Oregon_Dude Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 I wanted to be liked for what was inside and didn't want to be with anyone who was enamored with the exterior. I'm still the same way. Not into shallow guys.OK come on now.. if a guy likes how you look, and tells you as much, he is not "shallow". However, if that's ALL he is interested in - doesn't care if you're a good person, doesn't ask you anything about yourself, pushes for sex - then yes, he is shallow. Heed the distinction. Don't assume that just because a dude mentions your looks, he's shallow. He's probably just being sweet. Men sometimes can't win nowadays. 1
StBreton Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 Personally, I will give compliments that are a mixture between physical and personality. I feel like women want to be attractive to you, but also know that's not the only thing you value. I won't lead with how attractive I think someone is but as time passes when it feels natural I definitely will. I don't see a problem with it and am secure enough with my own presence that I don't worry that it will erroneously inflate her ego. Very smart man:)
introverted1 Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 As a woman, I generally assume that any guy dating me likes how I look. Men typically don't date women they are not attracted to. Plus, you can usually tell by the way the guy looks at you (both when he knows you can see him and when he thinks you can't). I'd much rather be complimented on who I am than how I look, at least until we are intimate and then the physical compliments are less generic. But being told I'm beautiful seems somehow generic and awkward at the same time. 1
Strength in Healing Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 Yes it was. We'd like to announce or engagement. We already picked out the kids names too. 2
StBreton Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 OK come on now.. if a guy likes how you look, and tells you as much, he is not "shallow". However, if that's ALL he is interested in - doesn't care if you're a good person, doesn't ask you anything about yourself, pushes for sex - then yes, he is shallow. Heed the distinction. Don't assume that just because a dude mentions your looks, he's shallow. He's probably just being sweet. Men sometimes can't win nowadays. OD I just can't agree with you on this one ...and I read a lot of your posts and agree with your thoughts a lot. I don't know how other woman feel as I've not taken a poll (but I'm going to poll my friends now!) but being told for years how attractive blah blah blah ...I just don't want to hear it at all in the beginning. If a guy asks me out on a few dates I'll assume he thinks I'm attractive as guys are visual. Telling me that is just overkill. Guys CAN in fact win ...just not with this ante
Oregon_Dude Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 OK, StB. I will consider your thoughts here, as you are a woman after all. Though I don't often compliment a woman during early dates, I will consider toning this down evennnnn more. I do agree with you that beautiful women get sick of hearing it; but what you don't consider is that the less attractive ones LOVE hearing it. It's like when I serve drinks. Women LOVE getting carded.
Author RoseWater Posted October 16, 2015 Author Posted October 16, 2015 OK come on now.. if a guy likes how you look, and tells you as much, he is not "shallow". However, if that's ALL he is interested in - doesn't care if you're a good person, doesn't ask you anything about yourself, pushes for sex - then yes, he is shallow. Heed the distinction. Don't assume that just because a dude mentions your looks, he's shallow. He's probably just being sweet. Men sometimes can't win nowadays. I agree with you darling:bunny:
Author RoseWater Posted October 16, 2015 Author Posted October 16, 2015 OK, StB. I will consider your thoughts here, as you are a woman after all. Though I don't often compliment a woman during early dates, I will consider toning this down evennnnn more. I do agree with you that beautiful women get sick of hearing it; but what you don't consider is that the less attractive ones LOVE hearing it. It's like when I serve drinks. Women LOVE getting carded. I just find it irritating tbh
Oregon_Dude Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 I agree with you darling:bunny:Thanks babe 1
fitnessfan365 Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 It's different with OLD vs real life. 1) OLD - I don't mention looks in the opening emails. 1) I haven't actually seen what she look like yet. So a physical compliment is more genuine in person. 2) "Online guys" are often associated w/being out for sex. This is reinforced by all the emails they receive. So if you can be playful and make her laugh in regards to something off her profile, you stand out. 2) Real life - This is when I mention looks and be direct. I've seen her and she knows what I'm saying is genuine. Also she's not immediately weirded out because it's public and she feels more at ease seeing/talking to me. Also, unlike OLD you don't have a profile or know anything about her. So it's more natural to lead with what caught your eye. 1
StBreton Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 As a woman, I generally assume that any guy dating me likes how I look. Men typically don't date women they are not attracted to. Plus, you can usually tell by the way the guy looks at you (both when he knows you can see him and when he thinks you can't). I'd much rather be complimented on who I am than how I look, at least until we are intimate and then the physical compliments are less generic. But being told I'm beautiful seems somehow generic and awkward at the same time. The voice of reason. Please guys ...listen and absorb this philosophy 2
Author RoseWater Posted October 16, 2015 Author Posted October 16, 2015 OK, StB. I will consider your thoughts here, as you are a woman after all. Though I don't often compliment a woman during early dates, I will consider toning this down evennnnn more. I do agree with you that beautiful women get sick of hearing it; but what you don't consider is that the less attractive ones LOVE hearing it. It doesn't necessarily work like that. When you are an attractive woman yes you do get tired of hearing about it from all and sundry. It's boring, tedious and even embarrassing. But the one person you actually do enjoy telling you you are beautiful to him, is the man you are dating. 1
StBreton Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 It's different with OLD vs real life. 1) OLD - I don't mention looks in the opening emails. 1) I haven't actually seen what she look like yet. So a physical compliment is more genuine in person. 2) "Online guys" are often associated w/being out for sex. This is reinforced by all the emails they receive. So if you can be playful and make her laugh in regards to something off her profile, you stand out. 2) Real life - This is when I mention looks and be direct. I've seen her and she knows what I'm saying is genuine. Also she's not immediately weirded out because it's public and she feels more at ease seeing/talking to me. Also, unlike OLD you don't have a profile or know anything about her. So it's more natural to lead with what caught your eye. Agreed. "You have a really beautiful smile" or eyes etc etc. Specific compliments over total beauty compliments ...guys appear star struck otherwise 1
Strength in Healing Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 OK, StB. I will consider your thoughts here, as you are a woman after all. Though I don't often compliment a woman during early dates, I will consider toning this down evennnnn more. I do agree with you that beautiful women get sick of hearing it; but what you don't consider is that the less attractive ones LOVE hearing it. It's like when I serve drinks. Women LOVE getting carded. Yes I don't consider what the less attractive ones are concerned with. I'm too narcissistic to pay attention to peasants of course. 1
Author RoseWater Posted October 16, 2015 Author Posted October 16, 2015 As a woman, I generally assume that any guy dating me likes how I look. Men typically don't date women they are not attracted to. Plus, you can usually tell by the way the guy looks at you (both when he knows you can see him and when he thinks you can't). I'd much rather be complimented on who I am than how I look, at least until we are intimate and then the physical compliments are less generic. But being told I'm beautiful seems somehow generic and awkward at the same time. I'm not suggesting this is the case with you but I've heard many men will go out with girls they think look worse than mangy dogs, just so they can get it in and experience release. Just sayin' But I guess you are right, you can ALWAYS tell from the way a guy looks at you whether he thinks you're hot or not. But still it's nice for them to give the occasional sincere compliment. A compliment is nice when it's coming from somebody you actually want to shag.
Author RoseWater Posted October 16, 2015 Author Posted October 16, 2015 Agreed. "You have a really beautiful smile" or eyes etc etc. Specific compliments over total beauty compliments ...guys appear star struck otherwise there's this one guy who keeps telling me I have a "great smile." That's not a compliment in my opinion although he appears to intend it to be one. An ugly old man could have a "great smile." Even a ferret or kangaroo could theoretically have a "great smile."
fitnessfan365 Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 there's this one guy who keeps telling me I have a "great smile." That's not a compliment in my opinion although he appears to intend it to be one. An ugly old man could have a "great smile." Even a ferret or kangaroo could theoretically have a "great smile." Haha..This was pretty funny. I think the main problem is this guy is not acting on what he wants. A compliment is supposed to be an opener that leads to asking you out. But instead of being confident, he's acting timid by complimenting you over and over hoping you'll initiate for him.
StBreton Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 OK, StB. I will consider your thoughts here, as you are a woman after all. Though I don't often compliment a woman during early dates, I will consider toning this down evennnnn more. I do agree with you that beautiful women get sick of hearing it; but what you don't consider is that the less attractive ones LOVE hearing it. It's like when I serve drinks. Women LOVE getting carded. Ok I'll go with your last premise ...but how do you determine that ...is there a scale of some sort? 10 =no honey ...give it all to Pooh; 7-9 don't lay the honey on too thick; 4-7 semi thick; 1-4 better bring the entire hive ?
Oregon_Dude Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 Well, I'd never go out with a 1-5, so that's moot. If she's a 6-7, I'm throwing in a couple sneaky compliments. If she's an 8-9, I'm holding off on all physical compliments. And a 10 simply wouldn't go out with me
jen1447 Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 I always tell the women in my life they're beautiful.
StBreton Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 there's this one guy who keeps telling me I have a "great smile." That's not a compliment in my opinion although he appears to intend it to be one. An ugly old man could have a "great smile." Even a ferret or kangaroo could theoretically have a "great smile." The first guy I'd call a stalker ...that's creepy behavior Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Many artists think the most beautiful portraits are those of very old people with a lifetime of experience written all over their faces. If a guy compliments something I take it as a sign he likes that particular thing ... so it's nice to play that part up a bit when going on a date. I dress for myself but also a date.
Miss Peach Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 If it's in an OLD message I agree do not complement looks. I usually get annoyed at those emails and assume the guy didn't read my profile. Complimenting something in the profile can work though. Something like "You like XYZ too! That is awesome!" If it's in person it works well too but I prefer stuff other than "You're beautiful". I think complementing a specific body part, an outfit, etc. is better. I went out with a guy from OLD who kept saying I reminded him of an actress who was attractive and did look a bit like me. That is another way you could possibly get away with complimenting looks without coming off as cheesy. But don't do it the entire date. 1
Author RoseWater Posted October 16, 2015 Author Posted October 16, 2015 The first guy I'd call a stalker ...that's creepy behavior Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Many artists think the most beautiful portraits are those of very old people with a lifetime of experience written all over their faces. If a guy compliments something I take it as a sign he likes that particular thing ... so it's nice to play that part up a bit when going on a date. I dress for myself but also a date. so if a guy repeatedly says I have a great smile I should paint my lips like the joker's to play that feature up.
StBreton Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 I just find it irritating tbh Wait till you're in your 40s ...your response will be "do you need to borrow my reading glasses?" With a smile and a giggle 1
jen1447 Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 If it's in person it works well too but I prefer stuff other than "You're beautiful". I think complementing a specific body part, an outfit, etc. is better. So "you have a great ass" is good? 1
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