candy 87 Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 Today, 04:31 PM #1 read previous threads for more info as its about the same person. ill try to explain but shortened version. Been really good friends with this guy for six years plus. He always liked me..never made it a secret. Would flirt, want to see me all the time, would compliment me, say I was special to him, went as far as saying he could see us together in the future told me to think about it..wanted to get married. We would talk on the hpone for hours and hours he would tell me all his deepest secrets and he really opened up more than he did with anyone else. he always said he missed me when i wasnt around and would b really down about it. Basically he had all these strong feelings for me and i barely reciprocated..at times things would come out here n there. Truth was I kept it all inside but it was all mutual. Looking back i wish Id done more and said more. A year and a half ago now so last march, he called me up one day and said he wanted to say goodbye as things are no longer going to work out and i was really surrpised. Obviously we had been in contact for years throughout. He just said he is going to be honest he really likes me but we are from two different worlds and its not going to work, he asked me if i had anything to say I was too speechless to say anything at the time and also too upset to speak so i didnt even ask why now and why he wanted to leave it all behind. Next day I tried to call but his number was disconnected. I couldnt get through. The last whole year I tried and tried to get on with my life but he was always at the back of my mind. I knew I had to get a hold of him. Some how i blamed myself maybe thought he had enough of me not giving him what he gave me and not gettin what he wants, so maybe he decided to move on. But I just wanted to tell him everything that I was just the type of person to keep things inside but didnt mean I didnt care and pretty much tht i wanted to move forwards with him. What i did was i wrote a very personal six page letter detailing what he meant, exactly a year ago. But i got no response whatsoever. In the leter I even said I could see us married I only felt tht wat about him no one else. His sister later told me she read it to him on the phone. This year in June it was a long process but I finally found out he was in prison the whole time.. Which explained his sudden disappearance and no responses to my letter. He finally called me and i spoke to him after such a long time. He couldnt talk for long just said I should visit him in prison and he then got his sister to contact me and we could pass messages through her. I visited him last week..it was weird...overwhelming..depressing..surprising. He was nice to me and treated me ok, told me why he was in there. He was consumed with anger though and frustration at being inside didnt think he should b in there and its like he was a different person. With me not seeing him for so long I expected maybe he would tell me what he feels about me or something, but I barely got two words out of him with regards to how he feels. He asked me general questions at first..and then went in to if ive found anyone..i said no..he said are your parents or friends introducing you to anyone? I said yea they are tryin but realyl iv not had any interest in anyone. He then asked what is my type of guy (as if he never liked me or something).and what my requirements are with regards to marriage...I said i dont have any. requirements..he then said i should think about it as time goes by so quickly..the whole time i was thinking I just want it to be him who im with and get married to no one else..so why is he talking about me and other people.. and then he said I should find someone who will take care of me and who will talk about their feelings...and again i was thinking why is he not tallking about himself like he used to. or even tel me he missed me like he used to.. and then at the end I just generally asked him how he feels..i meant generally not even about me and he said..he feels upset and happy tht i came..and angry..so mixed emotions..and then I said why are you upset and he then just changed the subject. so it was hard to get anythin out of him. he asked my why i went to all the effort to contact him and as per usual like all my life no words came oiut...all i said was i wanted to find out what happened to him and he said and tht is it? is aid yes..ane he said now I know what do i want to do..do i want ot be friends..and i just in ym head obviously thought a lot mroe than friends but i thought i would go along with what hes saying right at the end he said he would contact me next year when he comes out but he said also what if im married surely my husband or my partner to want him to contact me and all i was thinking is omg why does he keep pushing me away and talking about other people..does he not feel the same anymore? just befre the time was up for the visit..he asked me if he could hug me..and i said ok..lol.and he put his arm around my waist for about a minute n then let go.he then said hes really happy i came and to let his sister know when i get home safely. i walked off then realised i might not see him again for a long time so i turned around to see what he was doing and he was sitting in his chair looking up at me in my direction .. so he was already watching me i assume... and that was it. All I know is tht when i went for this visit i wasnted him to pour out his feelings about me but he didnt it was all just about me moving on with other people and him asking me so many questions as to why i got in contact...i dont know what he is thinking ..and mybe i would have told him eberything to his face if he was open. /forum/clear.gif[/img]
Guyouthere Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 You are trying to pull teeth like a dentist. I know its easy for me to say, but this is a lost cause. Why on earth do you want to be in this situation when you can have a good clean guy in your life????
Author candy 87 Posted October 19, 2015 Author Posted October 19, 2015 You are trying to pull teeth like a dentist. I know its easy for me to say, but this is a lost cause. Why on earth do you want to be in this situation when you can have a good clean guy in your life???? because i dont like or want anyone else...i tried...but he just keept coming int o the back of my mind.. its not easy having someone around for seven or eight years...knwoing they have so many feelings and them showiung so much affection then suddenly disappearing it takes time to get over..
Guyouthere Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 because i dont like or want anyone else...i tried...but he just keept coming int o the back of my mind.. its not easy having someone around for seven or eight years...knwoing they have so many feelings and them showiung so much affection then suddenly disappearing it takes time to get over.. Yes, i can understand. I was married for 15+ years, and even though I had a wife who cheated excessively without me even knowing it, I still missed her for a long time. BUT, you get over it.
Guyouthere Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 This also reminds me of my last girlfriend…. she was attached to her ex who abused and even tried to kill her. It also brings back memories of my cousin who was also actually murdered by her husband. Love can do weird things,,, it defies logic much of the time.
Author candy 87 Posted October 19, 2015 Author Posted October 19, 2015 This also reminds me of my last girlfriend…. she was attached to her ex who abused and even tried to kill her. It also brings back memories of my cousin who was also actually murdered by her husband. Love can do weird things,,, it defies logic much of the time. LOOL great. so are you saying this is my future basically what happened was he was trying to save his family member from a guy who was attacking him...then it was him and the perpetrator one on one and i guess he came out on top.. so its not like he went looking for trouble he was getting his relation out of trouble...he told me when you see someoen you love in tht situation youre not going to wait for the police to come and you take matters in to your own hands
Guyouthere Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 LOOL great. so are you saying this is my future basically what happened was he was trying to save his family member from a guy who was attacking him...then it was him and the perpetrator one on one and i guess he came out on top.. so its not like he went looking for trouble he was getting his relation out of trouble...he told me when you see someoen you love in tht situation youre not going to wait for the police to come and you take matters in to your own hands the phrase… "guilty beyond a reasonable doubt" just comes into mind here. No, I certainly do not want to see you harmed in any manner. But there are better guys out there, stable ones.
Author candy 87 Posted October 19, 2015 Author Posted October 19, 2015 the phrase… "guilty beyond a reasonable doubt" just comes into mind here. No, I certainly do not want to see you harmed in any manner. But there are better guys out there, stable ones. so youre saying tht him trying to save his family isnt something he should have done lol. basiclly he said the guy was on top of his family member beating him up or whatever.. and he had to intervene or else who knows what would have happened
J21 Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 Jail can change a person. You sure he is the same person as who is in your memories? What did he go to jail for?
Guyouthere Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 so youre saying tht him trying to save his family isnt something he should have done lol. basiclly he said the guy was on top of his family member beating him up or whatever.. and he had to intervene or else who knows what would have happened "he said" are the keywords here. I don't know the situation, and will not assume, but all i am saying is that it is possible that you are looking to justify his actions (and likely he is too), and it is quite possible the given account might not even be accurate. But thats besides the point. When we are "in love", we often ignore the red flags. Anyone will tell you that. And I am quite guilty of that myself. I learned from my past relationships,,, and so will you (one way or the other).
Author candy 87 Posted October 19, 2015 Author Posted October 19, 2015 Jail can change a person. You sure he is the same person as who is in your memories? What did he go to jail for? hes very angry and depressed but who wouldnt be landing in prison, even i would. only thing is he sounds like hes given up on life and people, he used to be a nice guy..now he says he wont bother being nice anymore..and people will pay ..well implying that..but again tht is just because of the situation he is in in my memories he was a lot more loved up and interested in me..but i guess now he doesnt have time to think lik that his mind is filled with other stuff... but i dont know he did want to marry me bfore and all hes doing is acting like im going to marry other people asking me if iv found anyone and all the whole im thinking its him tht i would like no one else..but how would i say all tht now he went to jail for a fight..there was a man who had his hand in a womans face...then..his close relative got involved..and the man ended up being very aggressive towards his relative and finally he got involved as he told me he couldnt watch or call the police whilst he was being beaten up in front of him..so then i guess he went to sort tht guy out... its not like he went looking for troublew
Author candy 87 Posted October 19, 2015 Author Posted October 19, 2015 "he said" are the keywords here. I don't know the situation, and will not assume, but all i am saying is that it is possible that you are looking to justify his actions (and likely he is too), and it is quite possible the given account might not even be accurate. But thats besides the point. When we are "in love", we often ignore the red flags. Anyone will tell you that. And I am quite guilty of that myself. I learned from my past relationships,,, and so will you (one way or the other). its how he told me..i wouldnt justify or condone violence in any way.. myb it isnt accurate..but im sure he didnt go looking to beat up tht guy..i think it was this guy who ended up the victim was the original perpetrator or criminal who was causing the fight
Author candy 87 Posted October 20, 2015 Author Posted October 20, 2015 Any more opinionss? as to how he might be feeling about me now
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