erica.23 Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 My younger sister is seeing a man who is 54 and she is 24. She met him 2 years ago apparently. He asked her to be his girlfriend and she accepted within a month of knowing each other. Now controls her, tells her what to wear and always wants her close to him. I am very worried because he has gone to anger management classes (for previous abuse, he was married and im sure he abused his wife) and I suspect he has a criminal record. He seems very jealous and controlling of her. I am very nervous about their relationship. My sister is the shy, innocent type and that is my concern. Something seems off about this man and I don't know what to do.
Strength in Healing Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 Let's start at the beginning. What was your sisters relationship with her dad?
EricaH329 Posted October 17, 2015 Posted October 17, 2015 Are you and your sister close? Can you have an open and honest conversation with her? Asking her if she's happy is a good place to start.
d0nnivain Posted October 17, 2015 Posted October 17, 2015 Don't let him isolate her. Talk to her every day. Take lots of selfies so you can document the slightest physical abuse. Ask her a lot of pointed Qs. What does she see in him? Is she happy? Is she aware that you can help her if she is unhappy? How does she feel when he does certain things? Show her literature about abuse (but don't leave it in her house in case he sees it & hurts her for having it). Stop by unannounced when you know he's home just to see what's going on. Do this at odd times like at 11 pm on a Friday or Saturday night when you're "on your way home." Do not tell her to leave him or disparage him to her. Make sure she knows that you love her no matter what
Guyouthere Posted October 17, 2015 Posted October 17, 2015 Im an older guy (not nearly the age the guy you speak of in the post is), but my last girlfriend was 24, so a big age difference. I hate it when I see a guy treating a woman like this. The advice you are getting on here is good, do as these people say. I know I never attempted to control my lady, but others ASSUMED I was like that simply because of the age difference. The girl you speak of here seems as though she is gullible, and not her fault. I wanted to give nothing but the best to mine (and in many ways, I did). That was a different case. My advice to you…… is truly as I see it….. she will likely not listen to you if she feels " in love" with him. What you should do is contact some of her other family/friends too, and let this "guy" of hers know that he would "have some problems" if he abused her in any way. That might make him think twice. This is what gives the good guys out there a bad reputation,,,, I just hate seeing abuse of any kind.
GemmaUK Posted October 17, 2015 Posted October 17, 2015 I would suggest you both do a bit of reading to see how things could pan out. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/abuse/524069-book-suggestions She needs to learn what a man like this can be like.
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