new2dating123 Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 A bit of background . I have been seeing this girl for 7-8 weeks . We have alot of same interests . I am 56 she is 48 . She is the one who picked me out and showed interest . So far she has made a real huge effort to take me places and do some real super cool things that i believe almost any guy would flip over . This does not include any sex . Just super cool places to go and enjoy as good friends on sundays . We live an hour apart . I really like this girl after a 10 year dry spell . however i am quite rusty at this and dont know how to read signals . At this time in her life she has gained many friends . She likes to hang out in night clubs and pizza joints . Lately she gets home from work and spends 5 hours out on the town each night of the week without me . She has alot of guy friends along with this . Last sunday we had a great time . Later that evening when i was leaving she told me she was getting a room mate to help with the cost of living . She told me it was one of her friends who works at one of the bars she frequents . This room mate is a guy . Today she invited me over next weekend at her house . today monday she told me she was going out with friends over text at 6pm . I didnt hear from her till 11pm and only a one word text '' goodnight '' . It looks like she goes out almost every night for 5 hours at dars to party . With this tiny bit of information , i would like to get oppinions and feelings of the people of this forum. Thanks .
StBreton Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 I don't know how she juggles a job with all that partying at bars etc. Are you wondering if she likes you? How you'll fit into her life? Does she want a LT relationship? What do you want? Do you both want to keep it casual? What's she on the run from? Does she ever slow down and enjoy a quiet evening with you? Is her pace compatible with yours? Not really sure what you're asking assistance with
joseb Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 Are you in a relationship of some kind, or just friends? From what you wrote, it sounds like the latter.
Maggie4 Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 What's her relationship history? She's single at 48. What's her story? Divorced? Kids? She has chosen this lifestyle, and nothing you can do about it, unless it's just a phase.
Siquijor Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 Unless you're happy with her party lifestyle it's probably wise not to pursue this.
Author new2dating123 Posted October 20, 2015 Author Posted October 20, 2015 She has stated that she really likes me and wants a LT . We are calling it BF / GF relationship . I am very laid back and have no baggage . She is very active . The way she plans our weekends and the trouble she goes through looks like she is serious about me . Other than the party stuff its amazing how much stuff we have in common . Both of our houses are done up so each of us really like it . I dont know why she goes out so much . It would seem to me now that she has a BF that would taper off but she is now going more . Used to only be once or twice a week for 2-3 hours . I see her setting aside important things to go party . We have had some quiet evenings just watching tv . She usually sits out on the edge of the couch . Its hard to get a kiss or hug from her . We have but very seldom . The last 2 weekends she has kept us out at bars late so home & off to sleep . She was divorsed in 09 . Has 3 kids who live far away ( long story ) she does have random contact with them . Not sure of her relationship history . She said the last one was 6 months long till she dumped him for being creepy . I guess i come here hoping for people who have been doing this far more than i who may see a patern of some kind . I know its hard to tell from this tiny bit of info . To me it feels like she wants a real close buddy to do stuff with but i dont understand that because she has all these friends shes with all week long .
d0nnivain Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 She has tons of friends. She doesn't need any more. She may be looking for a BF but there's no indication she wants to give up the parties any time soon. How do you feel about dating someone who is out that much?
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 The first thing that stands out for me is a 48 year old spending 5 hours a night, every night out with friends at bars or whatever. That seems a bit excessive to me. I don't even know twenty something women who do this for heaven's sake. You're right, usually when people couple up their outings and partying as a single person tends to drop off and they make room for more couple activities. It appears to be the complete opposite in your case. OP, my advise is more around being cautious. NEVER settle for something your gut is telling you feels out of sorts. You're a newbie back in the dating world and sometimes that kind of naiveté puts newbies in this pink bubble where they're just so grateful to have met someone who showed them some interest after many years of being out of circulation. That kind of skewed perception can be dangerous because it often keeps nice people like you in a holding pattern in dead end relationships. I've been here myself so I'm speaking from experience. Honestly, if this doesn't feel right to you for whatever reason do NOT waste any more of your precious time with her. You deserve better. Good luck.
angel.eyes Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 She has stated that she really likes me and wants a LT . We are calling it BF / GF relationship . I am very laid back and have no baggage . She is very active . The way she plans our weekends and the trouble she goes through looks like she is serious about me . So she's told you she's serious, and her effort, behavior, and actions with you backs this up. In other words, her actions and words match in saying she wants and values a relationship with you. Is it just that she has lots of friends and also goes out with them that is the issue? Is something else bothering you? What exactly is causing you concern and making you question things? TBH, she sounds like she's an extrovert. She likes being out with other people when she has free time. An introvert would rather be home watching TV, tidying up, etc. on a free evening. Neither is right or wrong...or better, these are simply personality preferences. If you have questions, ask her directly. Come at it from a point of curiosity rather than one of judgement. Communication and sharing with each other are critical in any relationship. BTW, you mentioned that you're 56 with no baggage. What does that mean?
Author new2dating123 Posted October 21, 2015 Author Posted October 21, 2015 d0nnivain ..... if one day we lived closer and were day to day partners in a good relationship , yes i would have a problem not seeing her all week long . I would expect the party hours to get much less . Michelle ma Belle ........... I think i may be in that ''pink bubble'' you mention . She has lived like that for years feeling bad about herself and it doesnt look like any of her so called friends care enough to build her up . She uses ''the party environment '' to hide the sadness ?? I am thinking it may take longer to show her that i do care about her feelings . angel.eyes........... She communicates very well . We have talked about alot of stuff in depth . She has come out with more stuff from her past than i thought she would so soon . On the other hand I have asked her directly about some stuff and she answers some with a poor answer or just changes the subject . I asked her if i could meet with her groups of friends one day and she looks away and gives no answer . I have met 3 or 4 of them at random in the bar while i'm with her . And like i said above , if we end up being together every day then i would have a problem with her being gone every evening . I am 56 years old . I have no baggage .... That means i have no past problems or drama in my life anymore . I dont complain about my X or anyone else . I am stable in work and home and support myself 100%
Author new2dating123 Posted October 21, 2015 Author Posted October 21, 2015 The next and last problem is that she shows little affection . She will hardly kiss . Her teeth are clamped shut . The hugs are short like 4 seconds . If i try to hug longer she will push away . When we sit & watch tv she will sit out on the edge and a foot away . If i ask her to sit close she will but only for a short time and move back away . If i try to hold her hand she will usually pull it away . She was real cuddly one night and i thought i had it made but she has never done that again . And yes i take showers and brush my teeh & wash my cloths ! I dont know how to properly or when to ask her about this stuff . I asked her about the kissing a couple times and she just says '' I'm just not much for making out '' It may be a trust issue due to bad luck before i came along ? I guess wait longer to see if she opens up .
road Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 She is not for you. Different life styles. Different physical needs. Dump her.
Guyouthere Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 She is not for you. Different life styles. Different physical needs. Dump her. From what you are describing, it sounds like she is either cold, OR she is getting her affection elsewhere. What else can I say, but just watch out and don't be taken advantage of. You are older too, and as you said, been out of the circuit for a while. I was out of the circuit for a while too, then I had my "last one" come along. Overall I believe my last one used me, although perhaps not intentionally. Either way, I am currently alone again. My advice to you….. Watch out.
Author new2dating123 Posted October 21, 2015 Author Posted October 21, 2015 I want to thank those of you who put your thoughts out here . Being aloan for so long has gotten me used to not having the challenge of a girlfriend . Having one around now is nice but i do understand what you people are saying and i am quite cautious about people in my life in general . Your input is valuable to me . I do have a fairly good sence at reading people and their actions and body language . I have not cought this gal stumbling on her words or changing storys real quick to hide stuff . I have not read guilt on her either but one never knows for sure . She is in counseling also . I am going to see her more . I cant believe all this special stuff she has done for me is for nothing or she would have done it by herself . I still have hope but will also watch myself . You are a wonderfull group of people who are a huge help . Thanks so much !
seekingluck Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 I am a little puzzled by her lack of affection. That seems pretty extreme to me, but I am pretty touch-y so I might be a poor judge of that. As for the going out, I am sure I would not be that different at her age. I have stuff going on often, though on the extrovert/introvert scale I am trending towards 60/40 these days. I don't have the energy I used to, so I limit my going out to about 3-4x a week. There were other periods where it was more like 5x a week. I have had weeks when I had 5-6X nights out recently. I wouldn't especially worry about that, unless you need more of her time and don't like doing those things.
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