Kaiten Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 (edited) Leah rejected me when I displayed interest. She said, "To be honest I only ever saw you as a friend sooo...." I left her alone. After a month of not talking she comes out of the blue contacting me. I answer. We start back talking. Leah's talking about a guy that she was about to break up with at work, then weeks later about a guy that reportedly (according to her) played her, and she was hurt by that. At this point I'm not attracted to Leah, 1) because she seems to be in with a lot of guys 2) because she already rejected me. I end up finding this girl named Macy. I learn of Macy through a friend and ask if I can meet her. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Leah messages me saying she has feelings for me. Leah now says she likes me a lot, after talking so much. But it was so sudden. She had been so tight-lipped about anything about me before. I actually looked at the timestamps of the message I sent asking Macy to meet her, and Leah's sudden confession of feelings. They were the exact same time. I find out that Macy and Leah know each other, but Leah isn't fond of Macy. She thinks Macy isn't intelligent enough for me. But Leah also assured me that the timing of the messages was just a coincidence... Leah and I talk some more, and so I'm already wanting to know where this is going. I ask. Her response: "I really like you and I'm interested in getting to know you for the potential of being together down the road." What the hell does that mean? On one hand it says she likes me and wants to be together, but there's also this "potential of" and "down the road". But I go with it. A week later, Leah and I are on ... a hang out. We finally meet up after like 5 reschedules in one day (red flag much?) and we're at the movies. At the movies, I put my arm around Leah. She leans in and embraces it. After a while she wants to sit up straight and offers me to lay in her lap. I do. After laying in her lap for 30 seconds I realize that I am treating her like my girlfriend. I'm starting to like Leah. I'm not willing to hurt this girl. I sit up and tell her my expectations for a relationship: I just want her to think independently—I know her parents are conservative Christians. I don't know if I can tolerate their input in our relationship. ( I was trying to be as nice as possible in saying this). She told me don't worry. I ask Leah what she expects. She says: "Let's just see where it goes. Don't try to force it. Just let it happen." Call me dense, but I'm not sure what that means. For me, it provides 0 clarity and definition to the relationship status. The next day, I message Macy (the other girl I was interested in), but Macy hardly responds so I lose interest. One of Macy's friends assures me that Macy is interested and wants to meet, but for me it's taking too much work. I tell Macy: "I guess this isn't really going anywhere." Macy: "Yeah I guess not." Me: "I'm really sorry about this ..." Macy: "Well I'm gonna be at church this Sunday" Me: "You go to church now?" Macy: "Lol yeah" But I don't go to church (I'm not a Christian). So Macy won't find me there. Two days later, Leah wants to talk. She immediately asks me what the definition of our relationship is. Now I'm confused because I just asked her this the other day, and now she's asking me to define it right now out of the blue. Keep in mind she gave unclear answers 2x. Leah is livid with me. She spoke with Macy. Leah says that she hates that she was just an option to me and that I'm not the guy she thought I was. She said she feels disrespected and like I was trying to play her. I told her the truth. That I considered the possibility that she was being vague because she may have had another guy she was talking to. But Leah's not having any of that. She says she's hurt because she thought that we were more than friends. I feel that that might have been worth mentioning the other night when I asked her what her expectations were. Leah insists that she was being very clear. And then says, "I spoke with Macy. Clearly you want Macy so you can have her." I thought that was an odd thing to say since the most recent thing Macy and I had talked about was us agreeing that it wasn't really going anywhere. Nevertheless, Leah and Macy have both ceased all contact with me, believing that my end goal was to nab them both. Ladies, what did Leah truly mean when she said "I really like you and I want to get to know you better for the potential of being together down the road." I'm asking because I have been trying to reconcile with Leah, and explain things to her. Her reaction just feels a little disproportionate to the situation... Or am I insensitive? Should I have seen what that meant?? Edited October 18, 2015 by Kaiten
Popsicle Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 After reading that, I feel like I'm late for my Algebra class.... 4
StBreton Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 FYI ...These aren't "woman" they're girls. Woman do not act in the manner you describe. They're "girls" with a lot of maturing to do. I suggest not dating girls who are acquainted with one another. You come off as a player by hedging your bets with them. 1
Author Kaiten Posted October 18, 2015 Author Posted October 18, 2015 @Dumbass2, I can't really help it. People tell me that I am too analytical all the time, and that I think too deeply about everything, but I usually reach thought-out conclusions like this in a fraction of a second. I'm no genius or anything, it's just what my brain does -- without thinking
Author Kaiten Posted October 18, 2015 Author Posted October 18, 2015 FYI ...These aren't "woman" they're girls. Woman do not act in the manner you describe. They're "girls" with a lot of maturing to do. I suggest not dating girls who are acquainted with one another. You come off as a player by hedging your bets with them. I figured someone might guess they were younger. This situation has caused me to come up with a new rule not to date anyone under 23. I just won't do it anymore. I thought it was okay because lots of people date younger and they turn out fine. It's not for me.
lauri Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 Lol This is hilarious. Reminds me of high school when I was chasing girls. You made a lot of mistakes and a lot of good moves. The fact she rejected you and only "liked you" after you wanted her friend, this is such a typical immature girl play. She was jealous and wanted to keep you as an option. She was giving your wishy washy answers, rescheduling dates, looking for commitment right away from you, and getting mad that you were interested in her friend. Hell, she came back still emotionally invested in other men and wanted to feel better about herself by branch swinging to another guy. The minute she cancelled in you once, I would have cut contact with her and never messaged her again. Next time a girl cancels on you, she better have the best reason in the world. If she doesn't, don't respond. You ur time is more valuable than that. Don't let her think it's not. Pretty much all this girl is showing you is mixed signals which is a sign of low interest in you. Also, don't ask a girl questions like "where are we?" after date one. You should be trying to gauge if Leah is even worth your commitment. No girl wants to be with a guy who will give his commitment to anyone. Anyways, learn from this and keep talking to girls. Eventually it'll all click. 1
StBreton Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 (edited) I figured someone might guess they were younger. This situation has caused me to come up with a new rule not to date anyone under 23. I just won't do it anymore. I thought it was okay because lots of people date younger and they turn out fine. It's not for me. Maturity isn't always a function of age ...but a lot of times it is. I don't know if girls are different now but I never acted the way of the girls you described as a young woman. Now my high school sweetheart started playing games after a year dating .. I dropped him STAT .. he saw me having a great time ...realized what he lost ...and He came running back. I left him after high school because he wasn't doing things with his life. Game players are easy to spot early on ... It's you who has to walk away. Only accept the love in your life that works for you ...seek integrity ...there are lots of nice young woman out there ...but if you enjoy/accept the crazy business ones ...you're in for heartache and crazy business. Now go find yourself a nice young woman! I sound like your grandma lol Edited October 19, 2015 by StBreton 2
chapter44 Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 Maturity isn't always a function of age ...but a lot of times it is. I don't know if girls are different now but I never acted the way of the girls you described as a young woman. Now my high school sweetheart started playing games after a year dating .. I dropped him STAT .. he saw me having a great time ...realized what he lost ...and He came running back. I left him after high school because he wasn't doing things with his life. Game players are easy to spot early on ... It's you who has to walk away. Only accept the love in your life that works for you ...seek integrity ...there are lots of nice young woman out there ...but if you enjoy/accept the crazy business ones ...you're in for heartache and crazy business. Now go find yourself a nice young woman! I sound like your grandma lol Great advice grandma! Especially the part only accepting the love in your life that works for you. Never underestimate the intelligence of experience 2
StBreton Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 Great advice grandma! Especially the part only accepting the love in your life that works for you. Never underestimate the intelligence of experience Hahaha ... Well my kids are 12 & 14 but I feel like these youngins on here need some grandma advice of yesteryear. And if everyone espoused to ONlY accepting the love that works for them .. And stuck with that ...postings in this thread would go way down 1
chapter44 Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 Hahaha ... Well my kids are 12 & 14 but I feel like these youngins on here need some grandma advice of yesteryear. And if everyone espoused to ONlY accepting the love that works for them .. And stuck with that ...postings in this thread would go way down We cant have that because then I would miss our lovely bantering!
StBreton Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 We cant have that because then I would miss our lovely bantering! Awww some people really have a way of inspiring a smile:) Chap you're a true gent
Author Kaiten Posted October 19, 2015 Author Posted October 19, 2015 Well damn. I knew there were some red flags, but after talking with a close friend last night about something completely unrelated, I discovered that I have a tendency to ignore all flaws in other people because I think, "Hey, nobody's perfect, I've got my flaws as well." I think that way and ignore things that I shouldn't. StBreton, I promise that from this day forth, I will not enter relationship with the crazy business ones!
mightycpa Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 I think the mistake that you made was that you actually WERE NOT out to nab both Macy and Leah. Had that been your original intention, I'm sure you'd have handled this whole debacle a lot better. Let's hope you can spot the lesson in that advice.
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