Everything my boyfriend does annoys me, yet i want his attention all the time! Why?

[Est]

It is so confusing, we are together for two years and live together, i do want to be with him and want to spend all my free time with him, yet everything he does and the way he is annoys me and bothers me and i can't help it but complain most of the time. Be it his hobbies, interests, opinions, clothes etc. there is always something. And a day doesn't pass by where i don't say to myself "i can't be with him anymore, it is driving me insane" and yet on another hand i want to spend every evening after work with him, want to text with him during the day all the time and want his attention the entire time. Can someone tell me the possible reason? Because how can someone love a person, wanting to spend all the time with that person and yet be annoyed by the way the person is?

[joseb]

You can't. I don't think you love him anymore (assuming you did once)

Sounds like you have become codependent and although you know you need to split up you are unwilling or afraid to do it.

[d0nnivain]

You want your BF to be & behave like some ideal you have conjured in your mind. You don't particularly like the man he actually is. This is a problem because you are not living in reality. Accept him wholeheartedly, flaws & all, or get out because what you are doing isn't healthy.

[Mrlonelyone]

I concur with the previous posters. Mostly.

 

It may plainly mean you are not into him anymore. Here are some alternatives.

 

It could mean that the honeymoon / limerence / infatuation stage of the relationship is over.

As this article puts it.

 

 

Helen Fisher, PhD, the author of Anatomy of Love, gives it two years. "Two, maybe three. During this stage, what I call infatuation, you experience increases of norepinephrine and dopamine levels in the brain and of testosterone, too, since lust is involved," she says. "When you move into the attachment stage, where you see an increase of vasopressin and oxytocin, the other hormones return to normal. Most couples in attached relationships have less sex than those in the infatuation stage." The phrase addicted to love applies to women and men who crave the excitement (and sex) of infatuation, floating from one intense affair to the next, leaving a pile of heartbroken, attachment-seeking partners in their wake.

 

Once you've transitioned out of infatuation, hormone levels dropping, you either attach or you do the opposite. "I don't use the word detach in my research," Fisher says, "but that's what happens. When you're heartbroken, hormones change again. You get another dopamine boost. That makes you have no interest in food at the beginning and end of a passionate relationship." Fisher is wary of presenting a relationship time line by stages. "You can flow from infatuation to attachment and back again," she says. "Some relationships start with attachment—a loving friendship—and then shift to infatuation and lust."

 

It could mean that while you are still in love, and even still in honeymoon you and him are spending too much time together. Even if you are in love there is such a thing as too much of a good thing.

 

The question for you, now that the fog of chemicals has cleared, is do you truly love this man in the calm mature way? If not let him go. If you are even under 30 you are still probably learning what you really want out of life and relationships i'd say. There will be others who you won't be annoyed by EVERYTHING about them.

Edited October 19, 2015 by Mrlonelyone

[Clarence_Boddicker]

You're not in love with him. You're in loathe with the idea of being alone.

[mystikmind2005]

Sounds exactly like the way my ex thought about me, then after 6 years of marriage and a 3 year old child, she ended it!

 

Living with a critical partner is very toxic and damaging, i lost all my self esteem and motivation in life which made her even more critical.

 

You don't want to go down that road, if you want him to change start by changing yourself

[preraph]

You probably just like attention. And who doesn't? But probably time to move on.

[MissBee]

It's possible you just like the attention and not him.

 

It is a common thing actually.

 

In the past I remember putting up with a guy I really found irritating on ALL levels, complained about all the time, and truly didn't like, but I was lonely and liked the attention. I will NEVER do that again. Truly liking your SO is important. There is a big difference between genuinely liking this person and being occasionally annoyed and finding them annoying most of the time but desperately wanting attention so you tolerate them.