buck3200 Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 If in a 3yr RS a woman left because you had not "taken any actions" towards marriage other than agreeing to it, would you say she no longer is in love with you ?
central Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 Not nearly enough information to render an opinion. However, she decided to leave, so you may as well consider it over for good and move on. 2
lauri Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 Most likely she is looking to settle down. It's hard to know exactly, but her walking away from you is a fairly bad sign from the get go. Could you provide more info? It's funny, sometimes girls will stay forever with a guy who makes them feel a certain way, but who wouldn't really be a good candidate for marriage. But that's because she loves him. But eventually, they look to get married, have a family and push a man they're with for commitment / marriage to start her family, new life, etc. They may end of leaving this guy for someone else who will give them this commitment (but that doesn't mean she'd be happier other love the new guy more).
Author buck3200 Posted October 18, 2015 Author Posted October 18, 2015 What wound you say if I told you she accepted that I had to "sow some oats" the last 2yrs. and I had promised we would settle down once I had. She is 3 yrs. older and I told her 3 months ago we could marry now.
BikerAccnt Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 If in a 3yr RS a woman left because you had not "taken any actions" towards marriage other than agreeing to it, would you say she no longer is in love with you ? No, she may very well still be quite in love. BUT, she knows what she wants, and marriage is a part of it. Her decision to leave could be based entirely on her belief that with this particular individual, it wasn't going to happen. Now, this is quite different than the title of your post "If given a deadline to marry." But, it's still the same idea. If your GF gives you a deadline, and you've been dating quite a while, then you need to take it seriously. Honestly, I see no problem with deadlines. We have them at work, and sometimes they are needed in relationships also. They help you know how you are progressing. 1
BlueIris Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 If in a 3yr RS a woman left because you had not "taken any actions" towards marriage other than agreeing to it, would you say she no longer is in love with you ? Love is different from choosing a mate for marriage. She could love you in some way but still decide that you two aren’t a good pairing for marriage. What wound you say if I told you she accepted that I had to "sow some oats" the last 2yrs. and I had promised we would settle down once I had. She is 3 yrs. older and I told her 3 months ago we could marry now. Then I’d say that in that time you were each/both thinking over whether you were aligned in values and goals and it turns out she doesn’t think you are. Honestly, buck, if my BF told me what you told her, I would have wished him well two years ago and told him to enjoy his sowing. I would not have faith that someone who had to get something out of his system before marriage viewed marriage the way I do. But that’s just me. It doesn't sound as though the two of you view love and marriage the same way at all, so it's good that you're not marrying. 3
Author buck3200 Posted October 18, 2015 Author Posted October 18, 2015 Love is different from choosing a mate for marriage. She could love you in some way but still decide that you two aren’t a good pairing for marriage. Then I’d say that in that time you were each/both thinking over whether you were aligned in values and goals and it turns out she doesn’t think you are. Honestly, buck, if my BF told me what you told her, I would have wished him well two years ago and told him to enjoy his sowing. I would not have faith that someone who had to get something out of his system before marriage viewed marriage the way I do. But that’s just me. It doesn't sound as though the two of you view love and marriage the same way at all, so it's good that you're not marrying. It was her idea that I "sow some oats"....I was 17 she was almost 20 when we agreed to this. She was very loyal during this time. We had planned to be together since I first falling in love the year before.
d0nnivain Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 At 17 you should not be getting married. How will you support yourself & any children? How will you pay for a wedding? She most likely has some Disney fantasy about happily ever after. She's not after marriage for the right reasons. It's rare indeed that anybody is "ready to settle down" at 20. Your teenaged love is not an adequate foundation for a marriage. Run away from this woman.
Rejected Rosebud Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 It was her idea that I "sow some oats"....I was 17 she was almost 20 when we agreed to this. She was very loyal during this time. We had planned to be together since I first falling in love the year before. That doesn't sound like a very good way of building a foundation for a marriage, she probably "gets it" now.
BlueIris Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 It was her idea that I "sow some oats"....I was 17 she was almost 20 when we agreed to this. She was very loyal during this time. We had planned to be together since I first falling in love the year before. Well, people change inside and reach different conclusions as they acquire more data. On your initial question about having a deadline for marriage, I think it's a good idea. After 2-3 years together, I think people generally know whether their partner is someone they can and want to build a life with, or not.
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 What wound you say if I told you she accepted that I had to "sow some oats" the last 2yrs. and I had promised we would settle down once I had. She is 3 yrs. older and I told her 3 months ago we could marry now. I agree with BlueIris. Unless you had an open relationship, this sounds selfish not to mention dangerous to put an arbitrary time-frame on when you think you'd be ready to consider marriage. Unless you're some kind of anomaly, there is no magic switch one can turn on and off at our choosing for heaven's sake. If my partner ever said something like that, I'd leave him to sow as many oats as he wanted but there'd be no more sowing in my field. She changed her mind. Like you, she probably figured she wanted something more and decided to find it with someone else.
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