EXTREMELY LENGHTY!!! Just need advice/opinions/a slap in the head??

[JLC1]

This may be totally pointless and incredibly stupid of me but i just wanted to here what other ppl think of my situation. My ex and i had been together for 3 yrs. (we lived together) Six months ago he broke up with me and we didnt have contact for a month. He moved in with is mother at that time. After that month, he got in touch with me and we started talking again. He told me that he was confused about things and tired of the way we argued a lot etc. He was right, we did seem to argue a lot at the end. Well we started seeing one another off and on. For the past 5 months we have continued the seeing each other thing. At times it was great, other times it sucked. It was hard for me to go from living together almost married kinda siuation to a seeing one another thing. I could tell at times that he was still confused about things and not sure of what he wanted yet i still continued to see him whenever he wanted to see me. 2 and half weeks ago we werent really talking a whole lot for whatever reason (i think it had been like a couple days since i had talked to him) when he got in touch with me and said he wanted to see me. After some persuasion, i agreed. We stayed up talking until 530 in the morning just about everything under the sun. We cried, we laughed, we got mad...diff emotions everywhere, but after we were finished it felt like we both had gotten some things off our chest. No we didnt agree to get back together, but things just felt better between us..if that makes sense. In fact, that weekend he said i love you to me which was something we had stopped saying to one another. Well we spent all that weekend together and he stayed one day thru the week over here, called me wed and thurs (the days he didnt stay over here) just to ask what i was doing and to let me know what he would be doing those days and where he would be etc. Friday he came back over for the weekend stayed the entire weekend. We had a cook out, went to the park, rented movies etc. He went home this past sunday afternoon and he asked me if he could come back over monday eve. I told him that was fine. He kissed me and left. Later that afternoon i spoke wtih him on the computer for a bit. Before he signed off he told me he was going to go take a shower, grab some food and would be back online in a bit. Thats the last ive seen him.

 

His mother called me that same nite he went home and asked to speak to him. I told her he wasnt here that he went home earlier that afternoon. I immediately sensed concern on her part which had me a little worried. I didnt put a lot of stock into it at the time because it wasnt unusual for him to go with a friend of his and figured thats what he did. The next day i called his house several times and got no answer. I called his friend later that afternoon and asked if he had seen him, he told me yes that he had stayed over his place and that he went home earlier that morning. His mom called me again monday nite and said she still hadnt seen him and that he had not been home. Of course the first thing going thru my mind then was Oh god he is with someone else. Wednesday rolls around and at around 1pm i called his friends house again and spoke witht he friends wife, i asked her had she seen "R" and she stated that he had not been staying there but that her husband had talked to him. About 10 minutes later "R" called me. He said he had been staying with his friend helping him move, the same friend whose wife i had spoken to earlier. I told him well thats odd because she told me you hadnt been staying there, he just said well whatever and proceeded to ask me why his mother was upset with him. She had told him i was looking for him and apparently she was angry because she thought he was being rude in not calling me. So i told him i guess because you havent called me at all and its like u disappeared. Well that was the wrong thing to say because he immediately got mad and told me u know what F*** you and F*** her too and slammed the phone down on me. I called back later that eve after i knew his mother was home from work to speak to her about some pictures i have that belong to her and he answered the phone. He told me he would get the pictures sometime, i asked him if he was still mad he said no, i asked him what in Gods name was going on with him and he quickly said i just cant talk to you right now i gotta go bye and hung up on me. I didnt call back. His mom called me Thursday nite flipping out because she noticed "R' had sold his computer. She said she was there the nite before when he told me he couldnt talk to me and she didnt know why he said that. I had assumed he wasnt "alone" and have pretty much chalked all this up to him finding someone else. She on the other hand, is convinced its drugs. She said its not like him to be gone like this and the only time he has stayed there this entire week was wed nite. Monday nite she said he must have come in late took a shower changed clothes adn took off again because she noticed his dirty clothes in the bathroom hamper. "R' was VERY attached to his computer and for him to sell it has been a shock to everyone that knows him. She told me over the past 2 weeks she has noticed him being very hyper and hateful at times. Years ago, he had a cocaine addiction, but went thru rehab and successfully kicked the habit. He has never done anything like this in the 3 yrs we have been together. Of course, my first instinct is another female. Because it seems that way. But his mother is convinced he and his friend are involved in something else. Thursaday nite she couldnt take it anymore and called his friends house to find him, He was there and he talked to her and she mentioned my name to him and he said "Oh mom" in a way as he didnt wanna talk about it. She told him they needed to talk and he told her he would be home that nite to talk. He never showed up.

 

I havent called him at all since wed and the only way i know whats going on is because his mom calls me. Things were going really well for us over this past week and a half and i felt as though we were making great progress with us. Especially in the communication dept. I keep leaning to the fact ok he foudn someone else, but i dont know if thats really the case. His mom on the other hand is convinced his friend has helped get him back involved in the drug scene and swears thats what is going on. He knows im absolutely AGAINST drugs and would never confide that in me. Im in limbo. I dont know if i should be concerned or if i should forget it. If this were a new relationship and the amount of time hadnt been invested i probably would wash my hands of it. I dont know how someone acts on cocaine and have no idea what the signs are that maybe ive missed. I have gone over the situation in my head a million times and i can not figure it out. Has he ever done this before to me? No, never. The only time we didnt speak was when we broke up 6 months ago and for that first month there was no contact. I got a message from a female on the computer sunday afternoon that is apparently one of his "online" friends and she told me she was glad "R' and i were able to have a good time and work things out. I have no clue who she is but apparently she and "R' talk online a lot and he told her he was going to be coming over to my house 2 weekends ago because i was on his mind and he needed to talk to me. She told me he messaged her sunday afternoon and told her we had a great time and a lot of fun and told her what all we did etc. She told me there was no doubt in her mind that he loved me but that she could sense confusion on his part but she was shocked when i told her bits and pieces of wht happened. She apologized to me for even IMing me because she said she thought everything had been worked out. She is a married woman and apparently he talked to her about things he felt he couldnt talk to me about and she gave him advice. So you see this entire siuation has me completely boggled. Is it someone else? And when would he have even had the time to start something with someone else serious enuff to where he woudl be staying with them when he spent most of his time here with me?? Or is it drugs? Has he gotten mixed up into that mess again because of hanging around with his friend who by the way dabbles in drugs and sells them. I only know of him selling weed and to my knowledge its not like a booming business or anything like that. And if it drugs, what do i do? Do i turn my back if he should call me again? And what if he does call me again? What if he NEVER calls again?????Im just so confused that i dont know if im coming or going. Im sorry this is so lengthy but i wanted to give as many details as possible about it all so that i could get the best opinions. IF there are questions that i didnt cover, please ask and i will answer. Thanx so much for bearing with me and taking the time to even bother to read this horribly long post!!

[Merin]

You know it isn't really to suprising that this Guy is incapable of having an adult, mature relationship...

 

While I don't know how old he is, I'm assuming he is an adult..

 

Sounds to me his relationship with his Mom is she allows him to behave like a little boy instead of a Man and he takes advantage of her.. not very different from the relationship he has with you.

 

This Guy still hasn't grown up.. and why should he? He's got a Mom who he lives off, she does it all for him and he treats her without respect...

 

If he never calls you again honestly it would probably be for the best (for you) but Guys like him never really go away.. they continue to resurface and work the situation to thier own advantage and he will always do this until you don't allow him too anymore.. just like his Mom still hasn't given him a kick in the ass and told him GROW UP!

[Candy Cane]

I'm with Merin. What do you see in this guy anyway?

 

I once dated a joker like your guy...but he was actually cheating on me. Nothing to do with drugs or anything. I was crushed when I realized what had been happening. Years later, I kick myself repeatedly for ever going out with him in the first place. He was a big time loser who didn't respect or care about me.

 

I don't know...drugs or a lover...which is worse and which is better? Either way, he's not respecting you. Is he?

 

Seriously...easier said than done I know...but I vote you give him the old heave ho.