lovel Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 Does anyone here ever feel like giving up love? I was single for a good 2 years, then started dating again in the beginning of 2014 when I felt whole, happy and like I truly found myself. I was in the perfect place to share my life with someone. I dated around A LOT, became exclusive with 3 guys but none of which ever materialized into a serious relationship -- 1 decided he just wanted to have fun after 3 months, another disappeared on me after 5 months completely out of the blue, and the third you can read about here. At this point my heart and I are just tired. I'm starting to feel like I'll never find that person and the kind of love and partnership I'm looking for. I can't even bring myself to start OLD because I just feel so hopeless. Anyone ever feel this way? I do have a full, busy life, but that feeling is still there. How do I get out of this rut? 6
thecrucible Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 I'm not gonna lie. I feel like this too. There's so much pressure on a person to be happy and single. I did that for several years. I had my independent days but still I feel there's something missing and I'm exhausted by the dating process. So what you are feeling is entirely normal. I would definitely stay away from OLD until you feel more enthusiastic about it. Maybe you just time to yourself again? Then when you feel ready, get back out there. This time you'll be armed with more knowledge and can go on fewer dates so it's not a scatter gun approach. Instead, you should go on fewer dates which are more worthwhile. This will make you feel less tired by dating. I'm not suggesting you take too long a break as you still want to be on the lookout, but just a little break to refocus I think is a good idea. I'm sorry to hear about what you've been going through . It sucks when someone acts like they are serious about you but they make you feel like the fool.
oberkeat Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 (edited) I feel the same way. I've been single 5 years and 4 months, and I still haven't found the right person. I'm starting to believe she doesn't exist. I tried online dating, and sure, I was getting dates, but the people I was meeting were all horrendous, so I quit online. What's frustrating is that with all the effort I've put into finding a girlfriend for years and getting no results, some people I know just walk into relationships with zero effort. Some people say, "just be happy as a single person," but after 5 years alone, it gets old. I wish I had the answer. Edited October 18, 2015 by oberkeat 1
neowulf Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 You're not alone. I think we all reach that point at some stage. The constant set backs, wrong turns and dead ends weigh us down to the point where you eventually think "well.. maybe this just isn't suppose to happen for me". I know I spend a lot of time lately feeling fatalistic about my chances at ever finding a wife and having a family. It just seems no matter what I do, it all falls apart. Take solace that you're not the only one who feels this way. 2
Guyouthere Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 Does anyone here ever feel like giving up love? I was single for a good 2 years, then started dating again in the beginning of 2014 when I felt whole, happy and like I truly found myself. I was in the perfect place to share my life with someone. I dated around A LOT, became exclusive with 3 guys but none of which ever materialized into a serious relationship -- 1 decided he just wanted to have fun after 3 months, another disappeared on me after 5 months completely out of the blue, and the third you can read about here. At this point my heart and I are just tired. I'm starting to feel like I'll never find that person and the kind of love and partnership I'm looking for. I can't even bring myself to start OLD because I just feel so hopeless. Anyone ever feel this way? I do have a full, busy life, but that feeling is still there. How do I get out of this rut? Your feelings and choices are same as mine..,, Get out and do things. If you have enough qualities for a good guy, he will find you. I have what a woman wants, and am confident of it, so I do not worry. My time will come as will yours. 3
smackie9 Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 From my experience the harder you look the harder it is to find someone....stop looking they will find you. 1
Zorrloft Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 I'm at that point now too. Im tired of first dates. I'm frustrated with the games women have been playing. And I'm exhausted of sending out a bazillion online messages with the hope one will respond only to then put me though the same pattern again. I'm irritated that some of my friends just stumble into love over and over again without any effort. I've stepped away from online dating for a bit. Meh. 1
Guyouthere Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 (edited) Seriously…. What I have noticed now, is that as I get back to my "old self" as I was before, I am having women flirt with me as they like to do. Evidently they pick up on my personalty as it is. Im over this last mess I went through. I came to the conclusion that was her loss, not mine. Your personality IS your biggest asset. It also helps to have some unique things that separate you from other guys, (like I have my treasure hunting and shark fishing). It offers a woman something that they aren't going to encounter much of, it at all. Try to get yourself involved with something unique. I turned down a few possible dates when I was with that last girl, even though I know I could have had a nice woman. Edited October 19, 2015 by Guyouthere 1
Karine26 Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 yea...I feel the same. Last year I decided to take a break from dating. It turned out to be about 7 months. I got a new job, new hobbies and new friends, who convinced me it was time to try again. So I did. Not long after I met a guy who was everything on my list. This was the first guy I saw as forever potential. It was going great and then he drops the "I'm not happy with my work/life so I need to work on myself." Ah the classic "its not you, its me". So I took about 2 months to get over it and now am Online dating, which I am aware can eventually make me feel worse lol I went out with a guy who seemed pretty nice but not sure if there's chemistry there. Most of the guys who message me Online are about 50 or 5'5 while I'm 5'9 or just not my type bc they're hobbies are the direct opposite of mine. When I reach out to guys Online that are my type they rarely respond. I live in a Major city and still feel like it is hard to meet someone. I'll do happy hour sometimes but I'm not really a bar person anymore. And when I do go out guys my age are glued to their phones lol I peeked over one guys shoulder and he was on a dating app while in a bar with pretty girls right in front of him. I feel like guys my age fear rejection so much they don't even try in person anymore. Technology is a blessing and a curse IMO. But I have been working out after work with friends and it does help my mood. They say exercise improves your mood and it definitely has for me. 2
Guyouthere Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 yea...I feel the same. Last year I decided to take a break from dating. It turned out to be about 7 months. I got a new job, new hobbies and new friends, who convinced me it was time to try again. So I did. Not long after I met a guy who was everything on my list. This was the first guy I saw as forever potential. It was going great and then he drops the "I'm not happy with my work/life so I need to work on myself." Ah the classic "its not you, its me". So I took about 2 months to get over it and now am Online dating, which I am aware can eventually make me feel worse lol I went out with a guy who seemed pretty nice but not sure if there's chemistry there. Most of the guys who message me Online are about 50 or 5'5 while I'm 5'9 or just not my type bc they're hobbies are the direct opposite of mine. When I reach out to guys Online that are my type they rarely respond. I live in a Major city and still feel like it is hard to meet someone. I'll do happy hour sometimes but I'm not really a bar person anymore. And when I do go out guys my age are glued to their phones lol I peeked over one guys shoulder and he was on a dating app while in a bar with pretty girls right in front of him. I feel like guys my age fear rejection so much they don't even try in person anymore. Technology is a blessing and a curse IMO. But I have been working out after work with friends and it does help my mood. They say exercise improves your mood and it definitely has for me. Yes it does, and why I hit the gym a least every night after work and then cycle for a while too.
sportygirl89 Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 Oh I feel like that at times. Mostly I'm happy though being single. I am starting year three. All the people in my program are complaining about juggling school, work, and relationship. There are only two girls in the entire program in who are single. I've sworn off men while I join these different agencies. That's probably when I'll meet someone. Haha. 1
craw Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 How do I get out of this rut? Travel. Go to a foreign country.
mystikmind2005 Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 I am totally winding down my interest in online dating too. I think i am fairly certain what the problem is these days.... Its the movie World War Z, and on the other side of the Jerusalem wall is the girl of my dreams. In between her and me is a huge pile of men clambering over each other trying to get to her as well. It is a fact that on a normal dating site, there are usually about the same number of women and men, but women i talk to are saying they are getting hundreds of messages.... so where the hell are all these extra guys coming from? who has time for that? No wonder most women never reply. I really like it when a woman messages me, that is when i sit up and pay attention!
CalvinM Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 I think it's normal to feel this way. I'm really happy I didn't, the woman I'm seeing now is pretty great. Online dating really sucks, but meeting someone who makes you forget how bad it can be makes me remember that it's mostly the people, not the process. 1
LostOne1 Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 Does anyone here ever feel like giving up love? I was single for a good 2 years, then started dating again in the beginning of 2014 when I felt whole, happy and like I truly found myself. I was in the perfect place to share my life with someone. I dated around A LOT, became exclusive with 3 guys but none of which ever materialized into a serious relationship -- 1 decided he just wanted to have fun after 3 months, another disappeared on me after 5 months completely out of the blue, and the third you can read about here. At this point my heart and I are just tired. I'm starting to feel like I'll never find that person and the kind of love and partnership I'm looking for. I can't even bring myself to start OLD because I just feel so hopeless. Anyone ever feel this way? I do have a full, busy life, but that feeling is still there. How do I get out of this rut? I'm in the same boat as you.. but I'm a guy. My luck just hasn't been great. I seem to interest women, but it's usually my career or goals that gets them interested. But in the end it's the same.... they just aren't that interested after awhile. All I can say is.. don't give up. But at the same time take a break. Start doing things you liked again.
Zippy2000 Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 Feel like giving up? Hell, yeah! Soooo many dead ends, people losing interest, lying, cheating or the thoughts of the next guy/girl is better than the next. Relationships come and go too easily these days. Look at this forum for example. People just say "move on", "date other girls" too easily. The older generation were limited in the number of girls they dated. People didnt travel about as much and were confined to their own local communities. Today the advantages of technology allow us to get together faster. OLD is one of them but disadvantages to OLD is there is too many to choose from and its like bing a child in a sweet shop thinking the next sweet is going to taste better then the last. For me I find OLD easier to accept rejection. I ve asked in real life but women dont always give you a chance or the time of day. People in real life just think your a weirdo or some lonesome stalker. I ve only ever had woman accept my number and we still talk who I asked out in real life than in virtual reality. The other countless women I met I realise now never had any kind of connection as I just asked them outright. Give up? Maybe so. This woman I gave my number to. We are still talking. We`ve met a couple of times and have been "friends" for over a year now. One or two of my friends just tell me to move on but whenever I ve asked this girl out. She never turns me down. Give up? No. Im just keeping my options open. The more I interact with her the more "good history" we have. Ive noticed some women who you have been friends with for a years. They`ve actually turned and have seen me in a new light. I had one girl who turned me down. Had 3 failed relationships and 6 years later she went and asked me out. Sometimes persistence pays off. Give up? Never give up! You guys just havent met him/her yet. 1
Candle037 Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 For me I literally give up. The one person I felt I had a connection within the last few years doesn't want a relationship. Online dating is mental hell and when you do date ''the good ones'' they won't make time for you even when were exclusive!! So I decided that really I need to embrace being alone. This isn't a rant and yes if someone comes my way I can consider but I've wasted years being set up and online dating with losers or knights that won't get off their horse lol. I'm now back to the gym and I've read every online post and dating book to find out why and believe me I applied it and continual rejection. I'm now out to make new friends and have no interest to pursue anyone. 4
jam.over.jelly Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 For me I literally give up. The one person I felt I had a connection within the last few years doesn't want a relationship. Online dating is mental hell and when you do date ''the good ones'' they won't make time for you even when were exclusive!! So I decided that really I need to embrace being alone. This isn't a rant and yes if someone comes my way I can consider but I've wasted years being set up and online dating with losers or knights that won't get off their horse lol. I'm now back to the gym and I've read every online post and dating book to find out why and believe me I applied it and continual rejection. I'm now out to make new friends and have no interest to pursue anyone. Exactly how I feel right now. I rarely find myself interested in anyone I meet, but when I do, they either don't feel the same, or we have a great couple months then something always gotta happen. I figure it's time to stop dating and now that's exactly what I'm doing. No more going on dates, now I have more time for friends and family, and to work out and volunteer. 2
Guyouthere Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 Exactly how I feel right now. I rarely find myself interested in anyone I meet, but when I do, they either don't feel the same, or we have a great couple months then something always gotta happen. I figure it's time to stop dating and now that's exactly what I'm doing. No more going on dates, now I have more time for friends and family, and to work out and volunteer. Smoked fish.
kilgore Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 Exactly how I feel right now. I rarely find myself interested in anyone I meet, but when I do, they either don't feel the same, or we have a great couple months then something always gotta happen. I figure it's time to stop dating and now that's exactly what I'm doing. No more going on dates, now I have more time for friends and family, and to work out and volunteer. I felt that way. At a low point. Then I met the woman who became my wife. Things happen - just in their own time. Remember you only have to get it right once 2
jam.over.jelly Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 I felt that way. At a low point. Then I met the woman who became my wife. Things happen - just in their own time. Remember you only have to get it right once Thanks kilgore, that does give me hope. But I feel like taking time off from dating is essential right now, I will come back though, with a brand new, fresh mentality, rather than feeling burned out. 3
kilgore Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 Thanks kilgore, that does give me hope. But I feel like taking time off from dating is essential right now, I will come back though, with a brand new, fresh mentality, rather than feeling burned out. Makes sense. But if someone comes along who is interesting don't ignore or reject just because you said you're taking a break 1
Guyouthere Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 Thanks kilgore, that does give me hope. But I feel like taking time off from dating is essential right now, I will come back though, with a brand new, fresh mentality, rather than feeling burned out. Jam jelly, smoked fish, and play records of Elvis songs while washing your car in a bikini har har har 2
jam.over.jelly Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 Makes sense. But if someone comes along who is interesting don't ignore or reject just because you said you're taking a break I do feel like right now, since I'm feeling very pessimistic about dating, I project that onto my dates, hence I feel like I'm wasting my time and their time, if I do agree to go out with them. Could that be why I'm having no luck lately?
kilgore Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 I do feel like right now, since I'm feeling very pessimistic about dating, I project that onto my dates, hence I feel like I'm wasting my time and their time, if I do agree to go out with them. Could that be why I'm having no luck lately? Or maybe just not the right guys for you. I had a lot of aimless, pointless dates or brief relationships that went nowhere 2
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