hopelessromantic24 Posted October 17, 2015 Posted October 17, 2015 (edited) This is a super long story, so I am going to try and condense it as much as possible. My ex fiance and I were together for a little over a year and a half. Things happened quickly. She was living with me since about a month after we met, and we have a beautiful child together. Ever since the start of the relationship, she would always mention her ex (was with him since hs). Eventually, it got annoying to me, especially during her pregnancy, where she'd cry about him. Apparently, she wasn't over him or whatever, but I could never understand why cause I'd do everything in my power to be the best fiance that I could and I loved her too much. Well this one particular day she mentions her ex and we get into an argument (I think she's trying to press my buttons)...I did the wrong thing by throwing her garments/clothes outside and tell her that she isn't "trapped" with me. Anyway, she moved out and ran off with the baby. A month later, after many mixed signals, "missing me" one day, "hating me and wanting to be best friends" the next day, I finally got her phone and read through it. She cheated on me with her ex, and also with another guy. She was keeping me there and telling me she was working on herself. (I'm not able to contact her now due to legal reasons, and am not sure how long this is going to last). So I am doing NC because I have to. Anyways, it's been a month since NC, and just about three days ago she tells her bestie that she wonders what I am up to and asks her to send a picture of our baby to me since I haven't been there obviously (which I feel super terrible about). Then just one night ago, she calls and I saw it but obviously can't answer cause I don't want to get in trouble. Her bestie confronts her about calling me which she denies. I really wanted to talk to her since we haven't discussed the cheating/etc. I realize I've done things wrong in the relationship as far as starting arguments and both of us have thrown things, but no violence such as hitting or anything crazy like that. Even though she has done this to me, I am willing to give her one more chance. I don't know what my approach should be right now. Should I wait for her to contact me? Or what should my game plan be? And before anybody tells me to move on, I am trying to give this an honest last chance before I definitely move on. Edited October 17, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs ~T
d0nnivain Posted October 17, 2015 Posted October 17, 2015 You make some vague reference to not being able to contact her for unspecified "legal reasons." My take is that whenever law enforcement has to get involved in your break up / relationship it's a disaster. Focus on what is best for your child & let the mother go. 1
Author hopelessromantic24 Posted October 17, 2015 Author Posted October 17, 2015 Yeah pretty much her mother hates me since whenever we'd argue she tries to get involved and have her take our child away (so I can't see him), and when I wouldn't let her, she called and they got a no contact order, which my ex didn't even want...so that's what's going on right now.
d0nnivain Posted October 17, 2015 Posted October 17, 2015 How law enforcement came to be involved doesn't matter. The fact is they are involved. For your sanity & probably your freedom, contact a lawyer about support & visitation then stay the heck away from your son's mother & grandmother. You will be better for your son if you are not in jail. 1
Author hopelessromantic24 Posted October 17, 2015 Author Posted October 17, 2015 Her mom would be very over-dramatic (and would always get involved, when we are totally grown adults), which my ex realizes according to our mutual friends. But her bestie, which happens to be my mutual friend, shared with me that when her ex was questioning about me, her bestie was like, why do you care, you're the one who cheated on him when he was waiting for you the entire time? Stuff like that's been going on. She called me the other night and I really wanted to answer but couldn't. I really love this girl.
boltam Posted October 17, 2015 Posted October 17, 2015 She called you knowing full well that if you answered you could be arrested for violating a no contact order. Nice. Look you talk about being the best fiance you can be, but you haven't thought this through. If your girlfriend is crying over an ex, she's not over him and she cannot be in any sort of meaningful, long lasting relationship with you, having a BABY on top of that is extremely bad judgement. It's like trying to be a good dog trainer to a wolf. It just won't happen. Best thing you can do now is get visitation with your daughter and stop pissing people off to the point they call the police on you and get restraining orders. I'm sure there's a lot more to the reason they got that no contact order, and I'm sure you know it. So work on yourself, your anger issues, and start making things better for yourself rather than worse.
d0nnivain Posted October 17, 2015 Posted October 17, 2015 I really love this girl. So what? This whole thing is a mess. It's more of a mess then love alone can fix. overly dramatic people, cheating, potential ILs that took out restraining orders against, Love is not enough to fix this. What will be best for your son is maturity & self restraint. Since your overly dramatic baby mamma doesn't have any it's up to you. What lessons do you want your son to know? How about that his dad love him? That everyone should love safely. That acting histrionic doesn't win the day. That dignity & self respect matter Think about your boy. 1
Author hopelessromantic24 Posted October 17, 2015 Author Posted October 17, 2015 You make some vague reference to not being able to contact her for unspecified "legal reasons." My take is that whenever law enforcement has to get involved in your break up / relationship it's a disaster. Focus on what is best for your child & let the mother go. Thank you. I am going to focus on myself and see what happens with her, but I know I am definitely not going to chase her how I used to. I will be there for my baby regardless. I guess my biggest problem/insecurity is why she ran to a dude/dudes (but I'm talking about her ex of 6 years in particular), who she complained about would always cheat on her with multiple women, and eventually married and had a kid of his own? It's bringing out an insecurity within me, cause I was faithful and kind of wondering what it was that he has that she wanted despite all the stuff she'd complain about him to me? She used to compare me, which was annoying, but would say how better than him I was...so then why run back? It's really frustrating me and as much as I'd like to forget about this I can't and it's annoying me, I just need some type of answers or closure and I can't get it.
Author hopelessromantic24 Posted October 19, 2015 Author Posted October 19, 2015 Can anyone just guide me from the last post I posted about those questions? It makes me insecure and I want to know what I did wrong to learn from my mistakes.
Author hopelessromantic24 Posted October 20, 2015 Author Posted October 20, 2015 Please any advice with regards to the last post?
lolablue17 Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 I don't understand. The court doesn't allow a father to see his son only for really horrible reasons.
Author hopelessromantic24 Posted October 20, 2015 Author Posted October 20, 2015 Yes because she lied to them and made up some horrible story which never happened. She used to always try to get me in trouble with the police when we were together if we got in an argument. But it's not that I can't see my baby, it's that I can't see her and she can't see me and she actually has the baby right now. But I'm still interested in knowing why she would cheat on me with somebody she used to always complain about that he was cheating on her, when I was the nicest guy to her and would give her whatever she wanted. It's messing with my insecurity.
boltam Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 Do you intend to fight her in court over her allegations that you did something terrible and get the restraining order vacated? If not, why not?
Author hopelessromantic24 Posted October 21, 2015 Author Posted October 21, 2015 Do you intend to fight her in court over her allegations that you did something terrible and get the restraining order vacated? If not, why not? Absolutely in that process currently. But why would she cheat on me for a guy who she used to complain would treat her terribly?
boltam Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 Absolutely in that process currently. But why would she cheat on me for a guy who she used to complain would treat her terribly? Maybe the sex is worth it?
sandylee1 Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 Bringing a new life into the world, with someone you don't really know well enough is always a terrible idea. Now you have to have some kind of contact with her for years to come. Don't get back with her. Stay out of legal trouble Sort out contact with your child though an attorney You can only control your own actions and her choosing to go back to the terrible Ex, is a sign that she makes bad choices.
Author hopelessromantic24 Posted October 23, 2015 Author Posted October 23, 2015 Maybe the sex is worth it? Well from what she had always told me I was fantastic so I assumed so...
Author hopelessromantic24 Posted October 23, 2015 Author Posted October 23, 2015 Bringing a new life into the world, with someone you don't really know well enough is always a terrible idea. Now you have to have some kind of contact with her for years to come. Don't get back with her. Stay out of legal trouble Sort out contact with your child though an attorney You can only control your own actions and her choosing to go back to the terrible Ex, is a sign that she makes bad choices. Yeah it was a love at first sight thing for me, not so much for her I think...she's been playing around trying to contact me and saying oops wrong number and giving a fake name. Hmm I don't understand it lol. Just trying to work on my life I guess and see what comes out of it.
Author hopelessromantic24 Posted November 1, 2015 Author Posted November 1, 2015 She randomly calls and goes, "what do you want?" lol...just thought I'd share. Funny af.
415boss Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 Somethings happen to me like this. But she wanted full custody of the 2 kids at first till she realized she couldn't take care of the kids by her self and put a order on me verbal abuse for a month till we went to court But 2 weeks in she called and text me so I answer one day and see wat she wanted she jus wanted to talk about the kids and how she made a mistake but when I answer I pretend I didn't know who she was cus I told her I removed her name off my phone. Asking her who this. Or when she text text who this jus in case if she was setting me up
Author hopelessromantic24 Posted November 7, 2015 Author Posted November 7, 2015 Somethings happen to me like this. But she wanted full custody of the 2 kids at first till she realized she couldn't take care of the kids by her self and put a order on me verbal abuse for a month till we went to court But 2 weeks in she called and text me so I answer one day and see wat she wanted she jus wanted to talk about the kids and how she made a mistake but when I answer I pretend I didn't know who she was cus I told her I removed her name off my phone. Asking her who this. Or when she text text who this jus in case if she was setting me up Wow, I can imagine how strange the situation would get. It's going to be tough. I am about to file custody too. Now sure how it is going to go, but that may be the only way I'll ever be able to spend time with my son. Yeah it's weird, she calls, talks nice, pours her heart out to me about her brother, I was talking to her normally, she tells me she is single (not sure if its true or not), and that she wants to get her life together. I eventually beg her, and she becomes rude, distant, starts blaming me for everything, and told me to move on... I re-initiated no contact, she messaged me yesterday in regards to an email I was telling her a few days ago I was going to send her which I never did. I guess I won't really know what will happen between us till this is all over, but I honestly don't ever want to mention a relationship with her again. I figure if she wants one eventually she needs to come to that conclusion by herself. I am not going to talk to her until I see it's completely necessary or she reaches out a lot, but in the meanwhile, whenever we do talk, I will keep it nice and cordial. I cannot keep arguing with her or trying to message her when she expressed she doesn't want it. So I will just contact her or reply whenever she initiates it first, and just keep it respectful. Hopefully this will help us if we ever do have a situation where we may one day get back together. Do you think this is a good idea?
415boss Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 Yes it will that's Wat I'm doing now being all cool and letting her contact me about the kids or her and not talking about the break up or the past jus letting her have space. One day soon after Wat she going tru she gonna realize the father is best for her and the kids then some random guy or rebound or if she talking to anyone
Author hopelessromantic24 Posted December 6, 2015 Author Posted December 6, 2015 Everything was going fine as far as our talking and interaction. We were being nice to each-other, and having good conversations. Then my attorney advised me to apply for joint custody, she asked me to cancel it and was blackmailing me. I told her I couldn't, which I literally can't. She wanted me to just send money directly. Now she is ignoring me again. As soon as the hearing occurred (which she didn't show up), she didn't even write back again. So I guess I am going no contact again. I am confused and don't know if things will ever get better. I miss her but I am hurt that she barely has sent me any pictures of the baby this entire time. I'm becoming a little less hopeful. But I am trying to keep hope.
SoThatHappened Posted December 6, 2015 Posted December 6, 2015 Dude, eff her! Just do what you have to do to provide your SON with a FATHER! I can tell you're messed up when you care more about her, her actions, and her feelings more than you care about your son. Be a man, and most importantly, be a father.
Author hopelessromantic24 Posted December 6, 2015 Author Posted December 6, 2015 Yes it will that's Wat I'm doing now being all cool and letting her contact me about the kids or her and not talking about the break up or the past jus letting her have space. One day soon after Wat she going tru she gonna realize the father is best for her and the kids then some random guy or rebound or if she talking to anyone Dude, eff her! Just do what you have to do to provide your SON with a FATHER! I can tell you're messed up when you care more about her, her actions, and her feelings more than you care about your son. Be a man, and most importantly, be a father. I really miss him and care about him a lot. I am just hurt that she would use him against me like this. It's been nearly 4 months and I cannot even imagine how she can sleep at night knowing she has kept him from me, although I don't think she cares too much. And I am sad, the person who I would backup, and even paid off her warrants for, lied and is blackmailing me like this, and acting like it is my fault. It really doesn't make any sense. But yeah I am trying my best to get joint started up, just waiting for it to kick in soon. I just don't understand how we went from where we were to this. It's very just hard digesting for me.
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