jam.over.jelly Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 So this never happened to me. In the past, almost every single date I went on, the guy called me back for a 2nd date. There were a few times they didn't call me, but it was rare. However recently I met 5 guys over the last 2 weeks, only 2 asked me out again, to which I said no. So 3 guys rejected me in the span of 2 weeks. OUCH! I was interested in one of them, the other 2, not so much. But regardless of the fact that I wasn't even interested in them, not having them ask me out again is kind of a slap in the face. That makes my confidence level go wayyyy down. Although I know I really shouldn't feel this way, and I know not every guy I meet will be into me. However, this is all new to me, being rejected that much in that short amount of time? I can't help but feeling puzzled. Even the guy I went out with yesterday, whom I definitely didn't wanna see again, texted me this morning just to reject me "I had a great time, however I don't think you are what I'm looking for". Wtf? I don't think I'm doing anything wrong, I was being myself, and I think I'm attractive. But maybe I did do something wrong? Who knows? Because I did get rejected THREE TIMES in only 2 weeks. Sorry guys, I just needed to vent. 1
SwordofFlame Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 Now you know how most of us guys feel.... 5
Author jam.over.jelly Posted October 20, 2015 Author Posted October 20, 2015 Now you know how most of us guys feel.... Yea...definitely not a good feeling...
katiegrl Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 I doubt you did anything *wrong*. These guys just didn't feel enough chemistry that's all. Did you? Cause in my experience, it's rare to find one person who feels it when the other doesn't. Genuine chemistry between two people is mutual. It's just a certain energy generating between them that causes them to just click. You said you *liked* one guy who didn't ask you out again. Did you feel that *click* with him? Or did he just look good *on paper* so to speak? What about the guy you met at coffee shop? You had a date with him Sunday. How did that go? He liked you, right? 1
candie13 Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 guy you were not into def felt you were not into him. So he decided to reject you first. Seemed it worked, since you are thinking about him. how about you don't try to "get accepted" by dates but simply take an interest in people and just get to know them? There are some fascinating men out there who may not be the man of your life, but may be amazing friends or mates or artists or spiritual guides or whatever... if you simply try to get to know them as opposed to trying to "score" by getting another date. It's simply strangers, who knows why they've rejected you... man up, don't accept all dates you possibly can, select them based on your interest criteria, make sure that they are interesting and interested and then date them. 2
Redhead14 Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 So this never happened to me. In the past, almost every single date I went on, the guy called me back for a 2nd date. There were a few times they didn't call me, but it was rare. However recently I met 5 guys over the last 2 weeks, only 2 asked me out again, to which I said no. So 3 guys rejected me in the span of 2 weeks. OUCH! I was interested in one of them, the other 2, not so much. But regardless of the fact that I wasn't even interested in them, not having them ask me out again is kind of a slap in the face. That makes my confidence level go wayyyy down. Although I know I really shouldn't feel this way, and I know not every guy I meet will be into me. However, this is all new to me, being rejected that much in that short amount of time? I can't help but feeling puzzled. Even the guy I went out with yesterday, whom I definitely didn't wanna see again, texted me this morning just to reject me "I had a great time, however I don't think you are what I'm looking for". Wtf? I don't think I'm doing anything wrong, I was being myself, and I think I'm attractive. But maybe I did do something wrong? Who knows? Because I did get rejected THREE TIMES in only 2 weeks. Sorry guys, I just needed to vent. You need to stop taking these things as "rejections". Rejection is too harsh a word for these situations. You just weren't their cup of tea. Not everyone is your cup of tea either. Neither of you is doing anything wrong. It just is what it is. I never felt "rejected" if a guy didn't ask me out on a second or third date. They don't know you well enough to reject you per se. A rejection is more a personal afront after knowing someone for a bit. A couple of dates doesn't mean anything really. Just not enough initial connection. The guys you turned down weren't really doing anything wrong, were they? 6
losangelena Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 Try and keep things into perspective, though OP. You had five guys express initial attraction over the course of two weeks. I can go two months and not have that many guys express interest. So if dating is a numbers game, you're already doing pretty well. 4
Author jam.over.jelly Posted October 20, 2015 Author Posted October 20, 2015 I doubt you did anything *wrong*. These guys just didn't feel enough chemistry that's all. Did you? Cause in my experience, it's rare to find one person who feels it when the other doesn't. Genuine chemistry between two people is mutual. It's just a certain energy generating between them that causes them to just click. You said you *liked* one guy who didn't ask you out again. Did you feel that *click* with him? Or did he just look good *on paper* so to speak? What about the guy you met at coffee shop? You had a date with him Sunday. How did that go? He liked you, right? Katie, I posted an update about him yesterday after he dropped me off. I saw red flags from him having a temper, and I decided I didn't want to see him again, in spite the fact that we had a good time. He texted me this morning "I had a great time, but you're not what I'm looking for". LOL! Anyhow, you're right. I doubt I did anything wrong, when it comes to chemistry, it's either there or it isn't. I guess somehow this is good for me, I should get rejected more often, so I wouldn't be as disappointed when it does happen. But this kind of opens my eyes a bit, maybe I'm not at all confident like I think I am. 1
Author jam.over.jelly Posted October 20, 2015 Author Posted October 20, 2015 You need to stop taking these things as "rejections". Rejection is too harsh a word for these situations. You just weren't their cup of tea. Not everyone is your cup of tea either. Neither of you is doing anything wrong. It just is what it is. I never felt "rejected" if a guy didn't ask me out on a second or third date. They don't know you well enough to reject you per se. A rejection is more a personal afront after knowing someone for a bit. A couple of dates doesn't mean anything really. Just not enough initial connection. The guys you turned down weren't really doing anything wrong, were they? Bam! Why can't I think of this earlier. Thanks Redhead! 1
BLND Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 Where did you meet these guys? How do the dates go? Do you talk about what you're looking for during the date?
losangelena Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 Anyhow, you're right. I doubt I did anything wrong, when it comes to chemistry, it's either there or it isn't. I guess somehow this is good for me, I should get rejected more often, so I wouldn't be as disappointed when it does happen. But this kind of opens my eyes a bit, maybe I'm not at all confident like I think I am. If anything it reveals where your confidence may be coming from. Ideally, it should NOT be coming from the interest of men, especially men who you don't even like all that much. As you're seeing for yourself, that's a rather unreliable wellspring. Get your confidence from who you are, what you can do, what you've accomplished, what you strive for and the good things about your personality. Not whether random dudes want to continue dating you. 7
empresario Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 Now you know how most of us guys feel.... I came in to say this, hahaha. JoJ, please take this as a learning experience. For example, a lot of women just straight up ignore men when they want to 'dump' them after a few dates. They think nothing of it. More than once I've heard of women getting the same treatment from a guy and finally getting a dose of how it feels. Yes, there are some crazy people out there that need to be ignored, blocked, turned down, etc. But all people demand some measure of respect. To learn from it, ask yourself...what could have those three guys said to you in order for you to feel better about it? Not all rejections have to feel cold. I apologize those guys didn't at least give you the closure/respect that would have allowed you to keep your pride. That always sucks. 3
katiegrl Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 Katie, I posted an update about him yesterday after he dropped me off. I saw red flags from him having a temper, and I decided I didn't want to see him again, in spite the fact that we had a good time. He texted me this morning "I had a great time, but you're not what I'm looking for". LOL! Anyhow, you're right. I doubt I did anything wrong, when it comes to chemistry, it's either there or it isn't. I guess somehow this is good for me, I should get rejected more often, so I wouldn't be as disappointed when it does happen. But this kind of opens my eyes a bit, maybe I'm not at all confident like I think I am. Sorry missed the update. So HE is the one who sent the text? In that case, he sensed you were turned off and beat you to the punch. I would not take that personally at all! 1
katiegrl Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 And I agree with what Redhead and losangelina posted. Good stuff! 1
Vintage79 Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 Ok - I'll be honest, I'm confused - you feel bad about not getting asked out again by 2 guys you weren't into? Seriously? FYI - if you're not into them, there's a good chance it's mutual - get used to it...it's not a big deal. I would say, though, that going out with 5 new guys in 2 weeks, of which you may have only wanted to see 1 of them again, has something to do with it. Trying picking better on the front end and space it out a bit. If I go out on a date and the woman isn't interested, she's not flirty, no touching, the banter is bland/boring, whatever - I certainly don't ask them out again. On another note, if you don't want this to happen, learn how to actually be a good date and be a bit more selective on the front end... 4
fitnessfan365 Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 I don't know jam..It seems kind of silly to be bothered by guys that you weren't interested in feeling mutual about it. They simply picked up on what was obvious to both of you. After all, men do have stronger intuition than women give us credit for sometimes. The best way to look at it is that you were able to have clean breaks w/guys you didn't want to see again anyways, instead of them continuing to pester you.
Yookie Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 If a guy that I don't want to date rejects me first it's a relief because I don't like having to hurt others feelings and at least I know we both feel the same way. On the other hand be aware that some guys use rejection as a strategy. 2
Guyouthere Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 Send me photos of your dive gear, metal detector, fish smoker, boat, motor, and details of your shoe size and I will possibly consider letting you ride in my private jet as we sing along to Frank Sinatra and sip on diet coke while eating Oreos.
J21 Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 Maybe they picked up on the vibe that you weren't interested--which is why they didn't bother asking you again. I mean, why would anyone want their time wasted? I know I wouldn't. I also think rejection is not the right word, you guys just didn't click. Nothing more than that and no need to have your esteem bruised.
Guyouthere Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 Guys do pick up on things too, very much so. And remember we don't think the same way that many women do, our brains are wired differently. I will read a woman too, and being no expert on it all, I can still sense how much interest she really has, and it will affect how I feel about her.
Jejangles Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 I think "rejected" is a word that should never be used when it comes to online dating during the first few dates. You're meeting up with strangers, getting superficial impressions of each other and then deciding whether to see them again. If the other person decides not to see you again, it is usually not a reflection on who you are or what you have to offer. I have struggled with this myself, and I sometimes do still get caught up in the "why doesn't he want meeee" even when I didn't particularly want him, but I think all of us who are actively dating need to boost our self esteem and actively work to make sure we feel good and bounce back regardless of what we encounter. I really like this article: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/getting-back-out-there/201503/rejection-and-dating 2
Author jam.over.jelly Posted October 20, 2015 Author Posted October 20, 2015 I think "rejected" is a word that should never be used when it comes to online dating during the first few dates. You're meeting up with strangers, getting superficial impressions of each other and then deciding whether to see them again. If the other person decides not to see you again, it is usually not a reflection on who you are or what you have to offer. I have struggled with this myself, and I sometimes do still get caught up in the "why doesn't he want meeee" even when I didn't particularly want him, but I think all of us who are actively dating need to boost our self esteem and actively work to make sure we feel good and bounce back regardless of what we encounter. I really like this article: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/getting-back-out-there/201503/rejection-and-dating Very spot on!
Empyrea Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 Wow, can I just say how commendable of these guys to let you down so soon and be upfront about it when they weren't feeling it?! Coming from a place where I'm still healing from the incredible pain of being strung along for 4 months only to be ghosted on without an explanation... You should definitely text them something nice in return, this kind of exemplary behaviour deserves to be praised, as it's soooo uncommon in the modern dating world. But I agree with everyone, no reason to feel rejected. Work on your self esteem, girl!
Author jam.over.jelly Posted October 20, 2015 Author Posted October 20, 2015 Wow, can I just say how commendable of these guys to let you down so soon and be upfront about it when they weren't feeling it?! Coming from a place where I'm still healing from the incredible pain of being strung along for 4 months only to be ghosted on without an explanation... You should definitely text them something nice in return, this kind of exemplary behaviour deserves to be praised, as it's soooo uncommon in the modern dating world. But I agree with everyone, no reason to feel rejected. Work on your self esteem, girl! Lol, only one texted me to say he didn't want to see me again. But the other 2 didn't text or call. That sucks he did that to you. Ghosting someone imo is the lowest form of telling someone they just don't want to see you anymore. 4 months? You deserve to hear an explanation. But anyhow, it's a blessing in disguise.
Author jam.over.jelly Posted October 20, 2015 Author Posted October 20, 2015 Thanks everyone for your comments. I guess I'm being such a baby about it all, I shouldn't let this get to me. Silly me! I have my moments apparently . But I'm over it. I know my worth, and I know any guy would be lucky to have me. I just gotta be patient. Hope everyone's having a wonderful day so far. Woooooo! 3
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