G1ngerG1rl Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 I need some guidance/advice/general commentary on something I've been thinking about for some months. I've been married now for almost three years to a truly great guy. I've also been in love with a man for the last 20 years, something unresolved since high school. I've been in contact with this man off and on over the years, and there's always been mutual affection between us. We're in different states so there's always been a barrier to us trying a relationship for real. Recently I planned to meet up with this man at our reunion without my husband around. We spent the entire weekend together, slept together, and mutually admitted we would want to be together. My husband is great, hasn't done anything that would make me want to leave if there wasn't this other man in my heart. I need help, I am considering leaving my husband and moving halfway across the country to finally get the chance to have a real relationship with my high school love. This is a huge and terrifying decision. I hate to hurt my husband, disappoint my family and his, but I can't stop thinking about doing just that. I don't have anyone I can talk to about this, I just need an outside opinion. Something from someone who has no emotional stake in it. Am I a horrible person? I wonder every day
Meli22 Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 Sleeping with this man behind your husbands back was a horrible thing to do. I don't know you as a person so I can't say whether you're horrible or not. Your foot is out of the door already so the best thing to do is leave. Have a plan and do what you need to do. Your husband sounds like a nice guy and this will break his heart but he deserves someone who is fully committed to him and won't hook up with old flames behind his back. 1
stemac Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 Your poor husband people like you don't know when you have it good, your husband deserve someone better this forum full of people with broken hearts through people like you ! 1
Author G1ngerG1rl Posted October 18, 2015 Author Posted October 18, 2015 I appreciate you reply. I'm not horrible generally speaking, but I want a chance with something I've always wanted. So maybe I really am a monster.
stemac Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 I appreciate you reply. I'm not horrible generally speaking, but I want a chance with something I've always wanted. So maybe I really am a monster. Am not being horrible to you I don't know you to judge, it's just nobody gives I flying f### anymore about destroying people, the dumpers have no idea what ever on what they have left behind as long as they are OK, balls to the person I've just destroyed ! You sound like the GIG syndrome, you may find it really isn't !
Author G1ngerG1rl Posted October 18, 2015 Author Posted October 18, 2015 If I didn't give a f*** I wouldn't have asked advice.
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 (edited) I see it this way: The fact that you responded to a long-felt temptation to sleep with this man, and it seems that you haven't "got it out of your system" would seem to imply that your feelings for him are deeper than those for your husband. you say you have both decided you want to be together. Is he married, with any family? If you leave your husband, are you absolutely sure he will be there for you? If you have been holding a lamp for this man for all this time - why did you marry your husband? This is going to hurt, and hurt badly, no matter how you handle it, no matter what you do. If you confess to your husband, both he, and his family will be angry, condemnatory, confused, and they will vilify you. They will hold you to shame, and this is something you're going to have to face head on and deal with. If you decide to stay with your husband, you will spend the remainder of your life wondering 'what if....?' and frankly, regretting your lack of courage and resolve to gain you dream. In brief: Nobody can look into a crystal ball and tell you how it will go with you and your lover. The bare naked truth is that you chose, quite deliberately and wilfully, to cheat on the man you married. He deserves to know, if only to give him the opportunity to see things as they are. Don't lie to him any further. And if you ask for a divorce, and he says no, then you have to take that on the chin, and do what you feel you need to do. Just be sure of this: Your life will never be the same again. Edited October 18, 2015 by TaraMaiden2 2
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