Kristine Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 He's a con. He has ruined me financially. I found out he has bank fraud charges locally, and 2 embezzlement charges different states. I really am shocked, devastated, and deeply hurt. He was after my moms money, he saw what she had and that is the only reason he involved himself with me. I really want most of all to get him off the streets and held accountable for the things he's done. Yet I never want to see him again. Not even in court for our divorce. It ended when I said you need to get your stuff straightened out, I meant the fine he told me he had to pay, and a couple things I knew about. My good friend showed me this other stuff. I did a been verified search on him early on and 1 charge showed up, he explained it off and I believed him. If all this other stuff showed up in my search, i wouldn't be here today. I was such a foolish woman. It's like a light went on finally.
mystikmind2005 Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 Sorry to hear. I'm trying to settle a divorce as well while coping with various levels of betrayal. I think it helps to try to imagine the best possible motives on their side - not for them but for you. So i can believe he really loved you but is just financially irresponsible, hope this helps 1
Author Kristine Posted October 19, 2015 Author Posted October 19, 2015 Yes we married on Valentines Day this year.
mystikmind2005 Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 (edited) Yes we married on Valentines Day this year. Ouch! Of all the songs i heard in my life, this one helped me the most after my separation.... Anyway, by Martina McBride Edited October 19, 2015 by mystikmind2005
Mr. Lucky Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 I was such a foolish woman. It's like a light went on finally. There is no fix for what has already been done, you can only address what you can do going forward. Clean it up, put it behind you and chalk up to lessons learned - the hard way! How long had you known him before marriage? Mr. Lucky 1
Author Kristine Posted October 20, 2015 Author Posted October 20, 2015 Looked into annulment 7 weeks after wedding, very hard, an expensive, was told 2 out of 1000 get approved. He overwhelmed from the start, nothing about him is normal. He's a con, he pushes his agenda. Weaseled his way into my life, money, and thought he found the jackpot at the end of the rainbow with my trust, but figured he con my mom out of it early. I wouldnt allow him that much access, and I said to him; get you life in order, go stay with your mom, I will figure out my stuff and stay with mine. We can work on us after we get ourselves in order. He immediately blocked and deleted my existance from Facebook, deleted all photos and email by resetting his phone, etc. As well as blocking mutual friends. A con man. After more research he fits the description of a pschopath. Incapable of love, white collar criminal, has no compassion or empathy.
DivorcedDad123 Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 It takes quite a while to get over this level of betrayal. Go easy on yourself and accept it as a life lesson. You did nothing wrong. You only trusted someone who didn't deserve it. Luckily,you caught it early in the marriage,instead of years down the line where it would have been more difficult to cut ties with him. 2
Mr. Lucky Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 He immediately blocked and deleted my existance from Facebook, deleted all photos and email by resetting his phone, etc. As well as blocking mutual friends. A con man. After more research he fits the description of a pschopath. Incapable of love, white collar criminal, has no compassion or empathy. How is he able to affect your accounts by resetting his phone? And how does he block mutual friends from you? Mr. Lucky
Author Kristine Posted October 21, 2015 Author Posted October 21, 2015 Not from me, he blocked them from his account, one tried to contact him and he said he had no idea who he was (sick). He reset his phone, and went through his e-mail deleting everything (he did that when we were still together, that is how I know). Through a relatives Facebook I saw he removed all evidence of my existence, uploaded a personal photo of himself (something he told me he never does). He re-added his children photo (the one I took). He's trying to give an image of a person he's really not. He hasn't seen his children in 6 months (he uses work as an excuse). I should have realized when he said his children are not my concern he had no good intention. Legally we are still married, I filed the first week of October, but the court is behind and nothing has been done yet, case not even considered open. Being tied to him in any way is hurting me, I stupidly changed my last name. I want my maiden name back so badly!
StBreton Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 Sorry OP ...how devastating that happened to your heart When you say "trust" do you mean asset trust? Did you freeze joint accounts? Contact social security so he can't open accounts in your name? Have you obtained legal advice with this yet? Did you give him $ and access to your financials? If so ...are all your account personal advised of the situation? You can get your name changed back during the divorce. What's your age range? If you are young enough you can rebuild ...as awful as this is ...it's good you found out early and now it's all about damage control and rebuilding and putting it behind you ...just don't let it define you. The world is full of predators ...and they can come in very nice packages so exercise prudence instead of bitterness after you've grieved.
Author Kristine Posted October 21, 2015 Author Posted October 21, 2015 Good advice, I'll call social security tomorrow, I know he knows my info. We had nothing joint, it was all in my name, which he slaughtered. He didn't have a bank account, which I found out after the marriage in my attempt to add him to my account, that he really can't get one (for LIFE). Banned from banking. He uses prepaid cards. He spun a web of lies, and I trusted his word. Why? Because I grew up with parents who kept their word, dad didn't believe in promises, your word is the promise. Yes one of my mom's boyfriends told her change her will to a trust, taxing is different. So technically I have a trust, but really the stock market took most of all my parents worked their lives to acquire. It sounds more impressive than it is.
StBreton Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 Good advice, I'll call social security tomorrow, I know he knows my info. We had nothing joint, it was all in my name, which he slaughtered. He didn't have a bank account, which I found out after the marriage in my attempt to add him to my account, that he really can't get one (for LIFE). Banned from banking. He uses prepaid cards. He spun a web of lies, and I trusted his word. Why? Because I grew up with parents who kept their word, dad didn't believe in promises, your word is the promise. Yes one of my mom's boyfriends told her change her will to a trust, taxing is different. So technically I have a trust, but really the stock market took most of all my parents worked their lives to acquire. It sounds more impressive than it is. Ok social security will walk you through process ...letters will be added to your account so no one can open credit without something in writing from you ...including you! So just know if you go to open a credit card some time you'll have no access to instant credit ...you will have to verify that it's ok to open a credit account. Get copies of yours and his credit reports ...all 3 ...you can do this now that you've filed for divorce ...find out all credit card accounts opened using your so sec number and close them and have reissued ... These reports should be free as it's part of divorce proceeding Anything this guy had access to is at risk ...I'd spread the word far and wide so he can't scam the next person. Did he do anything illegal? If so ...I'd notify the police. 1
StBreton Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 I just have to ask ...once you found out this guy couldn't ever have a checking account (major red flag) why did you allow him access to anything? Are you very young and naive? I understand promises and such but obviously this guy has broken so many promises that no bank will ever trust him again ...was that not enough for you to cut him off from your finances? I'd talk with a tax accountant as well ...you'll be counted as married for next year's taxes and you don't know what he'll be putting on there. Also ...I'm very invested in stocks ...the market is really up ...how did your trust not bounce back? Are you working with a good advisor? 2
Author Kristine Posted October 21, 2015 Author Posted October 21, 2015 Yeah I was foolish it's all I can say, even the panic attack the night before the wedding didn't stop me. I'm calling social security tomorrow. The name is in the divorce paperwork among other things. I just hate waiting. Worried about background check now, fingerprints tomorrow for a bank job, my field, name change is why I have to do it again, and he may have destroyed my career.
StBreton Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 (edited) Yeah I was foolish it's all I can say, even the panic attack the night before the wedding didn't stop me. I'm calling social security tomorrow. The name is in the divorce paperwork among other things. I just hate waiting. Worried about background check now, fingerprints tomorrow for a bank job, my field, name change is why I have to do it again, and he may have destroyed my career. OP ...I just went and read your prior posts as some have alluded to them ...I'm sorry for what you've gone through here ...and not going to say much further as you don't need salt poured into your wound nor nose rubbed in the mess you allowed to happen and partially created. I honestly think you need help ...you have a daughter to look after and be a roll model for. You know all of that ...yet feel compelled to act in a completely subversive manner ... Irregardless of red flags. I think a red flag the size of a football field would not be enough to ward you off from a 2000 foot drop off ahead. I don't understand how you are "shocked" as you indicate in your headliner ... A banking job with your credit history ...I hope it goes through. They will run your credit ...you're a substantial risk for them. I just hope the best for you and your daughter. Edited October 21, 2015 by StBreton
Author Kristine Posted October 21, 2015 Author Posted October 21, 2015 I found the bank stuff out about 3 weeks ago now. My moms advisor sucks we have tried to get her to change for at least 5 years now. My brother contacted a guy and she stood him up. My brother was so angry. Top notch guy, she blew him off. He pulled strings to arrange the meeting. An investigation is in progress. I reported him for financial abuse, a detective was assigned. I'm shocked he blocked and deleted my existance. Taken aback by the other horrors that didn't show up on been verified, despite paying extra for reports. My good friend, daughter of a retired deputy, found it, she does it for her job she said. My job is paper pushing not money handling. Yes I am aware of the extensive check on my background. Probably why I'm still awake at 3:30 am.
Author Kristine Posted October 21, 2015 Author Posted October 21, 2015 Oh one more thing. I hid all my job accounts, I was going to focus on divorce, bankruptcy, etc. Just get my life in order. However, I received two calls for employment from only God knows where. They have a current resume, I'm not about to refuse employment. I already did a skype interview. Maybe it's a blessing.
Author Kristine Posted October 21, 2015 Author Posted October 21, 2015 I have not had any contact with him verbally or otherwise for about 2 weeks. Last time I saw him was a month ago. We met online, a free website. I really thought l had deactivated them all, but the same day got two messages. He was local, same small town local. Avoid any of the date sites that have no charge to use them. You will cut out the most of the riff raff. Pof, ok cupid, badoo, and whatever other ones are out there. Those are 3 he uses. We met on ok cupid.
Author Kristine Posted October 21, 2015 Author Posted October 21, 2015 We were legally homeless. He got himself evicted, that too before marriage. He travels for work, so hotel stays constantly. Where he is now is unknown to me. In 8 months only 1 night was an all nighter. He works the system. He gets comped rooms all over, has points from travel, work fronted some, covered others. Now he may be rooming with someone, he wanted to move to South Bend/Chicago area. Closer to most of the sales he works. Besides he lied to his church to get money a few times, he can't return here, OK is out, CO out, NV out, his mom is in UT, may be there for winter. But FaceBook says he moved there in Aug. Probably a ploy. He was no where near there in Aug.
MidwestUSA Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 How did you turn your head to the embezzlement you discovered well before you were seriously involved with this guy? And the fact that he did time? And the fact that his ex wife married his son? (June 2014) There shouldn't be any 'shock' now. I'd say damage control is the best you can do now. Trust your instincts and spidy senses, and listen to the people around you - your family and even us here, to an extent, next time. Quote: Originally Posted by Kristine Well it scared me that if we marry it could hurt my career. It scared me initially that he may be trying to embezzle money from me. Me: If you're even having thoughts of this, this relationship isn't for you. That fear will never go away. Combine his travel and the family factors (his ex wife marrying his son ) yea, run. Fast. 1
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