If your marriage is a good one share your story here

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there's a lot of talk about horrible marriages, and I know they are out there, but there are also a lot of good ones...

 

 

If you are married and you feel like you have found the person who is a great fit for you and you are happy, please share your stories.

 

( please don't use this as a thread to bash marriage in general, to run down your spouses ex, etc. There are other threads where you can do that:D)

[d0nnivain]

I think my marriage is good. We laugh & joke. We're affectionate. We're there for the other one when things are bad. (DH has been taking care of me all weekend as I battle the flu). We talk. . . deeply & superficially. We don't have secrets. We are polite & conscientious about the other's needs. When we don't agree on something we try to talk to come to a compromise.

 

 

I don't know . . .what do you want to know?

[Mrs. John Adams]

We have a truly amazing relationship. We are best friends and lovers. We enjoy spending time with each other. We enjoy traveling, good wine and good food. We enjoy watching tv together or computing together on side by side laptops. We love relaxing in the hot tub with a nice glass of wine.

 

He treats me like a princess...and I treat him like a king.

 

We are looking forward to our retirement.

 

We started out so young 17 and 19... And we moved far away from family and friends. All we had was each other. Here we are 43 years later...and we have had some hard times...but we feel so blessed to still have each other.

[kgcolonel]

My M is awesome....married 33 years next month. No infidelity, ups and downs like any M but we dearly love each other and would give our last kidney to the other.

 

We have areas to work on and we are still truly learning about each other, me about her abusive treatment as a child and its longterm effects and how I can see it as it's not me but her dad that created some of the strife.

 

Me with the responsibility of caring for my mentally ill mother and the financial strain that can be. I look in amazement of how much she loves me and supports me.

 

We enjoy marking things off each other's bucket lists. Her, the balloon fest in NM last year. Me, the Nude Beach and Resorts etc. We are still learning to "look" for ways to become the better spouse.

 

We travel, host cookouts and parties. Support family and most of the time, it really doesn't matter what we do as long as we do it together.

 

We do have our own interests and that is usually a filler such as me: golf, sports etc. and her: shopping and ladies get togethers.

 

I can't imagine any one else that'd put up with me. For that I am eternally greatful to my wonderful wife.

[SammySammy]

My marriage is wonderful. I've never been so in love in my life. Never been so loving, giving and fulfilled. Everything I ever dreamed of. Best thing that ever happened to me.

 

[MuddyFootprints]

We are happy. Both of us are on the same page now. We didn't even cancel each other's vote today.

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We are happy. Both of us are on the same page now. We didn't even cancel each other's vote today.

 

I take it you are canadian? we both voted green, but I am under no illusions they will win many seats

 

there's so much negativity surrounding marriage, but there are many that are happy and last a lifetime. Reading the replies on here makes me feel like a spring chicken, as we've only been married for a bit more than 18 years.

 

My dad once told me something that made a lot of sense. He and my mo were married for over 50 years, until she passed away. We were talking afterwards, and he told me that something he had learned is that if you love each other, that's what matters. You may have times when you don't like your spouse very much, and and your mind may begin to wonder "what if I had chosen differently". The thing is to have patience, patience with them and patience with yourself.

 

That advice has worked for me.

 

Something else I have noticed from being a military spouse is that many "military marriages" don't last. Between deployments, exercises, training, having to pick up and move ever couples of years, sometimes to a post out in the middle of nowhere ( lord save me from a Shiloh or Wainwright posting:p),and more serious things like PTSD, it can be hard...but if you can last through all of that, you've got a strong marriage.

 

One of the things that really set in firmly in my mind how much I care about my husband was when I thought I got "the call". My spouse was deployed in a combat role, and I took my kids to the park. Our phone showed a call from the government,which is what can happen if your spouse has been hurt or killed and you aren't at home when they come to tell you. Turned out, it was only revenue canada , but I was still frightening.

[Quiet Storm]

We met in high school gym class in 1991. We fell in love, got married, had babies and are still happy. He's my lover and my best friend.

 

I had a chaotic childhood and had no faith in people. He taught me to trust and he's never let me down. He loves me and treasures me - my strengths, my talents, my heart, body and soul. My flaws, my quirks and weirdnesses. I love him the same way.

 

He knows me so well. From my biggest hopes and dreams, fears & annoyances to little things like putting the right amount of lettuce, tomato, pickles & hots on my cheesesteak. And vice versa.

 

I was in the hospital recently and he was so sweet to me. I feel so lucky to have him.

 

We love each other as individuals, but we think of our relationship as a union to protect, respect, nurture and treasure. We don't make selfish choices, and we consider our marriage and family first. We don't always agree, but we talk it out and compromise.

[Got it]

Yes I am very happy in my marriage. I have never met a man who works so hard to make sure his partner feels loved every day. We are both actively committed to deepening our relationship. I trust him and, being a control freak Type A, will defer some decision making to him - that is huge! But I respect and like his lines of logic, his problem solving and how he handles people. He is hilarious! Wonderful in all rooms and makes my life better, easier, and brighter from being in it.

 

I am constantly humbled and awed to have been lucky enough to experience this relationship and even if it ends tomorrow it will have been one of the greatest gifts Life could have given me.

[hudson701]

Would be interested to hear stories from those who have experienced significant trauma in their marriage, specifically on the husband side, and have stayed together through it. And I'm talking about all the characteristics in men that women find inherently and subconsciously repulsive I.e weakness, neediness, mental illness, loss of job, not a good provider etc

 

For the unicorns who have stuck with their husbands through these failings in his life, I would love to hear it! Because at 33 I've had nothing but very bad experiences with women, with a distinct common theme running through the dozens of relationships/flings I've had- they've left when I've been at my most weakest and vulnerable.

 

For me to entertain the notion of marriage i'd have to hear about stories that haven't gone the way ive experienced women. Because, like most other human beings, your personality, future behaviour and attitudes towards other people are almost always based on previous experience and the hard lessons learnt. I mean, that's all we have to go on, right?

[quankanne]

marriage was never on the horizon for me – I was going to set the world on fire after graduating college. I met him along the way, liked him and enjoyed dating him. Met his family, was introduced as his girlfriend (???) and a couple of years after that he brought up marriage. Still hadn't been on the horizon for me because he was just someone I enjoyed being with, in an open-ended kind of way. But once he used the M-word, I realized it was where I wanted to be in life, because I trusted him implicitly. So about a week later, we eloped. That was 23 years ago, and while we had our ups and downs and challenges along the way, it's still a pretty solid relationship because of that trust.

 

what I love best about him: He was a good child to my parents, even helping care for them when they were dying. He's really great with my friends, Mr. Hospitality with all of them, and cool with the fact that the closest of those friends are guys who are like brothers. He's generous, especially with the hugs and kisses and hand-holding (never had that before from a guy). He's got a quirky sense of humor that complements mine, and he makes me laugh.

 

honestly? Looking at our backgrounds, I don't see how we ever even got past the first few dates because we're so different – ethnically and religiously and educationally; hell, we weren't even from the same state! But it works, so I know we were meant to be. Yeah, sappy. But it does.

[Lurkeraspect]

I hope it's okay that I answer, as we're no longer together in a legal sense, We had an almost 30 year marriage, and it was wonderful. No infidelity, just an awakening once the kids were gone that our journey had run its course. I'd still (pretty sure he would too) call it a success. We still care very deeply for each other, it was just time to close the chapter. He will always be the greatest love of my life, and we're still invested in each other's lives. The marriage, was dead. But, I'd never look back with regret, so I still consider it a wonderful success.

 

Edited to add:

Our marriage was a joint military marriage. Two career Air Force officers that made it work long term. It's a crap shoot.

Edited October 21, 2015 by Lurkeraspect

[seekingpeaceinlove]

Aw thanks for this thread OP. I needed to read these stories. I'm going through another break up at 34 and have lost faith that I'll finally find the right man to share my life with.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

You all should feel so blessed!

[truncated]

Would be interested to hear stories from those who have experienced significant trauma in their marriage, specifically on the husband side, and have stayed together through it. And I'm talking about all the characteristics in men that women find inherently and subconsciously repulsive I.e weakness, neediness, mental illness, loss of job, not a good provider etc

 

For the unicorns who have stuck with their husbands through these failings in his life, I would love to hear it! Because at 33 I've had nothing but very bad experiences with women, with a distinct common theme running through the dozens of relationships/flings I've had- they've left when I've been at my most weakest and vulnerable.

 

For me to entertain the notion of marriage i'd have to hear about stories that haven't gone the way ive experienced women. Because, like most other human beings, your personality, future behaviour and attitudes towards other people are almost always based on previous experience and the hard lessons learnt. I mean, that's all we have to go on, right?

 

 

Over the years, we have dealt with mental health issues, both in my husband and in one of our children.

 

My husband had issues with PTSD, as many combat veterans do. It's quite disturbing to find your spouse not able to sleep at night or wanting to sleep on the floor, lashing out or just being disconnected. I was lucky in that my spouse sought help, but a friend of mine had a more difficult time, and her husband refused help. She did her best to support him, but she finally reached a point where she told him that it was either he seek help or she would leave him ( he was starting to get violent not towards her, but you could see he was slipping). He finally went, and had a long road back. She stood by him through it all, knowing what hard work it was for him.

 

They're still together and have been married about 12 years now.

[quankanne]

You all should feel so blessed!

 

interesting that you say that – I think most of us get caught up with the details of the day to day marriage life that we don't see the bigger picture. We have warm fuzzies about the relation, but it's really only when we take a step back ... like with this thread ... that we realize the blessings we've been graced with, with our spouses. Mostly, though, it's humbling knowing that you've been mated with someone who "fits" you so well. Even if it were to all fall apart, I'd feel the way lurkeraspect posted: I'd consider this relationship a resounding success because it's far exceeded any expectations I had about love.

[kilgore]

interesting that you say that – I think most of us get caught up with the details of the day to day marriage life that we don't see the bigger picture. We have warm fuzzies about the relation, but it's really only when we take a step back ... like with this thread ... that we realize the blessings we've been graced with, with our spouses. Mostly, though, it's humbling knowing that you've been mated with someone who "fits" you so well. Even if it were to all fall apart, I'd feel the way lurkeraspect posted: I'd consider this relationship a resounding success because it's far exceeded any expectations I had about love.

 

Agree though I would be crestfallen if it fell apart

[cocorico]

I was sworn off relationships. My life was simply too busy, and I resented the demands relationships place on you, so I was all about part-time, NSA, ONS. We met in a work-related context, and I knew and respected his work. He was rather shy, sweet, and hit up my hormones. I thought, I could fancy some of this - but he lived on the other side of the planet, and was chained down by a vestigial M, so I didn't make any moves, just got to know him a little and we kept in touch.

 

Some time later, we met again at a conference. There was no denying the chemistry, and we decided to take the risk. We both fell deeply in love, he left the toxic M, and I moved in with him and the kids. That was ages ago - kids have grown and left, and it's just the two of us sharing our lives together.

 

Because of the obstacles we had to overcome (the distance, his vestigial M, etc) we knew we both had to be all in, or it would not work. We both wanted it, both fought for it, and both enjoy it every day. Because we'd both had bad Ms previously, we know a good thing when we see one, and we take care of it and nurture it.

 

We have a great deal of fun together, we talk about everything, we throw ourselves into our M and we reap many-fold what we invest. It's still unbelievable on one level that we found each other, given all our differences, but we fit together so well that it feels completely natural. Our first words every morning, and last words every night, are to tell each other how much we love each other, not as a ritual, but because it just keeps bursting out of our hearts and mouths.

[Shepp]

I've spoken about me and her plenty - she didn't really believe in love and she certainly wasn't looking for it! I can never say I swept her off her feet.. I just didn't scare easy? Plenty of folk told me try any other girl but there was nothing wrong with other girls except they weren't her. So I waited.

 

I'm a positive guy, maybe idealistic even. Normal life has always made me happy - friends and family who consider it a good day just cause they've seen you, striking that perfect volley or nailing that gnarly down hill or my bike, an hour spent on the ocean, the happiness of your dog, when I do a good job at work - even if no one notices, the sun on your skin, the rain on your skin.

 

I'm happy. I've always been happy. But when I met her... Ever since then when she's not by my side I feel the lack! Not to say were joined at the hip - were not - but when she's not with me I feel the absense of something I didn't know was missing!

 

I want to be with her in the big moments people judge your life by - the new jobs, kids, holidays, homes. And I want to be with her in all the little moments that you should actually judge your life by - I want to build sand castles with our kids on the beach, I want to decorate our Xmas tree together, I wanna laugh at nothing with her, crash on the sofa with her, fix the garden fence with her and I want to wake up every morning at see her face.

I still count myself a lucky man for that.

 

I'm not saying that she doesn't drive me barmy sometimes! But I think I'd even miss that if she wasn't there! Of course you don't stay in like full blown teens in love. It's a biological fault that we all take things for granted. But sometimes I'll ealk I to a crowded room and she'll catch my eye and smile and by breath still catches a little. And whenever something happens, monumental or insignificant she's the person I want to tell, a basic indicator of love!

[regine_phalange]

I've spoken about me and her plenty - she didn't really believe in love and she certainly wasn't looking for it! I can never say I swept her off her feet.. I just didn't scare easy? Plenty of folk told me try any other girl but there was nothing wrong with other girls except they weren't her. So I waited.

 

I'm a positive guy, maybe idealistic even. Normal life has always made me happy - friends and family who consider it a good day just cause they've seen you, striking that perfect volley or nailing that gnarly down hill or my bike, an hour spent on the ocean, the happiness of your dog, when I do a good job at work - even if no one notices, the sun on your skin, the rain on your skin.

 

I'm happy. I've always been happy. But when I met her... Ever since then when she's not by my side I feel the lack! Not to say were joined at the hip - were not - but when she's not with me I feel the absense of something I didn't know was missing!

 

I want to be with her in the big moments people judge your life by - the new jobs, kids, holidays, homes. And I want to be with her in all the little moments that you should actually judge your life by - I want to build sand castles with our kids on the beach, I want to decorate our Xmas tree together, I wanna laugh at nothing with her, crash on the sofa with her, fix the garden fence with her and I want to wake up every morning at see her face.

I still count myself a lucky man for that.

 

I'm not saying that she doesn't drive me barmy sometimes! But I think I'd even miss that if she wasn't there! Of course you don't stay in like full blown teens in love. It's a biological fault that we all take things for granted. But sometimes I'll ealk I to a crowded room and she'll catch my eye and smile and by breath still catches a little. And whenever something happens, monumental or insignificant she's the person I want to tell, a basic indicator of love!

 

You know how to live. I'd love to be you!

[quankanne]

Agree though I would be crestfallen if it fell apart

 

same here, amigo. same here.

 

something a college roommate brought up when Linda McCartney died – wife of Beetle Paul McCartney, who died of cancer. They were incredibly close and and a strong, loving marriage. Anyhoo, my friend said what a horrible ending to a beautiful love story, and that she would rather not have that kind of love if it meant losing someone that way.

 

my thought? That even though the ending was sad, what a lovestory to have lived out! That the love you lived with that person was worth whatever ending that came.

 

I guess it just depends on your perspective, huh?

[truncated]

My husband and I spent our first "overnight" away form our kids since our oldest was born almost 18 years ago. For a variety of reasons, we've never been able to do this until now.

 

At first it felt really weird, and it took some time to let go of the guilt about being happy, but we did it. We did some shopping, had lunch and dinner out, and even watched a movie together. We walked in the gardens and enjoyed the views of the city fr our hotel room, which was up really high.

 

We held hands, and walked close together, and several times, people mistook us for newly weds and congratulated us on our recent marriage. Our hotel manager even sent us up a complementary bottle of wine thinking we had just gotten married. When we ran into her a bit later and told her we have been married more than 18 years, she sent us up a surprise breakfast in bed the next morning, with a note that said something I thought was really sweet.

 

" any couple can act like newlyweds when that's what they are, but to do it after 18 years means you have something special".