How long is it gonna hurt?

[soothsayer5]

Hi,

 

I had an LRD girlfriend for 2 and a half years. She was kind of from my relatives.I met her once before the relation & once after being in it.

She started being distant & cold after 2 years. So I had to meet her.

We spent a great time, but still she was a bit cold.

I came back to my city and she started ignoring me much than she used to.

We used to talk every minute of the day we were awake. Skyping the whole day, sharing daily pictures etc.

We both made so many mistakes when she started ignoring me in the end.

 

We had a last talk (I did not knew that it was going to be our last chat), she told me she would contact me soon after a few days because of some problems in her family. It was 10th July 2014.

 

Since then I did EVERYTHING I could to talk to her. Contacted every single of her friends, her mother, but no one is letting me talk to her. But she don't want to talk to me again.

I have accepted that she has moved on with her life. It has been more than a year now but EVERY single day I miss her so much that I don't make girlfriends anymore. I cry after every month for a whole day missing her.

I have made my life so tough and busy but everything I do I see her with me.

She has blocked me everywhere on social media sites. But I stalk her still. I won't anymore because it hurts so bad. She now has a new bf.

 

I even proposed her to marry me as SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE for me.

 

I went crazy for the first year of our breakup that I did drugs at its fullest.

It's been 3 months that I have quit drugs, as well as smoking cigarettes (which I was addicted to BADLY). Now I go to the gym, study, play guitar, sketch pictures, sing songs, doing a 12-hour job, but still everything I do she's in my head.

 

And she's the kind of girl, who does not stay single for more than a month. And have sexual relations with every guy she dates.

Whereas I am the kinda guy who just wants to be touched by ONLY the person I love at extreme. SO I only allowed this girl to touch me and we had physical relations, but not sex. She was the first one whom I touched, hugged, kissed etc. I am still a virgin at age 23. And I love it this way. She was the only perfect girl I thought I'd have sex with. Because without feeling this much strong bond in between, I can never let any girl touch me. That's just the way I am.

 

However, people tell me that as long as I was in that relationship, it will take me approximately the same time to heal to become a "Ready for another girlfriend" type of guy again.

I am healing I know it but is this feeling of missing her & not wanting other girls be for the rest of my life? Will I spend my WHOLE life with this pain?

 

Any answers would be appreciated.

Thanks.

Edited October 16, 2015 by hamzarana75
Forgot to write before.

[d0nnivain]

Good for you for addressing many of the problems in your life. However, you can't have done that for her. You have to do it because you want to be clean & sober.

 

 

The pain will start to dissipate after you stop picking at the wound. First, if you haven't already you need to box up all the trinkets & momentos from the relationship. All the pictures have to go too. If you can't bear to get rid of the stuff, put it all in a box, put the photos on a flash drive. Now duct tape the heck out of the box so it's a p.i.t.a. to open. Put the box somewhere inaccessible. Leave it there for at least 1 year.

 

 

Blocking her from social media is a good step. You need to commit to ending your stalking of her. Every time you do, you prevent yourself from moving on.

 

 

Grief moves at its own pace. You can't really change the process to make it go faster but what you have been doing -- dwelling -- makes it go slower.

 

 

You also have to get over the notion that she was perfect. Nobody is perfect and she was certainly not the only one for you. Somebody else will come along. That relationship will be better because you will be sober when it starts.

 

 

Keeping busy with the gym etc as you have started to do is a good start.

 

 

Even though your break up was more than 1 year ago & she's moved on to a new BF your healing hasn't begun yet. Your healing starts today. You stop stalking her. You accept that it's over. You tell yourself you will find somebody who is better for you who loves the improved sober you.

 

 

Best wishes.

[soothsayer5]

Hi donnivain. First of all thank you for replying me once again after a long time. And yes i know most of the time i feel hurt, is because of the stalking i do. It is too hard to let go the one who was once the love of life.

It makes me feel good when i see her smiling in her photos. I just surely will try not to go over her profile anymore.

 

My life has changed so much since then and now living a luxurious life, but because of these memories i made with her, they keep recalling and it is not impossible, but hard to be happy like everyone else. I want to be normal again. To enjoy this life.

I don't know how much more long do I have to wait before my past stops butchering my heart.

Waiting for that moment badly.

[Gretel]

I agree with everything Donovan told you. It's so great that you have gotten sober. That is a wonderful accomplishment and it will make it easier for a new person to be in your life.

I have recently experienced how social media can interfere with happiness and healing in my own life. I know how hard it is to stop looking and being stabbed by those memories. Little by little I came to see I am so much happier when I turn it all off for a while. It forces me to engage with what is really happening in my real life right now.

My advice is to take big breaks from the computer. Definitely put the old pictures and mementos away. Spend time with friends and family members and any pets you might have. Long walks alone can be good for listening to your thoughts. I also like to write things down in a journal and keep track of my fluctuating emotions. Any exercise is good.

Know that you are not alone, everyone feels loss and terrible pain at times. It is an unfortunate part of being alive. I hope you continue to feel better.