JohnMio Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 (edited) Hello everyone, Well I'll try to keep this short. I've been married for 2.5 years to my wife whom I've been dating for 5 years before we got married. I am almost 30 years old and I feel like I have come to crossroads of whether I should stay or leave. Here are some of the negatives that happened in the last 7.5 years. We met at an early age in teens/early twenties. Dated for 2 years at which point we had 1 week break up which I initiated but we got back together. Fast forward 1.5 years after that, I had sex with a girl at massage parlor. I felt horrible and broke it off in the next 3 months but never told her about the parlor, only for 2 weeks, but I asked her to come back. The day after I broke up with her the second time she turned cold and was already out on a date with a guy. When she came back to me she promised she had no sex with him. Another 1 year ahead, we are moving in together and she confesses that she had sex with her ex for 3 weeks straight after our first few dates and then she ACTUALLY broke it off with him. This erased most of the guilt from the massage parlor "incident". She then goes to a different town for school, living in a dorm etc. etc. I got no proof, but I know she partied hard with boys and girls weed/alcohol and I have a gut feeling she had sex there at least once. Fast forward 2 years ahead, I am in a different town for a trip alone. I met this smoking girl at local online hook up website, we met at a bar, its like she came off a magazine cover (way out of my league) and I truly had the best night of sex in my entire life. She did things my wife couldn't come close to. Here's the another bad detail, this happened 3 months after I proposed to my future wife...oh I also didn't not feel guilty about it, at all. Not one bid. I was secretly happy it happened (it's like a fantasy of threesome for some) before I knew I was committing to one girl (or after?). Anyways we get married, everyone is happy. Since the marriage I had quite a few opportunities to cheat and girls were pretty much whispering in my ear but I can't come to an idea of cheating on my wife, its beyond wrong. Somehow, us being married threw a switch in my head. I will not have sexual relationship with another woman unless we divorce. By the way, in between this negative instances, we had the best time together but I was always a bit passive aggressive because I know 90% of truth, she knows only her side of the truth. So now I made a list of whether I should stay or leave. All the things that sound shallow like her looks, sex appeal, her not being able to speak my native language, her growing up to look like her mom, I don't even really want our non-existent kids to really look like her, me being able to have all new sex I want and possibly finding myself and how to be happy alone, tell me I should leave. All the deep things like, she's kind, smart, educated, LOVES me to death, would be the best mother plus we have very well established life financially, plus all the memories, common friends, both sides of families get along etc. all these things tell me to stay. Also she is my best friend, I can hang out with her for weeks alone. Let me add, I have been great to her all these years in exception of mentioned above, money, trips, care, attention, taking care of her when she was sick. I was there for her 110% all the time and every time. She is my absolute #1 and most important person. The question: 1. Should I get a divorce, break hearts, relationships, memories, lose money so I can get the sex rampages and dreams out of the way and find a girl that I truly adore visually and spiritually and hopefully we'll be happy ever after and this new one will not leave me, cheat on me etc.? BTW, the first two times when we had a break it was for the same reasons I just listed. 2. Should I stay and cherish my current wife and what was in the past is in the past and just go along with the rest of my life where stability is guaranteed to a degree? p.s. As I am writing option #2, I get sad and bored. I also would like to have kids but there is no way I am bringing anyone in this world until I get my stuff sorted out. Thank you all, I think I am going to get torn apart here lol. Lets hear you guys/girls. Thanks Edited October 18, 2015 by JohnMio
minimariah Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 (edited) this is an easy one - divorce. i think you both wasted more than enough time on each other. & you really weren't great to her at all. maybe on some shallow irrelevant level but you kind of both failed where it truly matters. there is no love in your post, in your descriptions so i'm a little surprised that you got married in the 1st place. i don't believe that you love her or that she loves you - not even for a second. and i'd say your outlook on love & marriage is pretty immature. and one more thing - NOTHING is guaranteed in life, except death. your relationship might feel safe to you but it looks like a ticking bomb from where i'm standing! you already decided, you just need a pat on your shoulders to go through with it for whatever reason. good luck. Edited October 18, 2015 by minimariah
Author JohnMio Posted October 18, 2015 Author Posted October 18, 2015 (edited) this is an easy one - divorce. i think you both wasted more than enough time on each other. & you really weren't great to her at all. maybe on some shallow irrelevant level but you kind of both failed where it truly matters. there is no love in your post, in your descriptions so i'm a little surprised that you got married in the 1st place. i don't believe that you love her or that she loves you - not even for a second. and i'd say your outlook on love & marriage is pretty immature. and one more thing - NOTHING is guaranteed in life, except death. your relationship might feel safe to you but it looks like a ticking bomb from where i'm standing! you already decided, you just need a pat on your shoulders to go through with it for whatever reason. good luck. Thank you for input. I didn't want to put any feelings in the post, just facts to make it shorter. Why would you say that she doesn't love me? Thanks Edited October 18, 2015 by JohnMio
minimariah Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 Thank you for input. I didn't want to put any feelings in the post, just facts to make it shorter. Why would you say that she doesn't love me? Thanks because she was as dishonest to you as you were to her - at least in the beginning. she probably cares about you as a friend & wants to keep the marriage -- but i honestly doubt she loves you. i doubt you love each other or ever did. i think the general feeling of liking each other and wanting to settle made both of you confused & you maybe THOUGHT it was love. i'm only speaking from what you gave me, i could be dead wrong - you know the best anyway. but divorce is truly the right way to go, you're already one foot out.
Author JohnMio Posted October 18, 2015 Author Posted October 18, 2015 because she was as dishonest to you as you were to her - at least in the beginning. she probably cares about you as a friend & wants to keep the marriage -- but i honestly doubt she loves you. i doubt you love each other or ever did. i think the general feeling of liking each other and wanting to settle made both of you confused & you maybe THOUGHT it was love. i'm only speaking from what you gave me, i could be dead wrong - you know the best anyway. but divorce is truly the right way to go, you're already one foot out. Actually you are hitting all the right spots here. When I proposed I somehow did not experience a feeling of winning a lottery.... Damn, now I feel scared of the unknown.....I'll definitely think about for a while yet before I say anything to her. Perhaps, I should go see a counselor by myself and actually say all the things on my mind. It's been 8 years an I have never spoke the words I am typing to a single soul. Hmmm. Thank again.
sandylee1 Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 Get divorced and you can be free to do as you like. You don't want your kids to look like her? ..why did you marry her then? Set each other free and let her find a man who loves her. From what you've said she'll have no trouble doing so.
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