Sudden breakup, little closure, no idea how to move forward (Updated)

[Jamesbrown1995]

I'm not talking to you kehv pal I'm talking to horde

[chrisinhidef]

Wow,...I'm so sorry to hear this. I was in a very very similar situation. It is hard,...very, very, very hard. My GF left me for another guy and it tore me apart, it still does after months. I cant eat and sleep sometimes, but that is getting less and less frequent.

 

It has been 3 months now and when it first happened I tried to get her to come back she wouldnt. I know EXACTLY how you feel with out of the clear blue sky thing. Anyway what I tried to do is just concentrate on being a better you, that is the way to go.

 

Dont let her know how bad she hurt you do not contact her, when she contacts you keep it brief and to the point the more you keep your cool, the more she will regret it. Concentrate on work, your friends, meeting new people, family etc. Just love yourself and try to stay positive, things will work out hold your head high, you will be a stronger person after the dust settles.

 

I thought the same thing about dating other people constantly comparing them to her and not being able to imagine yourself with someone else. The holidays are coming up, this will be especially hard for both of us but its also an opportunity to realize the great things you DO have in your life.

 

Im telling you man after a few months the idea of meeting someone new will be more and more attractive and once you do, it may be a better relationship than the one you were in and it will drive her CRAZY! Just have fun with it when the time is right. Best of luck to you!

[positivityonly]

Chris,

 

Thanks for your most recent post, helped a lot. I'm 7 weeks since the breakup and implemented NC following day. Crazy to think the first weeks I couldn't eat and all I thought was a plan to get her back. Now I wake up on day 1 of week 8 ready to conquer the world. I don't think I would even ENTERTAINS her if she reached out.

 

Don't get me wrong , I was obsessed with this girl. But I have it my all and carried the relationship. She has her issues and I had it 10000% percent and she doesn't want it or me or anyone right now. So it's time to move on and never thought I could, well it's happening slowly but surely. Time heals my friends.

[chrisinhidef]

I'm so happy to hear you say this, thats great man! It makes me feel good that someone in my similar situation is conquering the world, dude, your the man! Congrats. Godspeed my friend

[jrode23]

Sigh.

 

My ex has really messed me up. I know everyone will say it's still early, but I just can't seem to convince myself that time is going to make this any better. My day was rough yesterday, but then it got more optimistic when the girl I was supposed to meet for a drink texted back saying she was still up for it. I went into it with no expectations of anything other than meeting someone new and enjoy a beer. I had a really nice time and we chatted for three hours. All was fine and dandy... until I got home.

 

All I could think about when I got home was my ex. How much I loved her, how many great times we had, how great our first date was, how great our relationship was 99.9% of the 14 months, how passionate and great the sex was, how she was willing to try new things, how much she appreciated the little things I did for her. I ended up getting sad all over and reverted back to not understanding how she could leave me and say she didn't see a future between us. I can't seem to convince myself this is real yet. I can't seem to convince myself that deep down, she knows she made a mistake and will realize that one of these days.

 

This weekend will probably be rough, as we had some fun Halloween plans together. And next weekend will be rough too, as we had more plans. Maybe after these next few weeks pass it'll get better, but I am not optimistic.

[chrisinhidef]

jrode,

 

I am sorry to hear that but it sounds like your moving in the right direction. I understand how hard it is man, like I said it has been 3 months for me and I still have a hard time some days when I hear songs on the radio we used to foolishly sing together or commercials we both made fun of on television, movies we watched together come on the feelings come rushing back like a tidal wave and for a second I'm crippled but snap out of it eventually. think about it this way.......

 

You obviously have the ability to attract other women so just roll with it, believe me it will drive her crazy, I recently went to online dating and it has been going incredibly well, also going in with no expectations my ex caught wind and has been hitting me up on fb asking how I am and trying to pry for information but I give her nothing if I give her any response at all, she is festering, at this point im having so much fun doing me and having my own life. She says things like "I really need to talk to you about some stuff" I just reply "talk to your boyfriend thats what hes there for remember YOU left for greener pastures". So enjoy the grass! Please try man.

 

You got this, dont sell yourself short your not the only one that lost something great, SHE did also so make her regret it and maybe you'll find someone better in the process. You control your happiness NOT her, Its hard I know believe me I KNOW but keep saying that to yourself because its true. I understand its easier said than done, we are humans and sometimes let emotions take over. I am guilty of it too like anyone else, but think logically, and it will get easier manifest optimism and good things will come. Good luck my friend.

[Kehv]

4 Months after my ex dumped me and I can relate to your story's.

 

If you think about all the things you did together; passionate sex, silly music you were both singing at, silly dances you did together, etc. etc.

 

Like you I thought me and my ex connected and we loved the same things. It's sad that she just thought she could do better and start chasing a colleague.

 

Like you I don't know if I ever find someone that I can create that same bond with. Obviously you should not try to compare girls but I still haven't found a girl that comes even close to my ex.

[jrode23]

About a week and a half ago, I unfriended my ex on Facebook. The next day, I came to notice that she had blocked me. I know it doesn't matter, but why would she go the extra step after I had already done the part that matters?

 

Was it just an ego thing? Like a "no, I'm still in control over this situation" thing? The only extra step a block really does is make it so I can't see what she likes or comments on, on mutual friend pages. Facebook is really the only site I use, but she didn't block my on Instagram as well. However, she didn't block me on LinkedIn (many she hasn't realized yet I'm still a connection). It just seems weird to me.

 

If I really was desperate to contact her, I still clearly could. Not sure if she blocked my number (haven't tried calling to check, but I imagine she did). I could email her personal or work email from my email (she doesn't know my work email, so it can't be blocked), and I could still physically mail her a letter.

 

Just don't get why it was such a big deal for her to block me. Had I not unfriended, we would still be FB friends, etc.

 

I've tried convincing myself her blocking me is showing that she is really hurting about this too and still cares (even though she acts like she doesn't) because she's never done it with previous exes.

[K2z]

The exact same thing happened with me. I unfriended cause I was hurt/confused, and she blocked the next day.

 

(In my case I attempted to re-friend her, then rescinded the request.)

 

Either she intended the block all along, or was annoyed at your/my unfriending and escalated.

 

In any case I wish I hadn't unfriended and had just left the channel open.

[jrode23]

The exact same thing happened with me. I unfriended cause I was hurt/confused, and she blocked the next day.

 

(In my case I attempted to re-friend her, then rescinded the request.)

 

Either she intended the block all along, or was annoyed at your/my unfriending and escalated.

 

In any case I wish I hadn't unfriended and had just left the channel open.

 

Same here. I regret things getting to that point and really wish the channel was still fully open.

[PegNosePete]

I know it doesn't matter, but why would she go the extra step after I had already done the part that matters?

If you know it doesn't matter then why are you asking? The answer is: it doesn't matter.

 

I've tried convincing myself her blocking me is showing that she is really hurting about this too and still cares (even though she acts like she doesn't) because she's never done it with previous exes.

No, she blocked you because she doesn't care about you and doesn't want to see your facebook.

 

You should block her back.

[jrode23]

If you know it doesn't matter then why are you asking? The answer is: it doesn't matter.

 

 

No, she blocked you because she doesn't care about you and doesn't want to see your facebook.

 

You should block her back.

 

There is no point to blocking back. On Facebook when one person blocks, it's a two way street.

[Seeker12]

Had my ex on snapchat, friended her, then i think she blocked me or something as i didnt see her on my list, so i defriended her from my side. Months later, and when i get back into snapchat, i see that theres a friend request from her, i happily removed it once i figured out how to, moral of story, no one really cares, trust me, even if your ex was to unblock you or what not, it wouldnt lead to, or mean anything, the only time it will mean something if they come back directly to you, say sorry and what not, other than that, these games of adding and blocking on social media are both a waste of time, eventually embarassing and lead to nothing at all. Youre in emotional pain to some degree, recover from that first!!

[PegNosePete]

There is no point to blocking back. On Facebook when one person blocks, it's a two way street.

Yes there is, if she unblocks you then she can see all your stuff and communicate with you.

 

Block her, to prevent that.

[Wewon]

Curious, why did you unfriend her?

 

She's probably just as confused by that action from you, it actually makes a little less sense then her response.

[wonderbug111]

OMG Fn FACEBOOK SUCKS re: relationships. I deleted my acct all together and I'm still dating the person but the whole relationship status, putting pics up, taking them down, liking other girls/guys pics... Never thought I'd give a crap over all this and I sorta got sucked in. I deleted for my own peace of mind. I've been off for a month. I would probably block an ex to keep myself from looking at their stuff while I'm trying to get over them..just an fyi and she's also prob hurt that you un-friended her.

[lana-banana]

Two guesses:

 

1) She wanted to block you earlier, but decided against it; perhaps she thought you'd react badly. When you finally blocked her she was relieved she could now block you without being the bad guy.

 

2) She saw you blocked her, said "well, OK then" and blocked you too, then resumed reading the Buzzfeed clickbait in her timeline about the top 25 celebrity pet Halloween costumes.

 

It's Facebook. It really doesn't matter. But it's best for both of you to have that distance right now.

[jrode23]

Yes there is, if she unblocks you then she can see all your stuff and communicate with you.

 

Block her, to prevent that.

 

No, that's the thing that really doesn't make a lot of sense. For most people, due to privacy settings, the idea of unfriending and blocking has the same impact (aside from just not being able to find that user at all). When I unfriended her, she couldn't see anything of importance on my page and vice-versa because we both have our accounts set to "Friends Only" for pretty much everything. That's why the block just seemed strange.

 

It also seems strange that she didn't follow through and do it on every avenue (i.e. LinkedIn, Google+).

 

Curious, why did you unfriend her?

 

She's probably just as confused by that action from you, it actually makes a little less sense then her response.

 

After she broke up with me (which was actually civil for a breakup), I told her I would probably have to unfriend her on Facebook because I just didn't know how I would be able to see updates on her life. She said that was ok and that she understood. I ended up keeping her as a friend for a week, just unfollowed her feed. After the breakup I sought out mutual friends, looking for support and answers. A week after the breakup, I had found out that she had sort of been questioning our relationship longer than she had told me and I just got kind of angry that she hadn't communicated that to me, so I unfriended her. The next morning, she had blocked me.

[OK_computer]

she's was pissed off that you defriended her. now she doesn't care.

[PegNosePete]

I know it doesn't matter

You're arguing pretty hard about something that doesn't matter.

[anika99]

If someone unfriended me I might be tempted to block them. I mean if you don't consider me worthy of even being a Facebook friend then you don't need to be looking at my page and seeing what I'm doing or posting. Was it your plan to unfriend her but then still snoop on her posts? If not then there's no problem.

[Shock148]

Most likely because she felt like "Oh ok he unfriended me because he doesn't want to see or talk to me, that's fine I'll just block him to show him that I really do not care."

 

Not saying everyone is like that, but it is like others have said before. Either she wanted to block you from the beginning but did not do so because she did not want to hurt your feelings or it really is not a big deal, but once you made the effort to unfriend her, she either 1) thought ok well im in the clear cool I wanted to block him anyway or 2) thought ok I feel kind of offended that you unfriended me because of a breakup, I will just block you to show you that I don't care and it was childish.

 

Either way like you said, its not a big deal so don't even sweat it. You unfriended her first. Did you just want to make a point to her but secretly creep on her facebook page? If not it does not matter that she blocked you. She moved on just like you did. She is not going to waste more time logging onto other social media sites like linkedin or instagram or anything, search for you, then go to settings and block you from there too. She made her point with facebook which was enough.

[Marc878]

It's best to cut off everything and go dark.

 

You'll move on a lot quicker. She was just mad that you got her first.

 

So what

[jrode23]

You're arguing pretty hard about something that doesn't matter.

 

Not arguing anything, it was just a curious move, in my opinion.

 

If someone unfriended me I might be tempted to block them. I mean if you don't consider me worthy of even being a Facebook friend then you don't need to be looking at my page and seeing what I'm doing or posting. Was it your plan to unfriend her but then still snoop on her posts? If not then there's no problem.

 

As I said, I just found it curious because once we weren't friends anymore, neither of us could do any creeping. I feel bad that she felt she had to block, because I didn't do it out of spite or anything. That and she had told me she understood why I might have to unfriend her.

 

That and I guess in the future, when we are both completely moved on, I would like to be cordial with her, as she was a big part of my life.

[Shock148]

Not arguing anything, it was just a curious move, in my opinion.

 

 

 

As I said, I just found it curious because once we weren't friends anymore, neither of us could do any creeping. I feel bad that she felt she had to block, because I didn't do it out of spite or anything. That and she had told me she understood why I might have to unfriend her.

 

That and I guess in the future, when we are both completely moved on, I would like to be cordial with her, as she was a big part of my life.

 

Well if she stated that she understood why you might unfriend her one day she was probably thinking it was best to block you for you to help you move on. You can still creep on her page as in her current profile picture, sometimes people have settings where anyone can see their status and new uploaded photos, or even just limited status. She probably felt that she is either dating a guy right now or will soon and did not want you to get hurt if she posted things about him or pictures with him, or statuses about how she is happy. There are a lot of reasons why she may have done so, but if she told you that she would understand why you would unfriend her, then she most likely blocked you for the reasons I have stated.