siriusp Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 (edited) I had a wonderful one night stand with a guy about three weeks ago. He seemed happy too. Since then I wrote him a message telling him it was nice to meet him and if he is ever in my country he can let me know.... nothing too serious. He responded that he could come the following week for a few days. I was surprised but happy. Since then no communication. Am I crazy? I can't stop thinking about him. I know he is on fb but he is not sending me any messages. I am so confused. Why tell me he more than liked me and wanted to visit and then ignore me? I don't know how to stop thinking about him. I have work to do and he keeps invading my mind. If anybody has any suggestions? Edited September 2, 2015 by siriusp
Author siriusp Posted September 2, 2015 Author Posted September 2, 2015 Why would a guy tell you that he liked you a lot and would like to see you again - that he will visit you a few days later and then ignore you completely? I see him on fb but he says nothing about the trip he said he would make to visit me? I am so confused by this behavior. What is nice about that? What does he get out of it?
Toodaloo Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 Push pull tactics. Walk away - it will screw up your mind. 1
Toodaloo Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 Is this the same guy in your other thread? After reading this actually you just have to face facts. He doesn't want to continue to have a relationship with you in any shape or form. Delete him from your facebook and other social media. Get rid of his number and move on. It was a one night stand. I.e. it was a one night thing. You are now getting a bit weird with it so time to recognize that and stop yourself going any further... 2
ExpatInItaly Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 He's keeping it one-night-stand territory. If he comes to your area again, expect a hook-up and then nothing more. But don't message him again and don't have any expectations. If he wanted something more, you would know. 3
Author siriusp Posted September 2, 2015 Author Posted September 2, 2015 Yes. I know you are right. I just wish I could understand. I don't understand the messages from him telling me how much he liked me and how he kept thinking about our time together... and that he would visit me (I live in another country). I didn't push for anything like that - I was happy and responded but now silence. Why? I wish I knew why this happened? Thank you for your post and yes it is the same as the other. I am really struggling to get him out of my mind and it is irritating me.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 Yes. I know you are right. I just wish I could understand. I don't understand the messages from him telling me how much he liked me and how he kept thinking about our time together... and that he would visit me (I live in another country). I didn't push for anything like that - I was happy and responded but now silence. Why? I wish I knew why this happened? Thank you for your post and yes it is the same as the other. I am really struggling to get him out of my mind and it is irritating me. For more sex with no commitments. He knows what women like to hear. 5
Gaeta Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 Yes. I know you are right. I just wish I could understand. I don't understand the messages from him telling me how much he liked me and how he kept thinking about our time together... and that he would visit me (I live in another country). I didn't push for anything like that - I was happy and responded but now silence. Why? I wish I knew why this happened? Thank you for your post and yes it is the same as the other. I am really struggling to get him out of my mind and it is irritating me. He said that because he knows that's why women like to hear. You're thinking of the time you had together he's thinking of the sex. He enjoyed it and he'll come back for more. It's not about spending time with you.
Author siriusp Posted September 2, 2015 Author Posted September 2, 2015 I get the feeling he wants me to contact him..... beg him? Is this possible? I will not do that - but I get the feeling that is his game?
Gaeta Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 I get the feeling he wants me to contact him..... beg him? Is this possible? I will not do that - but I get the feeling that is his game? No he doesn't want you to contact him. He told you he would go see you in a few days. He's just not interested in talking to you till then or he changed his mind and he won't come back. If a man doesn't contact you he's not playing games, he's simply not thinking about you. 4
Author siriusp Posted September 2, 2015 Author Posted September 2, 2015 Thank you all for your responses. It is what I needed. No confusion there. It is sometimes difficult to see clearly when you are emotional. I am going to try and focus my attention elsewhere. Thank you all once again. It really helped that you all responded.
Author siriusp Posted September 2, 2015 Author Posted September 2, 2015 @Gaeta.... Yes I know you are right. Deep down. I just find it hard to accept. When we were together - we spent the first 20 hours talking and there was no hint of anything sexual. He said during our talk how he never made the first move on a girl - I didn't give it any thought until later. But I think my mind is playing tricks on me. I am a bit horrified with myself that I got it so wrong. I really thought he liked me and I hate myself for not being able to see the truth. I can't seem to get it right. I really am grateful for your comments because I know you are right. The last message he wrote - I didn't respond to. It wasn't that kind of message.... he also liked things on my fb but he didn't write to tell me which day he was coming. Anyway - I have to stop thinking about it and pull myself together and move on.
Gaeta Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 @Gaeta.... Yes I know you are right. Deep down. I just find it hard to accept. When we were together - we spent the first 20 hours talking and there was no hint of anything sexual. He said during our talk how he never made the first move on a girl - I didn't give it any thought until later. But I think my mind is playing tricks on me. I am a bit horrified with myself that I got it so wrong. I really thought he liked me and I hate myself for not being able to see the truth. I can't seem to get it right. I really am grateful for your comments because I know you are right. Hon, I am sorry you are feeling so bad about it. It's sad but you cannot believe what a man is saying at the beginning. If you read around you'll see a lot of the time men will say everything a woman wants to hear just to get her to bed and even take her out on 1-2-3 dates then lose interest or disappear.
Author siriusp Posted September 2, 2015 Author Posted September 2, 2015 I know. I have never felt so conned though. I am normally good at spotting the ones that have that agenda. I really fell for him and believed he was different. What a fool I've been.
Redhead14 Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 I had a wonderful one night stand with a guy about three weeks ago. He seemed happy too. Since then I wrote him a message telling him it was nice to meet him and if he is ever in my country he can let me know.... nothing too serious. He responded that he could come the following week for a few days. I was surprised but happy. Since then no communication. Am I crazy? I can't stop thinking about him. I know he is on fb but he is not sending me any messages. I am so confused. Why tell me he more than liked me and wanted to visit and then ignore me? I don't know how to stop thinking about him. I have work to do and he keeps invading my mind. If anybody has any suggestions? Why tell me he more than liked me and wanted to visit and then ignore me? -- To keep you on the hook! So that he would have a definite source for sex any time he's in the country . . . You will be having a series of one-night stands for as long as you tolerate it. The only way to stop thinking about him is to STOP thinking about him. It was a one-night stand, not a torrid love affair over a period of months. 1
d0nnivain Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 For a ONS who wants a repeat performance, his words are on the polite side. I can't say whether it's a scam just to get in your pants / bed but it's crystal clear that he has no interest in an LDR. When he is back in your area he is open to more sex but for him it's only about the sex when you see each other & he doesn't want any of the strings like contact in between visits. Since you said you feel like a fool who has been conned, either cancel the meeting outright or put your cards on the table when you see him: tell him you want an LDR but that if wants anything else, you're not interested. He'll probably pick walk away but he might lie to you just for more sex, then he'll disappear.
Redhead14 Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 I know. I have never felt so conned though. I am normally good at spotting the ones that have that agenda. I really fell for him and believed he was different. What a fool I've been. Siriusp, any time you sleep with a man too soon, you should simply assume it will be a one-night stand regardless of what he tells you. He might really have liked you and enjoyed the time with you anyway. This man didn't promise you the world. He said he'd like to see you again sometime. So what? He didn't con you. You allowed yourself to become invested in him without him even having to demonstrate any real interest in you. It's doesn't mean you are a fool either. You yourself, called it a one-night stand. You knew the possibility existed and now you know. 3
Vyliss Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 Just cos a guy doesn't contact you doesn't necessarily mean he isn't thinking about you. It could be a variety of reasons why he isn't messaging. But the most obvious is that he doesn't want to have a relationship with you. Even if a guy is only contacting "for sex", in the back of his mind, he probably hopes it may turn into more. Or else he'd just go find someone else to have sex with. But if he said he was going to contact when he's in your country and he doesn't, then he doesn't want to contact and you prob should try to move on.
Dolfin80 Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 (edited) Unfortunately looks like he was after a good time that's it but you weren't aware and bonded with him - emotionally. You are love struck by him that's why you can't get him out of your head. Be kind to yourself because you didn't know his intentions. Nurture yourself through this period as you will now have to go through the grief of breaking that emotional bond with him. You will do this as you have no other choice. Be kind to yourself. I had this happen to me recently, I was in another country, was love struck by a guy, then after I returned to my country I realised his intentions were very different to mine. It took me about 10 weeks to stop thinking about and missing him. Good luck, it just takes time. Edited September 2, 2015 by Dolfin80
Celeste.Carol Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 My advice is to take your fears out of the equation quickly and start responding or initiating in a way that shows you are the catch, responsible for your emotions, and of high value. If it is meant to be I think it will happen if you do not show fear which to men equals neediness even if that is farther then the truth. I hate that every emotion of women is disregarded and placed in the needy category. Be who you are but guard your heart. Best wishes with this situation.
Redhead14 Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 My advice is to take your fears out of the equation quickly and start responding or initiating in a way that shows you are the catch, responsible for your emotions, and of high value. If it is meant to be I think it will happen if you do not show fear which to men equals neediness even if that is farther then the truth. I hate that every emotion of women is disregarded and placed in the needy category. Be who you are but guard your heart. Best wishes with this situation. I hate that every emotion of women is disregarded and placed in the needy category. -- In these cases, Celeste, when a woman's emotions are so elevated and invested in a man this soon, it is entirely about neediness and insecurity that exists internally. Nine times out of ten, its about a woman's desperateness to have a relationship with a man because her sense of validation relies on external sources. "I need a man in my life to be happy. A relationship completes me". "Oh! He doesn't like me, I want people to like me", etc. Sure, any woman would feel a little sting, especially if it's her first experience with a one-night stand, but if she were truly centered and secure in herself, she wouldn't be spending days fretting over it. 1
Celeste.Carol Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 Hi Red, I meant that as some men are quick to judge normal fears as needy. I do understand that clinging desperately and showing neediness is something a person needs to work on within themselves and not employ onto a new guy! I am a strong woman who at times may have reservations and doubts and it is far from neediness and in essence it is truly doubt. It is something I am figuring out for myself and hopefully will learn from new experiences.
Lois_Griffin Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 This was a one night stand, not a love affair and not a relationship. He's probably got 'girlfriends' in every port he visits. If you're smart, you'll recognize you're just sex to this guy. 2
Leigh 87 Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 I've fallen in love with a one night stand. He lives a 4,5 hour plane trip from me. This was back in January...... The difference is, he said he'd pay to fly me over to see him. And he has. I'm leaving tomorrow. We have visited each other three times since our one night stand. I thought he was full of crap since a one night stand is 99.99999% of the time, just a One Night Stand. I've only just started to believe him that he may actually be genuine when he tells me that he has feelings for me and wants to give it a real go.
Redhead14 Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 (edited) Why would a guy tell you that he liked you a lot and would like to see you again - that he will visit you a few days later and then ignore you completely? I see him on fb but he says nothing about the trip he said he would make to visit me? I am so confused by this behavior. What is nice about that? What does he get out of it? Siriusp, You've started another thread about the same guy? C'mon, sweetie. Let this go. You'll make yourself nutz. He isn't worth a second thought. Why do they do it? Because they can and they know some women eat it up and will hang on to every nice word while ignoring the fact that that man has used or otherwise disrespected them. Are you not an awesome woman with a lot to offer someone? Find someone who appreciates who you are and won't treat you like a doormat. There is something good that you've learned about yourself from this situation. You've learned that you are not able to handle a one-night stand and that you should not put yourself in that position again. Not every woman can handle that. When you are secure in yourself enough at some point, you can opt to sleep with anyone you want without, any time you want to without expectations. For now, I would avoid those situations if I were you. Edited September 2, 2015 by Redhead14 1
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