It doesn't help that despite the fact I've been on other dates, I just keep comparing everyone to him and I can't see anyone else as someone I want to pursue. Being single is probably the best bet for now. Despite knowing that it kind of naturally came to an end and he didn't want to be in a relationship anymore, there's still something holding me back from moving on. I guess it's just that I haven't seen any evidence that the grass is greener at all yet. I'm no longer trying to get him back and I don't think I'd take him back if he asked for it (at least not for a long time), but it bugs me how it feels so final when there's not much else going on. Why am I still dreaming about him etc.? Is it just that I need more time until I've actually moved on? Am I being too hard on myself?
d0nnivain Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 You are being too hard on yourself. The fact that you can at least intellectually understand the situation is progress. Healing is not always a straight forward thing. It also takes more than a month. Hang in there & keep yourself busy. Whatever you liked about the lifestyle you enjoyed with him, build it for yourself. 4
DirtyBerty Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 I'm 2 months out of a 7 year relationship. She dumped me and it was the worst experience of my life. But you know what? It's slow progress but I'm starting to get over it. You can too. You have good days and bad days. Good hours and bad hours. But you will get through this and so will I. I was scared and lonely but what everyone says is right. Keep busy, keep fit, see friends, reconnect with old friends you've let go, do something different just to get out of your comfort zone and feel proud for doing it.
J21 Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 I think you are being too hard on yourself and making really good progress. You can't expect to be completely healed in 1 month from someone that was part of your life for 1 year. 1 month can seem like eternity and you've done well so far. Keep it up. 2
Author BonerFide Posted October 20, 2015 Author Posted October 20, 2015 You are being too hard on yourself. The fact that you can at least intellectually understand the situation is progress. Healing is not always a straight forward thing. It also takes more than a month. Hang in there & keep yourself busy. Whatever you liked about the lifestyle you enjoyed with him, build it for yourself. Yeah, acceptance was always going to be a difficult thing for me. I'm very stubborn, haha! I'm learning to be more accepting though. I think you are being too hard on yourself and making really good progress. You can't expect to be completely healed in 1 month from someone that was part of your life for 1 year. 1 month can seem like eternity and you've done well so far. Keep it up. Thanks, I appreciate the encouragement. Keep trucking on, I guess
Author BonerFide Posted October 20, 2015 Author Posted October 20, 2015 I'm 2 months out of a 7 year relationship. She dumped me and it was the worst experience of my life. But you know what? It's slow progress but I'm starting to get over it. You can too. You have good days and bad days. Good hours and bad hours. But you will get through this and so will I. I was scared and lonely but what everyone says is right. Keep busy, keep fit, see friends, reconnect with old friends you've let go, do something different just to get out of your comfort zone and feel proud for doing it. Oh man, I'm sorry to hear that. Memories of one year haunting me are nothing compared to 7 years, I can't even imagine. I know there are success stories of people successfully moving on after this long or longer, even. It just takes a lot of time, and that's what I'm seeing in almost all of these threads as a common denominator.
adiamond Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 I think you're being too hard on yourself too. There is no timeline or anything. You can't "force" yourself to move on. You really have to let time do its healing. Eventually, you'll realize that you're over it. I was where you were a month ago. My ex of almost 1 year hadn't reached out to me and it felt like he was moving on. I felt like I was moving on but I wasn't sure. It has been 2 months. I still think about him a lot but I'm not bursting in tears. There will be moments where you have nostalgia but you just have to let it pass. 1
Liono84 Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 We're human, not robots. There's no way you can just go on with your daily life not thinking about an ex in the immediate aftermath of a breakup. You can't just turn your emotions on or off. It's not black or white. One month is still very fresh. As others have said, there is no exact timeline. Every relationship and every breakup is different. Every person is different, too. Some may heal faster than others and it's attributed to a persons mental make-up along with other variables too (How busy you are, what else is going on in your professional life, how active you are in your social life, friend support, how soon you'll find someone else, etc.) but eventually you will get there. You're going to be thinking about your ex for awhile longer, it's just with the passing of time, it won't emotionally hurt like in did in the beginning, and the thoughts will become less and less frequent throughout the day as well. Try to keep yourself busy. 1
xxCourt96xx Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 You just need to give yourself ample time to heal...lots of it. I just got out of a year and a half relationship a little over a month ago and we haven't spoken once since he dumped me through my sister (cowardly) But I still dream of him every night and part of me still hopes his name will pop up on my phone calling me baby the way he used to do. But another part of me knows his leaving changed me...I'm not the same person I was before he left. I'm hardened...more cautious and not very trusting of anybody. If he were to come back right now it would take a very long time for me to be the girl that he fell in love with again...I'm not sure if she'd even ever come back. Long story short, it's going to take more than a month for you to get over him fully. Time heals all wounds.
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