pancakes2727 Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 Hello, this post is kinda to see if anyone has been in a situation similar to mine and to see what you did in the situation and how things worked out for you. It's mostly to ease my nerves a little. Thanks for listening So my boyfriend and I started dating about 4 months ago. He is amazing, he treats me right, we get along very well, there is amazing amounts of trust, I really think he is the one. Now the fun part, he is 36 and I am 21. Now while the age is just a number and our families are very supportive and just want us to be happy the plot twist is that he has 2 kids from a past marriage. And that is where I get a little freaked out. I have not met them yet and there is no pressure too until I am ready (as if I'd know when that would be). Anyway, he has told me that he is NOT looking for a mother for his children, they have one (he talked to his ex, just for the kids, nothing weird there). All he is looking for is for me to become friends with them. No pressure. The idea is still overwhelming for me though. Mainly its because I don't know how to act when I met them, as I have never been in a situation like this before. The more he talks about them the more comfortable I get, but its still weird. I really feel like he is the one and I can see myself with him for a really long time. Because honestly if I didn't feel this way about him I would have been gone a long time ago. I'm actually excited to meet his children he always talks so much about them and its cute seeing him get excited about getting to spend time with them. Anyone else been in a situation like this? How did you deal with it??
StBreton Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 Yes I meet kids of the guys I date all the time ...but I'm a mom to 2 kids and I speak kid language so it's an easy situation. Is your anxiety caused by your age gap vs the age of his kids? How old are his kids? Just be yourself and be very kind and listen to them ...ask some fun questions ...find out what they're into/their passions.
Author pancakes2727 Posted October 19, 2015 Author Posted October 19, 2015 Yeah I don't have kids myself so I think thats what freaks me out. They are 11 and 13. I'm closer in age to his son then I am to him... hahaha. I know once I met them the first time it'll be all good, its just the build up that's making me feel weird. I'm honestly really excited that he will be able to have all of the people he loves in a room together instead of it being either me or them. The more I think about the idea the more I feel better.
StBreton Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 Ok that's about the age range of my kids. Depending on their personalities it may or may not go smoothly but remember ...love goes down and it is 100% the adults who set the pave for success ...you must take the higher ground even if the kids are a little standoffish at first. There's a lot you can do to page the way ...break the ice. Keep things fun. Here's something I did for a guy I dated with younger kids ...bought one of those glass countertop cake keepers and make cupcakes or muffins together (I do this for my kids and it's one if their favorite things ). Build little routines that they can count on. Buy a jar and have everyone write 5 things they like to do on paper ...put in jar. If you have a free afternoon together take turns picking out an activity. Could be ice skating or making lasagne or crochet or water ballon/gun fight or flag football (we love all these things) ..be creative. Have fun! Try not to stress. Kids will follow your lead.
StBreton Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 Yeah I don't have kids myself so I think thats what freaks me out. They are 11 and 13. I'm closer in age to his son then I am to him... hahaha. I know once I met them the first time it'll be all good, its just the build up that's making me feel weird. I'm honestly really excited that he will be able to have all of the people he loves in a room together instead of it being either me or them. The more I think about the idea the more I feel better. You're clearly a caring person to be concerned. Kudos to you. Just take it slow and be an adult (with a kid's heart)
Author pancakes2727 Posted October 19, 2015 Author Posted October 19, 2015 Thank you so much. I really am feeling a lot better about this. From what he's told me about his daughter I know her and I will get along well. And I know he wouldn't put any of us in a situation that would hurt anyone. He wouldn't even have us meet if he knew something wasn't right. I have a chance to meet her on Saturday if I feel ready. I think I just might. I'm actually more excited then nervous about it. Again, thank you, just getting this off my chest to someone outside the situation (my bf knows I'm nervous and respects that of course) really makes me feel better! 1
Miss Peach Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 My advice is to be interested in them but let them interact with you at their own pace. Be more focused on them than your BF. Ask your BF for ideas on things you have in common or to talk about. Is he introducing you as a GF? Or a friend?
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