Ex says she doesn't care anymore [UPDATED]

October 17, 2015

Hey guys. Just venting here. I could use some words of encouragement please. My ex and I broke up a little over a month and a half ago. The first week I messaged her like 4 times and freaked out emotionally, asking for her back. She told me that she didn't feel that way about me anymore and to move on. I went into NC(for myself) and after a week and a half I caved in and emailed her. She emailed me back a week and a half later and I proceeded to ask politely ask her not to contact me anymore. She said "okay, whatever you want" and I have been trying really hard ever since to stay in NC.

I'm at the point where I fully realize that we are not compatible, I don't want to get together again. I have accepted that the relationship is over and realize that it is natural for me to miss her. I have been doing great lately, making a lot of friends, exercising and loving life again. Yesterday night I was feeling really guilty about some things I said to her during out breakup like "you don't deserve me" I sent a very very short email apologizing for a few things that I really shouldn't have said or done during our relationship.

I know you guys will say that I don't need to apologize but I really wanted to get those things of my chest. She responded with "Stop emailing me, this is getting ridiculous. I honestly don't even care". I haven't responded and I don't plan on it. I have been trying really REALLY hard to move on and to not contact her. In a 2 month span of time I've contacted her 8 times, 4 of those were in the first week. I have moved on but I still care about her. I appreciate everything that we had and just want the best for her. I have not asked for her back since the first week, nor have I been sending mean or frequent messages. I just don't understand how someone who loved me so much less than 2 months ago can just not care? Why couldn't she just respond with "thank you for that. I appreciate what we had and I wish you the best"? She never has sent me anything "closure" related. I know it's obviously her choice and that she can do whatever she wants, but do you guys think she is being fair?

October 17, 2015

It's not a question of her being fair or not. You're not in a relationship any more and owe each other nothing. I'm sure she had feelings for you at one time, but those feelings are gone and they started to leave before the break up. She just doesn't feel the same as you do and you probably turned her off further by the constant contact after the break up. That really can drive them further and further away so you must stop.

"She never has sent me anything "closure" related"

Yes, she did, she made it very clear last time. I mean really clear with no confusion. You'll never get honesty on the exact reasons, but as far as closure to help you move on......you just got it. There's nothing there with no hope so you have no choice but to move on and do not contact her again.

October 17, 2015

Sorry to read that she chose a poor response when a genuine apology was conveyed.

Some folks build walls to heal the hurt... others leave it open to the air. She's choosing the former.

You did the right thing... so let the relationship fade .

As my one friend tells me in a good way... ya know, five years from now your going to go, what was I thinking! or... yeah that was a growing experience...

point being... move forward to gain, move back to gain pain... its your choice.

October 17, 2015

You asked her not to contact you, then you went and contacted her.

I know what your intentions were but it's not good to try and manipulate people like that; trust me I've done it.

First you expected her to say sorry lets work things out I want to stay in contact with you.

Second you expected her to respond in a kind manner so you could feel loved/cared about by her.

It's normal so I'm not blaming you, and a lot of this is the doing of your subconscious but it's not doing you any good. You have to move forward and try your best to stop looking at the past and what could have been. It's time to put all of your time and energy into shaping a better future for yourself without her.

October 17, 2015

Wow, Tayla and Love is my religion. Thank you for the response. I do need to stop looking back at the relationship and just accept it for what it is. In my mind moving on meant that I didn't want to be with her anymore and I trying to end on good terms, but moving on is accepting things for what they were and move forward without the other

October 17, 2015

Hey guys. Just venting here. I could use some words of encouragement please. My ex and I broke up a little over a month and a half ago. The first week I messaged her like 4 times and freaked out emotionally, asking for her back. She told me that she didn't feel that way about me anymore and to move on. I went into NC(for myself) and after a week and a half I caved in and emailed her. She emailed me back a week and a half later and I proceeded to ask politely ask her not to contact me anymore. She said "okay, whatever you want" and I have been trying really hard ever since to stay in NC.

I would find the bolded part alone ridiculous. You emailed HER, then when she replies, you say "don't contact me?"

Talk about talking out of both sides of your mouth. I would be annoyed and confused by that kind of thing. If you don't want her contacting you, then don't contact her first.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but those are mixed messages in the extreme. You've accepted that nothing is going to come from this and that you don't want her back, so release her from any further expectations of giving you an apology or closure.

October 17, 2015

First, you need to stop creating new threads on this subject. Just add it to the existing thread so people new to this story have some context.

If you'd done that, people could see that you basically won't leave this girl alone.

October 17, 2015

You are completely right Blanco. I am seriously trying my best not to. It's just hard sometimes with all this baggage and unsaid things. Ughh, I hate breakups.

October 17, 2015

I seriously am not trying to get her back or manipulate her or anything. I just get really strong urges of guilt, appreciation and maybe even neediness sometimes. I am trying so hard.

October 18, 2015

Where is the whole story? What thread?

So far it seems like you just need some time to process everything and also you need to leave it alone. If you keep trying to contact her it's gonna get real ugly real bad, she may even take a restraining order out on her. She made it clear she doesn't care anymore about you or making things right. Sometimes, there's no happy ending or a civil farewell, most of the time endings are abrupt and unsettled, but over time you force yourself to settle things in your mind and move on.

I repeat, settle things in your mind and in your own way, you don't need her for closure. In fact, you will never get closure from her as she's made it clear she doesn't care.

October 18, 2015

Update: So she emailed me back apologizing for being so harsh and that she was just annoyed at my hypocritical behavior. We then exchanged a few emails forgave each other for things we may have did and ended on a friendly note. I feel a lot better now. I don't want to be with her and we are on friendly terms. I think that's a win win scenario!

October 18, 2015

Update: So she emailed me back apologizing for being so harsh and that she was just annoyed at my hypocritical behavior. We then exchanged a few emails forgave each other for things we may have did and ended on a friendly note. I feel a lot better now. I don't want to be with her and we are on friendly terms. I think that's a win win scenario!

No it's not. You're either back in a committed relationship with her or you're not. anything other than that is a complete waste of your time. Yeah, you're both acting nice and all, but the bottom line is you want a romantic relatioship with her and you are not getting that. Lose lose.

October 18, 2015

^^Yeah, I agree. OP, ending things on good terms doesn't mean that there's a future with this.

October 18, 2015

Lol I don't want a romantic relationship with her because I know that she is not the one and that we are incompatible. I think I may have something called romance addiction so I'm going to take some time to work on myself. Yes, I agree. I want to be loved and feel someone's love. But that is an issue am working on for myself. I'm going to love my own life before I create a future with anyone. I'm positive it's not going to be with this girl

October 18, 2015

If I may paraphrase, I believe that OP is saying that this text conversation killed his urges to express guilt and apologize... those itches are scratched.

Time will tell.

October 27, 2015

Yup! Exactly MightyCPA. It has been over a week since that happened and I haven't been on any breakup forums. I think about her much less. I never think about getting back together or apologizing anymore since we are on good terms. I just miss her occasionally but that is normal! Closure after breakups is definitely a great thing if you can get it.

November 9, 2015

Hey guys, so it's been a few weeks since I've last been on here. In that time I have spend a lot of time working on myself and have started to enjoy life again. It has been about 3 weeks since I last contacted my ex and we ended on okay terms. If any of you have been following my story, my initial breakup was pretty rough and we had a lot of trouble in our relationship. We met while both studying abroad and only dated for 2 months, but we lived together for those 2 months and got pretty much as close as any 2 people could get in a short period of time. Anyways, I never begged or pleaded after the breakup although I did send some emotional stuff. Up to this point, I have even had a few days where she didn't even cross my mind ONCE. So I figured it would be a good time to let out some other things that were on my mind.

To be honest, I'm not exactly sure what I wanted to accomplish. I guess I'm just very expressive of my thoughts and I wanted to share this entire experience with her. Relationship and post-relationship. It's kind of long but here's what I wrote

First, let me preface this by saying that I hope you are doing well and this is not some emotional ultimatum. I just want to share my thoughts and experiences with you. Let me just say that I was not nearly at the level of emotional stability that I thought I was. Being with you has opened up a world of underlying insecurities and baggage that I didn’t realize I had. I’ve narrowed down the problem to two things. One, I was always afraid of losing you. An internal deeply rooted insecurity told me that there was no way a girl like you would want to stay with a guy like me. Not in terms of personality and capability but in terms of attraction and sexual appeal. I always blamed myself for not being that tall, athletic guy who could rock your world. Normally, I am not a very affectionate or clingy person, as you could probably tell as I wouldn’t feel comfortable holding hands in public. As time went on and these insecurities settled in, I craved more and more affection because I constantly needed to know that you were still interested and that you weren’t going to leave me for someone else more attractive. This was also the reason I left you both those times. I was so afraid that you were suddenly going to realize that you could do better in terms of attractiveness, that it drove me to leave you so that you couldn’t do it first. Then I came back to reassure myself that you still wanted to be with me.

Two, even though those were my own issues, I’ve realized that it takes 2 people to start and to end a relationship. You did stop communicating with me towards the end and that made me react the way I did. I had a week of intense built up frustration and anxiety that caused me to act the way I did post-breakup. Also, the fact that I wasn’t able to reach a compromise with you and we weren’t able to figure out/talk about what went wrong calmly, shows some level of incompatibility.

I know that we only dated 2 months, but those were 2 of the most incredible months of my life. The 2 months after we broke up were some of the most insightful, self-learning and improvement experiences that I’ve ever had. It’s a shame that I met you in the point in my life where I was carrying all that internal baggage, or else things could have turned out differently, but I wouldn’t have had this amazing experience if things didn’t happen the way they did. Regardless of how you feel about it now, our time together felt different from any other experience that I’ve had(and it’s not because we were in China lol). But it’s okay. Like I said before, even if I feel a certain way about this, I know that both of us have bright futures. As much as I don’t want to lose contact with you, I know that the distance and time will probably take its toll. So I just want to get everything I want to get out of the way now.

I figured that there are 4 possible options that I didn't even consider before I impulsively sent it.

1. She doesn't respond. Which is best case scenario

2. She responds nicely and we maintain good relations. Which is also pretty good

3. She responds and suggests giving it another shot(which I secretly would love) but I would probably say no or at least discuss it because I know it would be best for the both of us.

4. She responds poorly. Which would hurt

I would just like your opinion on the matter. I think I've definitely found the light at the end of the tunnel in terms of the breakup grief process or at least am very close to it. Or maybe I just ripped off a band aid as it was about to heal. My philosophy is that words are a beautiful things. They allow us to express ourselves and communicate with each other. These were some thoughts and experiences that I wanted to share with her.

November 9, 2015

I cringe whenever I see an ex has sent a long email or letter to an ex. I did it and it is the one thing I regret the most.

I figured that there are 4 possible options that I didn't even consider before I impulsively sent it.

1. She doesn't respond. Which will kill you and keep you wondering. Not good

2. She responds nicely and we maintain good relations. Which is also pretty good. No, it is not and keeps you hanging on to nothing. Not good

3. She responds and suggests giving it another shot(which I secretly would love) but I would probably say no or at least discuss it because I know it would be best for the both of us. This will not happen and if it did, it wouldn't last because you two are not compatible. Not good.

4. She responds poorly. Which would hurt. Also, not good

There is nothing good to come from sending a letter like this to an ex that you want back.

I'd be surprised if she responded at all (which is what you want...a reaction) and if she does it will not be good.

This is all based of what you have told us in the past after how the break up went down.

She made her stance very clear. You need to stop contact and move on. What is it that you just aren't grasping? She told you point blank.

sorry for what you're going through, but you are now making it a ton harder on yourself and she is doing nothing.

November 9, 2015

The interesting part of it is that I don't want her back. I think it would just secretly feel nice for me if she did. I mean who doesn't like a little boost in their ego haha? I have made more friends and have grown more in these past 2 months than I ever have and I absolutely love the progress that I have made. I think your reply makes a lot of sense and I completely understand why you would think I would feel a certain way about her reaction. But the fact of the matter is, I wrote this letter because I wanted to write this letter. Not because I want a reaction lol

I know that there is no way that you or anyone can actually understand how I am feeling, but I truly feel happy. I am not emotionally compromised by the situation. I don't spend any time agonizing or overthinking all these what if's. I think that most people on this forum believe that everything is done because they want a reaction or because they want to get back with their exes. I can safely assure you that that is not the case haha

So what do you think about the letter, now that you know where I stand? Regardless of what she says, I am going to continue living this amazing life I have and enjoying myself to the fullest of extents because I know I can. Whether or not I find someone for me in the future doesn't even matter because I love the life I am living

November 9, 2015

I think the letter is fine, if just for yourself. I don't understand why then that you would send that to her. You don't want her back. you don't care if she replies or not. Why was it so important for you to send that and maybe she reads it? What is the point?

November 9, 2015

Hey guys, so it's been a few weeks since I've last been on here. In that time I have spend a lot of time working on myself and have started to enjoy life again. It has been about 3 weeks since I last contacted my ex and we ended on okay terms. If any of you have been following my story, my initial breakup was pretty rough and we had a lot of trouble in our relationship. We met while both studying abroad and only dated for 2 months, but we lived together for those 2 months and got pretty much as close as any 2 people could get in a short period of time. Anyways, I never begged or pleaded after the breakup although I did send some emotional stuff. Up to this point, I have even had a few days where she didn't even cross my mind ONCE. So I figured it would be a good time to let out some other things that were on my mind.
To be honest, I'm not exactly sure what I wanted to accomplish. I guess I'm just very expressive of my thoughts and I wanted to share this entire experience with her. Relationship and post-relationship. It's kind of long but here's what I wrote

First, let me preface this by saying that I hope you are doing well and this is not some emotional ultimatum. I just want to share my thoughts and experiences with you. Let me just say that I was not nearly at the level of emotional stability that I thought I was. Being with you has opened up a world of underlying insecurities and baggage that I didn’t realize I had. I’ve narrowed down the problem to two things. One, I was always afraid of losing you. An internal deeply rooted insecurity told me that there was no way a girl like you would want to stay with a guy like me. Not in terms of personality and capability but in terms of attraction and sexual appeal. I always blamed myself for not being that tall, athletic guy who could rock your world. Normally, I am not a very affectionate or clingy person, as you could probably tell as I wouldn’t feel comfortable holding hands in public. As time went on and these insecurities settled in, I craved more and more affection because I constantly needed to know that you were still interested and that you weren’t going to leave me for someone else more attractive. This was also the reason I left you both those times. I was so afraid that you were suddenly going to realize that you could do better in terms of attractiveness, that it drove me to leave you so that you couldn’t do it first. Then I came back to reassure myself that you still wanted to be with me.
Two, even though those were my own issues, I’ve realized that it takes 2 people to start and to end a relationship. You did stop communicating with me towards the end and that made me react the way I did. I had a week of intense built up frustration and anxiety that caused me to act the way I did post-breakup. Also, the fact that I wasn’t able to reach a compromise with you and we weren’t able to figure out/talk about what went wrong calmly, shows some level of incompatibility.
I know that we only dated 2 months, but those were 2 of the most incredible months of my life. The 2 months after we broke up were some of the most insightful, self-learning and improvement experiences that I’ve ever had. It’s a shame that I met you in the point in my life where I was carrying all that internal baggage, or else things could have turned out differently, but I wouldn’t have had this amazing experience if things didn’t happen the way they did. Regardless of how you feel about it now, our time together felt different from any other experience that I’ve had(and it’s not because we were in China lol). But it’s okay. Like I said before, even if I feel a certain way about this, I know that both of us have bright futures. As much as I don’t want to lose contact with you, I know that the distance and time will probably take its toll. So I just want to get everything I want to get out of the way now.

I figured that there are 4 possible options that I didn't even consider before I impulsively sent it.
1. She doesn't respond. Which is best case scenario
2. She responds nicely and we maintain good relations. Which is also pretty good
3. She responds and suggests giving it another shot(which I secretly would love) but I would probably say no or at least discuss it because I know it would be best for the both of us.
4. She responds poorly. Which would hurt

I would just like your opinion on the matter. I think I've definitely found the light at the end of the tunnel in terms of the breakup grief process or at least am very close to it. Or maybe I just ripped off a band aid as it was about to heal. My philosophy is that words are a beautiful things. They allow us to express ourselves and communicate with each other. These were some thoughts and experiences that I wanted to share with her.

Wait... you mean you actually sent that?

November 9, 2015

I don't think the letter is fine if you put it in the context of the OP's behavior since breaking up with this girl. He keeps telling this girl he's going to leave her alone after his latest "final" letter or email, only to repeat the cycle.

Based on what he's posted, she hasn't actually had any emotional investment in any of this crap for the last few cycles. Yet he continues to check in and verbally vomit all of this junk on this poor girl, who sounds like she's just trying to move on with her life.

Yes, words are beautiful, but if I were this girl, I would be thinking OP is borderline psychotic at this point.

Newsflash to the OP: This girl is not your recovery sponsor. She doesn't need updates or personal revelations about your recovery process. She doesn't care, yet you continue to dump this stuff on her. You should be keeping a log of this stuff, not mailing it to her. If you need to share it with someone, call a friend or family member. Trust me: This girl doesn't care any of this stuff. She's probably shared the letter with her friends by now, and they probably can't believe how weird you're being about all of this.

November 9, 2015

Blanco. I agree. I had a lot of "final" whatevers. I'm probably still being too deep or emotional and what not. But that's just who I am. I share my emotions and the way I am feeling with people and towards people. How she reacts to it is beyond my control. I just feel the need to share my feelings with people that matter to me and hope that I matter to them enough to them that we can calmly communicate. If not, then oh well. I don't think I updated her once on my recovery cycle. Nowhere in my letter did I tell her how well I was doing or what was going on with my life. I only told her things that pertain to me and her. My recovery is my own process. Based on my past behavior I completely agree with your interpretation of me. I think the usage of "vomiting" all this stuff on her is actually pretty accurate. Yes, you are right. She has not invested any emotion into my messages. There's no way I can get you to believe me, but ALL THAT doesn't matter. It doesn't matter how she reacts or what she says. My feelings and my thoughts are not "junk" as you labeled it as. Our last exchange about a month ago actually ended on good terms. I don't think you are taking into account my personal and emotional development during this 2 and a half month period. I think you are still judging me based on my initial emotional reaction to the breakup.

November 9, 2015

and also, I don't know why you make generalizations on people that you don't even know. Saying that she doesn't care is a pretty presumptuous statement for someone who doesn't know either of us. Even if she doesn't care at all, then that's just too bad. I don't want to end up being someone who stops caring about people who were important in my life.

Dude for the love of God, you are a really mean person. Borderline psychotic? come on man lol. You shouldn't say that kind of stuff.

November 9, 2015

Blanco. From reading your responses to other people, you seem to be very blunt. Worst case scenario first, followed by very definitive statements. I understand that that just may be who you are. A lot of people need a kick in the behind so that they can move on. But try to analyze me from a more compassionate point of view and trust that I am well, not emotionally compromised or have any ill intentions.

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Ex says she doesn't care anymore [UPDATED]

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