So terrified of getting hurt

[Odinani]

I'm in love with a guy I've only been dating for about 6 weeks. It's causing me so much anxiety to have such strong feelings for him that it's making me try to sabotage things. I broke things off with him last week but fortunately he made me see sense.

 

I thought people didn't start feeling in love for at least a year. I'm so scared of getting hurt.

[adiamond]

I think that by acting this way, there is a even higher chance of you getting hurt.

[scooby-philly]

I think the issue is how your feelings impact your actions.

 

For example,

 

You said you feel in love after 6 weeks but are concerned. Did you fall in love this fast before and get burned? Or are you still recovering from a previous breakup? Or, did you have multiple relationship end with you getting hurt? (I don't mean that in a judgmental way either) How you got hurt is important to consider.

 

Then, focus on what your doing. If you know you are sabotaging things, then you already have an idea of what your doing wrong (and perhaps on purpose)

 

But the focus needs to be on what you are afraid of - i.e. ending up alone or ending up feeling unloved, ending up looking like a fool or an idiot, or fulfilling your mother's prophecy or your best friend's petty remarks...each of us can fear the same event but for different reasons)

 

For me, I was a very introverted and nerdy and orverprotected child whose family didn't really talk about feelings, show any interest in my hobbies or talk about what I wanted out of life. On top of that I had a minor facial deformity that lead to low self esteem. I didn't really date much until my late 20's out of thinking I couldn't find anyone who would be attracted to me. So I've found myself learning some hard lessons through two bad relationships where the first one scarred me badly since I truly loved her and the ending was sudden and painful, and the second hurt because it was much clearer that we weren't right for each other and I kept trying to make it work. That said, while I am scared and scarred and worried I won't find someone I also am learning to expect more in my relationships, treat myself better, and understand that I will find someone and that while my life has not been perfect, I have the power to make it what I want, I have a future that I can dictate. I'm scared, but still out there.

 

For you, I'd talk with someone you trust implicitly and who knows you very well (hopefully you've got that person or persons) and tell them what your feeling. There's no way you can truly move on if you don't

[Odinani]

I think the issue is how your feelings impact your actions.

 

For example,

 

You said you feel in love after 6 weeks but are concerned. Did you fall in love this fast before and get burned? Or are you still recovering from a previous breakup? Or, did you have multiple relationship end with you getting hurt? (I don't mean that in a judgmental way either) How you got hurt is important to consider.

 

Then, focus on what your doing. If you know you are sabotaging things, then you already have an idea of what your doing wrong (and perhaps on purpose)

 

But the focus needs to be on what you are afraid of - i.e. ending up alone or ending up feeling unloved, ending up looking like a fool or an idiot, or fulfilling your mother's prophecy or your best friend's petty remarks...each of us can fear the same event but for different reasons)

 

For me, I was a very introverted and nerdy and orverprotected child whose family didn't really talk about feelings, show any interest in my hobbies or talk about what I wanted out of life. On top of that I had a minor facial deformity that lead to low self esteem. I didn't really date much until my late 20's out of thinking I couldn't find anyone who would be attracted to me. So I've found myself learning some hard lessons through two bad relationships where the first one scarred me badly since I truly loved her and the ending was sudden and painful, and the second hurt because it was much clearer that we weren't right for each other and I kept trying to make it work. That said, while I am scared and scarred and worried I won't find someone I also am learning to expect more in my relationships, treat myself better, and understand that I will find someone and that while my life has not been perfect, I have the power to make it what I want, I have a future that I can dictate. I'm scared, but still out there.

 

For you, I'd talk with someone you trust implicitly and who knows you very well (hopefully you've got that person or persons) and tell them what your feeling. There's no way you can truly move on if you don't

 

I've never fallen in love quickly like this before. I don't have a history of relationships ending early or anything like that. It's the strength of my feelings that is scaring me. I am somebody who really enjoys being single and I hadn't been expecting or necessarily even wanting to feel this way about somebody right now. The fact that it seems to be mutual is making it even more scary. But the guy is more relaxed about it all than I am and just seems very happy.