Confusedovo Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 Ok first of all, I have had a past of being abused/picking the wrong guys. So I think my friend is just worried going to be hurt again. So I'm asking here if you can see any reg flags? She seems to think there is. I've been speaking to a guy from OLD maybe 2 weeks, maybe a lil less. He wanted to meet with me Friday, but he couldn't get anybody to cover his work shift. He was apparently asking around for somebody to cover him. So we arranged for Sunday afternoon. I heard nothing from him for hours and was pissed, thinking he's another let down. I blocked him on whatsapp. A few hours later he called me from a private number. He said sorry over and over. He had been drinking with friends the night before and was so tired he alept a lot during the day and felt messed up. I told him od give him another chance. Its my birthday today and he wanted to see me during the day. I told him in busy with family, so he said let me drive to you now. It was the getting later by now and he lives around an hour and a half away. But he kept saying how excited he was to meet me, that he really likes me . So I agree and he gets to my way around midnight (met in a public place) he was very nice and he held my hand, kissed it, asked questions about my life, told me a lil about him, we pecked on the lips but thats It. I was laughing saying hrs crazy driving that long so randomly. He had to be up early too so he lost sleep to meet me. He kept telling me I'm beautiful and he likes me. He asked again If he could come see me for my birthday today. I told him again I have plans. He mimicked like "yeah I know family thing" then he said "Friday i will pick you up and show you the night life in my city, then bring you back" even tho I had said a few times earlier I might be seeing a friend but ill let him know. Today we text a few times, just basic how is your day etc. He said he loved seeing me and hope to see me soon. I said "Friday if you're still up for it?" He said he will let me know cause he forgot he was supposed to go for drinks for his friends birthday. But he might go for an hour then see me.i said oh ok, you will probably stay all night tho (thinking he's gonna let me down again) and he just said "not really" I said its ok we can cancel but he didn't reply (he often goes to sleep early tho) Does anything seem bad?
Guyouthere Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 He is being disrespectful and giving you hints of not making you a priority. Not the way a better guy treats a lady. If I was in his position, I would make time for you. Forget the buddies in this instance. After all, you must met this guy. Move on.
kismetkismet Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 He sounds pretty flakey to me... I go out a lot, but if I knew I had a first date the next day I would never go out so hard that i had to sleep most of the next day.. Or if i had big plans for saturday night, i wouldn't schedule a date for the sunday...that's very disrespectful. Midnight is a very strange time to drive out to meet someone. Then making a bunch of promises about the Friday and then being extremely vague about it later is not cool. Just seems to me like he doesn't really respect other people's time...makes a lot of promises he doesn't keep. Especially SO soon into things!
Author Confusedovo Posted October 19, 2015 Author Posted October 19, 2015 Damn I can never get it right My friend said he sounds like he might be bossy /controlling?
savvy2008 Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 He does sound kind of bossy and controlling. The way he kept pushing to see you when you said no and then him mocking you about it being a family thing. If he's like that now, your first time meeting, what's he going to be like in a month, a year, ten years once he's gotten comfortable? I would walk away now and save yourself the trouble. He doesn't sound like the type to treat a woman right. 1
hippychick3 Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 He sounds flaky, dishonest, and unreliable. Sorry 1
Ami1uwant Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 Damn I can never get it right My friend said he sounds like he might be bossy /controlling? I don't see enough to conclude that. Basically he was supposed to meet you for a date but he got drunk the night before and thus had a crappy hangover so stood you up. Unsure your guys ages here, but in my eyes he was sick so he didn't show up. He may have forgotten to let you know--but if thus was early and he was up real late then it's understandable if he missed SN alarm. I am the type to give people a second chance. 1
Author Confusedovo Posted October 19, 2015 Author Posted October 19, 2015 Yes I did give him a second chance. And he acted very interested the night we met, now he's being flaky again about Friday.
Author Confusedovo Posted October 20, 2015 Author Posted October 20, 2015 I just remembered too...he told me how I take ages to reply to texts sometimes. I was like nah I don't, but he was like you do and he was showing me the times on his phone !He wasn't even laughing or grinning either, I think he's actually bothered about it. I thought that's a bit much? The thing is I don't even take that long unless there's a valid reason (college, sleeping, shopping) but generally I'm pretty fast. And he's the same way..doesn't reply right away if he's busy.
Author Confusedovo Posted October 22, 2015 Author Posted October 22, 2015 (edited) This evening our texting went: Him: Hey how was your day? Me: Good thanks how was yours? Then we just had some random banter about sports and he mentioned something he had challenged me about and how hes gonna win. Then I felt like getting things out in the air, so I said: Me: I'm not sure if you liked me when we met Him: I did like you Me: It's just you made plans with me for Friday, and might let me down again, even after the first time. If you liked me id have thought you'd stick to the plans. You are also leaving it until the last minute to let me know" Him: "hey stop misinterpreting things. Stop having negative thoughts. We only planned Friday on Monday. I said ill try to work things out" Me: I'm meant to just sit around waiting? That's not how someone interested Acts Him: Just don't push me away. Told you ill let you know tomorrow (can't remember him saying that or I'd have left this convo until then) Me: This is unfair. You already let me down once, yet you say don't push you away? Him: How did I let you down? I made it up to you. I sacrificed yet you still doubting me. Plus you sounded like you didn't want me to stick around your area (no idea what he means on that last bit) Me: Yes and I appreciate that. You didn't have to come down or buy me drink. But you made plans for Friday, then changed them. Is it always gonna be like that? He didn't read or reply to that. Wtf? He doesn't get im not punishing him for Sunday, but not happy how he went about Friday! Thoughts? Me: Edited October 22, 2015 by Confusedovo
travelbug1996 Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 drop him like a hot potato. he's a lame 2
joseb Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 Too much drama!!!!! Yikes, you've only been on one date and already you two are arguing???!!!! Him driving all that way and arriving at midnight, kissing your hand and telling you you are beautiful on a first meet - may sound romantic but to me would be a red flag - especially coupled with his flakiness. OP, I feel you are partly at fault though - you went with the whole "I'm not sure if you liked me when we met" thing. I'd leave it. 3
new2dating123 Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 I am no expert ... Ha look at my screen name ... However i am a very honest guy who has his life together and does not go out much till lately with my new GF . I do have friends but they are not an obsession where i cannot leave them long enough to meet a new girl for pete sakes . The problem i am seeing here and with new GF is the fact these people have way to many friends that they feel the need to be with constantly . I have been pushed behind myself lately getting the excuse that .. sorry i had to do this or that with ''friends'' bla bla bla . Dont get me wrong , having friends is great but not to the point it always gets in the way of a new GF of BF . I guess i am old fashioned but meeting a new lady would be my first priority and my word is my word . Those friends will be there when i get back . This new world of texting is great but i dont think it should be some sort of slave game where ''you must'' return a message right away . It is a very fun way to make contact . With my GF we send a text and put the phone down and wait till the other has a minute rather it be 1 minute or 3 hours . Its not hard to do .
RoseWater Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 This evening our texting went: Him: Hey how was your day? Me: Good thanks how was yours? Then we just had some random banter about sports and he mentioned something he had challenged me about and how hes gonna win. Then I felt like getting things out in the air, so I said: Me: I'm not sure if you liked me when we met Him: I did like you Me: It's just you made plans with me for Friday, and might let me down again, even after the first time. If you liked me id have thought you'd stick to the plans. You are also leaving it until the last minute to let me know" Him: "hey stop misinterpreting things. Stop having negative thoughts. We only planned Friday on Monday. I said ill try to work things out" Me: I'm meant to just sit around waiting? That's not how someone interested Acts Him: Just don't push me away. Told you ill let you know tomorrow (can't remember him saying that or I'd have left this convo until then) Me: This is unfair. You already let me down once, yet you say don't push you away? Him: How did I let you down? I made it up to you. I sacrificed yet you still doubting me. Plus you sounded like you didn't want me to stick around your area (no idea what he means on that last bit) Me: Yes and I appreciate that. You didn't have to come down or buy me drink. But you made plans for Friday, then changed them. Is it always gonna be like that? He didn't read or reply to that. Wtf? He doesn't get im not punishing him for Sunday, but not happy how he went about Friday! Thoughts? Me: Why are you bothering to even communicate with this guy? You can get somebody better
Lois_Griffin Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 Me: Yes and I appreciate that. You didn't have to come down or buy me drink. But you made plans for Friday, then changed them. Is it always gonna be like that? He didn't read or reply to that. Wtf? He doesn't get im not punishing him for Sunday, but not happy how he went about Friday! Thoughts? My thoughts are that you teach people how they can treat you. And what you've taught HIM is that he can disrespect you and you're still hanging around, willing to waste your time on him. It makes you look whiny and needy to him, asking him if this is the way it's always going to be. NEVER make someone a priority when they're treating YOU like an option. 1
hippychick3 Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 Oh sweetie, I would repeat that this guy is not worth your time and to move on. But I'm afraid this is going to be a pattern with you until you regain your confidence and self-worth. Never put yourself in the position of asking someone to show you they like you and whining about how they don't follow through. You observe through their actions how they treat you and then YOU DECIDE, without nudging them, if they are good enough for you. 1
kismetkismet Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 ^^^ totally. The confrontation wasn't necessary. At this stage in particular you should just be observing his behaviour etc. if you don't like it then you bail. But when you confront him about that sort of thing then it's like you are asking him to show you, asking him to change...putting yourself in the position of victim.
Author Confusedovo Posted October 22, 2015 Author Posted October 22, 2015 Well I confronted him cause he did act really sorry and interested when we met. So thought it'd be better to communicate rather than just walk away. I dunno...not heard anything from him and hr read that last text. He said he'd let me know today and its the evening here now. I'm wondering if I should block him now or wait to see if he texts me tonight or tomorrow... I've been asked out tomorrow by another guy. But I just cant get excited about anyone anymore, it never goes right! Another guy wanted to meet me today, said let me know when he's in my city and he.never contacted me! I don't get what I'm doing so wrong!?
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