JasmineJones Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 I love being pursued by a guy and I would never ever chase a man. What are your thoughts on pursuing or being pursued in the early stages of a relationship?
Gaeta Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 I let him pursue me from when we make contact to our 3rd date BUT I show my interest. Letting men do 100% of contacting is a dangerous game, you risk to appear uninterested. Yes men like the chase but you also have to give them a reason to pursue you, they need a green light from you. I feel if you both agree to take this past the 3rd date then there is no more chasing games. I'm not telling you it's ok to flood his phone after your 4th date but stop playing hard to get. 8
MrMeh Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 Totally agree about it being a dangerous game. Once I start to notice that they're just playing with me, without every showing me a cue, I instantly back off no matter how attracted I am to her. Don't get me wrong, being in the chase is pretty exciting, but it gets exhausting to the point where you inevitably become apathetic.
BLND Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 I used to pursue as well, but right now I'd rather he shows interest. I rarely if ever text first and I never suggest to meet him. Doesn't mean I'm not interested, I just don't want to involve myself too much too soon. He texts me everyday and sometimes I answer right away, sometimes I don't, for hours (my phone is glued to my hand at all times). Until HE talks about being committed and exclusive I have no reason to put an extra effort. but when we go out on dates, I enjoy myself and his company a lot.
Guyouthere Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 I love being pursued by a guy and I would never ever chase a man. What are your thoughts on pursuing or being pursued in the early stages of a relationship? Being pursued is lovely when the woman thinks she is alone when she really isn't. lol (just kidding). hehehe
smackie9 Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 I'm a pursuer, it's more fun because they don't know what hit them. 3
Revan32 Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 I will not pursue a women at all unless she gives me clear cut signs she is interested. And the second she stops giving the signs I'm done chasing. I've deleted dozens of numbers after the girl fails to respond to a single text. Probably loses me a lot of girls, but the way I see it is that she must not have liked me enough to simply respond to one text. I'm pretty positive I have one girl at church who is crushing on me. She always walks over to say hi, and compliments me on my appearance pretty much every time I see her. I'd ask her out, but other than than what I mentioned, she gives zero signals. I get the feeling she wants me to be all official and ask her out. Its not happening though unless she gives me a little more reason to. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 I love it in the very early stages of courtship but like Gaeta, playing hard to get indefinitely can get old for anyone. If I'm interested, I'll make it known. The only games will be playing will be board games. 3
Revan32 Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 I love it in the very early stages of courtship but like Gaeta, playing hard to get indefinitely can get old for anyone. If I'm interested, I'll make it known. The only games will be playing will be board games. So I'm curious. What do girls do to play hard to get? Maybe I could start recognizing it instead of thinking its pure disinterest.
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 (edited) So I'm curious. What do girls do to play hard to get? Maybe I could start recognizing it instead of thinking its pure disinterest. It's like everything else, it depends on the woman. Playing hard to get is a great way to get a guy's (or gal's) attention and to make them see that you're worth pursuing. BUT it's a delicate balance. On one hand, you do not want to seem too eager or overzealous about a new person because you might be perceived as desperate or annoying. On the other hand, if they have not communicated with you for over two weeks or after calling them two or three times then they are probably just not that into you (and not just “playing hard to get”). Usually it's about appearing mysterious and unavailable, but not so much so that the person pursuing you thinks getting a date with you is next to impossible. It's almost instinctual in the beginning for women particularly, to behave this way. It's part of the dance between men and women however after a several dates and time spent getting to know each other, the only way a relationship can blossom is if a couple stops with all the pretense and work from a place of honesty and trust. Edited October 19, 2015 by Michelle ma Belle
Revan32 Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 It's like everything else, it depends on the woman. Playing hard to get is a great way to get a guy's (or gal's) attention and to make them see that you're worth pursuing. BUT it's a delicate balance. On one hand, you do not want to seem too eager or overzealous about a new person because you might be perceived as desperate or annoying. On the other hand, if they have not communicated with you for over two weeks or after calling them two or three times then they are probably just not that into you (and not just “playing hard to get”). Usually it's about appearing mysterious and unavailable, but not so much so that the person pursuing you thinks getting a date with you is next to impossible. It's almost instinctual in the beginning for women particularly, to behave this way. It's part of the dance between men and women however after a several dates and time spent getting to know each other, the only way a relationship can blossom is if a couple stops with all the pretense and work from a place of honesty and trust. So what are some of the specifics? Not responding to texts? Refusing dates? Stuff like that? 1
Guyouthere Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 I just wonder why it can't be as simple as…. "I like you, I want to see you again, how do you feel and when would you like to go out again?". Thats how my parents did it, and it worked for millions in the past. Too much 'crap" now, and often the reason why so many simply miss out. 4
lovel Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 I used to pursue as well, but right now I'd rather he shows interest. I rarely if ever text first and I never suggest to meet him. Doesn't mean I'm not interested, I just don't want to involve myself too much too soon. He texts me everyday and sometimes I answer right away, sometimes I don't, for hours (my phone is glued to my hand at all times). Until HE talks about being committed and exclusive I have no reason to put an extra effort. but when we go out on dates, I enjoy myself and his company a lot. Does this work for you? Not being condescending, genuinely curious. My personal experience is that the men I acted this way with either thought I wasn't interested or that I was sending mixed signals (enjoy dates but hardly initiate contact and never initiate meetings), which to them was a turn off. 1
siriusp Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 I can't stand all the silly games..... and there is nothing worse than being pursued by someone you are not interested in. If I am interested - I will respond. I don't see the point in all this game playing and getting someone to chase you. It doesn't make any sense to me and I think it confuses men. If you are interested - move it forward and if not - make it clear. 5
chapter44 Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 My nature is to be the pursuer. Maybe I am a bit old fashioned that way but I definitely need to feel that they are receptive. I think as things evolve you get to place where being the pursuer isn't as much about initiating communication as it is being proactive and planning dates i.e. having a plan. 2
shet Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 I've never understood the idea at all. If you deliberately seek to appear disinterested, the only people who'll "chase" are sociopaths. Healthy people will ignore you back. If you deliberately seek to appear casual and cool, only sociopaths will expend effort on your behalf, healthy people will reflect your coolness. I think the secret behind this behaviour is less deliberate than the women doing it want to admit. The truth is they're incapable of being maturely interested in social give and take stages of relationships, because they're awkward and cowardly. They're not capable of suggesting dates because they're dull and uncreative, they need someone to find things to do. They're not capable of expressing or revealing interest like an adult, because they're inherently creepy and awkward and have to avoid showing it, so have to watch what they say and do until they think it's ok to get physical - the only level they can actually get to grips with. I have had some instances, in the past, of dealing with this sort of front. I've seen what happens when a woman blows cool and you either back off or have some unavoidable obstacle, so that the onus is upon them briefly to actually act, rather than just receive? They fall apart. Their hasty date proposals will be lame and probably involve chain restaurants, because they don't do anything or know any finer dining. Their planning will be bad. Half the time the best they can do is to suggest what's now called netflix and chill, and if you even take them up on it, they'll have forgotten to get rid of their housemate, won't have any food in and their internet will drop out. These women behave coolly not because it's some kind of clever psychological manipulation - but because they ****ing suck as individuals and at self actualisation.
BLND Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 I've never understood the idea at all. If you deliberately seek to appear disinterested, the only people who'll "chase" are sociopaths. Healthy people will ignore you back. If you deliberately seek to appear casual and cool, only sociopaths will expend effort on your behalf, healthy people will reflect your coolness. I think the secret behind this behaviour is less deliberate than the women doing it want to admit. The truth is they're incapable of being maturely interested in social give and take stages of relationships, because they're awkward and cowardly. They're not capable of suggesting dates because they're dull and uncreative, they need someone to find things to do. They're not capable of expressing or revealing interest like an adult, because they're inherently creepy and awkward and have to avoid showing it, so have to watch what they say and do until they think it's ok to get physical - the only level they can actually get to grips with. I have had some instances, in the past, of dealing with this sort of front. I've seen what happens when a woman blows cool and you either back off or have some unavoidable obstacle, so that the onus is upon them briefly to actually act, rather than just receive? They fall apart. Their hasty date proposals will be lame and probably involve chain restaurants, because they don't do anything or know any finer dining. Their planning will be bad. Half the time the best they can do is to suggest what's now called netflix and chill, and if you even take them up on it, they'll have forgotten to get rid of their housemate, won't have any food in and their internet will drop out. These women behave coolly not because it's some kind of clever psychological manipulation - but because they ****ing suck as individuals and at self actualisation. So many assumptions here. But also a lot of contradictions.
BLND Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 Does this work for you? Not being condescending, genuinely curious. My personal experience is that the men I acted this way with either thought I wasn't interested or that I was sending mixed signals (enjoy dates but hardly initiate contact and never initiate meetings), which to them was a turn off. They might think you're not interested if during the date, you're not bringing anything to it, but rather just following his lead. When he asks me where I want to go out for dinner, I always know what to answer and never tell him ''you choose''. When we meet, there are no awkward moments of silence whatsoever, because we both enjoy each other's company and have meaningful conversations about our families, previous relationships, travellling, backgrounds... We both have a great time during our dates, to the point where while we're still at the restaurant, he asks me out for another date. Our dates last a while too. We talk everyday and tell each other about our days and plans... But I will not ask him out or suggest to meet him. Once he makes his intentions known and tells me exactly he wants to date me exclusively (even if I know he already is) then I can let myself go a little bit. No need to mention there has been no sexual contact between us.There is physical attraction but there's also a lot of respect.
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 I just wonder why it can't be as simple as…. "I like you, I want to see you again, how do you feel and when would you like to go out again?". Thats how my parents did it, and it worked for millions in the past. Too much 'crap" now, and often the reason why so many simply miss out. I wholeheartedly agree 1
fitnessfan365 Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 The way I see it as this. As a guy I'm planning dates, paying for dates, and initiating sex. So the least a woman can do is initiate communication between dates. Then when she sends a text my way saying that she's thinking about me, or can't wait for our next date, etc I take the ball and run with it planning the next one. But if a woman sits back and expects me to basically do everything, screw that. Dating involves two people. Not one person waiting on the other hand and foot. 3
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 So what are some of the specifics? Not responding to texts? Refusing dates? Stuff like that? Sure. Basically, if you're having to carry the entire courtship without so much as a breadcrumb thrown your way, she's not interested. If she is interested but just doesn't know when to end the games, she might be more trouble that she's worth. Haven't you ever had a gut feeling about a girl you're trying to pursue who didn't seem interested? I can't believe it's hard to figure out.
carhill Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 What are your thoughts on pursuing or being pursued in the early stages of a relationship? Since the words used can be defined a billion different ways, a couple of questions OP... 1. What does 'pursue' and/or 'being pursued' mean to you? 2. What does 'early stages of the relationship' mean to you? An example would be 'I would never chase a man'. OK, what does 'chase a man' mean to you? Run him down in your car? Ask him on a date? What? 1
Zippy2000 Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 I love the chase as being the man but it gets tiresome if it goes on for months and months. I get confused, bored and eventually move on. Oddly when I do move on and since tghe girls Im pursing have shown disinterest and weeks have gone but and months. They then get confused and asked what happened to me. There has to be a limit to the time one gets pursued. Its nothing more than ego stroking the pursued. You have to as someone said in an earlier post give them a "green light" to go ahead.
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 I love the chase as being the man but it gets tiresome if it goes on for months and months. I get confused, bored and eventually move on. Oddly when I do move on and since tghe girls Im pursing have shown disinterest and weeks have gone but and months. They then get confused and asked what happened to me. There has to be a limit to the time one gets pursued. Its nothing more than ego stroking the pursued. You have to as someone said in an earlier post give them a "green light" to go ahead. I'm guessing every man is different
thefooloftheyear Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 I'm guessing every man is different Yep... I have never pursued in my life...And I know there are other guys out there like myself.. Funny(but true) story..A relative of mine ran into a woman during a business transaction...After they talked business, the woman proceeds to ask this relative of mine if she knows or was related to me, as we share the same last name..She said yes..This woman proceeds to tell this relative how, many years ago she was crazy for me and tried to do everything to get me to notice and make a move....Yet, I remembered none of it... Point is, if you are a woman and think that every guy is just going to pull the stops and come after you, then you are very likely going to be left holding the bag, or waiting for the guys that do,..I could see how in years past it wasn't really socially acceptable for a woman to come on to a guy, but id like to think those days are long gone.. Having said all this I do also know of women that simply will not pursue a guy under any conditions...Even when they pursue, she plays hard to get, and they have to get past her initial rejections and show they are really worthy......That just sounds so ridiculous, if you ask me... TFY 2
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