d0nnivain Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 By making them. It's kind of a quid pro quo but nobody should be "keeping score." For example, I once dated a fisherman. I don't like fish or fishing but as a compromise, I'd go fishing with him if I could pick a sunny spot where I could tan & read a book. Presently I know my husband likes Irish bars. I don't care for them because they are too dark & rarely serve good wine but if we're in a new city, I always make sure to find one for him especially if I expect him to do something touristy with me. 2
scooby-philly Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 I love d0nnivain's comment. That's a perfect example of compromise. Let me put two bad examples to you, both from failed relationships I've been in . 1. In relationship 1 - I work a well paying corporate job, she ran her own small business. I'd come home (we lived together in her condo for 1 1/2 years) form work at 7 or 8 and she'd already eaten. She wouldn't text me most days and if I didn't call her and do all the planning, she wouldn't bother to do it herself. So I'd come home some nights after being swamped and she already ate. I told her clearly i didn't mind her eating without me - I don't need to sit down every night and have a meal like it's sunday dinner. But, I asked if she could at least tell me - she didn't respect me enough for that. Then, on top of that - I love to cook so when i started to try and get home earlier (and finish work at home or get in the office earlier) we tried going to the gym 2-4 nights a week. If we ate first and went to the gym she'd complain we were at the gym too late (we'd leave there by 10) if we went to the gym first and ate around 8-9 she'd complain we where eating too late. I left it up to her and she was never happy or appreciative of me always compromising on that. 2. In my last relationship, we were a bad match from 2-3 months in and I should have been kicked for spending another 9-10 months trying to fix that. She was a taker (see some of my posts) who never had to deal with the messes she made. I took her to Quebec for snowboarding over NYE. She went to vermont twice (once was with me) we went local for skiing/snowboarding together 5-6 times (I was trying it for the first time) and she went up on her own another 5-6 times. She literally got laid off and then went on a $1,000 trip back to Vermont (without me) and she didn't have any savings, is 40k in debt from school (just an associate's degree) is 39 and has two kids.....all that after she told me after the last time we went she was all "snowed" out and couldn't afford this trip....last minute - poof. When I ended it it was all "you try to control me" - when all I said was I cared that she went when she obviously couldn't afford it. Hopefully some people have happier examples.....
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