natashalove Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 I have always come across toxic , destructive men who have destroyed my life and my personality in some way or another. I have a "type" (the guy must be tall, with a nice body, older than me and good looking) and the men who practically caused my downfall were exactly my "type". And surprisingly, I was dedicated to them like hell. It was only after I lost a lot of things, including certain parts of my personality, I realized how toxic and harmful they were for me. I lost all motivation, dedication, optimism, everything and was plunged into sadness and depression. Now, I have known a guy who is not my "type" , though he's gorgeous in looks and has beautiful dark features, he has average height , is skinny and is younger than me by 1 year 5 months. This guy has been a life saver for me. When I was at my worst, he was the only one I could turn to and he was the only one who could make me genuinely smile. His voice relaxed me and I felt much better whenever I saw his funny antics. He is a complete nerd but is very caring, genuine and sweet. I gave up on my hobbies due to intense depression but he shares a lot of my hobbies and seeing him do all that, inspired me and after 3 years, I started doing artistic works again. I always want to better myself and learn some of his values. He can cook and I never had interest in cooking but I want to learn now. He is so sweet and even though he is a little naughty , he still has a bit of innocence in him. He is kind, affectionate, soft spoken and so much less annoying. I feel like emulating a lot of his traits. But as usual, it seems negative influences are always circulating around me and I keep getting horrid thoughts that i shouldn't be near him because of the shallow reasons. I find it funny how the toxic men had kept my full attention and silently lead to my ruin and I have issues in keeping up with a good guy who is helping me get back on track. What should I do to beat this negativity? isn't this guy a good influence?
darkbloom Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 I have always come across toxic , destructive men who have destroyed my life and my personality in some way or another. I have a "type" (the guy must be tall, with a nice body, older than me and good looking) and the men who practically caused my downfall were exactly my "type". And surprisingly, I was dedicated to them like hell. It was only after I lost a lot of things, including certain parts of my personality, I realized how toxic and harmful they were for me. I lost all motivation, dedication, optimism, everything and was plunged into sadness and depression. Now, I have known a guy who is not my "type" , though he's gorgeous in looks and has beautiful dark features, he has average height , is skinny and is younger than me by 1 year 5 months. This guy has been a life saver for me. When I was at my worst, he was the only one I could turn to and he was the only one who could make me genuinely smile. His voice relaxed me and I felt much better whenever I saw his funny antics. He is a complete nerd but is very caring, genuine and sweet. I gave up on my hobbies due to intense depression but he shares a lot of my hobbies and seeing him do all that, inspired me and after 3 years, I started doing artistic works again. I always want to better myself and learn some of his values. He can cook and I never had interest in cooking but I want to learn now. He is so sweet and even though he is a little naughty , he still has a bit of innocence in him. He is kind, affectionate, soft spoken and so much less annoying. I feel like emulating a lot of his traits. But as usual, it seems negative influences are always circulating around me and I keep getting horrid thoughts that i shouldn't be near him because of the shallow reasons. I find it funny how the toxic men had kept my full attention and silently lead to my ruin and I have issues in keeping up with a good guy who is helping me get back on track. What should I do to beat this negativity? isn't this guy a good influence? No one 'led you into ruin'. You LET them do it to you. Everything in your post is about how these things happened to you because you picked a type. Men are not robots. You are so focused on the shallow aspects of a person that you are completely ignoring the red flags. And then they treat you poorly because you allow it. I would let him go. If you're having horrid thoughts over shallow superficial things then he is better off without you.
d0nnivain Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 You have to stop taking your cues for other people. When you develop a better sense of self you won't bend in the wind for every guy who comes along. 1
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