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Am I setting myself up for heartbreak or could he actually come back?

Jmarie

By Jmarie
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Jmarie Member

Jmarie

Posted
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My ex an I had been together for a year and a half. During that time I had connected with him more than I thought possible. He was my rock, and I his. We were able to talk about anything, and get through any argument no matter how bad stronger than ever. I love him and even though we aren't together I know if he ever truly needed me I wouldn't turn him away.

 

We broke up a couple of weeks ago because we were having trust issues. He told me he needed time to figure out what wanted. He wants to get his life together and find out what he wants to do with his future. He thinks I should continue to focus on myself as well and that when the time is right we'll resolve our issues with a clear mind and be together again.

 

Normally I would understand the need for time, and wanting to better yourself for the person you want to be with, but the thing is that he admitted that he no longer loves me, but he still does really care for me.

 

I called him out on the possibility of him meeting someone else who he could potentially fall in love with, since he wants me to wait for him in a sense. He told me that he wouldn't fall in love and that even if he did end up dating others (Which he's already near doing) that he would always come back to me, because he knows what we had is what matters most to him at the end of the day.

 

This is where I'm completely lost and have no idea what to think. As the saying goes "if it's meant to be it'll happen," but I can't help feeling that I'm setting myself up for disappointment. I told him that he should know you can't help falling in love with someone. He knows this but still swears it won't happen, knowing I'm who he wants to end up with when he has his life together.

 

I want to believe that somehow when the time is right we can be together again, but I just don't know if keeping an open mind about this is going to hurt me again in the future as I move on with my life.

pidgeon1010 Established Member

pidgeon1010

Posted
Posted (edited)

Yes you're setting yourself up for more heartbreak. He either wants to be with you or he doesn't. This whole work on ourselves and reunite at a later is a crock of s**t. If you are going to get back together eventually, why are you breaking up? Wouldn't it be better for the relationship to work on things together? So what happens down the road if there are things to work on - which is inevitable. Will you break up again?

 

He wants to be single and date other people and have you waiting on the sidelines in case things don't pan out for him.. To put it succinctly, it's GIGS with a contingency plan (i.e. you waiting). "If it's meant to be it'll happen" doesn't mean you put your life on hold for someone. It means you move on with your life with NO expectations and if the two of you are meant to be together, it will happen. No one knows the future, no one knows who he/she will meet in the future so these promises he is making are empty. Why date someone else if he just wants to work on himself and make your relationship stronger? I call BS.

Edited by pidgeon1010
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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

IMO "I want to work on myself" is code for I want to build a life without you in it.

 

 

Him saying that he cares about you only means that he is a not a jerk who intentionally seeks to inflict pain on you. He's trying to make the BU as gentle as possible.

 

 

You can hope but it's false hope & it will keep you from moving forward & healing. There are people who do come back but why would you want to be with somebody who already proved to you that they are willing to throw you away?

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EO422 Established Member

EO422

Posted
Posted

You are setting yourself up for heartbreak.

adiamond Established Member

adiamond

Posted
Posted

My ex said all this sort of stuff to me and within 2 weeks of break up, he was seeing a new girl that he was talking to a month before we broke up. He was all like, maybe in the future in things align for us, I still care about you, you're a wonderful girl, i love you, i might change my mind etc.

 

He is showing you that he isn't 100% with you by leaving you! If he was serious about you, he would never do something like that to you. My parents told me that my ex just wasn't serious with me and I deserve someone better, and you do too!

sandylee1 Established Member

sandylee1

Posted
Posted

Your definetly setting yourself up for heartbreak.

 

He said he doesn't love you , so why do you want to hold any hope?

 

Your best going NC and block him, because you feel too strongly for him at the moment.

 

It's hard when you love someone......I've been there.

mightycpa Established Member

mightycpa

Posted
Posted
My ex an I had been together for a year and a half. During that time I had connected with him more than I thought possible. He was my rock, and I his. We were able to talk about anything, and get through any argument no matter how bad stronger than ever. I love him and even though we aren't together I know if he ever truly needed me I wouldn't turn him away.

 

We broke up a couple of weeks ago because we were having trust issues. He told me he needed time to figure out what wanted. He wants to get his life together and find out what he wants to do with his future. He thinks I should continue to focus on myself as well and that when the time is right we'll resolve our issues with a clear mind and be together again.

 

Normally I would understand the need for time, and wanting to better yourself for the person you want to be with, but the thing is that he admitted that he no longer loves me, but he still does really care for me.

 

I called him out on the possibility of him meeting someone else who he could potentially fall in love with, since he wants me to wait for him in a sense. He told me that he wouldn't fall in love and that even if he did end up dating others (Which he's already near doing) that he would always come back to me, because he knows what we had is what matters most to him at the end of the day.

 

This is where I'm completely lost and have no idea what to think. As the saying goes "if it's meant to be it'll happen," but I can't help feeling that I'm setting myself up for disappointment. I told him that he should know you can't help falling in love with someone. He knows this but still swears it won't happen, knowing I'm who he wants to end up with when he has his life together.

 

I want to believe that somehow when the time is right we can be together again, but I just don't know if keeping an open mind about this is going to hurt me again in the future as I move on with my life.

I'll tell you what to think:

 

This right here? This is the kind of bull**** that dumpers tell the dumped, because they don't respect the dumped one enough to tell them the truth:

He thinks I should continue to focus on myself as well and that when the time is right we'll resolve our issues with a clear mind and be together again.
Also, this little gem:

He told me that he wouldn't fall in love
Bull****. Nobody can control that. If you could, you'd just snap your fingers and change your feelings and move on.

and that even if he did end up dating others (Which he's already near doing) that he would always come back to me, because he knows what we had is what matters most to him at the end of the day.
More bull****. Salespeople hear that all the time when a guy wants to leave without buying and has no intention of coming back.

Yeah, sounds like a bargain, I'm going to go home and get the wife, and we'll be back in a flash to buy it.

 

She how that sounds? Basically, I call bull**** three times. Don't fall for it.

singme2sleep Established Member

singme2sleep

Posted
Posted

Anything is possible, but you can't wait for it. Just tell yourself you can keep living, and if it's meant to be only time will reveal.

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Jmarie Member

Jmarie

Posted
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Posted

The thing is that I know it's a load of bull because I can just feel it, and it's in the way he answers my questions about it. I asked him how he's so sure he'd want to be with me after giving him his time when he's made it clearly evident that he doesn't even love me, and his reply was literally just "i don't know I just know." There was no substance or reassurance in any of that.

 

I know my best bet is to go NC with him and continue moving on with my life, but it's so difficult for me, and it seems so easy for him because I know he's preoccupying himself with girls that actually aren't going to help him grow like he claims he wants to do. No matter how much I busy myself, I still find myself constantly thinking about him, or feeling sad, and I don't want him to have that hold on me anymore.

 

I want to move on, but how do you let go of someone you love so much?

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Jmarie Member

Jmarie

Posted
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Posted

The thing is that I know it's a load of bull because I can just feel it, and it's in the way he answers my questions about it. I asked him how he's so sure he'd want to be with me after giving him his time when he's made it clearly evident that he doesn't even love me, and his reply was literally just "i don't know I just know." There was no substance or reassurance in any of that.

 

I know my best bet is to go NC with him and continue moving on with my life, but it's so difficult for me, and it seems so easy for him because I know he's preoccupying himself with girls that actually aren't going to help him grow like he claims he wants to do. No matter how much I busy myself, I still find myself constantly thinking about him, or feeling sad, and I don't want him to have that hold on me anymore.

 

I want to move on, but how do you let go of someone you love so much?

marcusdevilliers Established Member

marcusdevilliers

Posted
Posted
The thing is that I know it's a load of bull because I can just feel it, and it's in the way he answers my questions about it. I asked him how he's so sure he'd want to be with me after giving him his time when he's made it clearly evident that he doesn't even love me, and his reply was literally just "i don't know I just know." There was no substance or reassurance in any of that.

 

I know my best bet is to go NC with him and continue moving on with my life, but it's so difficult for me, and it seems so easy for him because I know he's preoccupying himself with girls that actually aren't going to help him grow like he claims he wants to do. No matter how much I busy myself, I still find myself constantly thinking about him, or feeling sad, and I don't want him to have that hold on me anymore.

 

I want to move on, but how do you let go of someone you love so much?

 

You wanna know the secret on how to move on??? its easy. easy as 1 2 3.. he left you. thats it. u want someone leaving you? someone saying they dont love you? no you dont. you deserve what you put out. u put out love affection caring and time, u deserve the same. so chill. live your life do new things, do things before him. and sooner or later you will have to remember to remember him. because itll just be that easy. trust me :) .. give it time and dont sulk, live life :) .. take care my dear

  • Like 1
Bo34 Established Member

Bo34

Posted
Posted

This is the absolute worst way to dump someone, because you're lying and trying to play both sides of the fence. He should grow a pair of balls and speak the truth, at the very least. I know after you do your grieving there's a good possibility you may then start to think to yourself this is not that bad, because given what he said, there's a good possibility he will be coming back to you, but that's actually the worst thing to think.

 

 

The reality is he broke up with you. Meaning, he doesn't want to be with you. It's very hard to process and accept that thought even when a dumper says that to you face to face during the breakup. When my ex broke up with me, it took me a long time to finally accept the fact that it's over and that was with no doubts on her part, whatsoever. But, when someone just plays with your mind and tells you they're just trying to 'figure things out', it is indeed the absolute worst way to breakup because it gives you false hope. It prevents you from moving on because you will carry this false hope, and I can't totally blame you. Carrying false hope is a very dangerous thing.

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