sxbmb3388 Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 it's really getting on my nerves, i dont get it! I'm not looking for my husband or anything, but it seems that whenever I date, i hold out on sex, i dont know why, and I get so defensive when someone brings it up! it's like I'm so scared i'm not going to get any respect or something if I open up! i was in a LTR for a long time, and even had an open relationship, and then it wasn't a problem, i've been single for over a year now, and I become this huge prude when the conversation turns remotely sexual! I don't know what to do, but it's really getting me down at the moment because I feel i'm going to be this way forever! i'm getting so over this dating malarkey!
d0nnivain Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 Did you enjoy sex with your LTR partner? If so you are not frigid. The idea of casual sex may be what you don't like. Sex is a very intimate thing. You are allowed to wait until it feels special & right to you. Your choice to do that does not make you frigid. Did somebody else call you that or did you decide that about yourself? If it's your word, why would you be so hard on yourself. 2
mystikmind2005 Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 Some kind of emotional trauma perhaps? I can imagine that possibly you may have thought you were ok with an open relationship, but there was some kind of underlying sensitivity going on.... and especially if the whole open relationship thing was initiated by your partner and not you.... and especially your also likely to be sensitive to your partner sleeping with other women. My guess is that all this has caught up with you?
anduina Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 Why do you have to want sex if you're not feeling it with the guys you've been dating? 1
Author sxbmb3388 Posted October 19, 2015 Author Posted October 19, 2015 Did you enjoy sex with your LTR partner? If so you are not frigid. The idea of casual sex may be what you don't like. Sex is a very intimate thing. You are allowed to wait until it feels special & right to you. Your choice to do that does not make you frigid. Did somebody else call you that or did you decide that about yourself? If it's your word, why would you be so hard on yourself. I call myself it, i know its harsh on myself, but i feel like such a loser. people keep going on about how attractive I am, guys I date and my friends, so technically there shouldn't be a problem. the thing is, when I had my open relationship, casual sex wasn't an issue, but now, all of a sudden, it seems so sacred, like i'm scared or something, I actually can't explain it! I feel like my last relationship was so sex heavy, i have a very high drive, makes me miss it so much more than if it was a sexless relationship. I don't know, maybe I need a therapist or something, because I don't know what my issue is. people keep bringing it up to me, and I have no explanation for it. I know I shouldn't be embarrassed about it, but I am! 1
Author sxbmb3388 Posted October 19, 2015 Author Posted October 19, 2015 Some kind of emotional trauma perhaps? I can imagine that possibly you may have thought you were ok with an open relationship, but there was some kind of underlying sensitivity going on.... and especially if the whole open relationship thing was initiated by your partner and not you.... and especially your also likely to be sensitive to your partner sleeping with other women. My guess is that all this has caught up with you? well i'm starting to think there is something emotionally affecting me, but idk what that is. I feel like the way I behave gives off as one of those types who gets really attached after sex, but i'm not, not at all! i'm into a lot of kink! ha! Maybe I need to go back and revisit my emotions in that relationship, i don't know, but I was fine with my partner being with other women- he hardly was, but yes it was his idea, but I wanted that at the same time, before he even brought it up. maybe how my relationship ended may have had something to do with it? for me, I never saw it coming, all of a sudden he advised he doesn't love me or wasn't attracted to me anymore. became a completely different person I didn't recognise, and jumped straight into a relationship with a girl the total opposite of me? I feel like a much stronger person after coming out of that relationship, but I seem to have a hard time dating guys because of this! I was speaking to this one guy OLD yesterday, and I scared him off, and I was looking forward to meeting him but now he's just ignoring me. The fact that people keep bringing it up is putting a lot of pressure on me, and it's getting me really depressed.
Author sxbmb3388 Posted October 19, 2015 Author Posted October 19, 2015 Why do you have to want sex if you're not feeling it with the guys you've been dating? I dated 2 guys a year ago, it wasn't an issue then- but I had just come out of my relationship. Anyways they ended abruptly as they both completely ghosted me, which I was more irritated than upset, because it such a cowards way of doing things. then there was this other guy, who i went on 4 dates on, and he applied pressure to me, but I held out, and eventually he ghosted me as well! i'm glad I didn't cave to his pressure though, as he showed himself to be such a douchebag! the thing is, I do feel it for the guys I date, otherwise I wouldn't be dating them. but It gets on my nerves that Gentlemen do not appear to exist any more, as they always seem to apply pressure on me for sex, or they get too graphic too early. It makes me appear a prude. and then they run. gah!
chapter44 Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 First of all I don't think you're fair to yourself by comparing your past actions to your current feelings. I honestly think you will get your drive back when you find someone who takes their time to get to know you and establish a certain level of trust. While I don't know your age your posts seem to indicate that you are looking for something more meaningful at this stage of your life. So trust your instincts and don't let yourself get pressured into anything. 1
Lois_Griffin Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 It gets on my nerves that Gentlemen do not appear to exist any more, as they always seem to apply pressure on me for sex, or they get too graphic too early. It makes me appear a prude. and then they run. gah! I'm trying to make sure I understand. The mouth-breathers you've been meeting/dating lately are bringing up the subject of sex way too early and/or putting pressure on you to have sex. Because you're less than agreeable to just jumping in the sack with them, that somehow makes YOU frigid? Did I get that right? 1
d0nnivain Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 If you have a high sex drive, you are hardly a prude or frigid. The fact that you want more than just sex & you'd actually like to get to know someone & are put off by guys who crudely pressure you does not indicate that you have a problem. Do what feels right to you in your interpersonal relationships. Don't let people pressure you into doing things that don't feel right. It's your life & your body. 2
kendahke Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 You're not frigid. You're selective and your BS detector is working well. The right man won't ghost on you or put pressure on you to do something you're not ready to do. 4
anduina Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 I dated 2 guys a year ago, it wasn't an issue then- but I had just come out of my relationship. Anyways they ended abruptly as they both completely ghosted me, which I was more irritated than upset, because it such a cowards way of doing things. then there was this other guy, who i went on 4 dates on, and he applied pressure to me, but I held out, and eventually he ghosted me as well! i'm glad I didn't cave to his pressure though, as he showed himself to be such a douchebag! the thing is, I do feel it for the guys I date, otherwise I wouldn't be dating them. but It gets on my nerves that Gentlemen do not appear to exist any more, as they always seem to apply pressure on me for sex, or they get too graphic too early. It makes me appear a prude. and then they run. gah!Don't let these guys get to you. You're not frigid, simply learning an important lesson in life.
Miss Peach Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 It sounds to me like these guys values just don't mesh with yours. In my case I like to move pretty slowly physically and I have had a few guys drop me because of it but a lot of waited too. When I do get physical with a guy in a relationship I like lots of sex and I am willing to try pretty much anything. Just because you are picky doesn't mean you're frigid.
Guyouthere Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 It sounds to me like these guys values just don't mesh with yours. In my case I like to move pretty slowly physically and I have had a few guys drop me because of it but a lot of waited too. When I do get physical with a guy in a relationship I like lots of sex and I am willing to try pretty much anything. Just because you are picky doesn't mean you're frigid. I respect the woman more if she doesn't come off as easy. 1
Author sxbmb3388 Posted October 19, 2015 Author Posted October 19, 2015 are you dating anyone right now OP? no, i'm not dating anyone, I haven't since the last guy ghosted on me back in august. I have a date tomorrow though, and he appears nice, and smart. so I'm going with no expectations, although I do think we'll get along quite well. I like intelligence, and find that much more of a turn on than outer appearance. these previous men i've dated have been guys that have asked me out in life. This guy I met on OLD so could be refreshing. I was really crushed and down in spirit this morning, and thought it might be too awkward a topicc to discuss with my mum, who kept asking me why I was so sad!! but thank you for these kind words of encouragement! sometimes it gets overwhelmingly annoying when people keep asking me why i'm single, where my boyfriend is, and why i'm not getting laid! it makes you feel like the minute you hit 25, you're nearly on the shelf! thanks, really. Sxbmb3388
Author sxbmb3388 Posted October 19, 2015 Author Posted October 19, 2015 I'm trying to make sure I understand. The mouth-breathers you've been meeting/dating lately are bringing up the subject of sex way too early and/or putting pressure on you to have sex. Because you're less than agreeable to just jumping in the sack with them, that somehow makes YOU frigid? Did I get that right? well when you put it like that... it gets on my nerves because a lot of the men think they can just stoke my hair and my knickers fall down, which is sooo not the case! i just don't enjoy sex with someone if i feel like i have no kind of connection with them. and they make me feel weird for this! i'm starting to realise, that if a guy calls you sexy, and you barely know him, it's NOT the same as being called beautiful! i'd much rather be complimented on my smarts, mind or accomplishments than my appearance anyway! meh! 1
Author sxbmb3388 Posted October 19, 2015 Author Posted October 19, 2015 Don't let these guys get to you. You're not frigid, simply learning an important lesson in life. yes, this is a much more positive way to look at it! thanks xxx
mystikmind2005 Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 Reading the rest of this thread, my feeling is that you will be just fine Remember that pretty much everyone has minor issues but these issues are quite manageable, and its a part of life. It is when we are looking for answers to explain something that we might take hold of one or more of those minor issue and blow it all out of proportion. Don't do it! lol 1
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