Ex says she doesn't care anymore [UPDATED]

[Blanco]

Saying that she doesn't care is a pretty presumptuous statement for someone who doesn't know either of us.

 

How is it a presumptuous statement? The name of this thread is "Ex says she doesn't care anymore."

 

You never mentioned that you only dated for two months, either, so I'd have to guess that at this point, she really doesn't care.

 

I don't question that those two months meant a lot to YOU, but don't project those feelings onto her. She has moved on, and I think it would be respectful of you to just let her live her life without periodically drudging up your very brief relationship with her.

 

I think you mean well, but you're failing to consider that this girl is gone and it's inconsiderate of you to keep popping back up in her life when she's made it pretty clear that she's basically done and over all this stuff and is just trying to live her life.

 

In a way, you're still reaching out to her for selfish reasons, even if you don't see it that way. Because if this was really just about her, then you'd accept that the kindest thing you can do for her is just leave her alone.

 

"Borderline psychotic" was probably too harsh, but please trust me when I say that when it comes to most exes, they only have a certain amount of goodwill toward their ex. Doing stuff like you're doing depletes that goodwill. I can promise you that if you continue to periodically send her messages like this, you will finally run that goodwill well dry and she will remove the gloves and tell you, in pretty cut and dry terms, to just let it go and leave her alone.

[dumbass2]

OP please look back over all your threads and posts on here. Read through. Please analyze them and learn from them. Leave this girl alone once and for all. Contacting her again was a big mistake on your part and selfish. We talked to you about this before and have given you advice. You choose not to listen and that is why some posters are being more blunt with you. Stop contacting this girl and leave her alone and work on yourself.

[didithappen]

Hey OP. It's okay. Don't sweat it, you can't change the past and fretting about it isn't going to help you or solve anything. Did you message her too much? Maybe, but it doesn't matter now and you can't take it back. Just leave with some dignity now and follow through on your no-contact.

 

Sometimes the emotions can get the best of us. I can't say I'm innocent in this either. I broke no contact like 3 or 4 times with my ex. I'm not fretting about it because I know I can't change it. The first time I wanted her back. The second time I was just reaching out and saying I accepted the breakup and didn't want any hard feelings. The third and fourth....haha. Found out she cheated on me and couldn't resist letting her know.

 

Now I never want to talk to her again, and that will be easy knowing what she did to me. Now I get to move forward with my morals in tact and guilt free knowing that I was faithful and caring. As for her, she get's to move forward with the guilt knowing she can't be faithful or trusted.

[PC96]

Hey Blanco, thanks for responding like that. I agree, this was selfish of me. I guess I just wanted her to know the reasons I broke up with her, that they weren't because of her and it was because of me. I was thinking about something today that urged me to message her. She told me she use to inflict pain herself a few years ago and suffered through some depression and I didn't want to her to think that there was anything wrong with her. If she tells me to leave her alone, I know in my heart that I will definitely abide.

Also, yeah you are right. Saying that she doesn't care was not presumptuous.

[PC96]

I also agree that I should not project my feelings onto her. I have continued to care while there is a high probability that she has stopped. I don't think I am wrong for caring about her but I shouldn't continue thinking that she does. Thank you for that

[PC96]

Yeah you guys were right. Internally I still wanted to be with her no matter how hard I was trying to deny it. I hate this. Back to square one. ughhh Thank you Blanco and dumbass for giving me solid advice. I feel like these past few months have been a lie. I have been trying so hard. This was our conversation thread.

This is what she said

I honestly don't get the point of this... Like at the point I just feel like it was a mistake. I think we are two entirely different people that should not even have tried. We want different things and are different and that will always stay the same. What I now definitely know is what I am looking for and its very different from what this summer was even if we had some good times. I would appreciate it if you could stop sending these long emails with whatever self-reflection you are currently going through. If you want to stay in contact then not like this.

 

This is what I just responded with

Try and understand this from a more compassionate point of view and see things from my side of the story. From the moment you told me to move on, I have been trying my best to respect your wishes. I have literally tried everything including asking you not to contact me and block me on FaceBook. For God knows what reason, I still care about you way too ****ing much and it's really frustrating because I haven't had this issue with a girl for a really long time.

Even if I was a mistake to you and you regret all this, at least try and have the decency to understand the "point" in all this. The point is

I am a guy who cares about you too much for his own good. I am a guy who has said things and done an indescribable amount of things to try and move on. I am a guy who is trying to convince himself everyday single day that we are incompatible. I am a guy who is trying so hard not to lose you, even if I can only be your friend. I am a guy who has been trying way too hard from the start and a guy who is still trying way too hard to stop.

That is the point

I don't want your sympathy and honestly, you can regret being with me, you can call me a mistake, you can think whatever you want about me.

I am a guy who cares about a girl who doesn't feel the same way. I am trying my best to stop for my own good and for hers. If you are incapable of seeing that, I'm sorry.

Basically I'm saying, for God knows what reason, even after all this distance and time, I still ****ing want to be with you and it sucks so much because I'm back to square one when I've made so much progress. It sucks so much that I am a mistake to you and whatever. So please understand that I am trying

 

I could really use some help right now. This sucks so much. I know that the only solution is distance and time. I know that I need to go NC. I kept trying to tell myself that I didn't want her back and it really hurts admitting the truth.

[mightycpa]

First, I want you to know why you're sending her all this introspection and wisdom you've gained. You want her to take a second look at you - you want her to reconsider, and you're trying to be very grown up, very reasonable about things, and show her that you can see your faults and work on them. That's not how it gets received though, and even if it is all true, and she believes every word, it won't help.

 

As for your recovery, I'm going to give you a little help. In my opinion, you have to do a few things to come out of this quickly and whole:

 

1) Stop denying your feelings to yourself. You have to feel them, because they need to get out, one way or the other. So be honest with yourself, at a bare minimum, and let those feelings out.

 

2) Learn to say the words about how she feels about you. Don't pull any punches. You deserve to know, need to know the absolute truth.

 

3) Leave her out of your life and your musings on life. You shouldn't have any contact with her for a while. Should she contact you again, for any reason whatsoever while you're still struggling with this, please text her to leave you the hell alone until you contact her again. Don't worry about how she'll take it, or what she'll think of you, or if you're burning bridges. Just do it.

 

4) Begin a process of reconciling your head with your heart. I did it by writing, because it left a record of my thoughts and it allowed me to organize my thoughts. You need to do something along those lines. For example:

 

If you think she's the prettiest girl in the world, then write that down. That's your heart talking. Then, you go looking for beautiful people, women that look a lot better than her. Make a game of it... go find these people. Write that down too. Same if you think she's smart, or kind, or whatever illusion you have in your heart. You need to knock her down a few pegs. Be disciplined about it, and do this every day.

 

5) Think about her faults. It's far too easy to overlook them. Maybe you don't know any of them.... that should tell you something right there. Anyway, this exercise is about more knocking her off the pedestal. You have to see that life would not be ideal with her.

 

6) Does the idea of her banging a couple of guys make you cry? Good! Start to picture her that way, enjoying it with such gusto! Put that image in your mind whenever you think about her. Replace whatever you have up there with that.

 

Stop lying to yourself. She isn't the greatest thing since sliced bread, and now you just have to convince yourself of the truth.

[frigginlost]

Yeah you guys were right. Internally I still wanted to be with her no matter how hard I was trying to deny it. I hate this. Back to square one. ughhh Thank you Blanco and dumbass for giving me solid advice. I feel like these past few months have been a lie. I have been trying so hard. This was our conversation thread.

This is what she said

I honestly don't get the point of this... Like at the point I just feel like it was a mistake. I think we are two entirely different people that should not even have tried. We want different things and are different and that will always stay the same. What I now definitely know is what I am looking for and its very different from what this summer was even if we had some good times. I would appreciate it if you could stop sending these long emails with whatever self-reflection you are currently going through. If you want to stay in contact then not like this.

 

This is what I just responded with

Try and understand this from a more compassionate point of view and see things from my side of the story. From the moment you told me to move on, I have been trying my best to respect your wishes. I have literally tried everything including asking you not to contact me and block me on FaceBook. For God knows what reason, I still care about you way too ****ing much and it's really frustrating because I haven't had this issue with a girl for a really long time.

Even if I was a mistake to you and you regret all this, at least try and have the decency to understand the "point" in all this. The point is

I am a guy who cares about you too much for his own good. I am a guy who has said things and done an indescribable amount of things to try and move on. I am a guy who is trying to convince himself everyday single day that we are incompatible. I am a guy who is trying so hard not to lose you, even if I can only be your friend. I am a guy who has been trying way too hard from the start and a guy who is still trying way too hard to stop.

That is the point

I don't want your sympathy and honestly, you can regret being with me, you can call me a mistake, you can think whatever you want about me.

I am a guy who cares about a girl who doesn't feel the same way. I am trying my best to stop for my own good and for hers. If you are incapable of seeing that, I'm sorry.

Basically I'm saying, for God knows what reason, even after all this distance and time, I still ****ing want to be with you and it sucks so much because I'm back to square one when I've made so much progress. It sucks so much that I am a mistake to you and whatever. So please understand that I am trying

 

I could really use some help right now. This sucks so much. I know that the only solution is distance and time. I know that I need to go NC. I kept trying to tell myself that I didn't want her back and it really hurts admitting the truth.

 

Ugh... man, sorry but you really need to reel yourself in. She flat-out told you to stop with the logical writings to her, and you in turn sent her another one.

 

It is going to be hard, but you need to do the exact opposite of what you want to do right now. It's not easy, and it's going to hurt, but you have to do it. Any type of communication you have with her now is going to be seen in her eyes as pitiful and it will make her angry...

[PC96]

Hey MightyCPA thank you for the advice. I have actually been doing that for the past few months. I have an ongoing log of my feelings and an ongoing log of things that I don't like about her. Both are about a few pages long already haha. I have made so many new and great friends and have picked up a lot of new hobbies. I've worked out, put on almost 10 pounds of muscle and have finally gotten the six pack that I've always wanted. I'd like to think that that was all for me, but I honestly don't even know at this point. I know that fully letting her go would be best for me. A part of me knows that she is wrong for me but a part of me still wants her back. I have been denying the part of me that wants her back for these past few months but have been unconsciously doing things to try and get her back. I realize that now. I really almost made it to the other side and I just ran back into the tunnel. I feel like this time it will be easier because of the amazing life and support that I have made. I just hate it that I just took so many steps back. I guess it's good that I got this baggage out now...

[mightycpa]

There is no good time in your life to feel this way, unless you do research in Antarctica or the ISS or something, so the quicker you get through it, the better off you are.