BoatingBabe Posted May 22, 2005 Posted May 22, 2005 I'm ready to stop this EA after realizing this deception has gone on long enough, my only problem is we work together..and I'm not going anywhere because I love my job. I'm ready to be firm and using the excuse that people are now assuming we're having a physical A when we're not. A coworker even came up to me and told me that WE should be more discreet after He broadcasts my name constantly over the intercom trying to get my attention. Anyway, I'm done with this..I don't need to be labeled a married man's whore when I haven't even touched him..and I don't want my reputation tarnished because of his little games.
kkat Posted May 22, 2005 Posted May 22, 2005 BoatingBabe, Congratulations on your decision. I think a good step for you might be to set boundaries for yourself and then communicate them to him. My rationale is that since you work together and since there hasn't been a physical/sexual relationship to begin with, the "NC" will be more subtle or harder to define and execute than in some other cases. Does that make sense? Anyway, does any of this make sense? 1. If in fact the entire company is already assuming you have had an affair with him, perhaps it wouldn't be a bad idea for the two of you to agree to get your stories absolutely in sync, with the basis being that you were just friends - that's it - and then maybe enlist a company friend who could circulate that a bit for you? 2. Then, you need to make sure your ending of the EA with him is not overly dramatic in the view of your co-workers. I say this because if there is alot of drama, co-workers will naturally assume you are ending a love affair, not a typical co-worker friendship. Question - do you have to deal with him in your work or does he just happen to be at the same company? Is it a big company or small? Will you see him every day or not necessarily? Are there ways to avoid him or is his desk near yours?
johan Posted May 22, 2005 Posted May 22, 2005 I'm glad you never went farther with him. I hope you really do stop it. I hate flirty office affairs.
guest Posted May 22, 2005 Posted May 22, 2005 Get him fired like the OW did to my H after he dumped her. Good for you ending the EA, GL and just try your best to stay away from him if possible. If not, keep it professional and you need to make it clear you are no longer going to speak to him about personal things, only about the job.
Author BoatingBabe Posted May 23, 2005 Author Posted May 23, 2005 KKat, We work in the same department, but have little to do "with" eachother. Our interaction had nothing to do with business and all personal. So from a business standpoint, we have no reason to communicate. We do work on the same floor so we'd probably see eachother briefly in the hallways daily. We do have a mutual friend that knows the entire story between us and she will actually help me break this friendship down. This won't be easy though because he has become accustomed to my daily attention and friendship...but I'm sure it will be easier than PA's. Oh well, Wish me Luck...I can't keep his friendship, because it was never innocent to begin with, he will always have alterior motives and I'm better off distancing myself from him.
joodee Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 Boating Babe, I understand where you are coming from, I broke up with my MM several weeks ago, I would like to completely have NC with him for a long time so I can get over him and emotionally move on and be open to other single guys. My MM works in the same building, our departments don't have anything to do with each other, and he doesn't work there everyday. When he does work he comes by to say hi. I say hello back and do small talk for a few minutes, and when he leaves he'll try to e-mail or text my phone, to which I respond "I'm busy working right now." The good thing is he doesn't call me anymore, and I made it through the weekend without any contact whatsoever. And I don't want to do anything to encourage him, cause I now realize any response from me will make him think he has a chance to get back with me and "have his cake and eat it too." Definitely set up boundaries.
Author BoatingBabe Posted May 24, 2005 Author Posted May 24, 2005 Well today was hard, he noticed right away I was acting different so he kept passing by trying to get some sort of small talk out of me, I just kept ignoring him,and pretended to be preoccupied with something else... Then towards the end he started hanging around my office chatting with my staff more than usual, until he actually started knocking on my door and playing with the doorknob until I opened it....I grabbed my bag and pretended to go off to dinner...but not until he stood in front of the doorway, looked deep in my eyes and asked, Why I wasn't talking to him today. I just looked away and told him I was going to dinner. He basically looked like a fool just standing there...but I thought he'd go home after that, but no..He hung around until I came back and again tried to make contact, but I was off before he could get a word out and he finally left when he realized I had no intention of talkign to him or to returning to my office where he could get me alone. I knew this wasn't going to be easy...but he's going to make this much harder than it needs to be.
joodee Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Why do they do that? Why do they try to keep getting attention from us when we make it clear to them to leave us alone? They make it hard on us, like we're not supposed to leave them or something, like we are in the wrong for not paying attention to them. I hope your day goes better tomorrow, stay strong. My therapist even said he'll keep trying and trying and trying till he's good and tired of trying....
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