kismetkismet Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 I've been dating someone from work for about a month now. We had never really had a conversation for the 8 months that he's worked here (totally different departments) but then at a staff work event we hooked up (it's a pretty young, partying sort of workplace, we weren't the only people that paired up that night). It was pretty tacky though I will admit haha. Anyway, he wanted to tell people at work, but I wanted to keep things quiet because I felt like it was unprofessional and that it wouldn't be good to make a thing of it if it wasn't even for sure going to be a thing. However it is indeed a thing... we're crazy about each other and have made things official/exclusive etc. But now I don't really know how to go about things. Apparently everyone at work not only knew that we hooked up, but they thought he had a girlfriend at the time (he doesn't like talking about that sort of thing at work either and they had broken up a while before). I don't want people to think that it was some slutty terrible scandal, or that I think I'm too good for him or something weird like that because of the differences in our departments. And things are a bit awkward now. We never speak to each other at work.. we barely even look at each other. I usually only see him once in the morning for a company meeting and my normal instinct would be to proceed as though nothing had changed when in the workplace. But pretending my boyfriend doesn't exist is very weird, if we'd been friends or acquaintances before that would be one thing, but right now we like don't even look each other in the eye. So.. anyone have any advice for how to deal with dating someone that you work with? I have never considered work place romance even an option before so I never bothered to pay attention to any etiquette around it. 1
RIPolaris Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 I dated a girl that worked in my department at work. It was wonderful when it was first starting out, we loved seeing eachother and even working together. Then things started going south real fast. She started lying to me and eventually cheated on me with her ex boyfriend. Still had to work literally next to eachother...not a very optimal work environment. Relationships with co-workers can be dangerous. 1
Author kismetkismet Posted October 20, 2015 Author Posted October 20, 2015 d0nnivain - makes sense! thanks RIPolaris - Like i said this wasn't something i set out to do, but we're crazy about each other, i'm not going to pass it up out of fear. We work in completely different departments though as I said, we hadn't even had a conversation before we started dating so there's literally no need for us to interact at work, and we don't even cross paths.
candie13 Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 N.E.V.E.R date anyone at work. You want to be seen as a professional, not a sexual object. As a woman, even when you are not sleeping around, that is difficult to achieve. It also depends how serious you are about your career. At work, you have a reputation to build, your own brand name. What if things go sour and he starts to tell everyone at work how you love giving head and other sexual details? Stay professional and friendly at work. Learn from this. The only thing you can do right now is minimize the damages and pray to God he values discretion just as much as you do.
Author kismetkismet Posted October 20, 2015 Author Posted October 20, 2015 Sigh, I'm not breaking up with him. We work in the food industry and it's a young company that likes to party.. He is a butcher/works in the warehouse and I'm in the front office.. there are two other couples that hooked up the night of the staff party, one of the couples are still dating but the girl is on workers comp right now. I honestly wouldn't care if he said something about the sex to his close friends in the back.. i'm a very sex positive person and I don't think that being sexual and being a hard worker are mutually exclusive. I'm serious about my career, my boss already knows about this and his boss was the one that encouraged him to make it a thing. People in the company are generally intimidated by me (this is what he and a couple of other people have said). I don't take **** from people and I'm not worried about people thinking I'm not professional. part of the reason I wanted to try to stop hiding it is because I don't want people to continue thinking i'm a hardass/bitch that thinks she's too good for him or is using him. I know that it's generally inadvisable not to date someone at work.. I was hoping that someone had some advice about how to minimize awkwardness, not how to end it.
candie13 Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 I'm not telling you to end it. I am only telling you to minimize its impact at work as much as you can. I think you can make eye contact and smile at eachother - that is polite. Spending all lunch breaks together or coffee breaks... not so much. my 2 cents, of course !
Author kismetkismet Posted October 20, 2015 Author Posted October 20, 2015 Ahhhh yes ok that makes sense. That is what i'd LIKE to do, but i was worried that it would seem cold of me. That's actually a bit of a relief haha. I think I was especially concerned because I didn't know that people were quite so intimidated by me until he told me. I'm not actually a cold person at all, but i'm introverted and serious at work.
candie13 Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 you think so or you know so ? How's he behaving? What would you like to do / behave?
candie13 Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 Try to stand your ground and see it as a sort of challenge - all ice cold at work, and all fiery and passionate outside ! That's not only hot, but it shows you have ethics and a spine - he'd be a fool not to fall for you !
Stage5Clinger Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 I stay far away from dating in the workplace. Far too awkward for me to begin with.
Author kismetkismet Posted October 20, 2015 Author Posted October 20, 2015 I know that it is part of my concern. Basically I'm confused about how to maintain professionalism while not appearing to be cold/standoffish/intimidating. I am perfectly happy not interacting at work, i was just concerned that it would come across as weird or even offensive.
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