Emma1a Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 I felt really good at five months mark (8 year rs, first love, hs sweethearts, engaged). Now it's been six months and I'm feeling down again after seeing him this morning. Saw him once in sept where he kept staring at me as he walked pass by. This time it was in the gym, we walked pass each other by the entrance. It was so unexpected on both ends, he was with a different girl coming out of the gym together. Guess he is really doing what he told me - that he doesn't want to get married until he is late 30s. He is so happy and enjoying life and experiencing different girls, he did not just want to have me as the only girl he ever dated. I didn't wear my contacts and was so stupid to turn around to look again and he was looking towards me too. But it doesn't matter, he loves his current life and doesn't want me to be part of it. It still hurts when I think about that even though I'm seeing two guys and I actually don't think about him when I'm with other guys and that I actually like those guys. I'm still doing all those fun new things, gym stuff etc but somehow I still want to be able to talk to him. 8 years is a long time and too much history to just pretend it never happened. I am only human and can't be as cruel as he is. At times I am so determined that I don't want to talk to him ever but other times I really want to just hear his voice. I know life goes on and I am doing my best. I think I'm doing quite well actually but there is still that sadness that I feel every once in awhile. I thought it'd be gone after I felt so good at five months mark but it's not. I wish there's something that makes me forget him immediately. I do have everything else going for me and that i have lots of guys wanting to date me. He is not even that handsome, bad personality etc. Is it really true that we all want what we don't have?! I sure hope so. It changed my whole perspective on relationships. As I date other guys I don't think we will make it to the end ever since I now learned that nothing lasts forever ugh
Chronograph Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 Hey, I can relate to this. I'm similar. 5 months out after 15 years, also first serious relationship. I felt okay, but then the sadness creeps back in (in my case cause he sent an implicit message in order to get himself back on my radar, or whatever). I guess it just takes longer than we think. 8 years is too long than to just be processed in 5 or 6 months. You know the (scary) saying that it takes half the time of the relationship to get over someone? (I hope this is not true!) And I can also relate to your lost trust / belief in relationships. Same here. Nothing lasts forever and no matter how long or serious it was, no matter if you have two kids and build a house together ... nothing is a guarantee that it will last.
Author Emma1a Posted October 22, 2015 Author Posted October 22, 2015 Hey, I can relate to this. I'm similar. 5 months out after 15 years, also first serious relationship. I felt okay, but then the sadness creeps back in (in my case cause he sent an implicit message in order to get himself back on my radar, or whatever). I guess it just takes longer than we think. 8 years is too long than to just be processed in 5 or 6 months. You know the (scary) saying that it takes half the time of the relationship to get over someone? (I hope this is not true!) And I can also relate to your lost trust / belief in relationships. Same here. Nothing lasts forever and no matter how long or serious it was, no matter if you have two kids and build a house together ... nothing is a guarantee that it will last. I am sorry to hear that! Guess this is life, we have to experience it at some point in life to learn how strong we are!
mightycpa Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 Guess he is really doing what he told me - that he doesn't want to get married until he is late 30s. If that's what he wants, then the joke is probably going to be on him. Aside from the obvious problem of meeting the right person at the right time (for both of them), there is the little issue about marriage readiness. A lot of that readiness depends on when you get out of school and into the workforce. There is a partying period, where you hang out with large crowds of people about your age, and then you feel like you don't belong there any more as younger people start to crowd in. From that point forward, you have about three years to have a normal chance of getting married. Every year after that, your chances decrease immensely, and by the time most people are 37 or older, if they've never been married, or if they are not doctors or PhD's, then they never will be married... unless they value marriage itself more than the person they marry. And that never works out well. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, I'm just saying it is rare; difficult. You get comfortable with your life at that age, and you don't feel much like messing it up. You have literally dodged a bullet, or maybe, the bullet dodged you. Either way, eight years is way too long to date somebody. Next time, don't put more than 30 months in. If you get that far without a wedding date, it's time to give your less-than-serious suitor the heave-ho. Assuming that you don't want to wait until your late thirties too.
Author Emma1a Posted October 22, 2015 Author Posted October 22, 2015 You have literally dodged a bullet, or maybe, the bullet dodged you. Either way, eight years is way too long to date somebody. Next time, don't put more than 30 months in. If you get that far without a wedding date, it's time to give your less-than-serious suitor the heave-ho. Assuming that you don't want to wait until your late thirties too. You know what, he was kinda depressed in university and never really had any friends or partied. It's only after he started working that he gained his confidence all back. He also started working out regularly since three years ago and he looks so much better. Finally he can experience the life he 'missed'. It's just really hard to believer I suppose since it is my first love. So I thought it would be forever. But now I see very clearly nothing lasts forever, if someone you think love you unconditionally for so many years can do this to you, how can you believe in any guy anymore?! He just needs to get it out of his system, I know he needs to experience other girls, he's always had this thought and took the chance when opportunity showed. I am so sick of what he did and know in my heart I have to let go and forget about it. But it is so hard when he was part of my life since I was 18/19. I am doing well though I think. I also don't know what it is but it seems guys in the dating world are so pushy. I already met two that wanted to see me every other day. It turns me off. Or maybe because I just lost interest and faith in all guys...
makemineamac Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 You know what, he was kinda depressed in university and never really had any friends or partied. It's only after he started working that he gained his confidence all back. He also started working out regularly since three years ago and he looks so much better. Finally he can experience the life he 'missed'. It's just really hard to believer I suppose since it is my first love. So I thought it would be forever. But now I see very clearly nothing lasts forever, if someone you think love you unconditionally for so many years can do this to you, how can you believe in any guy anymore?! He just needs to get it out of his system, I know he needs to experience other girls, he's always had this thought and took the chance when opportunity showed. I am so sick of what he did and know in my heart I have to let go and forget about it. But it is so hard when he was part of my life since I was 18/19. I am doing well though I think. I also don't know what it is but it seems guys in the dating world are so pushy. I already met two that wanted to see me every other day. It turns me off. Or maybe because I just lost interest and faith in all guys... You know what? This guy obviously didn't know what he had in you, and of course you're going to react when you see him. It's natural, especially when you don't expect it. But you have to remember, he made the decision he did and you had to live with it. Do you really want someone like that in your life? Probably not. I remember the horror I felt when an ex had an affair on me, and I remember too, after working out a number of my issues on another forum, that I was getting better but I still couldn't stop thinking about my best friend, and the fact she could have done this to me. I couldn't believe it. Then, I found out I had to work on a work project with her where I would be directing her and her team. And I hadn't seen her since the night I called her out on it. You want to talk panic! It was off the charts. How was I going to face this person that had destroyed me? I was going to have to direct this mean human that had almost killed me! She at least ripped out my heart and stomped on it on the ground you know? Till ten I had hoped I would never see her again. On that forum, someone gave me 8 words at that time that I still use in so many situations to this day, and they might help you too. Maybe not, but they might. I don't want to overstate their power but they worked for me. These words are very empowering, and they let me take the power back in my situation. Those words - simple as they were - were the release I needed. I went to the the first meeting, greeted her with a smile and had 12 additional meetings and I was beyond fine, I was able to let go.I didn't care anymore. And I didn't need any closure, I had it. It was in me. Let me know if you want to know what they were and I'll share them with you. And first loves we never get over. I bet he will come looking for you some day. I just bet he will. I'm much older and just getting over a 9 year relationship myself, and my ex has already moved on, so it's hard to understand these people we loved and cared about just moving on with no interest in who or what we are anymore, but it happens. Keep that great heart of yours where it is, some great person is going to win it in time! Just try and find some peace with the way things are today. I wish you all the best.
Author Emma1a Posted October 29, 2015 Author Posted October 29, 2015 Let me know if you want to know what they were and I'll share them with you. What are these words?
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