sbk24 Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 Hi guys, I haven't posted for a while but I need motivation. I would like to read what they have focused on in improving themselves after a break up.
candie13 Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 oh... break ups are so difficult to overcome as they touch us to the core of our emotions and most instinctive fears. I've left my former bf as he lied about his intention as to getting re-married. I've fled immediately as I've realized he was dead set against it. I've hurt myself a lot in disappearing like that - from his life and from the RS. So after the break up, I've had a long thought and a few long talks with my therapist and realized that actually... I am not that dead set on marriage. I actually worked at it and really asked myself, really explored it. I'm still true to myself and values, but realized that it's not marriage that matters to me most. What really matters to me is to have an open, authentic RS where I can share my feelings freely and have them reciprocated and feel safe and loved and where I can love back profoundly... so, I've realized that, in the end, it was not "marriage" our issue. The issue was he was not opening up to me emotionally. He was sharing his house and life and free time with me, but he was keeping me out. And I've felt this... that's why I fled. So in the end, I didn't have the RS I wanted... but then, I've also learnt that by fleeing, I am not solving any of my problems - mine being fear of rejection. His shutting down emotionally was due to his divorce - partially.... anyways, I really cared and I really took very badly his change in position - even though I realize now that he never changed it, he simply never told me the truth to begin with. I still need to work on my tendency to run away when I feel rejected - however correct or incorrect that perception may be. this epiphany - me realizing that I want an authentic RS - is huge, because not a lot of men want or are willing to open up that much or reach that level of emotional intimacy... So now, I simply weed those men out from the start. Taking the time to understand why you broke up with a man is really important, to me... and each person approaches it very differently.
louxor Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 One of my main focuses has picking up on all the things that I had slacked off on during my most recent relationship. I've started back into my active lifestyle that I had dropped off from big time. I'm now training for rowing 3 days a week, at a fitness class once a week, and walking/running on the others. Not only has this lifted my spirits (due to the endorphins that exercise provides) but it has brought back that healthy feeling (and look - My six-pack is making a comeback ) that also aids in making me feel better overall. I also have begun funnelling more time into my other hobbies, such as painting, surfing, playing guitar - which has proven to be a great decision as I am spending more time doing what I enjoy which in turn reflects on my overall happiness. I've also been focusing strongly on socialising more with people who I usually wouldn't have before the break-up. This ranges from people at work, to classmates at university, to people at my various exercise commitments etc. This has helped me in the sense that I now have more friends which means more people to see, which means more fun things to do! Combine all this together and I have a pretty busy schedule, but it's mainly a schedule filled up with things I enjoy (I even changed jobs to something more suitable to my lifestyle). Having all these enjoyable things to fill up my days has meant that I am spending less and less time thinking about my ex, because I'm always too busy enjoying myself! Essentially, I have filled by days with things that I genuinely want to do and I have found this to be extremely beneficial in regards to moving on from my ex. The only time I tend to think about her for more than a second or two is in the morning after I wake up, or just before I go to bed, but I know these thoughts too will fade in time. Hope this was the type of reply you were looking for!
candie13 Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 there are several ways of "working at yourself" after a break up. One is by taking action - sports, hobbies, people around - the other one is by introspecting - thinking about what you did wrong, what the other person did wrong etc. Do too much of the first one, and you will be running away from yourself as you'll get lost in the doing and be left with little to no time for thinking. Do too much of introspection and you risk to start ruminating which can lead to anxiety and depression. A proper good mix of both is ideal - keep yourself relatively busy to feel you're making progress, but give yourself some time with yourself, to think, remember, grieve, cry... And start all over again with the actions and keeping busy the next day. best of luck
J21 Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 Take it one day at a time bud. We all fall down, but it's a matter of picking ourselves back up again--not staying down. Reconnect with old friends, get back into your hobbies and start being active. I broke up from a serious relationship like 3 years ago and I've become such a better person since then. I started working out, and it has boosted my self esteem and overall confidence. My hobby is also playing guitar, so I order myself a brand new guitar and played the heck out of it.
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