Sayings like "She'll come when you're not looking" and the like.

[E-Squared]

I never understood the whole concept behind these sayings. So are people not supposed to pursue someone they like? I have been told stuff like, "Let them come to you" or "She'll come when you least expect it." I have always thought that those sayings were BS, as if people aren't supposed to put themselves out there.

 

What do you think?

[todreaminblue]

i think its more like not to force anything if anything will happen you have to let let it happen naturally....and also to just be open to it happening.......deb

[preraph]

I think it's to do with people avoiding people who are desperate. And you can kind of see it. I actually had a guy at a music bar who'd been watching me tell me once he was sort of interested but that he could tell I was going to fall in love with the next man I met, so he wasn't going to ask me out. hah.

[mystikmind2005]

Mostly BS i think

 

It is allot like the same principle of a Chinese finger puzzle. The more you try to force what you want, the more stronger the resistance.

 

But the real lesson is about your 'vibe' i think. The vibe of a guy trying hard is the kind of vibe women don't like.

 

Yes you can pursue women of course, its just totally stupid not too, but take it easy, relax, be generous to allow her to get away if that is what needs to happen, and by doing so you won't force the Chinese finger puzzle so to speak.

[newmoon]

maybe you need to re-read the saying. it doesn't tell you to not pursue people, it's more of a saying to remind you to let things flow naturally, and without forcing things. when you desperately want something it often won't come as easily as when you just 'let it happen.'

[Revolver]

That's horrible advice. I actually believed it as a teenager

[darkbloom]

I think it's a pretty accurate saying. Sometimes when you are looking hard for something, you miss what is right in front of your face. I think there's a lot of pressure put on people to find someone to date then marry. The pressure combined with the need to not be lonely makes people desperate.

 

I mean, I am not looking for anybody to date and I literally had a new, sweet, nice guy show up on my doorstep wanting to date me. Anytime I actually seek one out, they end up not working out.

[deadelvis]

I think its about doing your own thing and having your own life without always searching for love. Being confident and secure goes a long way. When I was single I would completely ignore attractive women and pretend their ugly. It actually works great.

[SolG]

I think it's more about perspective than literally not looking. If anything I'd say in essence it's more about broadening your view beyond a never ending search for 'the one' to actually seeing more.

 

I know people for whom so much energy and attention is absorbed in life partner hunting that just about every situation, every date, every person is myopically passed through the one filter. Does this help me/Is this 'the one'? If not.... Next!

 

So much missed opportunity in this. Every new experience, every new person you meet is an adventure in its own right that has the potential for all kinds of things. New connections of all types, personal growth, ect... That ultimately exand your world and make it more likely that you'll end up content in life.

 

And every rejection out of hand of something or someone against an ever present 'the one' checklist in contrast shrinks your world and leads to constant disappointment.

 

So my take on that saying is that it means stop only looking in that way, and really look at the fabulousness of everything!

[WonderKid]

It's even crazier when people who have a BF/GF say it to you. Or ones that have a new date every month. Lol

 

When I wasn't expecting a date, guess what happened? I never got one.

[mystikmind2005]

I think it's more about perspective than literally not looking. If anything I'd say in essence it's more about broadening your view beyond a never ending search for 'the one' to actually seeing more.

 

I know people for whom so much energy and attention is absorbed in life partner hunting that just about every situation, every date, every person is myopically passed through the one filter. Does this help me/Is this 'the one'? If not.... Next!

 

So much missed opportunity in this. Every new experience, every new person you meet is an adventure in its own right that has the potential for all kinds of things. New connections of all types, personal growth, ect... That ultimately exand your world and make it more likely that you'll end up content in life.

 

This is fantastic wisdom,,,, but good luck to convince women of this, they will call it a fancy way of describing 'settling', which is a dating abomination most women and they are hyper sensitive to it.

[Male]

I never understood the whole concept behind these sayings. So are people not supposed to pursue someone they like? I have been told stuff like, "Let them come to you" or "She'll come when you least expect it." I have always thought that those sayings were BS, as if people aren't supposed to put themselves out there.

 

What do you think?

 

I agree all those sayings are BS as well. There isnt a secret or invisible force that determines your actions or outcome based simply on whether you followed the advice of an old wives tale. But unfortunately there are millions that do believe it. Its no different than a child believing that Santa knows if he's been bad or good...adults simply have an "adult" version of thinking something is always looking over their shoulder, or knows what they did.

[xxoo]

I never understood the whole concept behind these sayings. So are people not supposed to pursue someone they like? I have been told stuff like, "Let them come to you" or "She'll come when you least expect it." I have always thought that those sayings were BS, as if people aren't supposed to put themselves out there.

 

What do you think?

 

Absolutely pursue if you like someone, esp if she likes you back. It's more about chilling out allowing those connections to happen naturally. But when you feel it, you must act! God helps those who help themselves