tilby Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 Hi, I'm fairly new back on the dating scene and I've been getting mixed messages from men I date. I just can't seem to work out what went wrong. The latest date was a week ago and I met him online a few weeks ago. We hit it off online, chatted once before meeting in person. Everything seemed ok, apart from him being very quiet. He wanted to kiss me about an hour into the date, which I was ok with. He was cute and sweet afterall. He held my hand as we were leaving the cafe and asked to see me again. I agreed but said I would need to check which day I could arrange a babysitter. He smiled and said ok. When we got further away from the cafe, he gave me a very passionate kiss and said to let him know about the babysitter. I said I would and he gave me another passionate kiss. He texted me the morning telling me he enjoyed meeting and is looking forward to seeing me again. I said I was too and will get back to him tomorrow about the babysitter. Well... I arranged a babysitter and texted him with the day I was free and he responded straight away saying he is just after friendship. I replied with 'that's ok. You have my number if you want to chat sometime'. He replied he would. I'm confused. His profile said he was looking for a stable relationship, which I am too, and things didn't seem unusual on the night, there was chemistry and he followed up, then boom I'm blown off! What's the deal? Any opinions on this are welcome. I'm sure I'll come across more of these at some point so best be prepared lol Sorry that post was quite long!
Zippy2000 Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 I wouldnt let it get to you on this one. He wasnt into you at all and just wanted a bit of fun. If a mans words dont fit around his actions. You can tell he is a bit of a player. He couldnt tell you face to face but decided to wait till you were communicating by text. Not a man at all but a boy! People are allowed to change their minds. I remember a few months back. I put an advert up to say I was selling my car wheels. I had an urgent call saying dont sell them as this bloke wanted them. I called him back and he said "No thanks"! Complete time waster! You do get them. For a man to kiss you and take you in on the first day and say just to be friends the next. You have to say its better for it to happen now than wait for 6 months, a year or 2 years down the line for it happen. 1
PegNosePete Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 he responded straight away saying he is just after friendship Sorry to say he simply wasn't that interested or changed his mind. Maybe he has multiple women on the go. Maybe he got a better offer, but wanted to keep you on backup in case it doesn't work out. It really sucks that you went to the effort of getting a babysitter. What a jerk to tell you his intentions after you put in the effort (and potentially expense). If someone said they were just after friendship, after passionate kisses, I would certainly not want to be their backup plan. You need to have more self respect than that. Don't do the "friends" thing. You already have plenty of friends, right? Why be friends with someone who screws you around like that? Ignore any future communication from him.
jam.over.jelly Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 The way OLD works is that the more you OLD, the thicker skin you will develop. Men will say things they don't mean, or they do mean it at that particular moment but they can change their mind WHILE they're changing their mind, lol. Basically some people change their mind in a blink of an eye, and it has nothing to do with you. I have learned to go on dates with very low to zero expectation, if the guy calls me back, great, if not it's fine too, and even when he does ask for a second date, I wait and see if he will follow through with it. Again, no expectation. 1
Ami1uwant Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 My two cents.... He may have really liked you but when you met face to face he didn't feel it. Some nay think that possibly kissing a person triggers something...but if nothing after kissing they figure this isn't going to work. Personally I think you should have 2-3 dates before you decided something like feeling something.
Author tilby Posted October 21, 2015 Author Posted October 21, 2015 Thanks for your replies. I didn't actually mean I was going to keep the lines of communication open by my reply to him and I doubt he will either. In fact I deleted his number and profile online. I'm trying to get some clarity, if that's possible. Prepare myself for future dirtbags. I'm a squeaky wheel when it comes to dating after being in a long term relationship. Practice makes perfect though, right?
xcupid Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 Just because he changed his mind or wasn't interested in you in the end doesn't make him a dirt bag.
jam.over.jelly Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 Just because he changed his mind or wasn't interested in you in the end doesn't make him a dirt bag. This guy is a dirtbag. He strung her along. She even went through all the trouble finding the babysitter and all, just to have him cancelled on her.
Author tilby Posted October 21, 2015 Author Posted October 21, 2015 In my opinion he is. I have been on other dates where there was no potential and everyone was open about their thoughts before and after the date. I don't put them in that category. Perhaps it comes down to maturity and communication... some people have it and other's don't.
Recommended Posts