Did your parents ever reject the idea of dating/marriage in your 20's?

October 20, 2015

When I was in my early-mid 20's, my parents hated the fact that I wanted to date, I was still living at home at the time. Um hello, that was the time to find a partner and settle, and it was alot easier to meet single guys back then. All they wanted me to do was go work, work, work. No fun, no happy hours, no staying past 7pm on weekdays, on vacation weeks-because that meant that would show how "dedicated" I am to my job. Do parents typically NOT want their daughters to find a partner and be happy? Everyone needs someone-like companionship. Do they think 40 is a good age to finally date or something? And here I am at 30+, seeing how hard it is to date-where I could have easily snagged a guy at 24!!

October 20, 2015

Um ...nope. I think your parents are unusual in this way. Unless it's common in your cultural heritage?

October 20, 2015

I'm wondering if you're from an Asian or Jewish background? I've seen a lot of parents in those cultures push their kids to focus on education and career first.

October 20, 2015

Parents usually want their Adult children to be responsible and have independent goals. The least of which is "snagging" a guy.

As the mother of two sons, i would caution them to be leery of any gal who wanted to "snag" them. Most loving relationships come when each are capable to mature and handle the values needed to sustain it.

Love comes at various ages... it is not limited to an age group.

Perhaps your parents know you better and saw a wiser path to get you to be resourceful in life when the time comes.

October 21, 2015

Not only did I nearly live it (my mother tried to do this to me) but I've seen it multiple times with a few of my very closest friends and I've also seen this go horribly south with my best friends brother.

It's a generational thing with the people I've seen this with. Our parents wanted to keep us around for companionship and also, we all happen to be very resourceful and useful and know how to fix things.

My best friends mother said over and over that she did not want him to ever move out. She absolutely was against him ever having a relationship with anyone. Luckily, he met me when he was 23 and I got him out of there. He's lived a pretty good life and was free to date and socialize. His brother was not so lucky. He never moved out. When he hit about 35 after never having a single successful relationship with a woman, he nearly shot himself in the head in his bedroom. He has friends on the fire department who confiscated his guns and kept them from him until his depression was dealt with.

Two other friends of mine were in the same situation with their parents and one of them, her father went as far as saying "when you hit menopause, I'm locking you in the closet so I don't have to deal with you". Both of her parents stood between her and any relationship with a friend, nevermind a man. Just being friends with her was extremely difficult and I'm talking about a nearly 40 year old woman! She had to sneak phone calls to me just so we could talk. When her mother found out we were talking, she would make sure our phone call ended abruptly. Her mother was afraid I'd introduce her to men and she was not having that!

My own sister struggled to have a relationship because my mother did just about everything but lock my sister in a cage to keep her from having friends or relationships with anyone. My sister managed to meet someone in school and after 10 years of my mother trying to split them apart, she got a better idea and moved my sisters boyfriend into her house so she had more company and never actually lost my sister. My sister is 32.

If what I just said were extreme examples, I wouldn't have so many of them. There's more I didn't get into because I could write a very long page of examples.

Bobbi, there's only one thing you said I don't agree with. Everyone does not need companionship to be happy. Not only that but if you hang onto that idea thinking it's the truth, you will be in for such a huge letdown later on. Another person can not make you happy. If you continue to believe companionship leads to happiness, you're going to set yourself up for disaster.

Being happy on your own is the healthiest thing you can do and this is something that should absolutely be done before you think of getting into a relationship. Don't involve someone else in your life until you are happy first!

I do think the way your parents held you back is going to be a problem for you now because you spent so much time not dating that you're now going to be a "late bloomer". While most people your age have been there and done that, you're just getting started. My advice to you is be very careful dating and do not get attached to the first person you date seriously. Take your time, date, meet multiple people and get your feet wet before you jump into the deep end. Get your feet wet a whole bunch of times!

October 21, 2015

Bobbi, there's only one thing you said I don't agree with. Everyone does not need companionship to be happy. Not only that but if you hang onto that idea thinking it's the truth, you will be in for such a huge letdown later on. Another person can not make you happy. If you continue to believe companionship leads to happiness, you're going to set yourself up for disaster.

I agree that *everyone* does not require companionship. Some rare souls do choose a life of isolation. But the far majority of us do need interaction with others. Be it in the form of friendships or relationships, humans have evolved as a social species.

A life without no friends would be grim indeed.

October 22, 2015

Yeah, I wasn't also allowed to have a social life with them breathing down my back. One time when I was like 26 and living at home, I told my mom I was going out with friends from work-I worked 8 hours, after that we went shopping, went out to eat and went to the movies. I didn't come home until 11am, I looked at my phone and saw my mom called me like 10 times! My god, I was away from my phone having fun with friends. And when I came home she was pissed! She asked why I didn't call her and she accused me of being a "whore" for that night. Like she said that me and my friends got a hotel room and was working as

hookers screwing guys all night and that's why I didn't call her! My god! Isn't that the most stupidest thing??? Now, I know people say parents care and want to protect you, but cmon, I was 26 not 13 years old. Doesn't that alarm you they are overbearing and want to keep me with them all of my life and not want me to grow???

October 22, 2015

When I was in my early-mid 20's, my parents hated the fact that I wanted to date, I was still living at home at the time. Um hello, that was the time to find a partner and settle, and it was alot easier to meet single guys back then. All they wanted me to do was go work, work, work. No fun, no happy hours, no staying past 7pm on weekdays, on vacation weeks-because that meant that would show how "dedicated" I am to my job. Do parents typically NOT want their daughters to find a partner and be happy? Everyone needs someone-like companionship. Do they think 40 is a good age to finally date or something? And here I am at 30+, seeing how hard it is to date-where I could have easily snagged a guy at 24!!

Maybe they didn’t intend to sabotage you but they just thought that work was more important than relationship at that time. Maybe they were so concerned about work themselves at that time in their lives they didn’t realize or appreciate how important relationship was for you, or that you didn’t have what you wanted yet.

Yeah, I wasn't also allowed to have a social life with them breathing down my back. One time when I was like 26 and living at home, I told my mom I was going out with friends from work-I worked 8 hours, after that we went shopping, went out to eat and went to the movies. I didn't come home until 11am, I looked at my phone and saw my mom called me like 10 times! My god, I was away from my phone having fun with friends. And when I came home she was pissed! She asked why I didn't call her and she accused me of being a "whore" for that night. Like she said that me and my friends got a hotel room and was working as
hookers screwing guys all night and that's why I didn't call her! My god! Isn't that the most stupidest thing??? Now, I know people say parents care and want to protect you, but cmon, I was 26 not 13 years old. Doesn't that alarm you they are overbearing and want to keep me with them all of my life and not want me to grow???

It can be tough when an adult child lives with parents. My 24-year old is living with me right now, temporarily, and I still “mom” her and still have “mom” reactions toward her. It drives us both nuts. We’re two adults so there are some expectations and assumptions that we’re adult roommates, but that child-parent dynamic is always there. That’s why she must live on her own. It’s not ideal for either of us.

Edited October 22, 2015 by BlueIris

October 23, 2015

Maybe they didn’t intend to sabotage you but they just thought that work was more important than relationship at that time. Maybe they were so concerned about work themselves at that time in their lives they didn’t realize or appreciate how important relationship was for you, or that you didn’t have what you wanted yet.

It can be tough when an adult child lives with parents. My 24-year old is living with me right now, temporarily, and I still “mom” her and still have “mom” reactions toward her. It drives us both nuts. We’re two adults so there are some expectations and assumptions that we’re adult roommates, but that child-parent dynamic is always there. That’s why she must live on her own. It’s not ideal for either of us.

When I was 28 and still living at home , I told my mom that I was going out on a date. She thought I was lying, and I told her that he was going to pick me up. She refused. I was like wtf? I was 28!!!! Not 13 going out with a boy. And also I was allowed to have any sex relations with any guy. So stupid. Tell me that doesn't sound stupid??? And to top that off, I had to give her the phone numbers of the guy that I was going out on a date with,"in case" something happens, like me getting kidnapped or raped. Geez. And they think any guy that I like is either a drug dealer, rapist, criminal, poor.

October 26, 2015

I'm wondering why a 28 year old woman is still living in her parents house and allowing them to dictate your life as an adult. Were they holding you hostage?

October 26, 2015

When I was 28 and still living at home , I told my mom that I was going out on a date. She thought I was lying, and I told her that he was going to pick me up. She refused. I was like wtf? I was 28!!!! Not 13 going out with a boy. And also I was allowed to have any sex relations with any guy. So stupid. Tell me that doesn't sound stupid??? And to top that off, I had to give her the phone numbers of the guy that I was going out on a date with,"in case" something happens, like me getting kidnapped or raped. Geez. And they think any guy that I like is either a drug dealer, rapist, criminal, poor.

This isn't normal. Not sure why you're letting your parents dictate your life during your 20's either. If you had a full time job you should be able to go out with whomever you like, do whatever you please. You're an adult. Sounds like you've been treated as a child you're entire life and it's probably instilled some insecurities and emotional road blocks by now.

October 26, 2015

When I was 28 and still living at home , I told my mom that I was going out on a date. She thought I was lying, and I told her that he was going to pick me up. She refused. I was like wtf? I was 28!!!! Not 13 going out with a boy. And also I was allowed to have any sex relations with any guy. So stupid. Tell me that doesn't sound stupid??? And to top that off, I had to give her the phone numbers of the guy that I was going out on a date with,"in case" something happens, like me getting kidnapped or raped. Geez. And they think any guy that I like is either a drug dealer, rapist, criminal, poor.

I would just say, move out. The situation you describe would have driven me crazy when I was in my 20's, and would have driven my kids crazy. Reasonable or not, I get nervous about my kids' safety when they live with me. I didn't mean any harm, so I wouldn't think that your parents meant you harm. Oddly, I don't get as nervous at all when they don't live with me. So they don't live with me. For our mutual sanity, at times I've helped them with rent. Is it normal what your parents did? I don't know. All I can say is that I also annoyed the daylights out of my kids. Guess I am a worry-wart.

Edited October 27, 2015 by BlueIris

November 4, 2015

Yes, but my family is dysfunctional.

Im guessing if youre living at home you are doing at least one of the following

Helping fulfill parents emotional needs/turning into their friend

Contributing $$$

Helping with house

You getting married or dating cuts into the above.

November 4, 2015

Wrong question is being asked. Why is an adult woman in her 20's living in her parent's home unless it is from a position of being responsible, independent and rational choice?

We can't control the behavior of another adult ( our parents) but we have control of our own.

If a situation is dysfunctional then it is up to us to change our circumstance, not reprogram other adults.

November 4, 2015

I often tell people your age that it's YOUR job to 'grow up' usually; most parents aren't going to push you into it. You have to start doing things, physical things, that 'claim' your independence from them. Unfortunately, if you're in that type of family, there's usually nobody there teaching you this.

November 10, 2015

Wrong question is being asked. Why is an adult woman in her 20's living in her parent's home unless it is from a position of being responsible, independent and rational choice?

We can't control the behavior of another adult ( our parents) but we have control of our own.

If a situation is dysfunctional then it is up to us to change our circumstance, not reprogram other adults.

Are you clueless? Most young adult kids live at home because I had a hard time finding a full time job. And a part time job wasn't going to cut it to even get an apartment. DUH. I don't live at home anymore, I moved out, I was just curious to see which one of you had similar experiences.

November 10, 2015

I'm wondering why a 28 year old woman is still living in her parents house and allowing them to dictate your life as an adult. Were they holding you hostage?

Why the hell do you think a 28 year old would live at home?!!!? Are you an idiot? Saving MONEY, not finding a full time job until mid-20's. I moved out 5 years ago, just asking if any one of you had any similar experiences.

November 10, 2015

Can't you people read the damn question I posted??? I asked if any one of your parents ever rejected the idea of marriage in your 20's. I'm not asking why young adult children live at home. I NO LONGER LIVE AT HOME, I MOVED OUT 5 YEARS AGO!!!!!!! Can't some of you get a clue that due to financial situations, some of us can't move out. Geez. And its not like I wasn't working and being lazy either. I was working part-time and saving money. What are young adult kids suppose to do? Live at the homeless shelter, at age 22, work the strip pole, get a pimp while looking for that 9-5 full-time job?

November 10, 2015

Some wise people once told me that when I react violently to a comment, even if I know it doesn't apply to me like the people who misread you are at home, it almost always means that there's still something inside, some issue, that I need to deal with. Aside from you possibly feel people are wasting your time by not realizing you had moved out, what do you think it is that's got you so angry?

November 11, 2015

Can't you people read the damn question I posted??? I asked if any one of your parents ever rejected the idea of marriage in your 20's. I'm not asking why young adult children live at home. I NO LONGER LIVE AT HOME, I MOVED OUT 5 YEARS AGO!!!!!!! Can't some of you get a clue that due to financial situations, some of us can't move out. Geez. And its not like I wasn't working and being lazy either. I was working part-time and saving money. What are young adult kids suppose to do? Live at the homeless shelter, at age 22, work the strip pole, get a pimp while looking for that 9-5 full-time job?

Really? I moved out at 18... As did most of my friends. I never knew anyone who lived at a homeless shelter or as a stripper.

I worked, went to college and shared an apartment with 3 others.

You asked a question. I answered. The issue is with the daughter who chooses to stay at home...not with the parents. An 18 year old is an adult and most 18 year olds are out the door and managing to survive life...it's how we learn.

November 14, 2015

Did your parents ever reject the idea of dating/marriage in your 20's?

my mom had me out of wedlock when she was 17 years old....dad left no child support.....

I met other parents that reject the idea of just me dating their daughter in my 20s....

well, every parent is different.

some care and some don't.

I think the question really comes down to if you are able to support a family in your 20s. if the answer is yes than dont mind what anyone else says.

Edited November 14, 2015 by JamesFaden

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Did your parents ever reject the idea of dating/marriage in your 20's?

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