Toodaloo Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 I am really struggling to get him out of my mind and it is irritating me. A little trick for you. Imagine him having an enormous poo. Imagine his face as he strains to get it out. Imagine the pong in the bathroom... Guys like this are not really worth it. They give you a flutter but that is about as substantial as it gets. Learn to see that as a turn off and eventually you will just shrug and walk away.
stillafool Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 Yes and yes. Over time I realised he had some serious issues and that made me think twice. I still want to get to know him but I am not interested in a relationship and especially not with someone that has 'issues'. If we meet up and I find that I can't handle a friendship - at least I will have it out of my system and I will get to see him and get to know him a bit better... like I said we both have a lot of questions for each other. If you are struggling to get him out of your mind, you know he as serious issues, and you do not want a relationship with him, why are you dying to get to know him? Again, don't fool yourself, you really like this guy as more than a friend. You are not fooling us. 5
Redhead14 Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 If you are struggling to get him out of your mind, you know he as serious issues, and you do not want a relationship with him, why are you dying to get to know him? Again, don't fool yourself, you really like this guy as more than a friend. You are not fooling us. Her idea of getting him out of her system will back fire. If you have "feelings" for someone and try to just be friends, it's a one-sided, unfulfilling relationship. Staying friends with a guy when you do have feelings for him and hoping he will "come around" doesn't usually work. She's going to have even more difficulty managing emotions and expectations. And, it's long-distance, it's very hard to have a relationship develop under those circumstances. A long distance relationship can work if the foundation has been built and is strong to start with. She is settling for breadcrumbs while hoping it will become more. I wish her the best, of course. Most women would be much more wary of this guy after a month of little to no contact. 2
Author siriusp Posted October 2, 2015 Author Posted October 2, 2015 Well - it's interesting to read your comments. I am unsure if I will have time to see him and if I do - I will post again. I don't know him - I would like to meet him again to see what he is like and what I think of him. Like I said before - I am not looking for a relationship (I don't think I am ready).... and if I were looking for a relationship - he doesn't look like the right person - given his behavior. I did like him when we met - but maybe my impressions of him were completely wrong. I will not know unless I meet him again. I definitely do not want to be with anybody that does not want to be with me! I know exactly what I want and I know exactly what I do not want. That is very helpful. When I was younger - I really didn't know what was important. I recently discovered that I have an illness to deal with and suddenly he lost importance. This illness has made me think about what is important in life and realise how short it is. I don't have time to waste it on anybody that is not good for me. Therefore I know what I will and will not accept. My self-esteem is strong these days and my mind set is more like 'see if he is good enough for me'.... rather than having any doubts about myself. He can reject me if he wants - that will not affect my view of myself. Like I say - I know who I am and what I want. I know my value. I know why he wants to see me and it is not for sex and it is not for a relationship - before we slept together we had a wonderful time talking about everything. I 'felt' that he enjoyed it as much as I did so when he went silent - I was surprised... When he got back in touch - and explained what happened to him - it all made sense to me. I would like to see him again and see if we have more wonderful talks or if that was just a one off..... If I get disappointed - I will be back on LS to say so!! I really do appreciate all the comments. It is very interesting.
Author siriusp Posted October 13, 2015 Author Posted October 13, 2015 For those of you that were interested in how it turned out..... He never contacted me again. And I never contacted him again! I am very happy that I no longer feel confused and that I have learned so much about myself from this experience. I still think about him every day but not 'all the time' - like I did before. Feelings are weird things and I still wonder why he had such an effect on me when nobody else ever did. I would have met many men - had a great 'connection' but felt nothing. He was less fun and less attractive than most guys I end up with - but my feelings were intense! There is no logic in all this dating/love 'game'......
Author siriusp Posted October 18, 2015 Author Posted October 18, 2015 (edited) I posted before about a one night stand that meant a lot to me...... Over the last two months I became confused by his behavior. Hot and cold. I had given up after weeks of no contact. He then wrote..... He spent hours explaining some things: He now would be able to give me a definite date when we could meet. (We live in different countries and he wants to visit me). He said he would explain all that had happened to him in the last weeks.... He said that he had given up weed etc for the last month and still felt the same about me - He said that I was on his mind all the time and that he liked that.... I don't know if anybody remembers my other thread or if anybody can comment - but does it still sound to you like he just wants to use me? He keeps saying he can't wait to talk..................... Many posters said to consider his actions and not his words - good advice but now what? Edited October 18, 2015 by siriusp
h0000 Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 I posted before about a one night stand that meant a lot to me...... Over the last two months I became confused by his behavior. Hot and cold. I had given up after weeks of no contact. He then wrote..... He spent hours explaining some things: He now would be able to give me a definite date when we could meet. (We live in different countries and he wants to visit me). He said he would explain all that had happened to him in the last weeks.... He said that he had given up weed etc for the last month and still felt the same about me - He said that I was on his mind all the time and that he liked that.... I don't know if anybody remembers my other thread or if anybody can comment - but does it still sound to you like he just wants to use me? He keeps saying he can't wait to talk..................... Many posters said to consider his actions and not his words - good advice but now what? AmI thinking about another threat cuz I don't remember him being in another country? Personally I don't believe in long distance but anyway, he hasn't started any action yet so just wait till he sees you, if that will happen. 1
WhatYouWantToHear Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 Craziness isn't a zero-sum game, you both can be. And I think that's the case here. It was a one-night stand that meant a lot to you? --Crazy points you. He was hot and cold? --Crazy points him. He spent hours explaining things? --Crazy points both of you--him for explaining for hours, you for allowing him to. Actually, after that, all the crazy points are both of yours. When you put up with crazy, at some point the truly crazy person is you for putting up and allowing it. No matter who truly is more crazy, I vote move on. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 I read your other thread, OP. I would still give the same advice - let this one go. You didn't have a foundation upon which to build a relationship. You barely know each other. He's already hot and cold and coming up with excuses. Don't waste your time.
Author siriusp Posted October 19, 2015 Author Posted October 19, 2015 Craziness isn't a zero-sum game, you both can be. And I think that's the case here. It was a one-night stand that meant a lot to you? --Crazy points you. He was hot and cold? --Crazy points him. He spent hours explaining things? --Crazy points both of you--him for explaining for hours, you for allowing him to. Actually, after that, all the crazy points are both of yours. When you put up with crazy, at some point the truly crazy person is you for putting up and allowing it. No matter who truly is more crazy, I vote move on. I find this funny and accurate! I have a feeling that we both suffer from the same kind of 'crazy' and maybe that is why the attraction is so strong.... I feel like meeting him still just to satisfy my curiosity.
Author siriusp Posted October 19, 2015 Author Posted October 19, 2015 AmI thinking about another threat cuz I don't remember him being in another country? Personally I don't believe in long distance but anyway, he hasn't started any action yet so just wait till he sees you, if that will happen. I agree with you. I don't see how there will be any relationship although I am not sure if that is what I want. I enjoyed the time we spent together and the (very limited) contact after so I would like to get to know him better - I think he would be a friend worth having - if nothing else.....
Author siriusp Posted October 19, 2015 Author Posted October 19, 2015 I read your other thread, OP. I would still give the same advice - let this one go. You didn't have a foundation upon which to build a relationship. You barely know each other. He's already hot and cold and coming up with excuses. Don't waste your time. Thanks for your response - but maybe you saw in the other thread that I am not sure about a relationship - I would like to get to know him better first to see - what I wanted to know is if you think his goal is to use me? I don't feel that from him at all - I don't have the impression that he is a bad person but I could be wrong of course. That's why I am here asking questions....
Lois_Griffin Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 So you basically hooked up for a couple of days with some guy from another country. Of course he wasn't looking at you as a future relationship. You were just the girl at the present time he was having fun with while traveling way from home. I don't understand why you'd even pursue something this fleeting.
Author siriusp Posted October 19, 2015 Author Posted October 19, 2015 you saw him again or not? more sex? No. We have been in touch and he wants to meet again... maybe you didn't read the thread....
Author siriusp Posted October 19, 2015 Author Posted October 19, 2015 So you basically hooked up for a couple of days with some guy from another country. Of course he wasn't looking at you as a future relationship. You were just the girl at the present time he was having fun with while traveling way from home. I don't understand why you'd even pursue something this fleeting. I don't think you read what I posted above about the contact I've had with him and the things he said..... I guess that is the problem with posting online - you never know who reads what and we can all make judgments without knowing the story...
ExpatInItaly Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 So, if I understand correctly, he is coming to see you. When is that? I would see what happens from now until his arrival. You were on his mind a lot but he didn't get in touch, which seems contradictory. I would hold him to his word that he's coming for a visit. If his communication is spotty until then, I would assume that he still sees this as something fun but non-committal. 1
Author siriusp Posted October 19, 2015 Author Posted October 19, 2015 So, if I understand correctly, he is coming to see you. When is that? I would see what happens from now until his arrival. You were on his mind a lot but he didn't get in touch, which seems contradictory. I would hold him to his word that he's coming for a visit. If his communication is spotty until then, I would assume that he still sees this as something fun but non-committal. I think you are right - I've been thinking about this a lot and of course it is non committal - I'd be worried if he wanted commitment after only spending one day together? I would like to see him again and see how it goes. I don't really see how there can be any relationship as we live in different countries. I have the feeling he is the person I think - really great - and if I am right great - I think we will have a long friendship if nothing else. But when I spend time here in LS reading all the comments about how people are - I wonder if maybe I am being naive and if he is doing all this just to have sex again? I just can't imagine that. He seems to be the opposite of cruel and inconsiderate but then again - maybe I am an idiot? ...I will know by the end of this week when he can come....
JasmineJones Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 I don't understand why you are seeing him again. He is not a good catch, not even as just a friend.
Author siriusp Posted October 19, 2015 Author Posted October 19, 2015 (edited) I don't understand why you are seeing him again. He is not a good catch, not even as just a friend. Wao... that's really interesting. Why do you say that? To me he seems like the sweetest kindest person ever. I think he is very honest and correct. He seems to have all the qualities that are important to me. I could be wrong of course but - that is the impression I got from him. Nobody can know another person straight away but - in the past - my first impressions have been surprisingly very accurate. I never met someone like him that I had such a good impression of. He has explained many of the things that I was confused about and I am no longer confused. However after all the reading/posting done in LS I have started to question my own judgement and wonder if I am being naive? Edited October 19, 2015 by siriusp
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