thecrucible Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 Does anyone have this? I do. If something important needs done, I procrastinate because I can't do it perfectly. I think I have to be in the perfect mood and look perfectly happy all the time in front of my friends because I don't want to seem sad in front of them. So I could go days without talking to friends - I tell myself this is better as I don't want to burden them and I'm scared to be vulnerable in front of anyone. I get equally scared about bringing up problems in a relationship with anyone. I find it hard to ask for help with anything as I feel shame and guilt surrounding asking for help. To me, bringing up something I'm having difficulty with is like admitting I've failed and nothing scares me more than failure. Then sometimes I get into relationships with the wrong guys - the emotionally unavailable ones. If a guy seems emotionally giving and caring it makes me freak out and almost want to run away. I just can't convince myself that their openness comes from a good place. I find I take ages to feel close to people because I don't know when to let my guard up. I convince myself I do everything wrong so I self-sabotage all the time. Does anyone else experience this? Do you think this is something I should go back to my therapist for? I last saw a therapist several years ago who diagnosed me with clinical perfectionism and anxiety disorder. I thought I'd conquered my old patterns but I'm relapsing again .
Guyouthere Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 Does anyone have this? I do. If something important needs done, I procrastinate because I can't do it perfectly. I think I have to be in the perfect mood and look perfectly happy all the time in front of my friends because I don't want to seem sad in front of them. So I could go days without talking to friends - I tell myself this is better as I don't want to burden them and I'm scared to be vulnerable in front of anyone. I get equally scared about bringing up problems in a relationship with anyone. I find it hard to ask for help with anything as I feel shame and guilt surrounding asking for help. To me, bringing up something I'm having difficulty with is like admitting I've failed and nothing scares me more than failure. Then sometimes I get into relationships with the wrong guys - the emotionally unavailable ones. If a guy seems emotionally giving and caring it makes me freak out and almost want to run away. I just can't convince myself that their openness comes from a good place. I find I take ages to feel close to people because I don't know when to let my guard up. I convince myself I do everything wrong so I self-sabotage all the time. Does anyone else experience this? Do you think this is something I should go back to my therapist for? I last saw a therapist several years ago who diagnosed me with clinical perfectionism and anxiety disorder. I thought I'd conquered my old patterns but I'm relapsing again . it just sounds like you need to heal yourself, and a good therapist would be the right one to see about it. Until you can come to terms with what you now know you have, you will need to work on getting to the best level you can be with yourself. All the best to you. We are your friends here too when you need some. 1
mystikmind2005 Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 I can relate to some of that. My problem is that i have conflict phobia,,, so i do everything i can to avoid conflict with people. It is one of the main reasons my marriage ended last January because i could not bear to deal with the ongoing issues. (insert picture of ostrich with head stuck in sand) 1
Author thecrucible Posted October 19, 2015 Author Posted October 19, 2015 it just sounds like you need to heal yourself, and a good therapist would be the right one to see about it. Until you can come to terms with what you now know you have, you will need to work on getting to the best level you can be with yourself. All the best to you. We are your friends here too when you need some. Thanks for your support . I feel like I have made some strides so I am trying to think positively but I am still really struggling with a fear of criticism/failure which causes procrastination and avoidance of people. It's harder to do than it is to say to myself that I'm being silly to actually do the right thing. My psychologist said I will struggle with perfectionism probably my whole life. haha I know people say "My weakness is that I'm a perfectionist" in a job interview but when you actually have it for real it totally sucks. Anyway don't want to sound depressing... I just know that I take personal relationships really seriously. So my perfectionism will manifest in the sense that I expect things a man says to not be throwaway but meaningful and something he will follow through with. Otherwise I get very anxious. So if I'm in a relationship with a man and he says one day he will have lunch with me and I look forward to it the whole week, and then he cancels last minute because he just doesn't feel like it, this is really super upsetting for me and not something I can just say "oh well that's a shame". :/ That's just one example. Then I fell out with someone in one of my jobs recently because she didn't come to me with a problem about me, just went straight above me which made me feel like she's disloyal and I will now have absolutely nothing to do with her. I'm quite black and white like that. So I expect too much and never reach the standards I set for myself. Sorry major spillage on here!
Author thecrucible Posted October 19, 2015 Author Posted October 19, 2015 I can relate to some of that. My problem is that i have conflict phobia,,, so i do everything i can to avoid conflict with people. It is one of the main reasons my marriage ended last January because i could not bear to deal with the ongoing issues. (insert picture of ostrich with head stuck in sand) Me too. Sorry to hear about what happened to you I'm so conflict phobic that I am consciously looking out for a guy who is quite in my face and tackles things head on. I know that would get on my nerves in a relationship but it's for my own good. I was with a guy before who was also conflict avoidant and yeah it was just disaster. Anyway just want to say I understand and know how you feel. (())
mystikmind2005 Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 Me too. Sorry to hear about what happened to you I'm so conflict phobic that I am consciously looking out for a guy who is quite in my face and tackles things head on. I know that would get on my nerves in a relationship but it's for my own good. I was with a guy before who was also conflict avoidant and yeah it was just disaster. Anyway just want to say I understand and know how you feel. (()) Thanks for that I was thinking i might do well in a relationship with a woman who had endured an aggressive partner previously.... since i am so peaceful. So i am not sure about your idea for an 'in your face' guy? It might work? But i am always inclined to believe the ideal solution is to try and improve communication skills? There is really no need for agro at all if you have good communication skills rite?
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