MrReborn Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 Just as a note, I'm not shaming, hating, or generalizing. I just want to see the logic behind it from a societal standpoint. A woman is talking/dating to let's say 5 men(friends or not, doesn't matter). All of them are interested in her, but only one has caught her attention. She decides to get into a relationship with one of those guys, but the other 4 are heartbroken once they find out she's taken. Seen as completely normal by society. A guy is talking/dating to let's say 5 women. All of them are interested in him, but only one has caught his attention. He decides to get in a relationship with one of those gals, but the other 4 are heartbroken once they find out he's taken. He's seen as a liar, player, sleaze, disgusting, or "heartbreaker". You know very well that this is a societal issue that shouldn't even exist, especially when things are supposed to be about "equality" all around. Just to clarify, I've been on both sides of the fence. The former when I was a lot younger, and the latter as an adult. Explain. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 How would they know how many they're talking to? Is this some kind of game show? 2
jam.over.jelly Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 Honestly, I wouldn't bash a guy and accuse him of being a player or a liar just because he didn't pick me. No one can force feelings. A guy isn't a bad guy just because he doesn't feel the same way about me as I do about him, and as long as he is honest about his feelings the whole time he's with me, he's a decent guy. However, if he was leading me on the whole time , telling me what I wanted to hear, just to dump me because he wasn't "feeling it" or whatever the reason might be, then I'd say all is fair, he deserved to be called a player, or a sleazebag. 4
Author MrReborn Posted October 18, 2015 Author Posted October 18, 2015 (edited) How would they know how many they're talking to? Is this some kind of game show? Hahaha. That's why I said from a societal standpoint. You know what I meant . Honestly, I wouldn't bash a guy and accuse him of being a player or a liar just because he didn't pick me. No one can force feelings. A guy isn't a bad guy just because he doesn't feel the same way about me as I do about him, and as long as he is honest about his feelings the whole time he's with me, he's a decent guy. However, if he was leading me on the whole time , telling me what I wanted to hear, just to dump me because he wasn't "feeling it" or whatever the reason might be, then I'd say all is fair, he deserved to be called a player, or a sleazebag. You're the rare minority. A lot of women will do what I said in that post regardless of what you personally think. Edited October 18, 2015 by MrReborn
casey.lives Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 He's seen as a liar, player, sleaze, disgusting, or "heartbreaker".... I only call a guy these things if they are these things. leaving one woman for another woman doesn't make you any of those things you listed. choosing a committed life, doesn't make one bad, period. I don't know what "society" anything.. I know a woman who juggles men gives me the same distaste as men who juggle women.
jam.over.jelly Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 You're the rare minority. A lot of women will do what I said in that post regardless of what you personally think. Because they're hurt and wanted someone to blame, and who else other than the poor guy. lol 1
sparkles_and_me Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 As long as the guy is being honest in the beginning and tell me that I am not the only one he is seeing and I agreed with that, I already should be aware that there is a possibility that he will choose someone else over me. Then I think I can't call him a player or a liar because I willingly placed myself in that position. A guy just needs to be honest with his feelings and not lead me on or play me. 3
losangelena Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 Just as a note, I'm not shaming, hating, or generalizing. I just want to see the logic behind it from a societal standpoint. A woman is talking/dating to let's say 5 men(friends or not, doesn't matter). All of them are interested in her, but only one has caught her attention. She decides to get into a relationship with one of those guys, but the other 4 are heartbroken once they find out she's taken. Seen as completely normal by society. A guy is talking/dating to let's say 5 women. All of them are interested in him, but only one has caught his attention. He decides to get in a relationship with one of those gals, but the other 4 are heartbroken once they find out he's taken. He's seen as a liar, player, sleaze, disgusting, or "heartbreaker". You know very well that this is a societal issue that shouldn't even exist, especially when things are supposed to be about "equality" all around. Just to clarify, I've been on both sides of the fence. The former when I was a lot younger, and the latter as an adult. Explain. Is this really "how things are," though? First of all, please clarify what you mean when you say "talking to/seeing." I am assuming you mean casually dating/not having sex with yet. Because if that's the context, I don't think there's anything wrong with either men or women doing that. Dating is a whittling process; you steadily move in the direction of a suitable partner and sometimes it takes a few dates to determine the compatibility of a certain partner. Second, I think your hypothetical example of five is too many—who has time for that? Third, it's sh*tty of EITHER gender to play games or lead people on. Once exclusivity has been discussed or sex has been had, those other phone numbers get deleted. I don't think women get a free pass on that. Fourth, I would be suspect of anyone who, after seeing someone casually a few times, would be "heartbroken" if the object of their desire chose someone else. 2
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 Is this really "how things are," though? First of all, please clarify what you mean when you say "talking to/seeing." I am assuming you mean casually dating/not having sex with yet. Because if that's the context, I don't think there's anything wrong with either men or women doing that. Dating is a whittling process; you steadily move in the direction of a suitable partner and sometimes it takes a few dates to determine the compatibility of a certain partner. Second, I think your hypothetical example of five is too many—who has time for that? Third, it's sh*tty of EITHER gender to play games or lead people on. Once exclusivity has been discussed or sex has been had, those other phone numbers get deleted. I don't think women get a free pass on that. Fourth, I would be suspect of anyone who, after seeing someone casually a few times, would be "heartbroken" if the object of their desire chose someone else. I second this. 1
Author MrReborn Posted October 18, 2015 Author Posted October 18, 2015 Is this really "how things are," though? First of all, please clarify what you mean when you say "talking to/seeing." I am assuming you mean casually dating/not having sex with yet. Because if that's the context, I don't think there's anything wrong with either men or women doing that. Dating is a whittling process; you steadily move in the direction of a suitable partner and sometimes it takes a few dates to determine the compatibility of a certain partner. Second, I think your hypothetical example of five is too many—who has time for that? Third, it's sh*tty of EITHER gender to play games or lead people on. Once exclusivity has been discussed or sex has been had, those other phone numbers get deleted. I don't think women get a free pass on that. Fourth, I would be suspect of anyone who, after seeing someone casually a few times, would be "heartbroken" if the object of their desire chose someone else. 1. Having sex. 2. You're getting way ahead of yourself. It's just a general example. Doesn't matter if it's 2 people or 50 people. 3. I agree. 4. You're reading into it too much. I used those terms in the OP to better express the things they would say in order to display their method of "shaming" the other gender.
Rejected Rosebud Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 ] You know very well that this is a societal issue that shouldn't even exist, especially when things are supposed to be about "equality" all around. Well ... :( first of all you are setting yourself up to not get very good feedback here when you tell us that we "know very well" whatever. Personally I don't even accept your claim at all. Single people can multi-date, I think it's generally accepted, yes you might get your feelings badly hurt when you are not the one picked and if you are petty you might call that person who didn't pick you names like player, heartbreaker, dog, sleaze, slut, skank, whore, gold digger, tramp. You get it right??? 2
losangelena Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 1. Having sex. 2. You're getting way ahead of yourself. It's just a general example. Doesn't matter if it's 2 people or 50 people. 3. I agree. 4. You're reading into it too much. I used those terms in the OP to better express the things they would say in order to display their method of "shaming" the other gender. Actually, specifics would help make your point stronger (or weaker) in my opinion. Because it does make a difference if sex is involved and it does matter how many people you're talking about. To reiterate, I don't think there's some societal double standard whereby a woman get to f*ck the five guys who are pursuing her until such time as one stands out, and have it just be accepted as "completely normal." Like I said, it's sh*tty and it doesn't matter which gender does it. Besides, she will get labeled, as a sl*t or other words of that ilk. I'm curious as to why you bring this up. I feel as if a non-hypothetical situation brought this about. 1
xxoo Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 It's seen as societally normal for a woman to be sleeping with 5 guys? 2
Rejected Rosebud Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 1. Having sex. You seriously think women have it worse than men when it comes to getting shamed for having casual sex with alot of different people at the same time?? :lmao: Where do you live?? In my experience this is kind of celebrated for guys, like they're supposed to be quite a stud and a PUA or whatever if they can pull this off while the woman is a ... you know. :( Though in my personal opinion everybody can have sex with anybody they want to unless they are MY BOYFRIEND!!! :love: Then only with me please!! :bunny: 2
Rejected Rosebud Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 It's seen as societally normal for a woman to be sleeping with 5 guys? I'm thinking the OP might be from a different society ... than anybody I've ever met!! 1
kilgore Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 You seriously think women have it worse than men when it comes to getting shamed for having casual sex with alot of different people at the same time?? :lmao: Where do you live?? In my experience this is kind of celebrated for guys, like they're supposed to be quite a stud and a PUA or whatever if they can pull this off while the woman is a ... you know. :( Though in my personal opinion everybody can have sex with anybody they want to unless they are MY BOYFRIEND!!! :love: Then only with me please!! :bunny: Right. The term slut shamed has no male equivalent. It's a silly double standard
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