Maximboi23 Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 So I have not been on here in a while and it's been one year since my ex fiancé left me for another guy. I have been struggling to find someone these times. Found a few girls and led to no where. All leaving for various reasons. But one I was seeing I really enjoyed her. We had so much in common and I was happy always being and hanging with her. She told me she came out of a 10 year relationship and I understood due to my situation. Well the first time around her friends influenced her that she wasn't herself and she was guarded and then she left me saying it wasn't working cause of her. She had been drug free for three years and when she told me that I really got emotional and wanted to always be there but she just wasn't wanting me and she was gone. As a few weeks went by I wouldn't quit on her and said hello daily and we talked here and there. She recently came back in the picture as she doesn't drive and I she wanted a ride to her doctors visit. I took her and it was Amazing feelings that I once had all rushed back. I was full of excitement and happy again. We met up a few nights for drinks and talked and she said this time around She wanted to build a strong foundation and I agreed to start again. As I saw her Instagram I noticed this guy always in a few pics with her and wasn't comfortable with it. I questioned her and to my face she told me he was just a friend. I took it as that and was suscpriocius still. She recently had her brothers wedding and was short on cash and upset. She never paid for anything and I always paid when we went out. So I asked her if she needed some money for the wedding so she doesn't stress in this once in a life time occasion. So I have her $500 and she said thank you but wasn't really appreciative. I mean if Someone gives me $20 I would be beyond thankful and always appreciative. No hug kiss many thanks nothing from her. She never initiates and morning or evening or any texts. She told me that was because she is still guarded. A day ago I was talking to friend and she looked on her Instagram found that guy I was suspicious about and found a pic of them two together and hashtags saying wifey Wednesday happy and pic of them to with heads close taking a pic together. It really broke me hard. I didn't show it but it hurt so bad and I haven't felt a pain like that since my ex fiancé left me and took me months and months and months to get back to feeling good. She used me I feel like and lied to me about it all and I didn't do anything bad to her or ever hurt her or talk bad to her. She even told me I was nice to her and would never hurt her. I really wanted to have a future with her and she was the one the took all my depression out from my old reslationship. I can't believe I was fooled and was blind to it and it just really hurts. 1
LostOnes05 Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 When a woman is messed up like that, it's not your responsibility to fix her. It's hers. I've had that problem in the past, where I try to help someone and end up getting the short end. But take it as a life lesson and simply walk away. If someone doesn't value your presence and all you have to give, it's their loss. People who love and respect you don't do these sorts of things. Best wishes in your healing process man! 3
hopelessromantic24 Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 I've been researching breakups and stuff man. Whatever the case may be, the fact she left shows something went wrong. What you want to do, is give her space, no contact for at least a month, and really focus on yourself and your happiness. Get to the point where getting back with the girl you want is no longer a necessity, and just a want. Then, if she doesn't initiate contact first, initiate the contact yourself (don't tell her you love her or want to get back, just hang out). This is your opportunity to establish that you are doing great, are changed, and make her realize that she now views you in a positive light. Eventually, she will crave you back. But in the meanwhile, make your life absolutely awesome and let her know about it. 1
Penguins Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 So, she is actually dating another guy? I am so sorry. You did mention a few red flags. Those are important to pay attention to. Sometimes our emotions blind us to what we are really seeing. I hope you can move on friend. 1
Author Maximboi23 Posted October 19, 2015 Author Posted October 19, 2015 Thanks everyone. I know it is hard for me. She really was the one that took all the past pain away and now she is the one adding it back on. Maybe I put too much into it and it blew up on my face. I am just a nice guy and I know she was hurt before and I would have never hurt her. I know how guys are I guess in my county and what not and I don't want her to go through heartache. I wish it was with me but I guess it's just another person leaving my life. It's a habit by now I guess. I will leave her alone and continue on but it is brutal the pain cause all the premonitions about future together all gone
Samuel_22 Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 Next one champ! Next one! It is always like this, people come, people go...next one might be the last one! 2
hopelessromantic24 Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 If she means a lot to you don't be so quick to give up man. If you knew my story you'd have a lot more motivation in your scenario. Inbox me if you want to talk more. 1
Samuel_22 Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 If she means a lot to you don't be so quick to give up man. If you knew my story you'd have a lot more motivation in your scenario. Inbox me if you want to talk more. She means a lot to him???? It is obvious what is going on here, the guy in the pictures, she borrows money and does not even appropriately thank the guy! She is just out of a 10 year old RS! The ex can come back in the picture any minute! you gotta be kidding me... Just a friend, huh? 110% pure BS... I have heard this story a million times, 9 out of 10 the guy was either another boyfriend or a fiance'... The first girlfriend I fell in love with, used to say he was like his brother...BS...He was her fiance'... Move on man! never look back! on second thought, get your money back and then move on! 1
mightycpa Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 I am just a nice guy I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but you're a moron. That said, there's hope. You've got to start paying attention and thinking. There's good nice, and there is doormat nice (DN). You need to be able to recognize the signs of when you're being a doormat. Let me help you: DN: I have been struggling to find someone these times. DN: she told me that I really got emotional DN: ...she was gone. As a few weeks went by I wouldn't quit on her and said hello daily DN:She recently came back in the picture DN: she wanted a ride to her doctors visit. I took her DN: Amazing feelings that I once had all rushed back. DN: She never paid for anything and I always paid DN: I asked her if she needed some money for the wedding so she doesn't stress DN: I (g)ave her $500 DN: if Someone gives me $20 I would be beyond thankful and always appreciative DN: I didn't do anything bad to her or ever hurt her or talk bad to her. DN: I can't believe I was fooled and was blind to it and it just really hurts. DN: I put too much into it and it blew up on my face. What's wrong with all of that you ask? You don't go find somebody to be with. You go enjoy people for who they are. If somebody clicks, then pursue it. But never pursue a relationship and try to fit someone in it. Stop getting overly emotional. Start quitting on people when they quit on you. Don't take people back. Once they leave, they're gone. Lots of people want stuff. That's not special at all. Recognize that for what it really is. Be suspicious of your overwhelming feelings, because you're overwhelmed. Don't hangout with or entertain sponges. Unless you're teasing somebody, don't ask them if they need money. And sure as hell don't give them large sums. If somebody does you a small favor, return small thanks. Don't bend over backwards to show your gratitude. Try to develop an edge, and rub people the wrong way every once in a while. Not all the time, but certainly SOMETIMES. Start believing that you're a fool and learn from it. Learn to take, not just give. I've seen too many guys just like you. They're never happy. Don't be that guy. 1
craw Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 Here are some cute puppies to temporarily distract you..
Author Maximboi23 Posted October 20, 2015 Author Posted October 20, 2015 Thanks everyone. All of what everyone says is true. I saw her last night and we talked and she said it was a joke to get his ex girlfriend jealous or something and only a friend and I am very suspicious of it still. I'll keep an eye open but now it's hard cause I can't check social media or I would cause when i see something like that it really brings me down so fast and my heartaches. I really wanted to be with her all way till end. I see her face and look on her eyes and just want to say to myself and everyone one day that she and I are forever eternal All false perceptions and i am setting myself for failure. She told me we need to take things slow and build a foundation and not rush anything like we did the first time around. I really don't want to be played and if I do it's ok cause I am used to it by now after my ex fiancé played me 1
Samuel_22 Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 Thanks everyone. All of what everyone says is true. I saw her last night and we talked and she said it was a joke to get his ex girlfriend jealous or something and only a friend and I am very suspicious of it still. I'll keep an eye open but now it's hard cause I can't check social media or I would cause when i see something like that it really brings me down so fast and my heartaches. I really wanted to be with her all way till end. I see her face and look on her eyes and just want to say to myself and everyone one day that she and I are forever eternal All false perceptions and i am setting myself for failure. She told me we need to take things slow and build a foundation and not rush anything like we did the first time around. I really don't want to be played and if I do it's ok cause I am used to it by now after my ex fiancé played me Well, you know where you are headed, you are setting yourself for another disaster, it is not my business to stop you from doing it, but think twice before doing this. At the end of the day, this is your life, your decisions, and no one can meddle with your personal affairs. Taking it slow is another deception, dude you have to realize this girl is not really into you, she still has feelings for her ex, she is trying to make her ex jealous! Do you know what that even means? It means as soon as the ex shows up, you are history. I met a girl in March, we quickly clicked and she soon became the most precious entity in my whole life, she told me lies all the way, that she loved me that it had been a long time she had not made friends with anyone, 6 months later the ex shows up, she dumps me as if I never existed. You are willing to overlook all the red flags, and blindly take the plunge, so you will fall down hard, and you can't even complain, if that happens, she is still living with her ex not physically but mentally, no matter what you say or how hard you try, she will never hear and she will never see. I didn't know and I fell, I had someone to blame and it was my ex, if you fall down, you will have no one to blame, sorry for my being frank, but I hope you get that, I am just trying to help. There is a saying which says ''first time shame on you, second time shame on me.'' I am afraid you are going to live with the shame on me part right from the beginning. pls I don't want to be rude, consider me as a brother who wants to help. But again it is your life, just remember ''no oppressor is more oppressive than the oppressed.'' Good luck 1
Author Maximboi23 Posted October 20, 2015 Author Posted October 20, 2015 Well she was with the ex for 10 Years. That's a big imprint. Takes a lot of time to Get over that. But I guess everything g in life is a risk and this one is just another and when it comes it will just be another one who leaves. At this point way to used to it
hopelessromantic24 Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 She means a lot to him???? It is obvious what is going on here, the guy in the pictures, she borrows money and does not even appropriately thank the guy! She is just out of a 10 year old RS! The ex can come back in the picture any minute! you gotta be kidding me... Just a friend, huh? 110% pure BS... I have heard this story a million times, 9 out of 10 the guy was either another boyfriend or a fiance'... The first girlfriend I fell in love with, used to say he was like his brother...BS...He was her fiance'... Move on man! never look back! on second thought, get your money back and then move on! We don't know everything, only what he's told us. He has to make this decision for himself regardless of her and the ex. He can only decide for himself. If he really feels like she is the one, I don't think he should give up. Just do what's right, sit back, and don't wait, but don't move on if your hearts really set on it. 1
mightycpa Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 We don't know everything, only what he's told us. He has to make this decision for himself regardless of her and the ex. He can only decide for himself. If he really feels like she is the one, I don't think he should give up. Just do what's right, sit back, and don't wait, but don't move on if your hearts really set on it.I guess that's why you chose that handle, isn't it? Let me ask you this: What if your mother dies one day and all you really want is to speak to her one last time, so you sit by the telephone day after day, waiting for her to call? When does that become unhealthy and why is it unhealthy? Almost right away, and because it ain't never gonna happen. So it is for women who don't want you. You can't change reality, so you need to change your heart.
Author Maximboi23 Posted October 24, 2015 Author Posted October 24, 2015 Thank you. Great words I appreciate it QUOTE=hopelessromantic24;6609795]We don't know everything, only what he's told us. He has to make this decision for himself regardless of her and the ex. He can only decide for himself. If he really feels like she is the one, I don't think he should give up. Just do what's right, sit back, and don't wait, but don't move on if your hearts really set on it.
Author Maximboi23 Posted October 31, 2015 Author Posted October 31, 2015 Sorry for the long post but I will try to make it short and simple as I can. Me and my ex fiancé met over 4 years ago. We were together for 3 years. I loved her to death and her son. She basically left me for another guy about a year ago and now I found out she is pregnant and baby in the sonogram Looks like 6 months. It took me along time to make baby steps in moving on. It was the most painful thing I have ever went through. It hurt and broke me badly. This was supposed to be my wife soon and all gone. Still get down about it a lot now a days and still hurting. Met a few people after and all never really panned out. All girls with complicated schedules and time issues and other. Met one and deeply fell for her. She just shined as soon as she got on my car when I picked her up. Talked over drinks and had a lot of stuff in common. Moved forward and I enjoyed her greatly. She told me she used to have a drug problem which bothered and hurt me a little but I moved from that and concentrated on us. Things perhaps moved fast and her friends saw a change in her and with her own thoughts she chose to end it with me and left me. I was so hurt and saddened and took me a while to feel better. Recently we started chatting again and been hanging out. One day on her Instagram i saw a few pics with this guy she said it was only friends. A few pics of them close together selfies. It bothered me a lot and then one day opened the kids Instagram and boom pic of both them and him calling her wifey and women crush Wednesday. It pissed me off and I got so bothered by it. Confronted her and she said I was like her ex of 10 years not trusting her and checking the guys page. She said it was meant to be a joke to get his ex gf jealous or what not but I never trusted that. Then a few days ago I go to check his page again and the pic is deleted. We hang out and I have no trust in her. She goes to bathroom and takes a bit and I feel like she's texting and talking to him. Recently she had a wedding and was stressing about the money for it and it was her brothers wedding and I felt bad and I liked her a lot and gave her $500 to have and not be stressed. Seemed like she didn't even appreciate it. Wasn't so thsnkful and hugged or kissed me it was nothing. Everynight I see her she is not affectionate with me and I always kiss her and hold her hand and pick her up and pay for everything. Told her how I feel for her daily and she says nothing back to me. She says she needs to take things slow this time around and has a wall up due to her past relationship of 10 years. I find all of it suspicious. She doesn't like me I feel. I get teary eyed infront of her and she doesn't console me or anything. She always is like not affectionate to me. I told her how I felt and the I love u word came out. She didn't say anything and when I say it allot to her now she doesn't say it back. Her excuse is she's not ready. I feel so hurt and stupid for being like this and seem like a puss* and showing her too much and being the girl in this relationship. I just like her a lot and first girl I enjoyed after my ex and she is not wiling to be with me. Feel so rejected and hurt and sad
mightycpa Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 You're wasting your time on her. It doesn't matter how much you like her. Get rid of her for good. 1
Blanco Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 You are still emotionally vulnerable from your previous relationship and this current girl is exploiting that. I think this would be obvious to you if you were properly healed from the first relationship and had stronger boundaries. This isn't what you want to hear, but you need to cut ties with this girl, because she's not going to come around on how she feels about you. It's tough, but right now, you've put yourself in a position where you will effectively need to mourn the loss of two relationships. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 You are being used. Go complete NC with her, as it's only prolonging your pain. Don't allow yourself to be treated like an ATM, like Plan B, etc. It's not going to happen with her. 1
hopelessromantic24 Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 I guess that's why you chose that handle, isn't it? Let me ask you this: What if your mother dies one day and all you really want is to speak to her one last time, so you sit by the telephone day after day, waiting for her to call? When does that become unhealthy and why is it unhealthy? Almost right away, and because it ain't never gonna happen. So it is for women who don't want you. You can't change reality, so you need to change your heart. But this is a bit different because she's not dead. It can be repaired. Takes two of them to make it work, but I definitely wouldn't discount it. I definitely wouldn't make it the sole purpose of life and neglect everything else, but I wouldn't necessarily say it's impossible and give up neither. I see a lot of people on these forums just saying to give up instead of working things out. Sometimes necessary, sometimes not. But in my opinion I think its worth it to try and not wonder what if.
hopelessromantic24 Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 And this is coming from a person who is in a very tough situation. Easy thing is to give up. Important things are worth fighting for. That's true love. But then again I am a hopeless romantic guy...to a point. I give it an honest and true try.
Author Maximboi23 Posted November 6, 2015 Author Posted November 6, 2015 So I have posted a few threads on here about my journey and how my journey brought me to someone new after my ex fiancé left me over 9 months ago. Took me a long time to get over it and still not fully over it now. It was a bad journey full of tears and heartache and many months of depression and current constant depression Been diagnosed with major depression and have been seeing a psychologist for over 11 years. I have not had an easy life and this illness is a hard illness to deal with or anyone around me to deal with. Constant sadness daily and insecurities and lack of self worth. Have had many relationships in which I believe my illness has caused them to end. Recently met a nice girl and we been seeing each other for 2 months. Met her after a few months after my end of engagement and really hit it off. She was nice and we had a ton in common and thought I was happy again and loved her. She made me forget about my ex and everything. According to her we rushed it and she left me broken and took me a while to get over Her. We talked here and there and after a month or two we recently Hung out again and reconnected. She wanted to take things slow and I just couldn't I guess. I liked her dearly and poured my hesrt to her and she wouldn't reciprocate. Told me I am Rushing it again. She came from a 10 year break up and she had a massive wall up. As much as I wanted to understand I couldn't. I kept pushing her to be with me and tell Me how she feels for me when I say how I feel for her but it wasn't easy for her and she wasn't ready. My insecurities got me jealous of seeing pics of guys with her on her Instagram and we fought bout that and constant fights over my constant feeling pressure I had on her. Promised her twice that I wouldn't bring it up again and I broke the promise again. Fought over text one night when we got out of work and it was her moms birthday and she was out and blamed me for rouining her time with family. She was upset that I broke my promise again and now doesn't trust my words. I have done nothing hurtful to her to cursed at her or Anything bad. I have her a lot of money to help her with her school loans and brothers wedding to show her I was here for Her always and will always help her and not see her stressed out. Guess that meant nothing and now I haven't Heard from her In full day. My Heart is full of sadness and it is affecting my friends and My job. I am so down and I can't get her out of my Mind. Went to therapy session yesterday and he told me exactly what she was telling me and I just could not learn. I have caused this and it kills me inside.
ExpatInItaly Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 I think you should stay single for a while so you can concentrate on getting yourself healthy again. You have evidently noticed a pattern of behaviour in your relationships, and unless you really spend time alone and learn some better coping strategies, you are nearly guaranteed to repeat the same behaviour. And don't go around handing out money to people you don't know well. That only opens you up to becoming someone's ATM. It is not a reflection of your deeper feelings for someone. 1
Author Maximboi23 Posted November 6, 2015 Author Posted November 6, 2015 I know I should try to stay single. It just hurts me when I'm alone. I get so happy like no medication can ever repair when I am connected to someone. That's my true medicine but it hurts me in long run cause I wind up pushing them away that they can no longer return. Thanks for the reply though. Your words mean a lot
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